An Alien's Guide to the Human Species

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An Alien's Guide to the Human Species Page 27

by Deb McEwan


  Sophie looked out of Jack’s window.

  ‘I really don’t want to leave here. I don’t care if it’s Australia or down south, but I’m not going.’

  ‘What you gonna do then? Run away?’

  Jack was surprised he hadn’t thought of that earlier. No-one was making him go to Australia but it would be fun to run away and an adventure for both of them.

  ‘Will you come with me if I do?’

  ‘We could go to Manchester or another city and get jobs delivering papers.’ Said Jack.

  ‘Or we could hide in the country and work on a farm. I think we’ll go in the summer holidays, when you come back off your holiday.’ Said Sophie.

  Jack thought about it. ‘That’s ages away. The sooner we go the less time we’ll have to spend in school.’

  ‘But we can’t just go, Jack. We have to save some pocket money for train tickets and food.’

  Jack wasn’t impressed with this as he was saving for a new remote control car. It was still exciting though and they both jumped on the bed laughing and planning their big adventure.

  Caroline heard the laughter and smiled to herself. Kids were extremely resilient and didn’t stay down for long.

  Jack had saved most of his pocket money since Easter and hadn’t bought the remote control car that he’d so desperately wanted. As soon as they returned from the summer holiday in Italy he checked with Sophie hoping that the move to Australia was cancelled. Sophie was miserable and told him that nothing had changed.

  ‘Are you still running away with me?’

  The thought of running away was scary to Jack. Having to cope with Sophie moving to Australia was even scarier so there was no other option.

  ‘I’m nearly packed, we’ll leave early tomorrow morning.’

  They knew there wouldn’t be many people about on a Sunday morning so arranged to meet by the bus-stop at the end of Jack’s street at 7.30 am.

  Max was desperate to spill the beans about what was going on. Pamela Birdflu had been adamant that the spiders were not permitted to interfere in the humans’ lives. Max believed that an exception should be made on this occasion. However, he’d made the mistake of sending a message to Pamela requesting permission to inform Elvis. Pamela had turned down the request and directed that none of the spiders were to discuss the situation with Elvis. If Max went against this direction he would be recalled to Largo and severely punished. His legs were therefore tied and he had to be a passive observer.

  The spiders were on high alert the morning that Jack absconded.

  The house was quiet as Jack tiptoed down the stairs, his rucksack firmly on his back. He took some crisps and chocolate bars out of the cupboard and a packet of ham out of the fridge and put them in his bag as quietly as he could. He gave Elvis a big hug and put an envelope on the kitchen table.

  Max, Vicky and Julian were about to jump into the rucksack. Max told the others to go ahead and to radio-check the comms with Junior to ensure his team were in place. They believed that the children would head for the railway station. They would also radio the other team on standby at the nearest tram stop, in case the children decided to catch a tram instead.

  Max ran over to Elvis and tried to get the dog’s attention without drawing attention to himself. He scuttled under the table and waved his legs about to no avail. He tried another tack.

  ‘Elvis. Elvis. Over here, Elvis.’ No response. The dog was obviously still half-asleep. Max rushed up to Elvis, he knew he was going to regret this but felt that he didn’t have any other option.

  Jack was about to open the front door when he remembered that his mother liked him to eat fruit. He quickly grabbed two apples and an orange from the fruit bowl and was about to leave the house when he heard a yelp. Jack ran back to the kitchen.

  ‘What’s up, boy? Did you have a bad dream?’ Jack gave the now fully awake dog another hug; he would miss Elvis more than anyone else, and made his way to the front door. Max took a giant leap and landed on the rucksack. He climbed up and joined Vicky and Julian on the inside, hoping that Elvis would forgive him for putting a sting into his leg.

  Jack left the house, closing the front door silently. It was light and grey outside and Jack put his hood up even though it wasn’t raining. He was sad and frightened but also excited about the adventure ahead.

