by Lori Wick
Sabrina stood by the stove in the kitchen, wrapped up in a blanket, trying to heat water for a bath. She was sore, very much so, but also desperate to gain some sense of normalcy.
“Well, now,” Heather said quietly, “I didn’t expect to see you up.”
“I need a bath,” Sabrina said. “I’m ignoring the pain to have one.”
185 Heather began to help, going into the small room off the side of the kitchen they all used for bathing. The warm weather meant she did not need to make a fire, but she set towels out and put some cold water into the tub while the rest of the water heated.
Becky eventually arrived, and contrary to her normal response, she didn’t scold but took over for Heather. In less time than Sabrina expected, she was on her way to being clean, even washing her hair. She didn’t try to look in the mirror, knowing that would make her feel worse. She was certain to be even achier when she was through, but at the moment getting clean was all that mattered.
“Now, little miss,” Timothy spoke from across the kitchen table, not overly mindful of the fact that Sabrina was a few inches taller than he was. “Where will I find your Bible?”
That had been an hour earlier. Becky had gone with Timothy, and they had brought back much more than Sabrina’s Bible. Sabrina was now dressed and sitting under the window in the small parlor, her Bible in her lap. The house was alive around her, and from time to time someone would check on her. Sabrina had not wanted anyone to wait on her, but she’d used all her energy to dress, so Heather had to brush her hair and Becky made her breakfast.
Zeke had hit her so hard on one side of her face that a tooth was loose, but Sabrina had managed some porridge on the other side. The juice she drank was the most satisfying, and at the moment she was enjoying a cup of coffee. She was reading in the book of Joshua about Rahab when Nate came.
“I’m glad to see you up, but you look like you should be in bed,” that man said, taking a seat, his face showing the concern he felt over the terrible bruising and scratches on Sabrina’s face and neck.
“I must admit I have felt better, but I’m not sure lying around will help.”
“Can you tell me what happened?”
186 Sabrina did so, not mentioning that all of this could have been avoided. She didn’t know if he understood how biased his deputy was, but she wasn’t going to be the one to inform him.
“Had Zeke been drinking?”
“I haven’t had enough contact with him to be sure about that. I don’t recall smelling any alcohol.”
“We’re still looking for him,” the sheriff said.
“Who is ‘we’?”
“My deputies and I.”
Sabrina was tempted to say something then, afraid that his one deputy would not actually arrest Zeke Masters even if he had the chance, but she kept her mouth shut. The sheriff didn’t stay much longer, and that was fine with Sabrina. She finally admitted to herself that she was completely spent and returned to her room to sleep.
“How did you get involved last night?” Sabrina asked Rylan when she saw him later that morning. She had slept for nearly two hours and then gone downstairs to find him there. She also learned that Jessie had visited.
“Timothy and I were moving a davenport for Mrs. Cornwall when Crystal saw us.”
Sabrina nodded, but she was trying to remember how Crystal got involved. It wasn’t like her to lose details, but the night before was fuzzy in places.
“How are you feeling?” Rylan asked, still surprised that she was up and dressed. It was true that she had come into the room very slowly, but he hadn’t expected her to be on her feet at all.
“Not so great, but I think I came close to getting killed, so in light of that, I can’t complain.”
“I assume he wanted to know about Eliza?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t tell him anything, so he just kept hitting me. Why does a man do that?” Sabrina suddenly added. “Why does a
187 man feel so attached to a woman that he’ll kill to find her, but he’s not kind to that woman? He uses her and hits her.”
“It’s sad and strange, isn’t it?” Rylan replied. “You would think from the way he acted that he never wanted to see her again, but if she was the one thing in his life he had control over or believed he had control over, he wouldn’t want to lose that.”
Sabrina nodded. He was suddenly talking her language. Having control over things or even believing she did gave her confidence and security. Danny had been working with her about giving that up, but it had been coming slowly.
“Are you angry with Zeke? Or anxious about him?” Rylan asked, reminding himself that she needed a pastor right now and a friend-nothing else.
“I don’t think I’m angry. Men like Zeke are confusing to me, but the idea of his needing control makes perfect sense. I won’t tell you I’m not afraid of him because I am-he was strong-but I don’t feel overly anxious about it.”
“Why is that?”
“Danny taught me that there’s no point in worrying about what might happen. He said I just needed to be ready to handle everything God sent into my life, and if an event arrived that I wasn’t ready to handle, I would learn and know better next time.”
“That was good counsel. He would be pleased to know how well you listened.”
“I hope Zeke doesn’t come back and find me again,” Sabrina suddenly said, forcing herself not to touch her aching face. “Is it all right to hope for that?”
“Certainly. No one would wish to have this repeated. I’m hoping the law will find him and he won’t be on the streets again.” “I have been anxious about that,” Sabrina admitted.
“What exactly?”
“That Deputy Varner won’t arrest him if he finds him, and I’ll be stuck facing him again.”
“Did you tell Nate about that night in his office?”
188”No. I pictured him not believing me, and I was too tired to argue the point.”
“So he doesn’t know all of this could have been avoided?”
