“You’re developing genuine feelings for Neveah? You cannot do that!”
“You want me to marry her! Won’t being in love with her make things easier?” I know it will make things harder, but I can’t stop my feelings.
“Love?”
“Maybe.”
“To answer your question, no, your love will only confuse things for her once she’s with us. And it’s already making you ignore your vow.”
“I’m ignoring nothing,” I say, letting some of my anger out. “You’re still here, aren’t you? I would expose you and your plans if I wasn’t seeing this through.”
“Yet, your loyalty is splitting.” It’s a statement, not a question, because we both know it’s true.
“The thought of hurting her is tearing me apart. What we have planned is going to hurt her. And others. Have you given no thought to how the others will react when she disappears? Her mother and brother? Matt Corrigan? Her friends?”
“I have spent more hours than you can imagine thinking about it. I’ve tried to think of other plans, or ways to make this work. There are none.”
“Why does it have to be her? Why not one of the…others?”
“She is the best choice. I’ve explained that to you. You need to take your heart out of the equation, and do what you’ve promised.”
The intercom buzzes before I can once again assert that I’m going to honor my vow. “That’s Nev. I have to go.”
I don’t wait for any response, pushing the button on the wall by the door so the gates will open on my way out. I jog to the main house, and then slow my pace so she doesn’t question why I’m out of breath. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that I was running to see her, but it wouldn’t be the whole truth, either.
“Knock, knock,” she says as she walks in, and I’m no longer worrying about my breathing, because I’ve stopped breathing.
I’ve seen Nev in all different situations, wearing various kinds of outfits. She always looks amazing, but seeing her all dolled up right now is doing crazy things to me. She’s not overdone—I don’t think she would ever go to an extreme—but her hair and makeup are more polished than usual, and her outfit is so fucking sexy. It’s loose, but revealing, and highlights her tan skin and long legs. She’s here for me like this, not some event or work. I know this is for me, and I nearly drop to my knees in thanks.
“Speechless good or speechless bad?” she asks, breaking me out of my trance.
“Good. Great. Excellent.”
“Three adjectives, huh? I’d say that’s a win.”
“I definitely feel like I won something right now,” I tell her as I reach out to wrap my fingers around a few of her curls. I tighten my grip and pull her to me, causing her to yelp.
Her hands wrap around my forearms as I lean forward and lick her lips. She opens for me, and I don’t hesitate before sliding my tongue inside her mouth to play. She’s matching my intensity and passion, and I just want to bury myself inside of her and forget everything else.
That’s not an option for either of us, so I pull back to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong?” she asks.
“Absolutely nothing,” I tell her as I move my hand so my thumb can smooth out the line between her brows.
“But you stopped.”
“For now. Only for now.”
She closes her eyes. “I want to shoot my gun tonight.”
“I know. We’re going to go down to the range, and you’re going to do it.”
“And after?”
“You’re mine.”
“I am,” she says softly.
“I’m yours too, Nev,” I tell her honestly.
She searches my eyes, and then smiles at me. “You mean it.”
I do. “I know it’s soon, and I know this sounds like a line, but I’ve never felt like this for anyone else.”
“You’ve been with a lot of women.”
“I have. I can’t erase my past, and honestly, I don’t know if I would if I could. I’m not ashamed of sleeping with the women I’ve been with. They were willing, and I told them up front that I wanted nothing more than a few hours with them, maybe a night. Some of them wanted more, but I can’t help that. I didn’t deceive anyone, and I made sure they found their pleasure while they helped me find mine.”
“I haven’t…we haven’t.”
I move my hands to cup her face. “We will when you want us to.”
“You’re really okay with that?”
I shrug. “It’s not basketball season, so it’s okay if my hand gets an extra workout.”
“You could have any woman, Dylan. You’ve had pretty much every woman. Why me? What’s so special about me?”
“Let’s just be clear for a moment. I’ve slept with a bunch of women, but not nearly every woman, and none of my sister’s friends before.”
“No one from Corrigan?”
“Nope. Second, how can you not see how special you are? You’re smart, brave, compassionate, gorgeous, sexy as hell, and yeah, I could go on all night,” I admit, running a hand through my hair.
“I think you’re pretty great, too.”
She shouldn’t. I may have been telling the truth about how I see her, but that isn’t going to stop me from turning her life upside down. Although, maybe, just maybe, I can get us both out of this somehow. I don’t know how, but I’m going to try.
“Let’s go shoot some guns, and then we’ll continue this conversation after.”
“I don’t know that I’ll want to talk after.”
“Then we’ll find better uses for our mouths.”
“Thank you again, Dylan. For everything.”
“Don’t thank me yet.”
Chapter 5
Neveah
Dylan holds my hand as we walk downstairs to his gun range. I still think it’s weird that an NBA star has a gun range in his basement, especially when he’s not from a Southern state, but he says shooting calms him. Calm is the opposite of how I feel right now; how I’ve always felt around guns. I’m not terrified, though, so that’s a mark in the “plus” column. I blow out a deep breath, because I’m still nervous, even though I asked for this.
