‘Yours too, huh?’
Jeff gave him a crooked grin. ‘Are you ever going to let that go?’
‘Would Megan?’
‘Megan doesn’t know. It’s my problem, not hers.’
‘That’s big of you.’
‘No, it’s weak and masculine of me. I know that. Guess I’ll just never have your moral fucking rectitude, little brother. But telling Megan isn’t going to achieve anything except hurt her and the kids. And I won’t do that.’
He picked up his glass again and lifted it in Norton’s direction.
‘So here’s to living with your mistakes, little brother. Either that, or fuck you very much.’
Norton shrugged and raised his own glass. ‘Living with your mistakes. ’
And Megan flitted through his mind, sun-splashed hair and laughter amidst the redwood trunks, and later, naked body sun-dappled and straining upward to press against him on the sweat damp sheets of the motel bed.
‘So,’ he said, to drive out the vision, ‘if the bonobos were patriarchal authority’s wet dream, what does that make variant thirteen?’
‘Variant thirteen?’ Jeff gave him the crooked grin again. ‘Variant thirteen gave us back our manhood.’
‘Oh, come on.’
‘Hey, you weren’t there, little brother.’
‘You’re six years older than me, Jeff. You weren’t there either.’
‘So go read the history books, you don’t want to trust what your big brother tells you. I’m talking pre-secession. Pre-atmosphere on Mars. You got a first world where manhood’s going out of style. Advancing wave of the feminised society, the alpha males culling themselves with suicide and super-virility drugs their hearts can’t stand, which in the end is suicide, just slower and a bit more fucking fun.’
‘I thought they criminalised that stuff.’
Jeff gave him a crooked grin. ‘Oh, yeah and that worked. I mean, no one takes drugs once they’re illegal, right? Especially not drugs that give you a hard-on like a riot baton and all-night-long instant replay.’
‘I still don’t believe that stuff tipped any kind of balance. That’s talk-show genetics, Jeff.’
‘Suit yourself. The academic jury’s still out on the virilicide, you’re right about that much. But I don’t know a single social biologist who doesn’t count alpha male self-destruct as one of the major influences on the last century’s political landscape. Shrinking manhood’ - the grin again - ‘so to speak. And right along with that, you’ve got a shrinking interest in military prowess as a function of life. Suddenly, no one but dirt-poor idiots from Kansas want to be soldiers, because hell, that shit can get you killed and there have got to be better, and better-paid ways to live your life. So you got these few dirt-poor idiots fighting tooth and nail for causes’ - Jeff ’s voice morphed momentarily into a gruff Jesusland parody - ‘they don’t understand real good, but generally speaking, the rest are screaming human rights abuse and let me out of here, where’s my ticket through college. And we are losing, little brother, all the way down. Because we’re up against enemies who eat, sleep and breathe hatred for everything we represent, who don’t care if they die screaming so long as they take a few of us with them. See, a feminised open-access society can do a lot of things, Tom, but what it can’t do worth a damn is fight wars in other people’s countries.’
‘I didn’t ask for a class on the secession, Jeff. I asked you about variant thirteen.’
‘Yeah, getting there.’ Jeff took another chunk off his arrack. ‘See, once upon a time we all thought we’d send robots to fight those wars. But robots are expensive to build, and down where it counts no one really trusts them. They break down when it gets too hot, or too cold, or too sandy. They fuck up in urban environments, kill the wrong people in large numbers, bring down infrastructure we’d really rather keep intact. They can be subverted, hacked and shut down with a halfway decent black market battlefield deck run by some techsmart datahawk we probably trained ourselves on a big-hearted arms-around-the-fucking-world scholarship programme at MIT. Robots can be stolen, rewired, sent back against us without us knowing it. You remember that memorial stone Dad showed us that time we drove down to New Mexico? That big fucking rock in the middle of Oklahoma?’
‘Vaguely.’ He had a flash on a big, pale granite boulder, sheared on one side and polished on that single surface to a high grey gloss that clashed with the rough matt finish to the rest of the stone. Letters in black he was too young to read. Arid, failing farmland, a couple of shops on a sunblasted highway straight as a polished steel rail. An old woman behind the counter where they bought candy, hair as grey as the stone outside. Sad, he remembered, she looked sad as they chose and paid. ‘I was what, five or six?’
