“Lillian, Lillian, wake up.” I heard the urgent tone in Daddy’s voice and fought off my deep grogginess, only to open my eyes and see him standing over me, his face full of distress.
I tried to sit up, but my head felt like there were a hundred stones keeping it down.
“Don’t get up; lie still,” Daddy said. Opal came and placed a cool cloth on my head.
“Why do I feel like this Daddy?” I moaned.
“The powders. Momma’s powders. Lillian, why did you take it?” he asked desperately, holding my weak hand in his.
I couldn’t recall what he was talking about; I didn’t remember anything about Momma’s powders. He saw how confused I was and moved so Opal could sit beside me on the bed.
“You went into your momma’s room and took her powders. Do you remember, Lillian?”
Then it came to me. The terrible headache that wouldn’t go away.
“I didn’t feel well; I thought I could use them to feel better,” I explained.
“Why would you do such a foolish thing, Lillian? You almost died. Those medicines aren’t meant for a child,” Daddy lashed out.
“Garrett, don’t upset her,” Opal said.
“I’m sorry, darling; I was just worried sick, worried out of my mind.” Daddy was disheveled, worn, and had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and fret.
“You made a mistake, that’s all,” Opal reassured me in a motherly voice.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I mumbled, then began to drift back into a light sleep.
“Let her rest. You can talk with her more tomorrow,” Opal said to Daddy.
I wanted to stay awake, but I couldn’t fight the overwhelming need to shut my eyes.
Another day passed, and I woke to a blinding light that bounced off the bright white snow into my room. I was alone this time. I slowly opened my eyes, and the first thing I focused on was a brand-new doll house on the side table near the window. I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I rubbed the sleep away to be certain I wasn’t still dreaming. I wasn’t. The doll house was a white, Italian-style villa. I slowly got out of bed and reached out to touch it. It was real. But where did it come from? The door creaked open, and Ayden stepped in. I was in my cap and gown, and he immediately blushed when he saw me then said in a jittery voice, “Mother told me to check on you.”
He went to step back and close the door, but I called him back in. “Wait!”
He stayed behind the other side of the door. “Yes?”
“The doll house, Ayden. Where did it come from?”
Ayden refused to step back into my room and spoke through the door. “Santa. He left it for you at our house.”
Santa came; he really came and even remembered me! I was stunned speechless.
“I will go tell Mother you are awake.”
I heard him scurry down the hall. Opal came in and hurried me back into bed. “You shouldn’t be up yet,” she said, pulling the covers over me. Then she called Ayden back in. Once he saw I was covered up, he willingly entered.
“Santa left that for me, Mrs. Dalton? Is it true?” I asked, concerned that Ayden was not telling me the truth and maybe it really wasn’t mine to keep.
“Yes, Lillian, he did.”
“And it’s really mine?”
“Of course. Now don’t get too excited. You are not well enough to get up and play with it. You need to take it slow; that’s what the doctor said.”
“Okay, I will. I promise.” I would do anything to make sure I got well quickly so I could actually play with the dolls in the house.
“Ayden, stay with her while I make her a plate of food.”
He didn’t know what to say to me at first and stared at me as if I had just come back from the dead. Then, after he fidgeted in the chair for a few minutes, he described how Daddy came to see me on Christmas morning and couldn’t wake me.
“Your father came running over with you. He said you were in some kind of a coma, that he found your momma’s powders missing. He and my father got you into the boat and battled the rough seas to get you to the mainland and the doctor. You were gone for all of Christmas Day. I was up in the light tower manning the light when I saw the rowboat. You were brought back to bed; the doctor told them you would wake when the powders wore off. He couldn’t say how long it would take, or if you would die in your sleep.”
I sat in bed, full of dread at what I had put Daddy through. When I took the medicine, I’d never realized it would do me any harm—that I might never recover and possibly die. It was careless and irresponsible, and I wanted more than anything to apologize to Daddy.
