by Riley Moreno
“Shhh. It’s okay. Don’t be scared.”
But Juliet was scared, always. And as hard as he tried, he could not enter her nightmare and drive the demons off for good and all. All he could do was hold her, and as Juliet sobbed her sorrow into her chest, and Ethan pulled her closer and pressed his lips into her hair.
“I’m right here. Hold onto me.”
She croaked out another sob, but soon her arms surrounded his back. Ethan relaxed at the feel of her arms around his body and felt her damp eyes against his neck.
“How?” she finally said. “How could they do that to me?”
They carried a meaning that he could not bear to comprehend. But there was no way to avoid it as she kept crying into his arms.
“All of them. So many… Ethan.”
His hold grew tighter, and he tried to still her into a better dream. He could stay awake to see it through, and he smiled when she finally drifted off. He kept his arms around her as she slept, and he kissed her hair, hoping the dream was a good one. She had enough living nightmares for ten lifetimes. He thought, hoped, that when she surrendered to his touch, she was moving past the horror. It seemed that way in the afterglow when he caressed her cheek. It felt real when she woke with a smile and asked him to just hold her. That day had been perfect, but when he guided her back to the rumpled sheets and tried to love her again, she could not stand the thought of his touch.
And he told her that it was okay. That everything was okay. That is all he wanted for her.
Just one week ago, she looked at him with sad eyes.
“I… wish we could be like we were. Forever. But… but…”
He could tell that she struggled to finish her thought as she fell to the floor and buried her face in her hands. Ethan saw her as a broken doll. No. Never again would she be a plaything for any man. He still reached forward and eased her to her feet.
“You know what I want?”
She twisted her head as she clutched his arms in her hands.
“I want to sleep.”
Ethan dared to lean forward and lightly kissed her cheek.
“Just sleep. And forget. I can go back to the other room. If it’ll help you.”
He watched her consider the possibility behind closed eyes. Slowly, she shook her head and reached for his arms.
“No. No don’t go.”
Ethan managed to smile into her hair, and he eased her back to the bed. Juliet’s eyes focused on his, and fought off new tears.
“Then I’ll stay. If it’s what you want.”
Juliet nodded and sank into his arms.
“I do. I want to be with you. Even if…”
He remembered the feel of their bodies as one. Of course he wanted her that way, too. But if she could not, Ethan would wait. He would do what he could to just soothe her spirit. Someday, maybe, she would return to a peaceful place, a plane where she could dare to forget, and they would be together again in every way. But for now, he was content to just hold her.
“This is fine,” he whispered. “You rest.”
She sighed as she fell asleep. Ethan held her closer and felt her slumbering breath against his chest. He was just happy to hold her. If he could keep her safe, that would be enough.
“Married him. Christ.”
Ethan pushed Donna’s phone away and thought of Melissa Troxel. He tried to imagine that she was forced into this to aid their case in the press. The poor girl would have fought back tears as the ring, the handcuff, was slipped across her delicate finger. Bur what if it was the other way around? What if she actually wanted to be Carter McCord’s wife so that if the worst came to pass, what had to come to pass, would allow her the ugly privilege of conjugal visits with a lying, scum-sucking, rapist of a husband? Both thoughts were abhorrent to him.
“I know, right?”
Donna’s eyes were in his head space, and Ethan managed a smile at the realization that they were completely in sync.
“Why do you think she agreed to it, Donna?”
The receptionist shifted from one foot to the other and ran her hand through her hair.
“Who knows? I wouldn’t. Fuck how rich he is. A rapist? A murderer? I’d push him way with both hands. Hard.”
Suddenly they really were friends, commiserating about the acts of bad men who deserved to die, and Donna, romantic that she was, did not even entertain the notion of marrying someone with Carter McCord’s rap sheet.
“Of course not, Donna. Because you have a soul.”
Ethan touched her face and thought of Juliet. If she had not been on the receiving end of so much cruelty, maybe she would be here, simply content in her new marriage and blasting the bastards that had abused another girl. He really wished for that to be reality. It would likely, definitely, mean the loss of her presence from his side, but he would take the hit if Juliet could be free of her nightmares.
“Thanks, Mr. Graff.”
She held the hand that he pressed against her cheek and sighed.
“But sometimes the devil you know…”
His hand left her skin and he pressed his palms to his desk.
“Well I know this devil. These devils.”
His mind filled with images of Juliet as he’d first seen her, naked and bloodied and pleading for mercy. Ethan had nightmares too, night terrors where he wasn’t able to save her and she lay groaning on the forest floor as she was dragged away to suffer doubly for Kim’s death and languish in slavery until someone chanced upon her again or she was rolled into her own grave. He slept better when she was at his side, but there were still nights when his eyes popped open and stayed wide with the thought that he hadn’t found her. He struggled for air and was seized by thoughts of failure until Juliet curled closer and murmured into his chest. In those moments, he held her closer and actually thanked Carter McCord for darkening his door in the first place. Had he never appeared, she would still be battered and shaking and just praying for a savior. But those dreams came true. He had saved her.