“We can go back upstairs if you’re not ready.”
I shake my head. “If I don’t face my fear, I’ll never overcome it.”
“You’re comfortable holding a gun. I would say that’s facing your fear.”
“Holding one was hard, but shooting one is the real problem.”
He turns, and pulls me so that I’m looking at him. “I want to help you Nev, but you have to be sure you want to be down here. I may shoot just for fun, but that doesn’t mean I take gun safety lightly. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you don’t think you can handle this, we need to go back upstairs. I won’t risk either of us by you dropping a loaded gun, or freaking out.”
It is harsh, but it’s honest as well. I don’t want to accidentally hurt either of us because I can’t handle this. “I really think I’m ready, but if I all of a sudden don’t, I promise to lay the gun down calmly before having a meltdown.” He still doesn’t look sure, but I am. “I mean it. Dylan. I can control myself long enough to keep us safe.”
“Okay. I trust you.”
He walks me to one of the two shooting stalls, and hands me headphones and goggles before walking over to his gun safe. I watch him take out my pretty gun, and then a couple of other ones as well. They’re bigger guns, and my eyes widen when he walks over and places them and some ammo on the counter to my left.
“Wh-what are those for?”
“You.”
“I have my own gun.”
“I know. I did buy it after all,” he reminds me with a smile before turning serious again. “You need to learn how to shoot guns that aren’t yours.”
“I will. Later.”
He shakes his head. “There’s no time like now. Go all in with me, Nev. I told you I trust you, and right now, I need you to trust me, too.”
“I’ll try. I’m sorry, but
that’s all I can say right now.”
“That’s all I ask, sweetheart. Just try. Ripping the Band-Aid off is always easier. We’ll start with your pretty little one first.”
I nod, barely hesitating to pick it up. I really have gotten used to it, and while I’m still freaking out a little, it’s not enough to make me stop. I rationally know that me shooting a handgun is not the same as Matt shooting an AR during a gunfight in a war. I’ll have to learn to shoot all kinds of guns, but like Stella said, I won’t always have to use them. Dylan and I are the only ones down here right now, and I’m pretty sure he’ll stay back behind me, so I will be the one controlling where the bullets from this gun go. No one will get hurt.
My resolve continues to be strong as I pick up my pistol, and load it. I’ve paid closer attention in weapons training that in any other class, simply because I knew I’d have to do this one day, and I wanted to be prepared. Once I’ve got the gun ready, I put it down in front of me, and reach for my goggles. Dylan stops me with a hand on my forearm, and I look up at him.
“You can do this, I know you can. I’ll be right behind you.”
He’s right. I feel it coursing through my veins—I can do this. I can shoot at a piece of paper. It’s not a person, it’s just a piece of paper. No one is going to get hurt, so I don’t have to go there in my mind right now. I can just concentrate on doing this one thing. Pulling the trigger.
I once again reach out for the goggles, placing them over my eyes before I put the headphones on. I stand the way I was taught, and pick up my gun. Dylan has the target moved in so it will be easier for me to hit, because he doesn’t know that accuracy has never been a problem for me. I can naturally hit any target, with any weapon, and I don’t expect that guns will be any different.
I brace myself, line up the gun, and do it before I can psych myself out. I pull the trigger, and nothing happens. I mean, yeah, a bullet left the chamber, and then ripped through the paper target, but I’m talking about me. I didn’t freeze, I didn’t faint, I didn’t cry, and most importantly…I DID IT!
I want to jump up and down, or slump to the ground in relief, but I know I need to remain where I am, and pull the trigger again. One shot isn’t enough to make me comfortable. I empty the chamber in my gun on the target, and then set it aside.
Dylan is behind me in an instant. He turns me to him, and kisses me hard, before pulling my headphones off. “I knew you could do it.”
“I can,” I agree. “Can you put the target further back?”
“Of course.”
He reaches down next to me under the counter, and pushes the button. I like that he’s making sure I know how to do it, too. He’s helping me because I need it, but he’s not treating me like I’m helpless. It’s one of the reasons I’m falling for him.
I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. He’s not that guy who sticks around, and I know better than to try and change someone. Maybe it’s seeing Matt settle down, along with his friends Aiden and Nate. The three of them were the biggest players I knew, and yet they all got married and are happier than I’ve ever seen them. I can’t think I’ll have the same effect on Dylan, because thoughts like that are dangerous to my heart, and my sanity.
“You okay, Nev?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m good. I should probably move on to the other guns now.”
I put my headphones back on as he looks at me with his brow furrowed. It seems like he might want to say something to me, but he backs up and lets me get on with things. I take my heels off because I know the bigger guns will have more of a kick. Then I load the next gun, and take my shots. I can’t say it gets easier, because it really doesn’t. I’m still not totally comfortable, but I don’t feel like I’ll pass out, either.
Once I’ve had time with all the different weapons Dylan gave me, I pull off the goggles and headphones. “Thanks for letting me use your stuff. I appreciate it.”
“That sounds like a goodbye.”
