"Shhh…" Ashley placed his index finger gently on Kirstin's lips. "Don't say anything, what you just said was enough for me."
Ashley smiled but Kirstin didn't. Ashley was being too nice to her. She felt she didn't deserve him.
"Come on! Get ready and we're going out to eat breakfast."
Kirstin's Car
"Where are we going anyway?" Kirstin asked from the passenger seat. She had asked Ashley to drive them.
"What do you say we go to the hotel, eat breakfast there so I can see what I have to do today, 'cause if I have nothing, we could do something together."
"Ok." Kirstin agreed. It sounded like a good idea. So they headed to the hotel.
Hotel
Ashley was going into the hotel's restaurant holding hands with Kirstin when he heard a familiar voice call out his name.
"Yo Ash! Over here!" he turned to see Trevor waving at him. Ash waved back but didn't go to the table right away. He and Kirstin trailed to the buffet table to get food. After getting everything they wanted, they got to the table and greeted Erik, Jacob, Dan and Trevor that were all at the table and sat down. Trevor started, grinning:
"So… how was your night?"
"Good, good." Ashley replied with a big smile. He didn't have to say anything else for the guys to understand what he wanted to tell but wouldn't. Kirstin just took a sip of her orange juice. After that, she asked, looking at Trevor and Erik:
"And how was yours?"
"It was great! We had such a great time! Grace is so cool!" Erik was all enthusiastic.
"I'm so glad you guys liked her. She is cool. No wonder she is my best friend. But… what about Tom and Lexie?" she asked not facing anyone at the table, playing with the eggs on her plate.
"We didn't really have a chance to talk to them, they were all over each other the whole night." Trevor answered Kirstin. Ashley was focused on Kirstin's facial expressions. He wanted to see if that was getting to her nerves.
"Oh, I see…" Kirstin was looking down, no expression on her face. Ashley talked then.
"What time did you leave the club?"
"I think it was around 4."
"Wow! It was really great then!" Ashley exclaimed "Because we left, what? 1, 2 a.m.?"
"It sure was!" Trevor was still excited about the night before "I got some new numbers to add on my phone book!" he winked.
"And…" Kirstin spoke up "Did Tom give you guys a ride back to the hotel as I told him to?"
"Yes. He drove Grace home, then brought us here." Erik answered.
"Oh, ok. Good, good." Kirstin glanced down, wondering 'Wonder if he went home with Lexie'.
Everybody finished their breakfast and went their separate way.
Ashley and Kirstin went to find the Mikes so they'd know the band's appointments for the day. They knocked on the Mikes' room door.
"Hey Ashley. Hey Kirstin. Come in." Mike Cronin motioned for the two of them to enter the room.
"Where's the other Mike?"
"He's out. Had to take care of renting the limo."
"I see. I wanted to know our schedule for today."
"You have to do one radio interview and a photo shoot."
"What time?"
"The radio is at 3 and the photo shoot… let me check." Mike went through this folder that was on a desk "At 6."
"And do you know the time we get out?"
"Around 8. Why?"
"Nothing. Kirstin and I were planning on doing something later tonight."
"I see."
"Alright then Mike. Bye man. Thanks!"
"Bye." Kirstin spoke shyly.
"Bye you guys."
When they were out on the hall, Ashley talked:
"So… what about tonight?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"I could go to your house again. We could have dinner."
"Yeah, ok, I guess."
"K, are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Why are you asking?"
"I don't know. You're weird today. Can we go to my room and talk?"
"Ok."
When they were sitting on the foot of Ashley's bed, he started:
"So… how are you? Are you feeling ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine Ashley. I told you that already."
"Yeah, but it doesn't look like you're alright. You're… different. Does it… have anything to do with, you know? Last night? Do you regret it?"
"No Ash! Of course not! It was great! I've never felt so loved by anyone before like I did last night!"
