by Kirby Hall
Chapter 20
The morning passed slower than she could stand. So far, she had changed her outfit three times and again she stepped back and pulled at the hem of her shirt. What did West see when he looked at her? She twisted from side to side as she studied her reflection.
Bekah eyed her over the top of the magazine she was reading. “So, what time is your dad expecting you?”
“Before dinner-ish.” Alexa stopped studying herself in the mirror and turned. “What do you think of this?” She was out of her comfort zone. The jeans were a nice change, but the shirt was still too much, beaded around the collar with another shirt layered over it. Maybe she could borrow one of Bekah’s shirts.
“I think you look fine.”
Alexa turned back to the mirror and scrunched up her nose. “I wasn’t really going for fine.”
Bekah closed the magazine and laid it in her lap, leveling her eyes at Alexa. “What were you going for?”
Alexa crossed over to the bed and plopped down next to Bekah. “Truthfully, I don’t know.” She stared down at her hands resting in her lap and remembered the way they had tingled the night before as West traced patterns over them. The mere thought of him ignited nerves inside her.
“Well, we both know you like him. I haven’t seen you so much as pay a guy attention since Stephen the toad and that was forever ago. And, you certainly didn’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out what to wear.”
“That’s because he was a country club boy. Prep through and through.” West, surely, wasn’t that. He was someone else entirely. Someone who both intrigued and eluded her. She’d spent the entire first week of break wondering if it was the mystery surrounding him that appealed to her, but now she knew better. She missed him. As if on cue, her stomach tightened.
“And, a terrible kisser,” Bekah reminded her, still on the subject of the one guy she’d sort- of dated their freshman year.
Alexa stuck her tongue out.
“Exactly.” Bekah tossed her magazine to the side and sat Indian-style, the bed shifting with her weight. “Alexa, be careful, okay?”
“Careful?” She raised one eyebrow and studied her friend’s expression. “What are you worried is going to happen? We’re just going to hang out.”
“I know, and I like West, but you don’t know anything about him. And, your dad . . .” Bekah’s words hung in the air between them. She didn’t have to explain further.
Alexa ground her teeth and stood. “I’m so sick of my dad standing in my way at every turn. It’s not like I’m some screw-up.”
“He has his own ideas about what’s right for you and Graham.”
“Exactly. His ideas. His opinions.” Alexa stomped her foot. “Why is it that when it comes to his job he works hard to do right by everyone, but when it comes to me, he can’t see outside this narrow tunnel vision he has for my life?”
Bekah shook her head. “I don’t know and sure he can be a little overbearing, but it’s better than having a parent who doesn’t care.”
Alexa sighed. “I guess.”
Bekah stood suddenly. “Okay, let’s not talk about your dad anymore. He’s not the one you want to be thinking about when you go meet West.”
She was so right.
~ ~ ~
The sun was shining as she climbed the hill, but the air was cool. Her body shook as a slight tremor surged through her, but it wasn’t because of the weather. The anticipation of seeing West, of hopefully touching him again, was causing her body to act on its own. She pressed her lips together to test the amount of lip gloss resting there and hoped for the millionth time she looked okay.
A lot and nothing had changed overnight. They’d seen each other for years. Passing in the hall, sharing classes, but in the span of a few moments in an auditorium or maybe over the course of fall semester she’d found him. She never would’ve guessed that West, the quiet guy from the back of the room would be the guy she’d fall in love with.
Caught off guard, she stumbled over a tree root. Love. That was a first.
“Hey, I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”
She jumped and hoped he didn’t notice. “Hey.” With a raised hand to shield her eyes from the sun, she looked up at him. “It’s a long way up there.”
He laughed and the butterflies returned.
“You can do it, A-money.”
She walked the rest of the way up the incline and stopped beside him as she caught her breath.
“You look good.” He nodded toward her clothes.
“Thanks, I feel good.”
“Not too disappointed about missing the concert last night?” He raised an eyebrow at her. Alexa turned her face toward him and bit her lower lip. “It turned out better than I thought it would.”
West didn’t miss her meaning and taking his hands out of his pockets, he reached for her waist. She wasn’t sure if the little voice in her head fainted on contact or was being shy, but either way she couldn’t seem to make a coherent thought.
Their bodies pressed together. The way they’d been on the hill once before when he’d kissed her. When he’d rocked her world and then rejected her. She prayed he wouldn’t do it again. She was in too deep now. She might not be so quick to recover from another one of his rejections.
As if reading her mind, he moved his hands from her waist to her face. The skin on her waist once warmed by his hands chilled at their sudden absence.
“I want this, Alexa. I want you.” He bent his head and rested it against hers. “I know we’re as different as they come and I have no idea what you see in me, but…”
Her throat constricted and she couldn’t breathe. He wanted her.