He didn’t come see me until late that day. I had been sitting up in bed all day, waiting for him. The skies outside my bedroom window turned from pink, to orange, then a fiery red, and then slowly spilled into a dark red, until the sky ended up a midnight blue color, the same exact color of Ayden’s eyes. Daddy was the last of many visitors that day. Opal came twice with plates full of food, Ayden came often to play a game of checkers, and Heath stopped in to say hello and see if I was feeling better.
“What do you think of the doll house Santa brought you?” he asked, standing at the foot of my bed with his hat in his hand.
“It’s wonderful. I am so lucky,” I said.
“I’m glad you are better, Lillian. You gave us all quite a scare.”
I didn’t know what to say, except, “I made a terrible mistake.”
“We all make mistakes, Lillian. Just be careful next time.” Heath said it in a fatherly way, in a manner that didn’t equal his age.
I gave Heath the same promise I gave to Daddy when he came in.
“My world would have ended then and there if you were taken from me, Lillian,” he said, gazing deep into my eyes. “Your momma and I wanted you in the worst of ways. When she was carrying you, we prayed to have a baby girl. When you were born, it was the happiest day of my life. I need to get to Heaven before you and before Momma, so I can show you both the way when it’s your time. Please don’t go before me,” he pleaded, not imagining at the time that his worst fears were already on their way to be.
_______________
Chapter Eleven
The very night after Opal’s mother and father tragically died in the sinking of the great ship Atlantic, Opal went into labor a month late. Edward and Ayden went to the mainland to bring the doctor back to the island to deliver the baby. Since Momma couldn’t stay by Opal during her excruciating hours of labor, Heath tended to her. Daddy was up in the tower, manning the light. I had been in their house for some time, there for any support needed, but as the labor dragged on and Opal’s screaming and moaning intensified, I became afraid and could no longer listen to it. She cried out for help; she called for God to take the pain away. I covered my ears, unable to bear the torment she was going through. How could any woman want to go through such agony?
Heath came outside, to where I stood huddled close to the house, shielding myself from the cold breeze. “Are they back yet?” he asked with grave concern.
“No.”
“She is going to have the baby soon. She is calling for the doctor. I don’t know what to do. I have read only a small portion about giving birth in my medical books.”
Heath wasn’t his usual confident self. He was afraid for his mother and feared if the doctor didn’t arrive, he would have to take over and deliver his own sibling.
From inside, Opal screamed for Heath. He swung around and ran back in. Opal let out a sound I had never heard before, an agonizing shriek that went right through me, and then there was silence. For a moment, I listened for the cry of a baby, but I heard nothing. My heart stopped. I dreaded that something had gone terribly wrong. I ran in and was about to go into the room, trembling and afraid of what I might see, but Heath threw the door open just as I’d gathered enough courage, and with the brand new baby in his arms, announced, “It’s a girl!”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was a beautiful baby—a big baby—in Heath’s l
oving arms.
“Meet my new baby sister, Elizabeth Ann Dalton.”
I reached out and allowed the baby to grasp my finger. Just then, Edward and Ayden rushed in, the doctor only steps behind, and stopped in their tracks when they saw the newborn with Heath. The doctor hurried in and went to Opal.
“What is it? A boy or a girl?” Edward asked as he lovingly gazed at the baby.
Heath carefully handed him the bundle, then said to his father, “You have a daughter.”
Tears came to Edward’s eyes as he proudly held his new child. Ayden peered up at her, but he was afraid to touch her. Opal called for Edward. An enormous grin on his face, he went in to see his beloved wife. The doctor gave them both a clean bill of health, and while he was on the island, went to check on Momma. Ayden stayed in the tower while Daddy went with the doctor to see Momma. I stayed with Heath and made Opal a plate of food, which he took in to her.
“You were wonderful,” I said as he sat in the chair beside the fire. Heath was amazed with himself, and his confidence in a career as a doctor returned.