Sabrina shook her head no. She was going to ask Rylan if he would tell him, and Rylan was going to tell Sabrina that he would do exactly that, but Doctor Ertz had finally arrived.
Ale
“Jeanette told me you were here this morning. Who was at the store?” Sabrina asked Jessie when she came after work.
“I just didn’t open on time, but after I did I couldn’t get away with Jeb gone.”
, “It was sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do that. I understand you have a store to manage.”
Jessie looked at her as if she was talking nonsense, almost feeling the bruises on her friend’s face herself.
“What am I going to do with you?” Jessie finally asked.
“I was going to ask what you’re going to do with Jeb and me both gone.”
“I’ll manage. Just get better.”
Sabrina wanted to say it looked worse than it felt, but she had finally seen herself in the mirror and realized that wasn’t true. She looked and felt as if she’d been beaten. The bruises and scratches on her body were not so painful, but her face still looked as bad as it felt. If she didn’t want to answer dozens of questions, she would be stuck inside for some time.
“How are the girls?”
“They miss you and ask about you.”
“I miss them too.”
“I said you were sick, so be prepared to fend off those types of questions.”
It bothered Sabrina that Jessie would lie to the girls, but part of her understood. How did one tell a child about such an act of
189 violence? And it wasn’t as if she felt good. Sick was probably a pretty close description.
The women talked for a bit longer, and in time Sabrina sensed that Jessie was angry about the attack. She understood how easy that would be and wanted to tell Jessie that her heart was in a completely different place, but they had already talked for a while, and the girls were with a neighbor.
Sabrina saw her friend off, praying for her but
knowing that any conversation about how she was dealing with Zeke would have to wait.
“When did you report this?” Nate asked Rylan, searching the paperwork on his desk.
“Last Saturday night. Deputy Varner didn’t find it plausible because Sabrina didn’t come directly after the attack.”
“Let me get this straight,” Kaderly began. “Before Sabrina was attacked on Monday, she was knocked out by Zeke, reported it, but was not helped?”
“That about sums it up.”
“Why didn’t Sabrina mention it to me when I spoke with her?”
“She feared you wouldn’t believe her concerning your own man. Had I realized she felt that way, I would have told her otherwise.”
Nate stood, every line of his being angry. He had seen Sabrina Matthews’ battered face, something that could have been avoided. They might not have found Zeke-they hadn’t found him yet-but at least they would have known.
“Thank you, Rylan,” Nate said, clearly done speaking about it.
Rylan turned for the door. He was not worried about the deputy hating him. He had failed to do his job and must answer for that. Rylan was only thankful that Token Creek’s sheriff cared too much to let it pass.
190 “I could do some handwork for you, Jeanette,” Sabrina said from her seat in the conservatory on Friday morning. Theta was not with them. “Bring some home with you if you want me to.”
“All right,” Jeanette agreed, wanting to lead Sabrina’s life but knowing she couldn’t. It was still taking a lot out of Jeanette not to order the younger woman back to bed.
“When my face heals I’ll head out and start looking for apartments,” Sabrina said next. “I think if I actually go and do the asking myself, it might be best.”
“Did Jessie have no leads?” Jeanette asked, feeling her heart speed up a little. She told herself she could not be desperate to keep this girl here, but she was.
“No. I just checked with her.”
“You do know we’re in no hurry to have you leave?”
“That’s very sweet of you, Jeanette, but I can’t stay here forever. You don’t let me pay rent, and you won’t let me help.”
Jeanette was not about to change her standard on that issue, so she tried a new tack.
“We’ll just check with Rylan about what you should do,” Jeanette suggested, and could see by the slight narrowing of Sabrina’s eyes that this wasn’t going to work.
“Is Rylan in charge of my life now? I didn’t know that.”
Jeanette was working hard to find something to say when Rylan walked in and rescued her.
“Well, now.” Sabrina’s voice was deceptively soft with anger. “I’m glad to see you. Evidently you have all the answers.”
“All right,” Rylan said, moving carefully and forcing himself not to look at Jeanette.
“Jeanette speaks as though you’re in charge of where I live. I don’t recall when that happened.”
Rylan did look at Jeanette then, who gave him a condensed version of their conversation. He would have tried to explain to Sabrina what Jeanette had meant, but Sabrina wasn’t done.
“What no one seems to realize is I’m not safe anywhere. Zeke wants
191 information that you and I have. He’s not going to go after you, but if he wants it badly enough, he’ll find me wherever I live.”
This had not occurred to Jeanette, but Rylan calmly nodded his head.
“Jeanette did not mean that I was in charge, but I did mention to her one day that there might be options we haven’t thought of. No one is going to force you to take an apartment you don’t want. I’m not taking over for you. You can handle this yourself. But you can also understand that we’re not anxious to see you hurt again.”
Sabrina nodded, feeling foolish. She had been upset over nothing, but it hadn’t felt like nothing. It felt as though Jeanette was ready to say or do anything to keep her there, and that made no sense to Sabrina. She was a busy woman with a busy life, and Sabrina didn’t know why she would insist on having her there to complicate things.