“These… assholes. They’re the worst. “
Donna moved behind his desk and took his hand again.
“No doubt. And she’s… she’s really okay?”
He snorted and tried to fight back the tears just waiting to flow. Okay? No. Juliet might never be okay. No matter how hard he tried. And he did. He watched her read and asked her to come to bed when the night was at its darkest point. Ethan could not help but want her when she was so close. But he vowed to never force her to endure even one more moment of… of rape. He could think it. It was harder to speak it when she was in his arms, but her nervous ticks made it all too real. She had been targeted and stolen and forced to do things. Just like his sister. But if there was any mercy to be found in that violation, it was just one horrific night. Juliet had to imagine no end to her torment. But now she was with him. And he would keep her safe. He just had to.
“Mr. Graff?”
Ethan wiped his face with the back of his hand and forced a smile towards Donna.
“She’s fine. And I’ll keep her that way. The worst… the worst is over.”
He patted Donna’s cheek as he left and descended into the subway. Juliet had promised a happy night, and Ethan decided to look forward to that as the train churned beneath his feet. He just wanted to get back to Juliet.
The train stalled, and Ethan had to confront his thoughts. Melissa Troxel married Carter McCord. He pictured a clumsy ceremony where Geoffrey Troxel smirked at the thought of his little girl’s union to a monster as his ace in the whole come trial time. Leo Barber would push it away with facts, and the bastards would pay for their crime. Then, maybe, Juliet could forget. He would be right there to help her through. But Carter and Geoffrey were just part of the equation. Greg Heller’s part in the play would come forth next. He would cry and lie that Juliet had agreed to the captivity. And her mother would go along with it. Juliet would need him then, and he hoped that he could be there in every way…
The train moved again, and he re
laxed into the glide of the wheels on the rails. Beyond this moment was the place where he would take her away from everything awful. They were not there yet, but he longed for this one night on the back of a morning where she seemed so happy, even excited, and he shared her joy at the thought that they could just be happy together. Maybe she would be able to give herself to him again; maybe not. But right now he just wanted to see Juliet.
5
With Morales gone, Julie was left with only her thoughts. They trickled back to moments when she had believed in her mother and times when Kim’s laughter hit her always bold and brave. Sometimes Julie wondered how it might have been if their roles were reversed. What if it she was the one who lost her life in the woods, and Kim benefited from Ethan’s profound mercy? As flawed as Amanda Beyer was, Kim would have had her mother to lean on, and Ethan would have settled back into his solitary world of sleepless nights. On some level, that filled her with sorrow. But she could not dwell on that in the light of this latest card that she had been dealt.
We need you to testify.
Why? Why did it have to keep happening? She just wanted to hide with Ethan and forget that she had been turned into a slave, naked, bound and terrified who longed for nothing but escape. Kim, always concealed from her view, must have prayed for the same thing, their bodies stuffed into the back of van after van as they were forced to simply absorb what had happened and try to wipe away tears before the next violation. Julie cried now as she felt the last of her courage slipping away. If he came home and saw her like this, he would never believe any claim that she was alright.
Not tonight. Tonight will be different. For him. And for me.
It was his birthday, and Julie just wanted to give him a gift.
Her hands trembled as she applied makeup. With each stroke of the brush, she thought of rough hands that ran against her cheeks and pressed against her throat when the men behind the hands wanted her to stop crying and just submit to…. to…
Julie stared hard at her reflection in the mirror.
Rape.
There was no other word for it.
Those animals used her body like a piece meat. As each took his turn, nothing sweet or encouraging poured forth from their lips. They just nipped at her neck and stayed inside as their erections softened. Sometimes they pulled out and left her on her back in tears, just crying at the thought of the next assailant. Sometimes they stayed inside and slept on top of her until cruel desire returned. And then they just plowed her again and triggered a fresh flow of tears.
She always wanted to fight.
Sometimes she formed small fists and bashed them into the next rapist’s chest. Sometimes she just pleaded with her eyes and hoped that it would just stop. But these men, these men that Matt and Pete invited into her prison, had no concern for the pleas of a scared girl that longed for a break from her torment. And then the worst thoughts, the ones that stopped her from feeling human because the Julie Edwards from before she was taken would never even think of such a compromise.
Let them rape me again tomorrow. But please let me rest tonight. Please.
No one understood or obliged.
Sometimes she thought of escape. It seemed impossible. How far would she get with Pete and Matt smoking their joints in the next room?
She had dared to try it once when the monster of the night was slight of frame. When his weak hands surrounded her wrists, she seized the chance.
“No more!”