‘If that. I guess it would have gone right over your head, but I had nightmares for a couple of weeks after that. This Trupex AS-81 straight out of an old toyset I had, but full size, smashing into the house, flattening Mum and Dad, standing over my bed, pulling me out and ripping my arms and legs out of their sockets. You know those fucking machines sat in that storage depot for nine weeks before the Allahu Akbar virus kicked in.’
‘Yeah, I read about it in school. Like I said, Jeff, I’m not here for a history lesson.’
‘They massacred the whole fucking town, Tom. They tore it apart. There’s nothing left there any more except that fucking rock.’
‘I know.’
‘Hardesty, Fort Stewart, Bloomsdale. The marine base at San Diego. All in less than three years. Are you surprised the military went looking for a better option?’
‘Variant thirteen.’
‘Yeah, variant thirteen. Pre-civilised humans. Everything we used to be, everything we’ve been walking away from since we planted our first crops and made our first laws and built our first cities. I’m telling you, Tom, if I were you I’d just call in UNGLA and stand well back. You do not want to fuck about with thirteens.’
‘Now you sound like the feeds.’
Jeff leaned forward, face earnest. ‘Tom, thirteen is the only genetic variant Jacobsen thought dangerous enough to abrogate basic human rights on. There’s a reason those guys are locked up or exiled to Mars. There’s a reason they’re not allowed to breed. You’re talking about a type of human this planet hasn’t seen in better than twenty thousand years. They’re paranoid psychotic at base, glued together with from-childhood military conditioning and not much else. Very smart, very tough and not much interested in anything other than taking what they want regardless of damage or cost.’
‘I fail to see,’ said Norton acidly, ‘how that gives us back our manhood.’
‘That’s because you live in New York.’
Norton snorted and drained his arrack. His brother watched with a thin smile until he was done.
‘I’m serious, Tom. You think secession was about Pacific Rim interests and the green agenda? Or maybe a few lynched Asians and a couple of failed adventures in the Middle East?’
‘Among other things, yeah, it was.’
Jeff shook his head. ‘That wasn’t it, Tom. None of it was. America split up over a vision of what strength is. Male power versus female negotiation. Force versus knowledge, dominance versus tolerance, simple versus complex. Faith and Flag and patriotic Song stacked up against the New Math, which, let’s face it, no one outside quantum specialists really understands, Co-operation Theory and the New International Order. And until Project Lawman came along, every factor on the table is pointing towards a future so feminised it’s just downright unAmerican.’
Norton laughed despite himself. ‘You should be writing speeches, Jeff.’
‘You forget,’ his brother said unsmilingly. ‘I used to. Now you think about the situation the way it was back then, the sinking ship of heartland masculinity, bogged down abroad in complexities it can’t understand, failed by its military technology and its own young men. And then you put these new, big, kick-ass motherfuckers into American uniforms, you call them the Lawmen, and suddenly they’re
winning. No one knows exactly where they’ve come from all of a sudden, there’s a lot of deniability going around, but who ever gave a shit about that? What counts is that these guys are American soldiers, they’re fighting for us, and for once they’re carrying the battle. You just sit there for a moment, Tom, and you think what effect that had, in all those little towns you just flew over to get here.’
Jeff lowered the stabbing finger he had levelled on his brother, looked into his glass and raised his eyebrows, maybe at his own sudden gust of passion.
‘That’s the way I read it, anyway.’
The room seemed to huddle in a little. They sat in the quiet. After a while, Jeff got up and headed for the drinks cabinet again.
‘Get you another?’
Norton shook his head. ‘Got to get back, get up early.’
‘You’re not going to stay the night?’
‘Well . . .’
‘Jesus, Tom. Do we get on that badly?’ Jeff turned from the drink he was pouring, and nailed him with a look. ‘Come on, there’s no fucking way you’ll get a ferry back across at this time of night. Are you really going to ride a taxi all the way round the bay just so you don’t have to sleep under my roof?’
‘Jeff, it’s not-’
‘Tom, I know I can be an asshole sometimes, I know that. I know there are things about me you don’t approve of, things you think Mom and Dad wouldn’t approve of, but Christ, you think the old man’s been a saint his whole fucking life?’