"Maybe it's because everyone you've been with didn't deserve to be with you" when Ashley finished talking, he saw a tear drop from Kirstin's eyes and make its way down her chin "What K? What's wrong baby? " Kirstin hugged him tightly "What baby? Talk to me please." He patted her back.
"Thank you."
"What? Why thank you? What are you thanking me for?"
"For loving me."
"You shouldn't thank me. I should thank you for letting me show you how much I love you."
Kirstin was still hugging him, crying like a baby.
"Shh… it's ok." Ashley was trying to calm her down. He then thought of something that could be the reason she was crying "K, I know you don't like talking about it, but… can you tell me what happened to you before we met? With your other 2 boyfriends?"
Kirstin pulled back from the hug suddenly.
"Why? Why? Why do you wanna know about that?"
"Why? Because it's obvious they hurt you pretty badly and they are still hurting you because of whatever they did. And I wanna help you get over that. But in order to do that I need to know what happened."
Kirstin shyly looked away. She knew she'd have to talk about it with someone someday. She wouldn't want to but she would have to. And the time had come. She couldn't think of anyone better than Ashley to let all of that out of her system. He would comfort her. He clearly loved her.
She got up from the bed and stood in front of the room's big window. She wanted to start talking but the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. She felt a warm embrace from behind. Ashley placed his chin on her shoulder and they stared at the view. She felt safe. Ashley would protect her. He would never do anything like the others did to her.
"It's alright. You don't have to tell me." Ashley whispered in a sweet tone.
"No Ash. I want to." Kirstin turned to face him "Let's sit first." She led him to this couch in the room. Kirstin had her head down. Ashley covered her right hand with both his hands to make her see everything would be fine. Kirstin glanced up deeply into Ashley's beautiful blue eyes and started talking again "I was in 9th grade when I met Jess. It was love at first sight. I was so naive" she shook her head "I was what? 14 years old? So, anyways, he was a quarterback, I was cheerleader."
"You were a cheerleader?" Ashley sounded surprised. He would never figure Kirstin had been a cheerleader one day. She was nothing like a cheerleader. Kirstin giggled at his surprised look.
"Yes, I was a cheerleader. A long time ago. So… me being a cheerleader and he being the time's quarterback, we being a couple was gonna happen anytime. But for me it was not about 'Oh, I'm the cheerleader so I HAVE to have the quarterback'. I really, really, really loved Jess. He was the first boy I've ever loved. And then when we got together it was like… a lot of people were happy for us but on the other hand a lot of people hated us as well. We were seen as the sweet, perfect couple every high school had. But there were people jealous of us. Especially the girls. Girls were crazy about Jess. He was tall, strong, blond, blue eyes. He was a year older than me. He was every high school girl's dream. We were together for 6 months when they were this party at this guy's place. He played with Jess. Everything was fine, I was talking to my friends and then realized Jess was missing. I went looking for him and found him in bed with a slut that was also on the cheerleading squad. After that, I left the squad 'cause I couldn't be partners with that slut and swore I'd never love someone again. But then, a while later, there was Taylor. He was in my math cla
ss. We were friends while I was dating Jess and he helped me a lot when I was down because of Jess. It's hard when it's the first time you're ever in love with someone and you get so heartbroken as it happened with me and Jess, because I really thought he loved me too. And Taylor was my shoulder to cry on. It was like that all the time and when we were in 10th grade, we eventually got together. We were a couple for 10 months. At the 7th month, I lost my virginity to him. I really thought he was the one I should do it with. And it was great. I never regretted losing my virginity to him because the night was so special and he was such a gentleman. He was my friends first then my boyfriend. It felt perfect. But then he became violent." Kirstin stopped when she saw the angry look on Ashley's face "Not like that. He did not hit on me. I wouldn't allow it. I'm not stupid. No man is worth it. Our relationship became to get weird this one night we were in bed. I didn't want to have sex with him because we were in my room and my mom and dad could get home at anytime. But he wanted to have sex. And he was big, really strong! I couldn't fight back even if I wanted to. And he was pretty smooth too. He would, little by little, talk me into it, taking my clothes off. All the time I was asking him to stop. He wouldn't listen, saying it was fine, that he loved me, I belonged to him. Then he entered me. During all the sex, I turned my face to not look at him and I was crying during the whole thing."
