by Leah Holt
Hanging her head, Imperial nodded in agreement. “I think I get it.”
Laying back against the wall, I tipped my chin up. “Can I ask you something?”
Shrugging her shoulder, she stared down at her feet. “What?”
“Did you enjoy it at all?” Looking her in the eyes, I felt my cock pulse. Because I did.
I shouldn't have asked her that question, it wasn't right, it wasn't supposed to be a moment of pleasure. But I had to know. She didn't respond like any of the other girls who had gotten spanked for the first time.
And that turned me on, it made me want to see what else she could take, see how far I could push her.
I wasn't ashamed that I had enjoyed bending her over that table and spanking her. It was a rush, it kicked my body into overdrive and made me want her that much more.
The first time I set foot inside these walls, I hated every thing about it. Now, things were a little different.
There were pieces I enjoyed, small parts that excited me. It didn't change what I had set out to do, and at first I hated myself for even allowing that rush to fire off inside.
I questioned what the fuck was wrong with me. I feared that I was in too deep, that I had gotten sucked into the dark side and was turning into one of them.
But that wasn't the truth. I still didn't enjoy the auction or having no control over who the women ended up with. I hated hearing the suffering of the women who had been given to the real bad guy.
And I hated that I wasn't able to stop it, that I couldn't save some of the poor women who were dragged through this fucking place.
I did my best to make sure that my girls went into the right hands, but unfortunately money talks, money wins.
Even if Imperial didn't enjoy being spanked, punishing her had been nothing but gratifying to me. Feeling her ass jiggle under my palm, watching her body tense, trying to brace for the next blow; it was sexy as fuck.
But I didn't hurt her, I didn't leave a permanent impression of my hand on her ass. I could have really done some damage, I could have made her so raw she'd wince for a month. Only, I wouldn't do that to her.
The men at the table didn't need to know that, they never needed to find out that I had barely used my muscles at all.
All they needed to see was the fear on her face and the tears she had cried. I still needed them to believe I was one of them or everything I had done, everything I had to live with, it would all be for nothing.
Imperial stared at me, her eyes wide and unsure. But she didn't answer, trading her words for silence.
“Nothing to say? You're not even going to chew me out for asking?”
Shrugging her shoulder, she blinked slowly as her brow twitched in thought.
Did she like it a little?
Is she scared because she doesn't think she should have enjoyed it at all?
Smirking, I sat down beside her and rested my hands on my legs. “There's nothing wrong with admitting that you liked it, Imperial. Sometimes you have try first and evaluate later.”
Huffing under her breath, she shook her head. “I didn't say I liked it.”
“But you didn't say you hated it.”
“I don't have to tell you anything.”
No, you don't. . . But you didn't scream, you didn't beg me to stop.
You accepted it after a blowup, you took it without one damn word.
“Can you at least tell me that you're going to listen now? If you did or didn't like it, it doesn't matter. I just need to know that you're going to try and trust me.”
“Is this why you do it? Because you like delivering punishments?”
“No, that's not it at all.” Scrubbing my jaw, I clasped my hands together. “I can't tell you what brought me here, I can't tell you why I do this. But I can tell you it's not for the reasons you're thinking.”
Her eyes lifted up to my face, squinting and curious. “If I listen, will it really get me home?”
“Eventually.”
“Eventually? That's your answer? I can't imagine any of those men ever letting go of something they bought. Eventually means nothing to me. Eventually tells me that you could be full of shit and don't know what the hell you're talking about.”
“You need to trust me, that's all I can tell you.”
“How? How can I trust you when you're answer is bullshit? That's not a solid yes, that's leaving me in limbo with just wishes of freedom.”
“Trust me because I'm not one of those men, trust me because I'm not just telling you this so you do what I want. I don't need to bribe you with freedom to get my way, if I was like any of those other guys, you'd be in a lot more pain right now.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Sucking in my bottom lip, I bit down hard, trying not to give away too much. “I'm telling you because you deserve better than this.”
“If I deserve better then why did you take me to begin with?” Her head drooped down, fingers braiding together. “Why didn't you just let me go?”
I wanted to. . . Fuck did I want to.
“Imperial, you don't realize how much safer you are being here with me.” Dropping my eyes to my lap, her fingers danced over mine, softly wrapping my hand.
“I did.”
“You did what?”
“I liked it.” Snapping her eyes to the floor, she kept talking soft and low. “I don't why, I should be fucking pissed, but I'm not. I never imagined being spanked before and I did, I liked it.”
“Did it scare you?”
“A little.”
“Did I scare you?”
Her eyes darted up, scanning my face. I could feel her pulse through her fingers as it intensified, beating faster and harder. Opening her mouth to speak, she closed it again.
“Did I scare you?” I asked again sternly, needing an answer.
I had to know if she feared me, I had to know if I had stepped over that line and pushed her from hate to fear. Because hate was fine, she could hate me all she wanted while she was in here, but I couldn't have her fearing me.
Once true fear set in, once her body decided that fear was what I deserved. . . She'd never look at me with anything but emotionless eyes. I couldn't have that, I couldn't handle a cold glare from the one woman who had finally breathed life back into my heart.