He raised his head and looked at her, locking her in place with his eyes as if asking permission. When she didn’t say no or turn away, he leaned in. When their lips met, it was gentle. His warm mouth pressing against hers. She melted into him and wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss deepened and they stayed firmly together until he broke the kiss and looked at her.
She didn’t want to stop kissing him. In fact, she decided it would be fine if she never moved from that spot. Ever. If kissing was a class, she was pretty sure he’d have an A in that one, too.
“Hey, before this goes any further,” he closed his eyes and shook his head as if he’d assumed too much, “or whatever, there’s some stuff I need to tell you.”
“Okay,” she said, voice shaky.
“Here, let’s sit.” He released her and dropped down onto the grass, but then took her hand when she got down to his level.
She hated to admit it reassured her. Her eyes lingered on their entwined fingers. The same tingles from the night before hadn’t dissipated after the first time. If anything, they were more intense.
“Remember when I said that I’m messed up?”
Alexa refocused on his face and nodded.
“Listen, it’s not . . . I’m not . . .” He tore a piece of grass out of the dirt and let it fall to the ground. “I guess I’m just twisted up inside and I have no idea how to change.” He stopped speaking long enough to glance over his shoulder toward where his sister’s grave was and his eyes darkened. “You know some of it I guess. You know about me. The guy with no friends. The loner or whatever. I wasn’t always this guy though. But, after she died.” He shook his head. “After the wreck, nothing was the same.”
Not knowing what else to do, Alexa squeezed his hand. She’d known his sister had died, but she didn’t know the specifics. She thought of Graham and how she’d feel if something happened to him and a pang twinged in her heart.
“My family was driving home from dinner one night. It was nothing. The kind of night that happens all the time, you know? Anyway, we were driving up the highway and a semi changed lanes into the lane we were in.” West st
opped a minute and squinted his eyes as if trying to recapture the memory. “My dad was driving and he jerked the wheel to avoid the truck. When he did, we veered off the road, flipping once, and slammed into the trees. The whole thing was over before my mom’s scream died in the air.”
Alexa’s throat tightened as she thought of her own wreck. West had been there. She couldn’t imagine the memories it must’ve stirred for him.
“At first, I was too dazed to do much of anything. But, when I looked over at my sister, with her hair dangling toward the ceiling and noticed she wasn’t moving, I panicked. I yelled for my parents until my throat hurt. Some people stopped to help. A man pulled me out of the car and over into the grass. I can remember sitting there and watching while they worked to get my mom out. And, while those people were pulling at the doors and shouting, flames erupted under the car. There was gas leaking all over the place.” West closed his eyes. “The smell was so strong it burned my nose. To this day, I can picture it and smell the fumes as if I’m sitting there on the side of the road, all over again.” He paused to take a breath.
“Anyway, they carried my mom over and laid her on the grass next to me. She was so still. I thought she was dead, and I couldn’t stop staring at her face.”
West pulled his hand free from Alexa’s and braced them on his knees until his knuckles turned white. The sudden gesture left Alexa feeling cold, but she remained still, lost in his memory with him.
“The next thing I remember was some men yelling about my dad. Finally, two of them tugged my father free. I could see my sister through the back window and I couldn’t figure out why no one was helping her.”
He stood and stared out over the grass so she stood, too, but kept her distance. It wasn’t her place to intrude on his pain. She’d lost her mom, but . . .
“I started screaming and I ran for the car, but someone stopped me. I don’t know who. Policemen arrived and then firemen, but by the time they were able to get to Elizabeth, it was too late. The fire was everywhere.” West’s voice cracked and Alexa’s eyes filled with tears as she imagined West as a little boy sitting on the side of the road watching his little sister inside the car and being unable to help. She understood better than most how paralyzing and angry being helpless could make you feel.
“They tried to make my mom and dad feel better at the hospital,” he turned to look at Alexa, “you know the way they do. The spin they put on things. My parents thought I couldn’t hear them talking in the hall, but I could. I heard the doctor when he told them my sister hadn’t felt any pain. I heard my mother’s sobs and my dad repeating the word ‘no’ over and over again.”
He ran his hands through his hair and tugged, his chest beginning to rise and fall more rapidly. “Their kid had just died for Christ’s sake. Did he honestly think that would make any of us feel better? Anyway, that was it for me. Something inside me changed. I could feel it like a knife to the gut. Over the next weeks and months after it happened every time someone said, ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘We miss her too,’ the knife twisted a little more. West shook his hair out of his face and stared out over the open space before them.
“What I didn’t understand back then was that my dad didn’t have much of a choice. The truck driver never saw us and there had been nowhere to go but the grass or under the truck. And, all the time I was screaming? My parents were unconscious. They never heard me.” He shook his head. “The volunteers who had tried to get to my sister—that’s what I found out later—they had tried, but the trees and crushed roof had made it impossible. By the time they made progress, the flames had spread and everyone was forced back from the car.
He dug the toe of his shoe into the ground as though trying to shove the memories back into a hole where he wouldn’t have to think about them. After several silent minutes passed, he turned to her, his eyes red, but his breathing under control.