I shrug. “I’m a little worn out, both physically and mentally.”
“Are you hungry, too?”
I am, but it’s not fair to him for me to stay. “I’ll grab something on the way home.”
“Did I do something wrong, Nev?”
“What? No! You’ve been perfect with everything tonight.”
“Then why are you in such a hurry to leave?”
I look past him when I answer. “I’m not up for making out—or more. I’m sorry, but I’m just not.”
“You think I only want you here for making out and sex?” he asks, and I can hear the anger in his voice.
“You’re you. I know you expect things to be physical with us.”
He looks to the ceiling, while he works his jaw back and forth before speaking. “I thought you saw more in me than my reputation, which I know I earned, but still. I thought…you know what? Never mind. Let me put the guns and ammo away, and then I’ll walk you out.”
“You’re angry,” I say, stating the obvious.
“You’re damn right I am. Maybe I just wanted to feed you, and then hold you in my arms. This isn’t about sex with you. Do I want to have sex with you? Hell, yeah. What guy in his right mind wouldn’t want that? But I want more, too. I can’t believe you don’t see that. I asked you to be my girlfriend, for God’s sake!”
“You need sex. You’re used to having it all the time.”
“Yes, I’m used to it, but I obviously don’t ‘need’ it. I haven’t been with a woman since we met at the gala, and I’m still alive.”
“You haven’t?”
He rears back like I’ve physically hit him. “I spend every night I can with you, and you have an open invitation to stop by any time you want. And I said you’re my girlfriend. Do you honestly think I’d do that if I was sleeping with other women?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Wow. I…just wow.”
“Did you want me to lie?”
“No. I want you to realize that I’m serious about you, about us. You like throwing my reputation around, but yet you don’t acknowledge that what’s happening between us is different. Since you’re so familiar with me and my past, you should know that no woman has lasted more than one night with me, and most don’t even last the night. Didn’t you find that out in your Google searching?”
“I just thought maybe you thought I’d understand if I came here and you were entertaining, or if you were out with someone else.”
“Would you have understood? Because I can tell you right now that if I found you with some other guy, I’d lose my shit. My girl is mine. I don’t share.”
“It would’ve hurt me,” I admit, “but since I wasn’t having sex with you, I didn’t think I had the right to be upset if that happened.”
“Is that why you always call ahead?”
“Yes.”
“Dammit, Nev. I want you. Only you. I can’t believe you don’t know that.”
“I didn’t want to hope. We’ve never talked the specifics and parameters of what we’re doing here.”
“Well, we’re talking now, and I don’t know how to make it any clearer. I already told you earlier that I’m yours, that I feel different with you, that my hand is getting a workout. What the hell more can I say? There is no one else. There will be no one else as long as you want me.”
He means it. He meant it earlier, too. I need to stop being so insecure and let this man in. “Is the offer for food and cuddling still open?”
* * *
Dylan
“It is,” I tell her. I know I should sound more excited, but I’m really not feeling that way right now. I’m not mad enough to turn down more time with her, but I can’t pretend I’m not pissed off, either.
“I’ll go. Thanks for helping me. I won’t bother you again.”
She starts to walk past me, but I grab her arm. “Stay. I want you to stay. I’ll order us some food after I put everything away.”
“Are you sure? I know you’re upset.”
“I’m sure,” I say, pulling her to me so I can kiss her forehead. “You can stay all night if you want. No pressure. I’m happy to just hold you.”
“I’d like that. I have some stuff in my car.”
“Clothes?”
“Yeah, and um…my prayer mat.”
“Oh yeah. Of course. You can pray wherever you want in the house. Or did you want to be outside?” I know everything about Islam, but telling her that would make her suspicious, and that’s not what I’m going for here.
“Inside is good for tonight, although I may take you up on the outside offer in the morning.”
“Whatever you need.”
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I’m trying to trust you.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I haven’t been the most reliable guy in the past, at least not where women are concerned. But I want this. I want you.”
“I want you, too.”
She kisses me lightly on the lips, and walks out. I brace myself on the shooting stall as I drop my head. I knew I was falling in love with her, but I didn’t realize how much it would hurt for her not to believe in me. She has every reason not to trust me based on my track record with women, and also the things she doesn’t know yet. But damn, if it didn’t stab me in the heart to hear her say she thought I’ve been with other women since I met her. This is way beyond my vow now, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to hand her over once the time comes. All I know for sure is that I’m screwed. Completely, and totally screwed.
Chapter 6
Neveah
Dylan was true to his word last night. He fed me some good Thai food, and then he tucked me into bed with him. We kissed a little, but he stopped everything before I could take it further. If I didn’t know why he was doing it, I would’ve felt bad about being turned down. He had a point to prove to me, and I let him prove it.
This morning is another story. Waking up with his arms around me is Heaven. Waking up with his erection pressing into my back is Hell. I know he’s going to push me away again, because he thinks he has to, but I want him. I may even need him. He didn’t pressure me, though, so I can’t pressure him.
Neveah (Society Girls #2) Page 5