“No.”
Throwing my hands around her face, I curled my fingers into the base of her skull. I held her still for a moment, waiting for some sign that she was telling the truth. That this wasn't some game she was playing, hoping it was the key to her existence.
Her fingers gently wrapped my wrists, lashes fanning her lids like canopies, slowly blinking and opening again. Imperial didn't move, she didn't lean in, but. . . She didn't lean away.
My hands were clammy, thumbs stroking her throat as she swallowed hard. I felt the lump travel down, losing it once it passed my touch.
Her breathing picked up, chest rising and falling with need. I could see her, I could see all of her as she opened herself to me in ways that no one ever had.
She wasn't vulnerable or weak, she wasn't just tempting her captor with the hope of being set free. . .
What I saw in her eyes was real.
Crashing my lips onto hers, Imperial opened her mouth, inviting me in. She tasted sweet, she tasted of lust and desire. Our tongues danced around each other as her hands made their way into my hair, raking my scalp.
Every movement was raw, it was animalistic as the intoxication filled my veins, making me want nothing else but her.
She was a woman, a woman that deserved more than a place like this. She was an angel, a godforsaken rush in my hands that I wanted to keep for myself.
And I was going to get her home even if it killed me. . .
Because I'm already a dead man.
Chapter Twelve
Imperial
Pushing against his shoulders, I forced our lips apart. “What the hell was that? I don't know what—”
Forcing me into silence, h
e asked, “I thought. . . I don't know. Did you want that?”
I do. . . I don't. . . I—
What the hell do I want?
His eyes searched my face, hands falling free from my hair. Sliding his palms up and down his thighs, he stood up, turning away from me. “You're right, that won't happen again.”
“It's not that, it's just. . .” Fiddling with my lips, I could still feel the warmth from his skin against mine. “I don't know, everything is just too much right now. I'm not sure if it's real, fake, another fucking show.”
“Too much? Can things be anymore fucked up than they already are?” Dropping back down, he gripped the sides of his head, rubbing his temples. “None of this is right, not one fucking second of it. But you, I can't understand it, but you are.” Grunting to himself, he threw his hands onto the back of his scalp, bending into his waist. “You're getting into my head, Imperial, I don't know if that's good or not.”
Kicking my feet back and forth over the floor, I tucked my hands under my thighs. My nerves were twisting, coiling tight and fast like a tornado. They were reeking havoc on my insides, making me question everything I thought he was.
He was supposed to be evil, he was supposed to be a killer, a bastard, a piece of fucking shit for everything he was putting me through. But that wasn't who I was seeing anymore.
I saw kindness, I saw weakness, I saw all the things he wasn't allowed to ever show outside these walls.
Machi was a man.
Shaking his head in his hands, he jerked his body upright. “It's not good, none of this is good. This—” Drawing long lines with his finger between us, Machi's voice tumbled out quick. “This can't happen, it just can't. If we cross this line, then everything I've been working for is gone, it's done, all of it will be over. Not that it matters, I'm barely living as it is.”
“But—”
“No,” he snapped, jumping to his feet and pacing in small circles. “I have to do what I came here for. If I get lost in you, if one ounce of my head isn't thinking straight because I'm thinking about you, then all of this will be for nothing.” Throwing his arm out, it hit an invisible wall at his side. “Fuck, Imperial.” Spinning on his heel, his fingers clenched the bridge of his nose as he turned his back to me.
“Will you just shut up and let me finish?” Opening my eyes wide, I let my head dangle over my shoulder. “I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I want it, and I don't know why.”
“What?” he asked, his head slowly ticking over his shoulder. “What the hell do you mean?”
“You're not what I thought you were, I can see that now.” My heart impaled my ribs, crashing so forcefully I expected it to leap from my chest and land on the floor. “I just don't know what to do with that.”
Chuckling, Machi groaned in despair. “I'm exactly what you thought I was. You have no idea, Imperial, the things I've done—” Lowering his gaze to the floor, he shook his head. “I'm going to hell.”
“Tell me then, tell me so I can be afraid of you. Tell me so I can stop my heart from hitting warp speed when you touch me, tell me so I can stop thinking about how it felt in your arms and how good it felt to have your hands on my body.”
“I can't tell you shit because it doesn't matter. I'm here, I don't want to be, but I am. But you, you don't belong here, and whatever you think you feel, forget it.”
“Yes, it does matter. You want me to trust you, you're telling me you're going to help me get out. Then give me something to hold onto, give me something to cling to so I can understand. You say you're not a monster—but now you say you are? Which one is it? If you don't want to be here, why not just leave? What's keeping you?”
“I'm a bad man, I'm a horrible person, but I wasn't built this way. I'm here for a reason, for a purpose, and I'm not leaving until it's done. Knowing why doesn't change anything for you. Knowing what created me, knowing why I'm here, that would only hurt us both. You're innocent here like this, just the way you are. If you knew, blood will be on your hands too. If they found out that you knew the truth, you'd be just as dead as me.”
He wasn't scaring me, he wasn't forcing me to see him in a different light. If he had wanted me to hate him then he would have just let this place have me.