  Sophie was already at the bus-stop and Jack could see that she’d been crying.

  ‘I don’t want to go but I have to.’ Jack nodded in agreement and they waited for the bus, and waited and waited.

  Phil woke up from a bad dream. Elvis was barking. He didn’t know what the time was but it wasn’t yet fully light so must have been early. It was light enough for him to see the clock though, just before 8. He shook the memory of the dream away and smiled. Lovely Sunday morning and he didn’t have to get up for work. He looked at Caroline sleeping silently next to him and gently stroked her back – nothing. He put his arms around her and cupped a breast in one hand – he got a murmur for his trouble but she was still unconscious. He knew how tired she was so he resisted the urge to wake her, got up from the bed and gave a long stretch. Phil put on his dressing gown, used the bathroom and made his way downstairs.

  As soon as he opened the kitchen door Elvis was all over him like a rash. Phil wondered what was wrong with the dog, and as he put the kettle on, he noticed the envelope on the table addressed to Mam and Dad. Phil panicked for a moment worried that he’d missed their anniversary. He did a mental calculation. His tired brain told him that it wasn’t yet and he tore open the envelope. A few seconds later he charged up the stairs like a man possessed and stormed into the bedroom.

  ‘Caroline, wake up. Caroline, Caroline.’ Caroline heard a voice shouting and her fuzzy brain thought she was dreaming. The next moment she was sat bolt upright, registering the presence of her husband.

  ‘What’s wrong? What is it?’

  Phil waved the piece of paper in his hand.

  ‘Jack’s run away with Sophie so she doesn’t have to go to Australia.’

  ‘What, give me that.’ Caroline quickly scanned the note. ‘Oh my God, they’ve gone to Manchester, oh no.’

  She rushed to the loo and shouted to Phil to call Gail Byrne.

  ‘Her number’s in the book under S for Sophie. Call your parents and tell them we need to drop Jemima off with them. Wake Jemima and get her ready to go, quick as you can.’

  Phil ran round like a madman trying to complete all the tasks he’d been given. Gail Byrne didn’t help the situation by accusing Jack of leading her daughter astray. Caroline used the bathroom and got dressed. Jemima started asking questions but her parents were too fraught with worry to pay her much attention. Phil was a pretty safe driver but the roads were relatively quiet so he was able to put his foot down.

  ‘Might it be quicker to go to the train station instead of dropping Jemima off with the folks?’

  Caroline nodded her head and Phil swung the car around practically on two wheels. Jemima started screaming and her father suddenly remembered she was in the back of the car.

  ‘Shit!’ He muttered. Jemima didn’t even like fast virtual rides on the computer never mind in real life.

  ‘Sorry, sweetheart, it’s OK.’ Phil tried to calm his daughter while Caroline talked to Donna on her mobile.

  ‘Holy… Tonka!’

  Donna was terrified. ‘What’s going on, who’s screaming, Oh My God, Oh My God...’

  ‘It’s OK, Donna, Phil’s practising his escape and evasion driving techniques.’

  Her sense of humour was still intact, even though she wasn’t laughing.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Phil had to change direction pretty quickly and Jemima got a little frightened. We’re heading for the railway station and I’ll let you know as soon as we find Jack and Sophie.’

  ‘It’s that Sophie leading my grandson astray you know.’ Caroline didn’t want to get into the ins and outs so she said goodbye and hung up. Plenty of time for recriminations when they
found the children, and they would find them soon, safe and well.

  It was sooner than they’d anticipated.

  After what seemed like ages the bus stopped. Jack got on and asked for two singles to the train station.

  ‘Should you kids be out on your own at this time of day?’ The driver was suspicious. They looked at each other and answered yes. There were two kids up to no good thought the driver, but the boy looked old enough to look after the girl so he was happy to let them onto the bus. He took their money and they sat next to each other in the third row. The bus looked empty until Jack and Sophie heard a snort that made them jump.

  ‘What was that?’