‘I don’t know,’ Norton said quietly. ‘But if he wasn’t, none of us ever caught him out.’
‘You didn’t catch me out. I fucking told you about it.’
‘Yeah, thanks for that.’
‘Tom, I’m your brother, for Christ’s sake. Who got you that fucking job at COLIN in the first place?’
Norton shot to his feet. ‘I won’t believe that. Tell Megan and the kids I said hi. Sorry I didn’t have time to get them a gift.’
‘Tom, wait. Wait.’ Hands out, placating, drink forgotten. ‘I’m sorry, that was a bitchy crack. All right, look, I didn’t get you your job, you were well up the list for it anyway. But I spoke well of you in a lot of ears that summer. And I’d do it again. You’re my brother, don’t you think that means something to me?’
‘Megan’s your wife. Doesn’t that mean something to you?’
‘Christ, it’s not the same. She’s a woman, not, not.’ He stopped, gestured helplessly. ‘It’s married life, Tom. That’s how it works. You get kids, you get tired, the gloss comes off. You go looking for, for. Something. I don’t know, something fresh, something to remind you that you’re not dead yet. That you’re not turning into two harmless little old people in a Costa Rican retirement complex.’
‘That’s how you see Mom and Dad?’
‘That’s how they are, Tom. You should get down there more often, you’d see that. Maybe then you’d start to understand.’
‘Yeah, right. You fucked one of your bonobo refugee clients because Mom and Dad are old. Makes a lot of sense.’
‘Tom, you got no fucking idea what you’re talking about. You’re thirty-seven years old, you’ve never been married, you don’t have a family. I mean - ’ Jeff seemed to be straining to reach something inside himself. ‘Look, do you really think Megan would care that much if she knew? I mean, sure, she’d go through the motions, the e-motions, she’d make me move out for a while, there’d be a lot of crying. But in the end, Tom, she’d do what’s best for the kids. They’re her world now, not me. I couldn’t break her heart any more, even if I wanted to, even if I tried. It’s genetics, Tom, fucking genetics. I’m secondary to the kids for Megan because that’s just the way she’s wired.’
‘And you fucked Nuying because that’s just the way you’re wired, right?’
Jeff puffed out a breath, looked down, spread his hands up from his sides. ‘Pretty much, yeah. My wiring and hers, Nu I’m talking about. I’m the big alpha male around the Foundation, the patriarch and the most expensive suit in sight. For a bonobo, that’s a bullseye bigger than Larry Lastman’s dick.’
‘So you just obligingly stepped into range, right? Just couldn’t bear to disappoint the girl.’
Another sigh. This time, Norton heard in it how the fight had gone out of his brother. Jeff dropped back into his seat. Looked up.
‘Okay, Tom,’ he said quietly ‘Have it your own way. I guess you’ve probably never fucked a bonobo in your life either, so you don’t know how that feels, all that submission, all that broken-flower femininity in your hands like . . .’
He shook his head.
‘Forget it. I’ll call you a cab.’
‘No.’ Norton felt an odd, sliding sensation in his chest. ‘I’ll stay, Jeff. I’m sorry, I’m just . . . it’s been a long day.’
‘You sure?’
‘Sure, I’m sure. Look, I don’t want to judge you, Jeff. You’re right, we’re none of us saints. We’ve all done things’ - Megan, astride him in the motel, feeds him her breasts with eyes focused somewhere else, as if he’s some accustomed household task. Towards the end, she closes her eyes altogether, thrusts herself up and down on his erection and into her climax, grunting you motherfucker, oh you fucking motherfucker through gritted teeth. It will make him rock hard just thinking about it for weeks afterwards, though he’s close to certain it isn’t him she’s talking to and when, in the aftermath, he asks her, she claims not to remember saying anything at all - ‘Things we regret, things we’d take back if we could. You think I’m any different?’
Jeff gave him a searching look.
