by Kirby Hall
Heat flooded her cheeks and she quickly yanked her sweater on. “Hello, don’t look means don’t look.”
“I thought you were finished.” His voice was tight. “If it makes you feel better, it’s too dark to see much of anything.”
She rolled her eyes. Her skin was so white it practically glowed in the dark. “Oh yeah, I feel much better now.”
“Good.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
He glanced at her again. “I know.”
She gave herself another moment to gain her composure and then climbed back over into the front seat. She didn’t know why she was so embarrassed for West to see her in her bra. She’d just come from a play, which meant everyone backstage had seen her in the same, if not less. Costume changes had to be fast, and sometimes they were a group effort. She didn’t know why it bothered her so much when it came to West.
“You know, I think you’re wrong.”
She turned her head toward him and raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything.”
“No, I mean about Josh and Bekah.”
“This ought to be good. You’ve known them for five seconds, and I’ve known them forever, but obviously, you’re the smart one here.”
“Are you finished?”
She exhaled loudly. “Yes. What is it I’m wrong about?”
“I don’t think Josh’s issue is with Jay.”
Alexa made a noise somewhere between a snort and a huff.
“Would you wait a minute? I’m not saying Jay isn’t an asshat. I’m sure you’re right, but what I mean is, I don’t think that’s the only problem. I think Josh likes Bekah.”
“Of course, he does. We’ve all been best friends since elementary school.”
Now it was West’s turn to sigh. “Alexa, you can be smart, but also incredibly blind.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “You’re not saying he like, likes her?”
“Yes,” he laughed. “Like, likes her, or whatever you said. As in, wants to see her with her shirt off.”
Her cheeks would’ve flamed again if she hadn’t been in the middle of a huge realization. Alexa leaned back in her seat and stared out the front window as if she’d been slapped. As she thought over the way Josh had been acting over the past six months toward Bekah, she wondered how she’d missed it. They always called Bekah if they were hanging out, but after she’d started seeing Jay, Alexa saw less and less of Josh at the same time she saw Bekah. And when she did see him, he always asked if Bekah was okay or if she and Jay had finally broken things off. Whenever it came up, Josh’s mood had always soured. How could she have missed it?
“I’m the worst friend in the world,” she said aloud, but more to herself than West.
“That’s probably not true.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No problem.” He smiled a satisfied smile that made her want to strangle him. If only he weren’t driving the car.
“How do you know more about my own friends than me?”
“It’s a gift.” They crossed into the city limits and turned down the road leading to the school. “The truth is, Alexa, I spend my whole day at school watching people. I’ve learned to notice things. People watching gives me something to do.”
“It’s easier than making actual friends I guess.” She hadn’t meant to sound so mean, but she was reeling.
“You have no idea.” He pulled into the parking lot and stopped beside her car.
“Sorry, West. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He shrugged. “You’d better go.”
“Yeah.” She dragged her bag out of the car and stood next to the open door. “Do I look like me?”
He glanced over at her and then back out the windshield. “You look like you always do.”
“Thanks, I guess. And, thanks for the ride.” She rocked up on her toes. So much for getting along. “See you later this week?”
“Sure.” He put the car in drive without looking at her.
She shut the door and watched him leave. Why was it she could talk to almost anyone, but when it came to West…
She turned toward her own car. She didn’t have time to worry about West right now. She needed to get home.
~ ~ ~
Alexa rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. It was too early to get up. Maybe if she hadn’t spent half the night thinking about Josh, Bekah, and West she wouldn’t be so tired, but alas. She slid her hands under her pillow to bend it in half and brushed against her medal. She wrapped her fingers around it and smiled. She’d done it. They hadn’t come in first, but second wasn’t too bad and she’d won.
Her chest filled with a newfound energy and she swung her legs out of the bed and stood. It was going to be a great day. First, she’d get ready and eat breakfast and then she’d call Bekah. Or, maybe Josh. She hadn’t decided yet if she was going to ask Josh how he felt about Bekah or not. She didn’t want to create any weirdness, but on the other hand if she’d been paying better attention, she would’ve figured it out by now.
West. Freaking know it all.
Dressed for church in a warm, brown wool dress and tall boots, Alexa bounded down the stairs and found her dad and brother in their usual seats. Graham looked up when she came in and his eyes widened.
She mouthed, “What?”
Graham’s eyes cut to their dad, who was hiding behind the mammoth sized Sunday paper, and then he shook his head. She wished she knew what he was saying, but she had no idea. Graham started to try again, but their dad lowered the paper causing each of them to snap to attention.
“Graham, go watch TV. I need to have a word with your sister.” Her dad’s eyes drilled into her, making her stomach turn. There was no good morning or how’d you sleep, which should’ve been the first sign of the proverbial shoe dropping. Her life had been going too well. Aside from the whole math thing, but parts of it hadn’t been bad.
