There was no way for him to prove that what had happened between them hadn’t happened because of pheromones. No matter how desperately she wanted him to.
“Think about it,” she said. “You keep saying you’re different. That I do something to you that you don’t understand. Couldn’t this be it?”
He stared at her blankly. “I have to… think,” he said, standing with the phone in his hand. When he realized he was holding it, he shook his head and handed it back. “Sorry. I have to think.” His voice was robotic.
“I know,” she said. “Take your time.” He walked to the door, and she hated the sight of him leaving.
If she hadn’t known, she would have been so happy when he came to tell her he wanted to stay with her after the job was over. Wanted to see if they could make something work.
But now? She was devastated.
“I don’t think it could be pheromones,” he said. “But I… I would be stupid not to take it seriously.”
“I agree,” she said. “For what it’s worth, I had no idea.”
“I believe you,” he said. “Man, I was even the one saying it was weird, right? That so many men creeped on you? I mean, you’re beautiful. It makes sense for men to want you. It’s just the aggressive behaviors were too much.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Jamie. For my part in this.”
Tears bit at her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. “Me, too.”
“I’ll be back in a bit,” he said. “And just shout if you need me.”
“I understand,” she said.
But the minute the door was closed, she flopped on the bed, crying.
It was all too much. The pack was still after her, her creeper boss knew more about her than she did, and now the one thing that had made her feel strong enough to go on, her relationship with Limes, could all be based on nothing but air.
Air and a few molecules.
Life was totally unfair.
* * *
Limes looked down at his phone in his hand, wondering if he should call the wolf consultant Jamie had spoken to.
Maybe there was no point. She already had told him what she needed to. He trusted her implicitly. She could have lied, could have kept him panting after her like a stray dog, but she told him the truth.
He put his hands on his head, rubbing his nails over his scalp lightly as he tried to ease the tension headache threatening to take over.
He needed to think right now. Could the feelings he was having for Jamie really be coming from some kind of chemical she was emitting?
Unable to resist any longer, he picked up the phone and dialed.
“Lindon,” the voice said.
“This is Josh from Bear Claw,” Limes said. “I was told you were an expert on wolf packs.”
There was a slight crackle on the other side, and then an elegant voice spoke. “I know more than most. How can I help you?”
Josh sighed. “I’m… in a situation. I’m protecting an alpha female of your kind.”
“Ah,” the voice said, silky and calm, in an almost unnerving way. “And you’re wondering how much you can attribute to her being an alpha female and how much you can attribute to her being her.”
“Yes,” Limes said.
“Interesting. I think I spoke to her on the phone earlier,” Lindon said.
“You did.”
Lindon sighed. “The short answer is there’s no way to tell. Does that help?”
“No,” Limes snapped. “Not at all.”
“Do you love her?” the voice asked.
Limes’s eyes snapped open. “I… don’t know.”
“You should probably try to know that. I don’t believe the alpha hormone can activate love. It’s just a very strong form of attraction.”
“What do you know about it?” Limes asked, scowling.
“I happen to have a very strong level of alpha pheromones myself, as well as experience with alpha females. I’m mated to one, you see.”
Damn, he sounded smug. Then Limes chided himself. The man was only trying to be helpful.
“Well, does she love you?” Lindon asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Perhaps you two should talk about it,” Lindon said.
Limes scratched his head. It was all becoming too complicated. And he needed to focus on guarding her and figuring out the pack issues. And what to do about the men around her. “This pheromone, will she always have it?” The last thing he wanted was people coming after her, even after they were together.
“Not exactly,” Lindon said. “Once she’s mated, it will go away, at least for those she isn’t mated to. I found my wife just as attractive once we were mated. More so every day, in fact.”
“Gross,” Limes said, hating how jealous he was of the other man.
“Anyway, you should ask yourself, does it matter why you feel how you feel?” Lindon asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, pheromones or no, if you want to protect her, there’s only one real answer. Mating her. Otherwise, you can keep fighting different men off, but others will keep coming. And the wolves won’t take kindly to you trying to keep them away from one of their alpha females. They are exceedingly rare and valuable. I myself had to compete with ten other males for mine.”
“You talk about them like property,” Limes said.
“Not property,” Lindon said. “But definitely something rare and sought after that needs to be protected.”
“And mating with a… a bear? Would that do it?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Lindon said. “If there’s a precedent, they wouldn’t exactly tell me about it.”
Limes nodded to himself, knowing Lindon couldn’t see it. “What would you do?”
“This is a little outside of my purview,” Lindon said. “But if it were me and I felt as desperate as you sound about a woman, pheromones or not, I’d claim her.”
Limes nodded. “Okay. Thanks for the help.”
“Good luck,” Lindon said. “Call if you need something else.” And then there was a beep on the other end and the elegant-sounding man was gone.
Shit. Now he was alone with his problem.