‘You’re missing a pretty major point here, Tom.’ He raised his hands, palms open. There was something almost pleading in his face. ‘I don’t regret Nuying. Or the others, because God knows Nu hasn’t been the only one since. I just never told you about the others after the way you reacted. Yeah, each time it’s emotional complication, Tom, stress I could do without. But I can’t make myself feel bad about it, and I can’t make myself wish it hadn’t happened. Can you understand that? Can you stand knowing that about your brother?’
I can’t make myself wish it hadn’t happened.
Norton put himself carefully back in the other armchair, gingerly, on the edge of the seat. Jeff’s words were like staples taken out of his heart, a sudden easing of a pain he hadn’t fully known he was carrying. The bright truth about his feelings for Megan welled up in the new spaces. He sat there trying to balance it all out for a moment, then he nodded.
‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I guess I can stand it. I guess I’ve got to.’ He shrugged, smiled faintly. ‘Brothers, right?’
Jeff matched the nod, vigorously. ‘Right.’
‘So, pour me another drink, big brother. Make up the spare room. What time’s Megan getting back?’
CHAPTER NINE
They slept in well-worn nanoweave survival bags - as used by real Mars settlers !, the fraying label on Scott’s insisted - but always inside. Too many eyes up there, Ren said sombrely as they stood at the hangar door on the evening of the second day and watched the stars begin to glimmer through in the east. It’s better if we don’t give them anything unusual to notice. The abandoned airfield buildings offered shelter from both satellite scan and desert sun; the heat built up inside during the day but long-ago-shattered windows and doorways mostly without doors ensured a cooling through-flow of air. The walls in the rooms they used were peeled of all but fragmentary patches of paint, stripped back to a pale beige plaster beneath, and none of the lights worked. The toilet facilities and showers, oddly enough, did seem to work, though again without the privacy of doors and only cold water. There was no power for the elevator up to the control tower, but the stairs seemed safe enough and once up there, you had long views over the surrounding tangle of ancient concrete runways and the flat open spaces beyond.
Ren spent a lot of her time up there in the tower, watching, he supposed, for signs of unwelcome visitors, and talking in low tones with the stranger, with Him. And that las
t part worried Scott, for reasons he could not entirely pin down.
He supposed, finally, it was lack of faith. Pastor William had always said it attacked the so-called free-thinkers first and worst, and God knew Scott had been away long enough to get contaminated, rubbing up against all the smut and doubt of West Coast life. He felt a vague, uncontrolled spurt of anger at the thought of it, the bright LCLS nights, the non-stop corrosive stimulus-ridden whirl of so-called modern living and no escape anywhere, not even in church, because God knew he’d gone there and tried. All that lukewarm, anything-cuddly-goes sermonising, all the meeting-house hand-holding circles and the flaky moist-eyed psychobabble that never went anywhere except to justify whatever weakling failures of moral vision the speakers had allowed themselves to fall into, three fucking years and more of it, clogging the certainty of his own vision, confusing the simple algebra of good and evil he damn fucking well knew was right, because that was the way it damn fucking well felt.
His head ached.
Had been aching, on and off, since he’d woken in the back of the swaying truck and touched the field dressing wrapped round just above his eyes. The doctor Ren took him to that night outside Fresno told him it was a normal symptom for the head injuries he’d sustained, with luck it should fade in a few days.
Head injuries the stranger had given Scott. And how could that be right? At first, he couldn’t make sense of it.
He will return, Pastor William’s soft tones rolling out over the pulpit like thunder a long way off, thunder you knew was riding in on the wings of a storm coming right your way. They said he’d trained at one of the South Carolina megachurches before he got his ministry, and in the teeth of the gale he blew, you could well believe it. He will return, and how’s that going be, you ask yourselves. Well, I’ll tell you, friends, I’ll tell you, building now to a roar, it ain’t going be no cluster hugging happy clapping day like them niggers always singing on about. No sir, the day of His return ain’t gonna be no party, ain’t gonna be no picnic and skipping road right up to paradise for you all. When Jesus comes again, He will come in judgement, and that judgement going to be hard, hard on man and woman and child, hard on us all, because we are all sinners and that sin, that dreadful black sin gotta be paid out once and for all. Look in your hearts, my friends, look in your hearts and find that black sin there and pray you can cut it out of you before judgement because if you don’t then the Lord will, and the Lord don’t use no anaesthetic when He operates on your soul.
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