“Alexa, was I unclear when I told you to take a break from Performing Arts?”
She shook her head. “No, sir.”
“Then, would you like to explain to me why you went against my wishes?” His brows knit, causing a deep crease to form between his eyes.
“Dad, I—”
“Alexa, whatever you do, don’t you dare lie to me. We do not lie to each other. It will not be tolerated.”
Her mouth became dry and words failed her. What did he know and how? He didn’t talk to any of the other parents. Did he know about practices? Or worse? “It was nothing.”
He slammed the paper on the table and sprang to his feet. “You call this nothing?” His voice was almost a shout as he pointed to the spread of pictures on the front of the Locals section of the paper. There was a large picture of the group on stage accepting the trophy and then an inset of her accepting the best actress medal.
“Alexa, have I not been a good father? Have I not given you everything you need or want?”
“Yes, I know you’ve done everything for us.”
“Then, why the disobedience? Why this need to go behind my back?”
“They were counting on me,” she pleaded, fighting back the tears threatening to spill over.
“I was counting on you. I was counting on you to do the right thing and to do what I asked.” Her dad placed his knuckles on the table and hung his head. “I’ll be calling your teacher first thing tomorrow morning.”
“No, Dad, please don’t.”
“You’ve given me no choice.” Her father’s voice was quiet but final.
She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, so she turned and ran for her room.
Chapter 13
Sunday had been a welcome day off from Alexa. He’d needed space from her so he could get his head back on straight. Even if his dreams had been full of seei
ng her on stage and then in the backseat of the car in nothing but a bra, at least her floral scent wasn’t confusing him further. The distance had allowed him the time he needed to put his strange curiosity about her to rest. He didn’t need to care about her to tutor her. In a few more weeks it would be finals and then their time together would be over.
He slammed his locker shut and moved through the crowded hall to Mr. Guin’s class. Her chair was still empty. He took his seat and steeled himself against seeing her. She was a girl, not a swimsuit model. She was a plain old high school junior. A girl who was failing math and too busy with her own drama to take notice of her friends. She wasn’t so great.
When she walked in the room wearing one of her typical over-the-top-for-school outfits, she met his gaze and then took her seat. He didn’t miss the dark circles under her eyes or the way she was dragging her feet, as though merely being there was pulling her down. He leaned forward; ready to ask her what was up, glanced around and then fell back against his chair. He’d ask her later when there weren’t so many eager listeners hanging around.
Mr. Guin started class and West found himself studying Alexa’s profile. As if he hadn’t been looking at it all semester. He’d been lying to himself earlier and he knew it. His feeble attempts to knock her off the pedestal he’d put her on in his own mind were exactly that, feeble. She wasn’t a supermodel, she was better. She was the girl next door. Not his next door, but the idea anyway. She was petite and graceful and passionate as hell. The other girls in class were dull by comparison.
He ground his eraser against his notebook causing little pieces of rubber to flake off. At least from his seat he could see her without anyone realizing it was Alexa he was staring at instead of the board. Her back was straight, her eyes forward and for once, he wished she’d look back at him, but she never did. When the bell rang, she grabbed her bag and took off like she was running from something, or someone. He scraped his hand across his desk, grabbing his folder and went after her.
He pushed through the crowd and caught sight of her brown hair bobbing farther up the hall. He sped up and caught her arm before she stepped into her next class.
“Hey, everything all right?”
Her eyes dropped to where his hand was holding onto her arm and then back at his face. “Not now, West.”
He let go of her, but he could tell by the softness in her voice and the red around her eyes that he’d been right.
“Okay, not now. We still on for studying this afternoon?”
Josh paused beside them. “Hey, man.”
“Hey.” He liked Josh, but dude needed to move on.
“I’ll be right there,” Alexa said to Josh. After a closer look at the two of them he took the hint and went inside.
“I can get together earlier now, if that works for you. Do you want a ride after school?” She was talking to him, but she wasn’t looking at him.
He resisted the urge to touch her face. “Just pick me up where you usually do. I’ll be out there.”
When she finally looked at him, the sadness in her eyes scraped at his insides. “You’re going to be late to class.”
“It’s okay. I’m first in that one, too.” His attempt to make her smile worked.
“You’re a real prince, West.”
With her slight return to normal, he grinned and turned to go. “You know it, A-money.”
~ ~ ~
The day was cold, but not so cold he could see his breath in front of him. He pulled his hoodie up over his head to block out some of the wind as he walked toward the road to wait. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Alexa and for once, he wasn’t mad about it.
When he broke through the tree line, her car was already there. He could see her waiting with her head resting against her hands on the steering wheel. He tapped on the glass on the passenger side and her head shot up.
He pulled the door open. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t paying attention, which seems to be a common problem of mine.” Her attempt at humor fell flat since her tone was sad and eyes wet.