“My parents didn’t last long after Elizabeth died. They fought all the time. You see my mom blamed my dad, even though she never said it in so many words, but he knew what she was thinking. After a while he got tired of us and he left.”
“Where is he?” Alexa asked.
“On the other side of the continent somewhere with his new family.”
There was no mistaking the venom in West’s voice as he bent to pick up a rock and threw it as hard as he could out into the clearing.
As the wind swept across the hill, plastering their clothes against their bodies, West stepped back from the edge of the clearing and looked at her. His expression softened as he reached a hand toward her face and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb.
Alexa could feel the heat in her face left by his touch. She hadn’t realized she’d been crying.
“Messed up, right?”
There was nothing she could say so instead, she wrapped her arms around him and held on. Their bodies were pressed so tightly together she would swear she could feel his heart beating against hers. She felt a little guilty for enjoying the feeling of being held by him after he’d shared the most painful memories of his life with her, but she couldn’t help it.
West reached for her shoulders and held her out to study her face. “I didn’t mean to make you sad. I just thought you should know.”
Alexa smiled in understanding. “I’m glad you did.”
He smiled, too, and pulled her close enough to kiss her again. The same heat flooded through her and then, from some far-off location, a phone rang.
“You’re ringing,” he said against her lips.
On the fourth ring, Alexa sighed and stepped back. “Oh crap.” She took a deep breath and hit the button. “Hey, Daddy. I’ll be there in five.”
After she hung up, West grinned at her, making her forget what she had said to her dad ten seconds before. That particular look could get her in lots of trouble.
“So, you’ve got to go?”
“Yeah, I better.”
“I’ll walk you down.” West took her hand and they made their way back to the road where her car was parked. She wondered if she’d ever get tired of him touching her. Somehow, she doubted it. It already felt natural. Like she couldn’t remember how it had been before.
“Meet me tomorrow.” It wasn’t a request. With another guy, she would be put off by his assuming attitude, but West . . .
She nodded.
~ ~ ~
The smell of blackened salmon filled the air when she opened the backdoor to her house. So much for getting there a little before dinner. She dropped her bag by the door, rechecked her reflection in the mirror and smoothed a hand over her shirt. It would have to do.
“We didn’t wait,” Graham said as soon as he saw her.
“That’s okay.” She sat down in her usual seat between her dad and her brother. “I’m the one who’s late.”
“Yes, you are,” her dad cut in. “You and Bekah can’t seem to tell time.”
“Sorry, Daddy.” Alexa spread her cloth napkin over her lap and focused on her fish. Her second bite was halfway to her mouth when she caught her dad staring at her. “What?”
“I was just wondering where you’ve been?”
She set her fork back down on the side of her plate. “With Bekah. Why?”
“Your face is flushed.”
Absentmindedly, Alexa touched her face with her fingers. “Just the cold air I guess. It doesn’t take long with my fair skin.”
“Hmm.”
They ate the rest of their meal in silence and as soon as Alexa finished, she cleared the dishes and started loading the dishwasher. Could he tell she was lying? Seeing as how he was a lawyer, she hoped the whole takes one to know one deal didn’t apply here. Besides, it wasn’t like she was totally lying. She had been with Bekah. She’d just made a pit stop on the way home. An innocent stop spent talking to a friend. Friend. She wasn’t sur
e that description fit. It never had where West was concerned.
As she bent to place another plate in the rack, her dad cleared his throat behind her, making her jump.
“Jeez, Dad.” She stared at him while she waited for her heart to return to normal. “You almost made me drop the plate.”
“I’m sorry.” He was leaning against the bar watching her again. “Alexa, I wanted to mention something to you.”
“Yeah, Dad?” She had no idea where this was going, but it couldn’t be good. She sent up a silent prayer that he wasn’t about to call her out on her lie.
“Do me a favor and call the next time you’re going to be late for dinner, okay?”
She exhaled in relief and laughed. “Sure.”
“You know I worry,” he said, his tone soft.
“I know, Dad, but you don’t have to. I’m right here.”
Her dad straightened and smiled. “You try not worrying when you have a teenager.”
Chapter 21
“Hey, Joe,” West called. He stopped next to the man where he was working surrounded by oak trees in an old part of the cemetery. During the summer, it was the best place to be and today, the trees were helping block some of the wind. It didn’t have the same view, but the trees were useful.
“Hey there, West. Haven’t seen you around as much lately.” Joe paused to lean against his rake. The corduroy jacket he wore was faded in places, but thick, making his frame seem much larger than it actually was.
“I’ve been working on some things.” West knocked a loose stone off a nearby headstone. “And, school’s been tough this semester.”
“How’s your lady friend?” Joe raised a graying eyebrow at him.
West smiled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Um-hmm.” The old man reached into his pocket and pulled out a mint, then offered one to West. “She’s right pretty.”