“I’m going to get something to eat,” Jeanette said, coming to her feet. “Is anyone else hungry?”
Both Rylan and Sabrina declined, which left them alone in the conservatory.
192
“YOU’RE ALWAYS HAVING TO rescue me,” Sabrina said with quiet
wonderment, Jeanette barely out of the room. “I’m always in a mess and needing to be rescued.”
Rylan stared at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were across the room. Eventually they swung to look at him, and Rylan could tell she was thinking about her time in Token Creek, going over it in her mind.
“You were there that night when Zeke hit Eliza. You walked me home,” Sabrina recounted. “You found me on the street talking to Paula, and then talked to me the next day so I would be safe. You found Cassie for me so she could take me to the ranch that day so I wouldn’t have to drive the buggy.” Sabrina stopped, her mouth suddenly opening. “You were even there the first day with Bret Toben and let me cut through the livery to get back to Jeanette’s.”
“I didn’t mind any of those things,” Rylan said sincerely, smiling at her a little.
“I find that hard to believe,” Sabrina argued with him. “You have better things to do with your time than take care of me.” For the first time, Rylan dropped his guard completely. The smile
193 he gave Sabrina was tender and loving, showing exactly what he felt inside.
He didn’t know what he expected in return, but it wasn’t the tormented expression that crossed Sabrina’s face or the words that were spoken with utter conviction.
“Don’t fall for me, Rylan Jarvik. It’s the worst thing you could do.”
For several long heartbeats the room was silent. Rylan was the one to break that silence, and when he did his voice was kind, his expression open. “Is there someone else, Sabrina, a husband or a fianc������who you haven’t talked about?”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Sabrina said, wishing she’d ignored his look and kept her mouth shut.
Rylan nodded before asking, “Is there something in my character you object to?”
“No,” Sabrina said, looking surprised.
“Do you find me repulsive?”
“No!” Sabrina said, completely taken aback.
Rylan looked at her, praying they would not be interrupted because the next questions had to be asked.
“So you feel the problem is something with you?”
Sabrina looked away but still nodded in answer.
“Does it have something to do with the fact that you’re comfortable talking to prostitutes?”
Sabrina’s eyes closed in agony, but she still nodded her head yes. She realized that she would rather be beaten again than tell this man about her past, but he had guessed. Sabrina was afraid to look at him. She wanted to stay here-she was coming to love Token Creek-but not every person was Danny Barshaw. Not everyone would understand.
“I don’t think a person’s past has to define her,” Rylan began. “Especially a past that’s been repented of.”
Sabrina glanced at him but then couldn’t look away.
“Did you think I would condemn you?” Rylan asked.
194 Sabrina nodded, still wishing that none of it was true.. .still wishing this was a man she could have for her very own. In all of her realization of his rescuing her, she had not admitted the most wondrous part of all: It had made her feel cherished and special.
“Sorry to bother you,” Heather broke in from the door, Theta in hand. “Theta is ready for a little sit-down time in her chair.”
“Thank you for letting us use your room, Theta,” Rylan said, coming to his feet. Sabrina moved to sit a little closer and spoke as soon as the older woman was settled.
“You look nice in that gray dress, Theta. The color suits you.” “How are you feeling, Bri?” Heather asked.
“Still sore.”
“As sore as y
ou look?”
Sabrina smiled at her a little. “I’m afraid so. The skin around my right eye and cheek is very tender.”
“I guess that would make sense since it’s the blackest area.” “I wonder how long it will take before I’m presentable again.” “Try some cool compresses, Sabrina,” Heather suggested.
“I just remembered hearing something about cold helping with
bruising.”
“I’ll do that,” Sabrina said, thanking her.
“All right, Theta.” Heather turned to that woman. “I’ll check on you shortly.” Heather made her way from the room, and Sabrina looked after her before glancing at Rylan. That man was smiling.
“Stuck with me again,” he said.
“I don’t feel stuck,” Sabrina said, laughing a little.
“But you’re afraid I’ll want to talk about it?”
Sabrina sighed. “In some ways it’s a relief to have someone know, and in other ways, I wish I had no past at all.”
“Well, I hope we can talk about it some more, but rest easy that it won’t be right now.” Rylan made ready to leave, and Sabrina stared up at him. “I have a sermon to keep working on, and some folks to check on.”
“Thank you for coming.”
195 “I didn’t really have time, but I forced myself”
Sabrina told herself not to smile, but it didn’t work. Rylan smiled in return and exited the room. Sabrina asked herself if she’d just dreamed the whole conversation. Rylan Jarvik knew she had been a prostitute, and he hadn’t acted as if he could catch something just by standing next to her.
Sabrina looked over at Theta, the older woman’s stare not having altered in the least. Is her mind working in there, Lord? Does she even know I’m here?
Those questions went unanswered, and so did the one Sabrina asked of herself: Would it be easier to have no memory, trapped as Theta was, or to live with the ones she had?
“How is that?” Becky asked, standing close to where Sabrina lay on the sofa.