“I could have never imagined that birth could be such a miracle. Of course, I knew it in my mind, but to actually witness it, to see the baby take her first breath—” Heath looked off, as if in his mind, he was reliving it all over again.
I placed a hand on his shoulder, and said, “Your mother was lucky to have you.” He glanced up at me, his eye full of optimism for what life could offer, and he placed his hand on top of mine. The warmth I felt ignited a spark in me that made me tingle all over. Heath appreciated my compliment and thanked me, but his hand lingered, and I couldn’t tell if it was deliberate or not. I liked the way it felt and remained beside him until he eventually slid his hand into his lap. The evening was remarkable, like a dream. We had a new baby on the island, Opal was fine and resting, and Heath had found the dream that had once been lost to the harsh reality of life on Jasper Island. It was hard not to be drawn to his enthusiastic energy and true passion, as it was difficult to fight the urge to admire his good looks and charm, and fall madly in love with him.
It was a new experience to have a baby on the island. I had never been around babies before and wasn’t certain I would like them. But Elizabeth captured my heart from the moment she grasped her tiny finger around mine and wouldn’t let go. Her eyes were as translucent as Heath’s, and she had his uncontrollably curly hair, though her features were similar to Ayden’s. To my delight, on days that there was no school or we couldn’t get to the mainland, due to bad weather, Opal let me care for Elizabeth. I sat with her by the fire, softly singing Momma’s favorite hymns to her. She always stared up at me with wide, fascinated eyes and drank in everything about me. When she was able to coordinate her pudgy, dimpled hands, she would reach out and touch my face. I liked everything about Elizabeth, from the way she smiled at me, as if I were the most amazing person in the world, to the way she smelled of soft baby powder. She made all kinds of funny faces, her way of expressing herself. She never cried, not once, not even when she was born.
“She is unusually quiet,” Opal had said with a worried frown.
By the time Elizabeth turned two, Opal’s general concerns grew specific, and she told me one day what she feared.
“I think she can’t hear,” Opal said, choking back her tears. “Edward and I made plans to go to Boston to see a specialist. We are leaving at the end of the week.”
I was holding Elizabeth. I didn’t know anything about babies, so I’d thought she was normal. I would have never guessed she could be deaf.
Heath announced he was going with them at supper that night, but it was obvious it had not been agreed to.
“You have to stay with Ayden,” Opal said.
“I can take care of myself,” Ayden interjected. He was ignored.
“It’s not the right time for you to travel back to Boston,” Edward told him.
“First we couldn’t make it for Grandfather and Grandmother’s funerals; now I can’t go with you to see what the doctor has to say about the baby,” he complained.
“This has been difficult on us all, Heath, but I don’t want to hear another word about it. You are staying here,” Edward said, ending the discussion.
Heath accepted their decision, but he was not happy about it. Heath needed to experience what the medical field had to offer, and he felt restricted on the island. It was only a matter of time before he turned eighteen and went off to the university; it was only a year away, but that was like a lifetime to Heath. I felt bad for him. I saw how anxious he was to fly through the next year and finally take the path to his lifetime goal and dream, but it also felt good to know that, at least for a while, Heath would be on the island with us and close to me.
We waved like mad as the vessel pulled up anchor and headed across the Atlantic towards Massachusetts. The three of us stood on the shore and waited until the ship disappeared into the horizon. Although the feeling was somber, I believed Elizabeth had brought a new light to the island, no matter whether her ears worked or not. I was thrilled to have her; she was like a real-life doll. No longer did I play with Jane, my beautiful porcelain doll. I gave her to Momma. Her eyes lit up when I handed it to her.
“For me?” she squealed.
“Yes, Momma. It’s yours. Her name is Jane.”
“Oh, I love her. Is it my birthday present? How on Earth did you get it? You didn’t steal it from the mercantile, did you, Hattie?” Her eyes darkened and filled with fright.