  Looking round a man dressed in a filthy coat tied at the middle with string sat up on the back seat. He scratched his manky head with one hand while holding onto a bottle for grim life with the other. The man checked his pockets and frowned when he found nothing. He took a swig from the bottle and looked at the children. They hadn’t seen such a creature before and lowered their eyes but were too mesmerized to turn around and face the front of the bus.

  ‘Gonna give us a fag?’

  He had a funny accent and the children couldn’t understand what he said. The driver looked in his mirror and shouted to the man.

  ‘They’re too young to smoke, Mac and you can’t smoke on the bus anyway.’

  ‘Fuck you, pal.’ And Mac took another swig from the bottle.

  Jack and Sophie were staring open-mouthed at the man.

  ‘Did you hear what he said?’ Jack chose to ignore the obvious but Sophie added. ‘And we’re not even in the city yet.’

  ‘What you looking at, eh?’ They turned around and tried to look small. Jack was beginning to wonder if this adventure had been such a good idea.

  The spiders had heard the exchange with the tramp and, without being prompted by Max, Julian armed his stinger to stun. It wouldn’t kill a human on that level but would disable him for 10 minutes and give the children enough time to get away from him if they needed it. Max watched and hoped that it wouldn’t have to be used.

  Phil drove as fast as he could without frightening the life out of Jemima who was now sitting quietly in the back seat, her earlier scare forgotten. The traffic was still sparse and Phil made good time until they were stuck behind a bus.

  ‘That’s all we flaming need.’ He banged the steering wheel in frustration. Caroline was in her own world.

  ‘What if we’ve got it wrong and they’re not going by train? We might never find them.’

  ‘Look’. Said Phil. ‘We’ve called the police and they’re on the case. They would have let us know by now if any unaccompanied young children had tried to board the Manchester bus.’

  The police had said not to worry, that children run away all the time, and that a patrol car would check the bus and railway stations; they would do the same as the stations were right next to each other. Although Caroline knew Phil had a point, she was still concerned.

  ‘Everyone thinks Jack looks older because he’s so tall. What if they think he’s about 14 and old enough to travel on his own?’

  Phil noticed that Caroline had started biting her nails, she hadn’t done this for years.

  ‘Let’s get to the railway station and take it from there.’ The words sounded empty, even to him, but he couldn’t think of anything reassuring to say.

  ‘Is Jack missing?’ Jemima sounded frightened again and on the verge of tears.

  ‘We’re going to find him now sweetheart. Everything will be OK.’

  Phil didn’t feel that everything would be OK but didn’t want to upset his daughter. He sat patiently behind the bus looking for a place to overtake, but the roads were narrow and he had to wait it out. The last 10 minutes of the journey seemed like an eternity and, as the bus pulled in to the stop, Phil speeded up and headed for the car park round the other side of the station.

  The tramp got off the bus, and Jack and Sophie made a big deal of checking the pockets of their jackets and organising their rucksacks to give the strange man enough time to disappear before they alighted.

  ‘Are you getting off, kids or paying for the return journey?’

  The driver called after a few minutes. They got off the bus and the strange man was sitting on the bench.

  ‘Ah hello again, how you doing?’ He asked like they were long-lost friends.

  Jack could see Sophie looked frightened so moved to the other side of her so he was between her and the man.

  ‘We’re going to catch our train.’ Jack started to walk towards the station entrance and grabbed Sophie’s hand so she’d follow his lead.

  ‘And so am I.’ Said the tramp. ‘Mind if I join you?’

  They were already in front of him and Sophie turned to face him.

  ‘We’re meeting our families in the station.’

  ‘No bother.’ Said the stranger and followed them anyway. The children did their best to ignore him but the tramp had taken a liking to the youngsters and planned to stay with them.