"He rapped you?" Ashley stood up really mad.
"No! Sit down!" Kirstin took his wrist for him to sit. When he did, she continued, "I don't see it as he rapped me. I wasn't fighting back. I let him do that to me. I loved him, so I let him do that. But that night wasn't the only time that happened. And he was getting really weird, kind of possessive too. He couldn't see me talking to any guy that later he'd scream at me. And he wouldn't let me hang with my girl friends either. But then there was this one time that I went to the mall with my sister and there was a friend of mine there. A guy friend. We were talking while my sister was shopping for something and when we were saying our goodbyes, we hugged each other, but we were pretty good friends and we hadn't seen each other for a long time so it was a long hug. And I don't know why, Taylor was there and he saw us hugging and went to us and broke our hug. He was really disturbed, talking loud and pointing his finger at me, all mad. Making a huge scene. Then he lifted his hand and made its way to my cheek. Luckily, my friend was quick enough and grabbed Taylor's wrist before it got to my cheek. After that, right there at the mall, I broke up with him, saying I never wanted to see him again. I loved him but I couldn't let that continue. And if he tried to hit on me, he was not worth it. I'm never gonna allow a man to hit on me. Ever! Later on, I was really afraid of him because he'd show up at my house and call me on the phone. So I told my parents everything and pleaded for us to move. So we moved to a new neighborhood and I changed schools. That's when we met. After that, I stopped believing in love 'cause it had failed me twice. I never wanted to be disappointed by anyone again, so I stopped believing in love." Kirstin was being really strong. She didn't drop a tear. Jess and Taylor didn't deserve her tears.
"Wow…" Was all Ashley could say. Kirstin had a weak smile on.
"Yeah…"
"Wow… you've been through a lot more than I could've imagined."
"Yeah, well…" Kirstin played with her fingers.
"I'm sorry." Kirstin looked up at Ashley.
"You're sorry for what?"
"For getting mad at you for leaving after our prom night. If I had known about it, I would have talked to you and made it clear I didn't wanna play you. I really loved you. I wasn't gonna be like Jess and Taylor."
"It wouldn't matter. I wouldn't have believed you. Taylor said the same thing to me when I got hurt by Jess and look how he turned out to be."
"But… wow K, I really don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything Ash. It's ok. It's no one's fault but Jess' and Taylor's. I didn't blame anyone. I just got more protective. I began to build a wall around my heart. With every guy, that wall would grow taller and more fortified until eventually it became impenetrable. I wanted someone to bring the wall down, Ash, I did. But I just didn't know by then if you should be the one to bring it down." Kirstin looked at Ashley's big blue eyes and in a sweet tone continued, "But know I do." Ashley smiled and Kirstin continued knowing she could trust him "I need your help, Ash. I need you to bring that wall down."
"I'll be more than pleased to do it Kirstin." Ashley stood up, took Kirstin's hand in his. Kirstin got up and hugged Ashley tightly "I love you Kirstin." they stood there. Kirstin could trust Ashley. He wouldn't let her down. Would he?
Chapter 24
NEW YORK CITY, NY - Hotel – Sunday
It was almost 2:30 pm and the guys from O-Town were already waiting for the Mikes at the lobby. In one sofa sat Erik and Dan, in other one sat Trevor and Jacob and in another one, far from the other four guys, Kirstin and Ashley were cuddling.
"So, Mike said 8 pm, but it might take longer for us to get back. If we get here after 10, I don't think I'll go to your house then."
"Why not?" Kirstin sounded hurted.
"Oh baby, I'll be too tired. And you will be too. So if I get here after 10, we'll see each other tomorrow after all my appointments are over, ok?"
