"I am," he answered, after a long moment. He didn't look away from her gaze. There was sadness and regret, but not anger. Not like what she had glimpsed the first few minutes after she told him he didn't have to wait for her to return. His voice didn't break when he spoke, or tremble with anything bitter or broken.
This time, she was the one who looked away. "I meant to call you," she began. "I was afraid ... I hoped maybe you'd phone me once. Or email."
"I thought maybe you'd rather be on your own for awhile," he said, quietly. "And not be reminded about us."
"That's not how I felt," said Danni. She thought her voice cracked slightly. She cleared her mind, trying to make sure it wasn't the case. It wouldn't do either of them any good to be emotional now, would it? The moment for that had passed.
"I didn't know," he said. "Not after the way things fell apart at the end."
So he had considered their relationship broken. He hadn't been imagining them as a couple taking a step back, but as ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend. He had made up his mind while she was gone, just as she had told him he could. It hurt Danni to know the truth after weeks of wondering exactly what they were now.
It wasn't the same for her, but she couldn't say that now. She couldn't tell him she had thought of him every day while she had been gone; she couldn't throw herself into his arms and make everything all right between them.
More silence. A couple sat down at the neighboring table, having a playful argument about seeing a movie. It felt too much like a ghost of the past for Danni's tastes.
"I missed you," she said.
"I missed you, too."
She reached across and touched his hand. He looked at her.
"The way things are —" he began.
"I can't help but wish it was different," she said. "That bumping into you here didn't have to be awkward —"
"That we could talk about the past without fighting, right?" A faint smile crossed his lips, before disappearing again.
He didn't withdraw his hand. She could feel his fingers move, as if they wanted to take her hand, but didn't. The ache deep inside of Danielle grew stronger, missing the touch of that hand. Missing the touch of his lips, and the passion of their conversations.
I miss everything about you. If she could say that, maybe everything would somehow be fixed. If she could turn back the clock and tell Logan that she would marry him, and leap into that future with him, then everything would be fine. But she couldn't do any of those things now. Even if she had lied about being ready, they might still have ended up in this place. What if he had seen through her pretense? What if a petty argument broke them apart weeks before the wedding, preying on the cracks hidden beneath the surface of their relationship?
They would have saved it, if they both felt as strongly as Danni did at this moment.
But what was Logan feeling? Had he moved on completely? Or was he thinking the same thing as she?
"I still come here on Saturdays," she said. "And if you still come here, too, I'd love to have coffee. Even if it's just coffee. I want to hear about your life, and everything that happened to you while I was gone."
"I want to hear about what happened in Paris," he said. "Sometime soon." He smiled at her. It made Danni feel slightly better, until it faded away. Her own lasted only because she made it do so.
"I should go," he said. He lifted his cup of coffee.
"Of course," she said. "You have things to do." She hoped that he couldn't hear the disappointment in her voice, because she was trying hard to seem normal.
Danni sank towards her open manuscript, trying not to follow him with her gaze. If he was over it, she would try hard to be the same. And, in time, it would be true.
A few steps away, he stopped. Danni's heart skipped a beat in the silence, waiting to see what he would do. Logan looked at her, and, for the first time since they had spoken again, she could see regret in his eyes.
"I want you to know that I never wanted things to end that way," he said. "Even when you left I ..." he paused, "... I wished that we still had a chance."
She swallowed. "I know," she said. "I never meant to hurt you by saying those words. Never." She lowered her gaze.
"I'm happy for you, Danni. I'm glad you're all right, and you've moved on." His smile was sad, but it wasn't bitter. Danni could read so much in that smile, even after three months apart. Enough to see that he had forgiven her, at least a little.
His words were so untrue for herself that Danni couldn't bear to hear them said aloud. "You, too," she answered. A lump rose in her throat, but she managed to finish speaking.
"I'll see you around," he said. "Sometime."
"I'll see you," she answered. "Soon."
With that, he turned and walked to the door. Danni lowered her gaze to her manuscript again, and did everything in her power to not watch through the windows as Logan disappeared from her life once more.
Rosebud
Seeing Danni again had been harder than Logan imagined. It took his breath away, finding her at the table in the morning sun. Light glinting off her blond hair, her smile beautiful. Her lips pink with her 'fun' lipstick, a shade of berry he had found on his cheek more than once in the past.
His heart had thudded like a drum. He wanted to turn away, and walk out the door without facing her. He wasn't sure he could pretend that everything was fine, but it was too late to do anything but that.
Danni's back. Not that he hadn't known it was true all this time, in the back of his mind. He had known the date her writing fellowship ended, and what day Alyson mentioned on Twitter that Danni would reopen her apartment.
So this wasn't a surprise, really. But it became one the instant he saw her.
He told her the truth about his feelings, of course, even though it hurt. But it hadn't been the whole truth, since there were things he could no longer say to her. His real feelings, for instance. The fact that there was no one else, and there might not be for a long time. All the rest, the words about missing her and being happy for her success, were all true.