If he wanted to be the man he claimed he was, he wouldn't have penetrated my mind or found a way to claw into my heart.
And he wouldn't be trying to save me.
Standing up, I pushed in close, brushing my fingertips over his jaw, forcing him to look at me. His eyes were glossy, lost in a memory that he refused to share.
I felt for him, for the pain he kept hidden and the hate he had to live with. Something was eating at his insides, pushing him into a world he didn't want to begin with.
“Tell me or don't tell me, but I can see who you are. I can really see what sits behinds the surface and it's not evil, no matter what you think.” My thumb ran over his bottom lip, swiping against the stubble on his chin.
Machi watched me as a soft twitch pulsed in his jaw. Running his eyes over my face, they settled on my lips. Drawing in a slow breath, he reached out and gripped my wrists in his hands.
The feel of his skin on mine sizzled up my arms, lighting a fire in my chest and that made my heart pound. There was something there, something that I couldn't put into words.
It was just a feeling, an emotion, a warmth and a chill all in the same breath.
Leaning forward, he steadied himself, stopping just before our mouths touched. “No matter what happens, I meant what I said, I promise I'll keep you safe.”
Nodding, ours lips brushed and the electricity snapped across the surface, making my mouth tingle. “I know,” I whispered as my eyes darted up to his and back to his jaw.
Is he waiting for me?
Am I supposed to control this kiss?
His hands swept around my back, tugging me into his chest, silencing my thoughts. Our bodies pressed together as Machi crashed his lips onto mine, sucking and kissing, tasting and devouring.
That kiss, that one single instant of passion was all I needed to know he was real. Machi had secrets, he held onto something that he couldn't let go of, but whatever it was, it didn't make him evil.
I knew he would stand by his promises.
Scooping me up, he carried me to the bed and set me down, never allowing our mouths to break apart. His eyes were open, drowning my body with a tsunami of unspoken words.
Not one piece of my brain was questioning what I was doing. Machi was a tall glass of water and I had just walked through a desert. Need was all around me.
I needed him.
I needed his help, his hands, his voice, his eyes. . . Everything.
Pressing down on my chest, my nipples perked, eagerly begging to be plucked and nibbled, suckled and licked. Arching my back, I rocked my hips, scratching my nails down his back.
Sucking my bottom lip, Machi broke our kiss with a tender exhale. “I don't know why you make me feel this way, Imperial, no woman has ever made my heart come to life with just a single touch.” His cheek brushed mine as his lips found the delicate skin behind my ear. Biting softly, he growled into my ear. “Fuck, what I want to do to you. . . It's going to get me killed.”
Jerking my head away, Machi lifted his eyes to mine, peering deep into my stare. “Is that what this means?” Following the lines of his tattoo on his neck, I traced it lightly. “Does this mean you belong to them?”
“No, it has nothing to do with them. That's for me.”
“What does it mean?” Angling my head, I continued to swirl my fingers over the black ink.
“It's the symbol for pain.”
“Why pain? Why not something else, something that isn't so dark?”
His eyes turned to glass, glancing away as he swallowing hard. “Pain is the only thing I can remember feeling; not love, not happiness—just the hurt of the life I lived. I have nothing left outside these walls. And when I'm done here, only pain will set me free. Once you're gone, so am
I.”
The last thing I wanted was for anyone else to get hurt, I didn't want him to risk his life for mine. Maybe it was stupid and immature, but in my head I imagined both of us walking away unharmed.
I shouldn't have been so naive to think that coming out unscathed was possible. Not here, not in a place like this. This was a dark business, one that ran off the buying and selling of women.
There were no second chances built off promises of unspoken words. Deep down I knew I was in denial, because willingly accepting the truth of certain death doesn't come natural.
No one can stand tall knowing that they're going to die. How do you go on knowing the end was close?
He's in and they'll never let him out. The only way out is with his life.
“I don't want you to die because of me, it's not worth it.” Scrunching my brows, my lips pursed tight.
Trailing his thumb down the curve of my jaw, his fingers swept over my throat. “I'm not telling you that to scare you. I'm telling you because you are worth it.” Lowering his mouth to my neck, he dragged his teeth over the skin. “I already have a reason to die, but you, you gave me a reason to want to live. But choices—my choices, they'll decide what happens to me.”
There was so much emotion in his voice, filled with raw truth and nothing else. He meant what he was saying, he breathed the words he played for my heart.
And I inhaled every last one.
Wrapping my hands around the back of his head, I crashed my lips onto his. Machi might have been the man who had taken me, but he was going to be the man that set me free.
Whatever sparked between us, it went deep. I barely knew him and yet it felt like I had known him for years. His weaknesses were strengths, his black soul was a blend of good and evil.
Comfort, protection, safety, desire, lust; Machi was all of that.
Touching his cheek, I whispered. “And you gave me a reason to survive.” Forcing my voice into his head, his face snapped up, eyes fluttering in the sockets.
Holding his breath, Machi studied me as I laid beneath him. He never expected me to embrace who he was, to see behind the mask and understand the man he had to be.