He pulled the door closed and put a knee against the armrest to face her. “What’s going on, A-money? The last time I saw you, you were obnoxiously happy.”
“Sorry to annoy you.”
“Stop it. I was only kidding.” He reached across the armrest and patted her arm. “Come on. Out with it. What’s up?”
“My dad and I had a fight yesterday.” She stared out the windshield.
“Sounds normal. Don’t all teenagers fight with their parents?” He said it with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, but then she turned to him and her eyes were full of tears. Oh, shit.
“There was a picture of me in the paper from the competition.” She swallowed as the first tears spilled down her cheeks. “He called Mrs. Brale. I’m out.”
Double shit.
“Out? What are you talking about? The semester’s almost over. What’s the point of pulling you out now?”
“The point is I lied to him. I disobeyed and I lied. Two things he will not easily forgive.” She shook her head and looked away. “I don’t even blame him. I did lie. I lied to the man who gives me everything, who only wants the best for me. Granted it has to be what he wants and what he thinks is best.”
West waited a beat and then took a deep breath. “I want you to come with me somewhere.”
“What?” She swiped at her face. “Where?”
“Just come on. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
They climbed out of the car and she followed him back through the headstones. If she thought it was weird, she didn’t say. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing, but he had to do something. Being trapped in the car with her while she cried made him feel helpless and he despised feeling helpless.
His heart began to beat faster as they approached the familiar hill where his sister was buried. He’d never brought anyone here.
“It’s just a little farther.” He moved past his usual spot and climbed to the top of the hill overlooking the field.
Alexa stopped beside him, her breath ragged. “It’s beautiful.”
“And secluded.” He gestured a hand toward the wide-open space stretching out in front of them. “No one’s here to tell you what to do or what to think.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, but not before he saw her shudder.
“Here.” He stripped his hoodie off and handed it to her.
“Thanks.” She shrugged it on over her thin pink sweater. “Is this where you go all the time?”
“Yeah, pretty much. It’s better than sitting in my house alone.”
She tilted her head to the side and studied him. “Parents working, I guess?”
“Yeah, my mom. She’s a nurse.”
“What about your dad?”
It was West’s turn to break eye contact and look out over the field. A wave of anger swept through him, but he was able to push it aside. It was easier now than it used to be. He’d been gone a long time.
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Alexa said.
He’d tried to control his reaction, but apparently, it hadn’t gone unnoticed. “No, it’s fine. I don’t have a dad. Well, I mean I did, obviously. He left. He’s got a new family on the west coast now.”
Alexa stared at him and then nodded. Her lack of I’m sorrys and pity made him like her even more.
After they stood a few minutes more in the silence allowing the wind and lack of pressure to alleviate their individual pain, West took a step back. “You ready?”
“Yeah, we can head back. I need to beat my dad home.” They turned to go, but before they started the hike back to the car she touched his arm. “West, thanks for this.”
He shrugged
, and not because he didn’t like her arm on his. More because he was afraid she’d be able to see how much he did like the feel of her touching him. And the way she said his name. And how it was taking every ounce of his self-control not to react. He exhaled when she let go, not realizing he’d been holding his breath.
“It’s no problem.”
She smiled. “At least now I know you’re not a grave robber.”
“How do you know that? Doesn’t this just confirm it? How do you think I found this place?”
She giggled and then they slid on the grass on their butts down the hill. They stopped where the ground flattened out and Alexa stopped smiling. Frozen, she looked past him. He turned to follow her gaze.
Elizabeth Howell
Sweet Angel and daughter
2001-2010
His throat became thick. So much for keeping some of his business to himself. He cursed under his breath.
“West, I,” Alexa looked at him, “never mind.”
“Let’s go.” He took off down the hill. He was going too fast for Alexa to keep up in her ridiculous shoes and he knew it, but he didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to let her all the way in. Somebody like Alexa wouldn’t like what they saw inside him: the rage, the guilt, the longing. He wouldn’t saddle her with his baggage.
He waited beside the car expecting Alexa to be pissed when she caught up to him, but when she stepped out into the open, she wasn’t mad. She stripped off his hoodie and handed it back to him and climbed into the car.
“Are you coming?”
He nodded and climbed in beside her. She didn’t say another word about their little detour and by the time they finished studying, things between them seemed normal, as if earlier hadn’t happened at all.
Chapter 14
The bell rang, and everyone made their way to where their bags were stacked under the wall of mirrors. The noise level was at an all-time high since everyone was still buzzing with energy after the competition. The trophy sat balanced on top of one of the filing cabinets filled with sheet music reminding them all of their almost victory. Alexa glanced at it. She was glad they’d come in second. If they’d won, they’d be gearing up for the state competition and she wouldn’t be able to go. Second place had turned into a blessing in disguise.