He played with the phone as he thought hard over their time together. The smiles, the way he’d felt, the fun in the bedroom, the way he felt like he’d never get sick of being around her.
He didn’t know what to call it exactly. Love? He didn’t know if he had the ability to love anymore. He’d loved one person, and when they’d died, he’d locked that away inside so he couldn’t be hurt anymore.
Maybe someday, when he was stronger, he could open those forbidden walls and see if feelings for Jamie were deep down in there.
But for now, he just wanted to keep getting to know her. Just wanted her to be safe. And who cared what the reason was?
As he was standing to go talk to her, he got a call from Bronson and Cage.
He shut the door to his room and paced as he answered the phone. “Hello.”
“You okay?” Cage asked.
“Sure,” Limes said tersely, knowing his heart was going a mile a minute and everyone could probably hear it.
“You might want to sit down,” Bronson said. “It’s not good news.”
“What is it?”
“We got in touch with the Tribunal,” Bronson said. “They don’t want anything to do with it. In their minds, any alpha male wolf mating an alpha female is better than any other shifter doing it. Things are not looking good in the wolf world.”
“Damn,” Limes said.
“Pretty much the only way to stop them would be to take her yourself,” Cage said with a scoff. “And like that’s ever happening.”
Limes frowned. “It’s happening.”
There was dead silence on the other end of the line.
“Say what?” Bronson asked, voice higher than usual, in shock. “You aren’t serious, Limes. This is you we’re talking about.”
“Think about this,” Cage said. “You can
’t go back on it.”
“I have,” Limes said. “I’ve bonded with her. I can’t let anything happen to her.” He listened deep down in his chest. “I think she’s my mate.”
Cage let out a bark of laughter. “Ha! You said you didn’t believe in that stuff, and look where you are now.”
Limes felt his face go flaming red.
“How did that happen?” Bronson asked. “Well, you were really set on working with her. I guess I knew there was something between you, but I didn’t guess…” He trailed off, letting out a sigh. “And the wolf thing complicated it. Well, if we have to go up against the wolves for you, we will. We got your back,” he said, and Limes was grateful for good friends.
“But just be sure,” he added. “You can’t take it back.”
“I know,” Limes said. He would never want to.
He didn’t know how much of it was his bear wanting to mate or her pheromones affecting him or just the situation they were in.
He just knew one thing. He wanted to make her happy for the rest of her life. That was all that mattered.
He said good-bye to his friends and hung up the phone. It was time to go ask the most important question of his life.
Would she say yes?
17
“No,” Jamie said abruptly, looking down at Limes, who was kneeling in front of the bed, holding her hand.
His expression went blank, and she yanked him to standing. “Did you hear what I just said?” he asked. “I asked you to be my mate.”
“I heard you,” she said, waiting patiently for him to get in the chair he’d occupied earlier. He stared at her, perplexed.
“Why would you say no?” he asked. “I can give you everything as a mate. Support you so you can stay home and write your books. Protect you from other males. I’ve thought this over. In fact, it’s the only way to protect you.”
“So you said when you proposed,” she said dryly, remembering his ham-fisted approach.
I need to keep you safe, and the only way is mating you… So will you mate me, please?
Ugh.
“What do you want?” he asked, crossing his legs agitatedly. “We’re perfect together. Compatible in the bedroom, fun when we talk.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Compatible in the bedroom.”
She sighed. “You said that already.”
“That’s because we’re twice as compatible as anyone else,” he said, teasing.
She just shook her head, and he stood in frustration, stalking about the room as if he didn’t know what she wanted.
She didn’t want someone who only wanted her for the wrong reasons or to protect her. She wanted someone who loved her as much as she loved Limes.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “What do you want?”
“How do you know if it’s pheromones?” she asked.
“I don’t,” he said. When she raised an eyebrow, he went on. “But I don’t care what it is. I love being around you in a way I’ve never felt about anyone else. I want to explore more with you.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I talked to Lindon, our wolf, and he said the pheromones won’t fade for me after being mated, so it should be fine.”
“Oh,” she said, unable to keep her voice from rising. “So it’s fine if our love is all based on an illusion as long as the illusion can keep going?”
His jaw dropped, but he quickly snapped it shut. When he was upset like this, he looked more like the Limes she remembered from the first night, when she’d been terrified and hit him with an umbrella.
The difference was now she knew he was incapable of hurting her. Hurting anyone he cared about, for that matter.
He looked at her with tortured eyes. “I don’t know what you want. I can’t convince you it has nothing to do with pheromones, and I don’t know for certain either. I do know I don’t treat you like other men affected by pheromones do. Doesn’t that mean something to you?” he asked.
“No,” she said, still embarrassed she’d actually let slip the L-word. Luckily, it had gone over his head. It didn’t seem to be in his vocabulary. She knew she should just tell him what she wanted to hear, but then it wouldn’t mean anything if he did say it, and it would break her heart if he didn’t.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “We’ll finish the job together, and then after that, I’m not your responsibility.”