"Yeah, ok." Kirstin looked down, sad.
"What? What K?"
"Nothing, it's just that. it's just that it sounds like you don't wanna see me anymore today." "Oh, Kirstin, come on! You know it's nothing like that. I love being with you and you know that better than anyone else. It's just that I'm still pretty tired from last night"
Ashley winked but got nothing from Kirstin "and I hadn't had the time to rest. And also, today is a pretty busy day.
Tomorrow things will be easier because I only have one TV show and that's it, then we can spend the rest of the day together."
"Ok."
Kirstin played with Ashley's fingers. He was about to say something but was interrupted by Mike Cronin, yelling from the exit door, to let the guys know the limo had arrived to pick them up. Ashley got up and so did Kirstin. They kissed, a quick kiss, and Ashley left. Kirstin stood there, just watching him go.
When the limo took off, she took a deep breath and headed to the parking lot to get her car.
. . .
Kirstin's Loft Kirstin dropped all her stuff on her couch. She glanced at her answering machine. One message. She pushed play and the voice that she heard made her smile.
"Hey KeeKee, it's Tommy here. Wassup? We haven't talked, like really talked, in a while now. I wanna know what's going on with my baby girl. So when you get back and hear this, call me and maybe I can swing by later? Call me! Love ya! Buhbye" Kirstin's smiled faded. She really hadn't been a good friend. She hadn't had a real conversation with Tom since Ashley had gotten to New York. And Kirstin really missed their talks. She missed Tom. His stupid little jokes and pranks. His advices. She really liked him, maybe even more than she should. She felt happy around him. Especially at that particular time when she had so much going on in her mind, she missed feeling happy, nothing but happy.
No worries. She picked up her cordless phone and, heading upstairs, dialed Tom's cell number.
"Hello."
"Hey Tommy."
"KeeKee! How is my little girl?"
"I'm fine, how are you?" Kirstin smiled.
"I'm ok. I just really miss you, that's all."
"Oh, me too honey. Me too. So. come on over!"
"Really? Won't you hang with Ashley today?"
"I just left his hotel. He's gonna be out for the rest of the day and doesn't know when he's coming back. I might not even see him anymore today."
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault."
"Yeah. so what I can do to make my baby girl feel better? Because I sure can feel you're blue."
"Just come over. Like. now! I can really use some friendly talk right about now."
"I'll go for sure, but I can't right now. Can we make it at 9 pm?"
; "Oh, ok. sure!" Kirstin got a bit upset. Tom didn't detect that.
"Ok, so see you at 9!"
"I'm waiting then. See ya."
"Bye"
. . .
O-Town's Limo "Listen up everybody" Mike Morin shouted to get the guys attention "It was scheduled for us to leave Tuesday at midnight, but that's not gonna happen. I could only get tickets to Tuesday at 8 am. So tomorrow night, get your packs ready. That's it. Any doubts?" Ashley was not pleased with that news. He had less time to spend with Kirstin. But he was already planning to do something really special that would make the next day unforgettable for Kirstin. But for that, he would need this one person's help.
. . .
Kirstin's Loft The doorbell rang but Kirstin didn't bother to answer it. She knew it was Tom and she smiled at the sound of his key unlocking the door. She was heading downstairs after changing to more comfortable clothes. When Tom was closing the door behind him, Kirstin called out his name.
"Tommy!" she ran to his encounter at the door, hugging him tightly. He held her up and said: "Hey baby! How are you?"
"Much better now!"
she smiled a big smile at him when he put her back down.
"I'm much better now too." he smiled also.
"Come, come sit." She said taking his hand and leading him to the couch
"You look great by the way. Where were you?"
she asked Tom, that was wearing a black button-down shirt and khaki pants. Tom would usually wear just jeans and t-shirts, so Kirstin figured he was coming from somewhere, or else he wouldn't be dressed like that.
Life After That Page 16