Maybe he wouldn't run into her again. Maybe he would be so busy with his latest assignment that he would never had time to go out, not until he was ready for his new life. It was still too hard to picture it, because he was still thinking about her every day.
He took a deep breath. He could pretend until they were both used to the change. He could adjust to these circumstances. Eventually, he'd probably let Eric talk him into going out with someone, or try a dating service. He would get up again, because the heartache for losing Danni would finally be over.
"Are you free this weekend?" His friend Marshall asked over the phone. "I'm thinking about getting some people together, throwing the first burgers of the year on the barbecue. There will be opportunities for meeting people."
So Eric had been dropping hints to other people about Logan's single status. Logan resisted the urge to smile. "I see. And if I don't meet people ...?"
"Look, pal, I'm just delivering the message as ordered, all right? All I want you to do is bring some Doritos."
"You got it. Cheese or ranch?"
"Both. But, seriously, there will be women there. Just saying."
He avoided Pauline's for a few days, along with other places familiar to him and to Danni in the past, to prevent the memories from coming back so strongly, and prevent him from seeing her again. Their favorite movie theater, the diner downtown, Louisa's Italian restaurant — all places he needed to avoid. He needed more time to get his act together, so he could smile naturally when he was around her. So he could make it seem like his life was completely repaired.
That was important, if he wanted to be friends with her someday. If he didn't want her to feel he was bitter for what happened, he needed to prove to her he wasn't.
A week later, he stopped by Pauline's for coffee and a sandwich. A quick glance told him that Danni wasn't there. Relieved, he ordered something to eat.
The only table available was their old one. The
one nearest to the windows was occupied by a couple arguing over vacation brochures, while the others were crowded with college students and high school students, and a few of the regular patrons he recognized.
He sat down and folded his arms on the table, gazing out the window at the scenery. Evening was closing in, his favorite time to watch the city. The streetlamps were aglow, the window scenes dimming for the shops which closed at six. People were going to and fro from restaurants and bars, or hurrying to catch cabs after work. Happy faces, carefree ones, worried ones — the kind of faces Danni would notice, and maybe put in a book someday.
He sighed. He pushed at the sandwich on his plate, a plain turkey one that, frankly, needed a little spice.
When he heard the door behind him, he didn't turn around. The only reason he did a moment later was because he sensed someone behind him, watching him. Danni was there. As soon as he glanced over his shoulder and noticed her there, she moved around the table to face him.
"Danni," he said. With surprise, but not the pleasant kind; his voice was betraying how uneasy he was at this moment. He hadn't been prepared for this meeting — not to face her again so soon.
"Don't be upset." She held up her hand, stopping him before he could say anything else. "I knew you were here. Actually, I've been waiting for you to come back. Coming every day, hoping to see you."
His heart sank. The only reason she could want this was for more apologies. More explanations, more excuses, the kind of thing he didn't need to hear right now.
"You don't have to say anything else to me, Danni," he began. Don't, he wanted to beg her. Let him be alone in his misery until he could move on. That was the only thing she could do for him now.
"But I do." She sat down across from him. "I have to, because I love you, Logan."
She pushed a small box across the table. On top of it, a homemade card was tied. You are still my soul mate was written across the top in Danni's curvy handwriting.
He opened the lid of the box beneath it. Inside, a dried rose bud, its petals a faded pinkish red. It was still perfect, as if it had been carefully stored all this time.
It was one he had given her, he knew. He didn't have to ask to be sure.
"It's from the first bouquet you ever gave to me," she said, softly, as if reading his thoughts. "The one on Valentine's Day. I saved them. I saved a flower from every bouquet you gave me because what the card says is true. You are still my soul mate. You always will be."
Carefully, he touched the dried petals, feeling how fragile they had grown. "You still have them," he said. He was so amazed that he didn't know what else to say.
"The fact that I wasn't ready for our future when you proposed ... it hurt me, Logan. And it's still hurting me. If I could go back in time I would change it, even if it meant I was still scared. Because it would mean I didn't lose you."
"You never had to," he said. "I was willing to wait, Danni. Even if I was disappointed. That's how much you meant to me. I didn't want you to be scared."
"I know. And I stopped you." She paused, blinking hard against her tears. "Now that it's too late, I wish I'd found the words to tell you how much you meant to me. To tell you I would face my fears to keep from losing you. And if it wasn't too late, I would have asked for a chance to change my mind."
Logan gazed at the open box. The tears in Danni's eyes were coming faster, as if she didn't care how many people were watching them.
"If you had called me from France to say those words, I would have hopped on a plane to join you," he said. "I would have married you anywhere in the world if you wanted it. I would have traveled any distance just to hear you say you loved me."
It was the truth. He had ached for her the whole time she was gone. Any excuse to see her again would have been enough for him, even one that required hours of planes and taxi cabs. At the end of it, he would have been able to hold her in his arms and know that everything was all right. That, somehow, they would find the answers together.