“Like hell you aren’t,” he said.
“Careful, that’s the pheromones talking,” she sniped, knowing she was being unfair. But right now, her heart was breaking. She didn’t have a choice. She had to distance herself from him somehow.
“So you’re rejecting me,” he said, staring at her. “Just like that. No matter what I do.”
“For now,” she said.
“Oh no,” he said. “You want to reject me, you do it good and well. I’m not going to be one of your stalkers. If you don’t want me, you don’t.”
“Limes…” she said.
“I get it,” he said. “I’m good enough to bang, but not mate. For mating, you’d want one of those elegant bastards on the phone.” He motioned with his hand like he was holding a teacup. “I say I’m a fancy pants alpha wolf! My shit doesn’t stinketh! Nay!”
She would have laughed if the situation weren’t so unfunny. “Limes, you’re taking it all wrong.”
“How am I supposed to take it?” he asked. “I’m asking the woman I want to mate me and she’s saying no. For good!”
“I just… We’re both confused,” she said.
“I’m not confused.” He walked up to her. “I know what I want. I don’t care why I want it. I’m not an idiot. However I feel, it’s not going to change. But if that’s not good enough for you. If what we have isn’t good enough…” He lifted a lock of her hair as he trailed off.
When she didn’t answer him, he dropped it and stepped back.
“I get it,” he said. “No further info needed.”
“Limes,” she said.
“You know, I have pheromones as an excuse for getting involved with you,” he said. “But what’s your excuse for climbing all over me, hm?” He glared at her. “Was it fun? Watching me go crazy over you? Did you enjoy our little fling?”
“It wasn’t a fling to me!” she yelled at him, balling her hands into fists. “I have feelings for you.”
He stared at her, blinking madly, as if he didn’t understand her language.
“I just wanted you to love me, too,” she said.
He rubbed at his arm like there was something there, looking completely uncomfortable and taken aback. They’d both been hurt by the exchange, and now it had taken an unexpected turn.
“And if I’m not ready to love you?” he asked, looking devastated.
Like she felt. “Then I don’t want to mate you,” she said.
He turned to leave the room with a growl.
She called after him. “But I never said it couldn’t happen in the future.”
“Right,” he snapped. “When I’m perfect. When I can feel everything you can feel.” He turned back to her. “Dammit, Jamie, wasn’t it enough to open me up as much as you have?” He shook his head. “I’ve felt more in the past days with you then in the last decade, but it wasn’t enough, was it? You want all of me. It’s not enough that I’d die to protect you. Not enough that I’d be willing to mate you for life. No, you want me to bare my soul.”
“It’s not usually that much to ask,” she said weakly. “When you’re going to spend a lifetime with someone. I’ve already opened mine to you.”
He just pinned her with a glare. She’d asked too much, and she could see him shutting down.
“Maybe you should work with Bronson,” he said. “Maybe you should use your attractive powers on him. Maybe he’d be able to love you quicker.”
The words were cold, and Limes looked like he regretted them the moment they’d left his mouth.
He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again.
“Fine,” she said, offended at his suggestion afte
r everything they’d shared. Hurting inside too much to fight him. “Maybe I should. And maybe you should get out of my house.”
Limes’s eyes flashed. “I’m not leaving until—”
“Get out of my house!” she screamed, hating her own lack of control. But she just couldn’t look at him right now.
“I want you to leave,” she said, folding her arms. “I need to be alone. I can’t look at you without hurting.”
“Fine.” Coldly, he took his phone out of his pocket and dialed. “Bronson?” he asked flatly. “Yeah, it’s me. I’ve been terminated. Yeah. Yeah, come on over.” Then he hung up and slid the phone in his pocket. “He’ll be here in like seven minutes. You should be safe until then.”
She frowned. “I didn’t tell you to do that,” she said. “I want to be alone.”
“Well, you hired our company to keep you safe, and until you sign papers terminating our relationship, that’s our job. But I can’t stay on your property without your permission.” He shook his head in disgust, then looked up at her, just once more.
Then he stormed out the door, and she had to keep herself from running after him.
She wanted to ask him why he couldn’t love her. Ask him what was so hard when she’d found him so lovable? Ask him why he’d gotten so angry when she only wanted to protect both of them?
But she was just too tired to fight right now, so she just sat on the bed and waited.
But she did find it odd that he wasn’t fighting for her, either.
* * *
Limes gritted his teeth as he pulled onto the freeway. His first fieldwork job and here he was, fired and sent running away. It wasn’t like him to just go, but he was tired of fighting with her.
The whole thing had reminded him there were some things you just couldn’t fight. He looked down at the bird tattoo on his arm. He’d been all locked up ever since that had happened. It had been dangerous to allow himself to open up to Jamie. But maybe it was better it was all happening like this, because maybe he could never open enough for her.
Maybe he could never be enough.
Bear-ly A Hero (Bear Claw Security 2) Page 13