  Graylesford Station was a 2 platform provincial affair with a bus station out the front and car park out back. After parking the car, Phil told Caroline he’d run ahead and she could follow with Jemima. Phil ran over the bridge to the ticket counter. The Ticketing Assistant was serving a man and Phil politely explained the situation. He said sorry, but he hadn’t seen any unaccompanied children this morning but would report them if he did. Phil tapped his leg, working out what to do next. Damn, they must have gone by bus. He ran to the front entrance, about to make his way to the bus station. Straight ahead he saw two youngsters heading to the entrance. They were being followed by a tramp who looked the worse for wear, and he was hassling Jack. Phil saw the man’s hand contact Jack’s shoulder and a red mist formed. Instinct immediately took over.

  Max and Julian also saw the tramp touch Jack. Before Julian had time to stun the man, Max flew through the air and landed on the tramp’s arm.

  ‘Get away from my family.’ He shouted, but none of the humans heard him. Max stuck his fangs into the tramp without thought for the consequences.

  The tramp screamed and his arm went dead.

  Phil sprinted the 80 metres toward his son and Sophie. The children watched in amazement as Jack’s father rugby tackled the tramp and the momentum took them into the nearest bus shelter where they landed on the bench.

  Max avoided injury and scurried away before being seen by Phil.

  Phil hurt his shoulder but the tramp was bendy and relaxed having drank too much alcohol, and didn’t sustain any injury, although he still didn’t have any feeling in the arm that Max had attacked. The attack had sobered him up and he wasn’t a happy man.

  ‘Geroff me you effing maniac, I wasn’t doing no harm.’

  Phil was stunned and shook himself. He was embarrassed at his reaction to the tramp’s hand on Jack’s shoulder and Jack and Sophie were standing there, looking at them both. Phil got up.

  ‘We need to get Sophie home and we all need to talk.’

  ‘I’m not going home. She can’t make me go to Australia.’

  Caroline had arrived on the scene with Jemima and told Sophie that they’d talk about it later. They chastised the children but couldn’t be too angry as they were so relieved to see them. Phil got out his wallet and turned to the tramp.

  ‘I’m really sorry I over-reacted. Shall we call it twenty quid?’

  ‘Twenty quid! Twenty effing quid! You’re having a laugh, pal, I’m gonna sue you.’ A patrol car pulled up and Caroline explained the situation. They were the team that the police station had sent to look for the children. Before they did the you need to keep an eye on them and all’s well that ends well speech, the tramp interrupted.

  ‘Officer, officer, this big bloke ere assaulted me, and his spider attacked me.’

  PC Mabbott looked at the man.

  ‘I’ve told you before not to exaggerate, Mac, now move along before I arrest you for being drunk and disorderly.’

  Mac was affro
nted. ‘But he did, honestly, and look at my arm.’

  The tramp used his right hand to swing his left arm forward and they all winced when they saw the puncture wounds from the fangs.

  Phil was in two minds to deny it as the tramp obviously had previous. If he went ahead with that he’d be setting a bad example for his son and Sophie.

  ‘Actually, officer, he’s sort of…’

  ‘Then he tried to bribe me by offering me money.’

  PC Mabbott looked at Phil. ‘Is that true, Sir?’

  ‘Phil?’ Caroline looked at him as well.

  Oh shit.

  ‘I was protecting my son. I saw this bloke man-handling him from a distance and I lost it.’ Phil swallowed. ‘I don’t know anything about those marks on his arm though, probably infected flea bites or something.’

  Phil’s attempt at creating a diversion hadn’t worked.

  ‘I just touched his shoulder, to get his attention like. I wanna press charges, and I want his tarantula destroyed.’

  ‘I don’t have a tarantula!’

  ‘Right.’ PC Mabbott could see that things might get out of hand. She put her notebook away. ‘You’ll both need to accompany me to the station and I’ll take statements when we get there.’ She looked at Caroline.

  ‘I’ll also need to get witness statements from the children but they’ve been through enough for now. I’ll ask my Sarge if we can send someone round to talk to them later.’

  ‘Do you have to take my husband to the station?’ Caroline put on her most authoritative teacher’s voice.

 

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