“No, no, Momma. Daddy gave it to me on my tenth birthday. It wasn’t stolen,” I said.
She didn’t believe me at first; she was confused and tried to make sense of what I was saying. I leaned in and peered into her eyes, waiting to see if I could see any sign that Momma was coming out of the endless fog that covered her mind and senses. I looked for a glimmer of hope that her madness would vanish and my momma would come back to me. But it wasn’t to be, and my heart sank as she giggled uncontrollably.
“I promise I won’t tell. I’ll keep her hidden. I love her.” Momma hugged the doll tight then began to sing a sweet lullaby that sounded familiar and gave me a warm feeling.
Edward and Opal would be away for two weeks. That meant I was responsible for all the meals. Since summer was in full swing, I had all day to prepare, as we once again ate late in the evenings. Over the years on the island I had learned much about cooking from Opal. I had confidence that I could handle all that was expected of me. Heath offered to lend a hand, but I refused.
Ayden snickered when he heard that. Some things never changed. As much as we had grown and matured during our time on Jasper Island, Heath always stepped up and helped, even if it seemed unmanly, and Ayden stayed far away from those kinds of gestures. If he wasn’t fishing or playing checkers with me in our free time, he was chopping wood or down at the boathouse with Daddy, working on building a new one that had for years been postponed due to the lack of government funds.
By the time Edward and Opal were due back, the boathouse was expected to be completed.
When Daddy was there, I often noticed Victor’s ghostly shadow lurking. It was indeed his favorite haunt. As often as Ayden and I saw him, Heath never had.
“Just your childish imaginations,” he mumbled when he overheard Ayden and me talking about Victor.
Ayden would get angry when Heath made comments like that to us.
“Why would we lie about such a thing?” Ayden shouted.
“Why not? You are good at making up silly stories.”
“And Lillian. Would she lie, too?” Ayden waited for an answer, his arms folded over his chest. Heath knew I wouldn’t make up stories, but he couldn’t for one minute believe in ghost stories. To Heath, that’s all they were. There was no proof of Victor’s existence.
Heath refused to indulge us in conversations of ghosts and make believe. It was enough to have each other, Ayden and I. However, it wasn’t long before we realized we were not the only ones that saw him. Momma saw him, too. Sh
e called him Grandfather and told me he came to see her almost every night to read her a story. Daddy was with me, standing at the edge of her bed, when he heard it.
“What’s she saying?” he asked me. Daddy hadn’t spent much time with Momma that summer. He left her care up to me exclusively, no longer concerned about what she would do or say. He relaxed, and her condition became so ordinary to him that he began to forget what might possibly slip from her memories of years past. I didn’t know how to tell Daddy about Victor—the only thing, besides him, that was correct in her mind.
“Maybe she is remembering her grandfather from when she was a girl,” I said, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“She didn’t know her grandfather,” he muttered quietly under his breath.
It was strange to see him try to make sense of what she said; after all, it was normal for her to talk nonsense.
“It’s time for her to rest, Daddy; let’s go.” I took his hand and led him out.
“I have to go to the mainland; do stay here and keep an eye on things.” He gave me a look, the look that told me to keep a close eye on Momma.
“Of course,” I said, and he kissed her goodbye.
“I’ll be back before dark.”
With some time before supper to myself, I decided to take a book and go read out on the bluff, my favorite spot. Since Elizabeth was born, I hadn’t had much time to read; all of my free time was spent with her. I missed her, and she had only been gone for seven days. I missed her warm body cuddled up in my arms and the way she reached out and tugged at my long hair. I thought since I would never want to bear a child, ever, that she was the closest thing to a baby I would ever have. Never would I go through what Opal did; I did not want to be in so much agony that I needed God to take my pain away. I still wanted to travel the world, and I certainly could not do that with a child. If I ever married, my husband would have to understand and respect my wishes.
The Girl in the Lighthouse (Arrington) Page 13