Flexing her foot, she kicked him hard. His body fell away from hers with a groan, and Julie’s old concern for the fate of another living soul turned her eyes towards the little man clutching his ribs in the corner of her current prison. He had wanted to rip her apart, but as he groaned, Julie was consumed by a second of pity for the man that she had wounded, and old instincts started to ask if he was okay.
No! She could not waste a moment of pity on any of them. As her prospective rapist tried to catch his breath, she made her way to the door, naked. To her surprise and relief, the knob turned like soft butter in her hand, and she found her way into a house of too many mirrors.
As she ran, she could not resist a look at what she had become.
She had gone from a confident young woman to a broken, battered mess of cuts and bruises that aged her in the space of the glass. Julie turned away from the image and kept running. If she could just make it to the door and outside, she would find help. It had to still exist somewhere. The feeling of hope coursed through her veins. She would get out somehow. Then she would come back for Kim. And they would get home. It… it had to happen. It…
“Whoa!”
Her dreams of freedom were smashed as Matt’s fingers wrapped around her wrists. She could still see the door and its promise of release as he pulled her back into the house of horrors and pressed her naked body into a couch littered with ashes, smelling of chips. She could feel the salty shards grinding into her back as Matt mounted her.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She struggled and tried to scream as his tongue lapped like a dog desperate for water, licking the tears that stained her cheeks.
“Please! Please no more! I can’t---”
Matt slapped her face, and her eyes filled with a blurred version of the room. She tried to focus on something, anything, and she saw Pete rise to his feet. He flicked more ashes into her eyes, and Julie had to lower her lids and look away.
“You’ll learn. Just lay back and try to enjoy it.”
She did not, could not, as Matt’s cock started to enter her aching body. Julie cried and screamed at the prospect that this was the rest of her life. As Matt hurt her, she saw the man that she had escaped. His expression was pained as he ran his hands down his sides, but his eyes were angry. Because she had not given him what he had paid for. Julie kept trying to fight Matt off even as she knew that once he finished there was another assault waiting just a few steps away. She shook her head at the thought that this would never end, and she winced as Matt’s tobacco tinged breath fell across her neck. She tried to wriggle away but failed as he brutally raped her even as she screamed for him to stop.
She had this nightmare or variations on in too many tomes to count, and Julie was still in that place of fear as the breath on her skin became Ethan’s, only Ethan’s.
“What---?”
“Just a bad dream, Juliet, I got you.”
He touched her arm, and she flinched. She hated making the move as soon as it was real, but she could do nothing else as she recalled Matt’s rape followed by the little guy’s assault, a violation where the stranger’s hands pulled at her hair and smacked her flesh. Julie’s attempted escape made him wild, and she sobbed into a pillow as he ravished her.
She sobbed now at the memory, but Ethan’s hands were gentler, kinder, as they tentatively touched her quaking back.
“Shhh. It’s over. No one’s hurting you here.”
Julie wanted to believe him. She did believe him. But her mind was suddenly so full of bad thoughts that she had to shift her body to the edge of the bed, and she held herself close.
“Juliet?”
“Please. Don’t touch me. I… I can’t...”
She heard him sigh in what sounded like frustration, and she started to peek over her shoulder just to see him again. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted, but she trembled so much that she could not stand any hands on hers.
Even his.
“Okay, Juliet. Whatever your need.”
Julie felt his body leave he bed, and she felt abandoned with only her memories for comfort as he walked away. She wished he would come back. His hold would be hard to accept, but even as her skin crawled at the thought of any hands on her skin, she still missed his security.
“Ethan, I---”
Falling silent, she watched him press a spare set of pillows to the floor. He stretched across the rug around the bed, and he pressed an afghan blanket around his body.
“Is this better?” he asked as his eyes
stayed on hers.
In some ways yes. No one was touching her, forcing her into anything that she did not want. But there was also the loss of his arms, the only place where she felt safe after all that she had suffered.
“I’m still right here.”
He reached his hand to hers, and their fingers entwined as she stared down at him with teary eyes.
“Rest, Juliet. I’m here if you need me.”
His words eased her into sleep, and she slipped into blackness with her hand around his.
And then she entered another nightmare.
The first time she saw Carter McCord, he licked his lips and pinched her arm. Julie squealed at his special brand of brutality and tried to get away from him. It seemed impossible, but she was at the point where she preferred any other rape to whatever this man was about to do to her.
Julie looked at Pete with pleading eyes. She hated him with her entire being, but for a single second, she hoped that some small part of him was still the boy she flirted with, and she prayed that he would not leave her with this… thing.
Carter McCord’s hazel eyes glistened with lust and rage, and he waved Pete off as the door closed behind him.
Julie had already been violated more times than she could count, but the thought of this was more than she could comprehend. She had to get away, and she looked for just one window, and she wished it open just a crack so that she could use the adrenaline pouring through her body and pry the sill from the shutter and try to run. She had no idea where she was, but total darkness of a moonless night was preferable to the light in his eyes.