"Then are you still in love with me?" Her voice trembled. She was waiting for the answer, so eagerly that it almost left him breathless.
"I never stopped loving you," he answered.
Danni rose from her chair. Her arms were around him at the same time his own cradled her. He kissed her face, feeling her lips brush his own before their kiss began. It didn't matter that Danni was sitting on his lap, or that half the cafe was watching them embrace this passionately. All that mattered was this moment, and the fact that Danielle still loved him.
Coffee for Two
June
"So, what do you think about pink?" Danni asked.
Logan frowned. "For my sister's formal dress?"
"No," she answered, poking him in the arm with the eraser end of her pencil. "Pay attention. I was talking about bridesmaids' dresses."
"Oh, that." He let out a pretend groan. "What brought this on?" He moved aside Danni's revisions of her novel to make room for the coffee on Kimberly's tray. A Rainy Day Love Story read the title page — a working title, Danni had explained to him. It needed a little tweaking before the final draft. Secretly, she imagined naming it Rainy Day Cafe for the little haunt Rob and Ginny shared. Something about that just seemed perfect.
"Two cafe au laits, one blueberry muffin, one raspberry cream puff," Kimberly announced. "Anything else?"
"That's it, thanks," answered Danni.
"Coffee with milk?" he asked, raising one eyebrow as Kimberly walked away. "Isn't that kind of ... plain?"
Danni shrugged. "I developed a taste for it in Paris," she answered. "Honestly, it was the only thing I could order, so I got used to it." She took a sip from her cup. "Now, back to the question I asked you. What do you think I should choose for the bridal party color?"
"Isn't it kind of early?" he asked. "We were talking about an October wedding — at earliest. And I know you, Danni. You don't like to rush things. You like to savor them."
"I do," she answered. "But that doesn't mean I shouldn't be thinking ahead about a few details. Besides, I know what I want now. I want a future with you before the next two years are over. I'm not standing in the way of any path to happiness, but letting my life flow naturally." She smiled. "That's why I already called about a possible reception place for this fall."
"Really?" He gazed at her.
Danni shrugged her shoulders again. "You know how it is. You have to book these places a year in advance, so you have to feel around a little to see if they're available — and if they're worth it," she answered. She enjoyed the pleased little grin on his face. The one he always had when he was surprised by her. It had been a long time since Danni had seen it, and she wanted to savor its return to her life.
"I thought maybe Louisa's," she continued. "We both love the food. And it's familiar to your friends and mine." She set aside her coffee, reaching for the last edited page of her manuscript, where Margaret's assistant had suggested a few more lines between Rob and Laney before their big argument. Definite work to be done there.
Logan stirred his coffee. "About pink, though," he began, slowly. She knew he was picturing forcing his friends to wear pink ties or waistcoats, something that definitely wouldn't go over well. Not with Eric, anyway.
"Relax. I just told your sister I'd pick a color that works for her, and for my friends," said Danni. "Nothing's sealed in stone. I was only thinking of the roses in my box and wondering if that was the answer."
"They used to be red," he reminded her.
"Red. That's a good idea," said Danni. "If it's a fall wedding, that would be perfect. Even if it's next spring, we can make it fit. Let me write that down so I remember it." She flipped over a piece of paper, jotting it on the back of her notes sheet. "There. Red dresses and red corsages. Mission accomplished."
"Next you'll be asking me about cakes," said Logan. "Right now, all I want is to be with you. Have dinner with you, hang out with our friends, spend some more time with your family and mine —"
"And celebrate
your move to software design," she said. "Which we will do in style tomorrow night at our little French place. My treat. I want you to get used to my generosity before the first big advance comes rolling in," she teased.
"I can't wait to read the advance copy," he said, sliding his arm around her. "Just make sure it's dedicated to me." He drew her closer.
"Who else?" As always, Danni nestled her head against his shoulder. "You were the inspiration for the best romantic scenes. And the sad breakup ones, too." She tweaked his arm with these words.
"Hey, have a heart," he protested. "I don't want to be remembered for the sad moments."
"They belong to our life, too," she reminded him. "And there are lots of good ones to come in the future. And it'll be here before you know it." She took his hand in hers, the diamond and sapphire ring on her finger glinting like blue and white fire beneath the lights. She could wear it now without thinking of regrets for the past — only of the happiness that was yet to come.
"You're ready for this, right?" he asked her, softly.
"More than ready," she whispered. "Are you?"
"I was ready since the day I met you," he answered. "I'll be ready a million years from now, if that's what it takes." His fingers closed around hers, cupping them in an embrace.
"Not a million years," she answered, softly. "Probably more like three months, if we're both happy with October. We've survived that long before, so I'm pretty sure there's no problem for us to wait that long."
"Then we live happily ever after," he whispered. "The two of us together in the nursing home, where you fend off my rivals for your hand and heart."
"You remember that?" She looked up at him with a grin.
"Of course," he said. "I remember all the things you said we'd do. Like you said, who knows what all happens once we're together? I think anything's possible."
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