Suddenly they lifted her. There was no ground beneath her feet and then her back landed flat. Warm sewage enveloped her. But those hands remained ever fast around her money. She looked up at the three of them standing above her. They took turns spitting on her. Over and over.
But they didn’t venture down into the drain after her. Instead, after some time, they turned around and left. Arya wanted to anger them by screaming, Wah happen toh allyuh niggahs? Yuh give up? Yuh done loss? Meh money right hyah. And she imagined herself holding her money up triumphantly, but she said no such thing, terrified they’d attack her again.
The girl whose finger Arya had bitten turned around one last time, narrowed her eyes, and ran her index finger across her neck in a slicing motion while mouthing Ahgo get yuh before she wrapped her thumb in the skirt of her uniform and continued on with the others. They cackled as they ambled away.
Arya clambered out of the ditch and wiped the stringy black sewage off as best as she could. She rolled around in the grass rubbing off chunks, not letting her mind wander as to what they might be. Her body throbbed and burned, but a feeling of triumph swelled within her as she stood slowly to trudge the rest of the way home, her footfalls squelching with each step but with her travel money still in her grip. She avoided main roads and even side routes, choosing instead to hoist herself over fallen trees and through thorny brambles. The putrid smell rising from her only worsened as the waste dried in a thick layer over her clothes and body.
At the bus stop people said, Wah kinda nastiness is dis? or Chile, go from hyah, dis kinda bush people ting we doh wahn dung here so. Arya ignored them all and kept her chin up. When it was time to board the bus she saw the bus driver struggling with whether or not to let her on. Passengers yelled at him, Doh leh she on hyah nah. Dat is high class nastiness. Is report ahgo report yuh if you leh she on dis bus.
Arya faltered and tears sprang to her eyes as she stood on the steps holding the money out to the bus driver, the money she fought so hard to hold on to because it was her passage home.
If yuh doh lemmeh on, Arya said hoarsely to the driver, den meh eh goh reach hwome tonight.
Whey yuh goin toh, chile? he asked her.
Her destination was far, and so he told her to sit right behind him. People steupsed in true Trinidadian anger as she sat down. They threw words at her back the entire way home. E shoulda nevah leh yuh siddung on dis kissmehass bus. Arya closed her eyes; they burned from fatigue.
Once home, she drenched herself in rainwater from the barrels. Her brothers and sisters had seen her as they milled about the house tending to their own workload, but there was no time to stop and find out what had happened. Their father was already home. Shiva was in the kitchen threatening their mother, and this distracted from Arya’s appearance.
—Yuh know if Pappy di see meh so, Krys, my mother says to me, is beat e wuddah beat meh on top ah dat? Ah know it. Poor Mammy dealin wid im een de kitchen so ah get awhey from im dat day.
Their mother cowered by the sink, Shiva’s fist hovering above her head. Today Arya was lost among her siblings. She hustled to the fields to pick up on anything that hadn’t been tended to for the day, one brother or sister calling over her shoulder telling her what they’d already done and what still needed attention.
Recalling when Rahul stood up for her when she was younger, Arya wondered if he would do it again. But she couldn’t get him in one place, and he seemed uninterested in her, her bumps and cuts unnoticed. Arya dreamt up a world for herself where her brothers would pull those girls aside, grip their slender throats in a farmhand hold, the callused skin alone doing some damage, then growl at them never to touch her ever again. And even her sisters would get involved, banding together to slap the trio into their place, letting everyone know the Singh clan was not to be messed with. But in the end Arya had to let go of her fantasy, leaving room for those three girls to target her again.
The ferocity with which she protected herself seemed to have marked her, and though she was never physically attacked by them again, they and others continued to terrorize her, calling her a Singh snake and T-T-T. They’d harass her by commenting on her clothes, tugging on her hair, and embarrassing her in class.
—Dey use toh say look look look hyah de Singh-in snake slidin out from de bush, my mother tells me. Boh lemmeh tell yuh someting, eh Krys, ah geh beat up and taken advantage of meh whole life. No way meh lettin dat happen toh meh chilren.
MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY, Arya traveled to and from Northeastern College without any detours. Her father would time her, so there remained no room for friends or escapades. Her brothers and sisters would tempt fate and return late every once in a while, going off to places Arya had never been, sampling beer and rum, kissing sweethearts. They would get caught and pummeled, but afterward said it was worth it. Arya wasn’t so sure that was true.
Shiva bought his eldest son, Rahul, a car. It was a delicate blue, powdery under the luminous sun. They all fawned over it. The inside was beige, and Arya inhaled the crisp scent deep into her lungs, knowing her father would never bestow a gift like this on one of his girls. Their father gifted only the best to his eldest son, the one, as tradition would have it, who would inherit what he owned.
—It was ah rheal beauty, Krys, my mother says, only een meh dreams ah couldah imagine drivin ah cah. We couldn’t believe Pappy buy dat foh im.
Rahul pranced around like a king, sharing the car with his friends. When Shiva wasn’t around, they took frequent trips to the beaches and rivers on and off Trinidad’s coast, drinking and belting out calypso songs along the way. Arya wanted to warn her brother to be careful, he couldn’t go on like this, but her timorousness stopped her. Rahul would lash out at her, tell her she was too young, to mind her own business and let him have some fun. Who was she to deny him this? They all had too little of it on the farm anyway.
—Yuh know, Krys, says my mother, e oldah dan me so e eh goh listen anyway. And when Pappy ketch im is rheal lix een e ass, yuh know.
One day, Rahul, much too bold, disappeared with a friend all day long. They drove up to Balandra, a beach in northeast Trinidad about half an hour from Galera Point Lighthouse in Toco. They drank and snacked without a care in the world. Her brother, much too drunk to be driving, spun out of control and crashed the car into an embankment on the brink of a roaring river.
—We din know if dem was ahright oh anyting, Krys, my mother tells me. E juss din come hwome.
Rebecca and Shiva paced in separate rooms; the siblings gathered together on the floor of another. The air surrounding them was congested with heat so thick not even a fan could give them the slightest relief. The silence was filled with the raucous croaking of frogs, crickets clamoring in a defeaning cacophony, an owl’s intermittent hooting. Rooted in their ways, their parents lit oil lamps out of habit despite the recent addition of electricity on the farm. Evening’s darkness began to form pockets around them all, growing tentacles until they heard a spray of gravel in front of the house.
Shiva stormed outside. They didn’t hear their mother move. Arya was the first to jump up and run to a window. Rahul stood next to the car. Even in the dusky light, the crumpled outline of what had been a pristine Ford Escort was jarring.
—Ah couldn’t tell yuh how Rahul climb outtah dat alive, my mother says, an bot e an e friend come outtah dat, barely ah scratch on dem so, eh Krys.
Their surroundings darkened by the second. Rahul and Shiva stood staring at each other, night threatening to swallow them.
Pa, Rahul said, scratching the back of his neck as he approached his father, but Shiva produced something from behind his back. Arya squinted in the darkness unsure of what it was.
Wah is dat Pappy carryin? Amrit asked her, and Arya jumped, unaware the rest of her siblings had joined her.
Ah wantah help im, Arya said.
Nah Arya gyul, we kyant help im now, Amrit said, putting his hands around her shoulders as though to hold her there.
Without hesita
tion, Rahul turned around and fled, leaving behind his crumpled car, the tow truck, and the driver. Shiva disappeared under the house. They heard the sputter of the engine before the jeep roared to a start. A new hunt began. But evening tides had rolled in, and the smoky hues of periwinkle were replaced by a rich blanket of sunset blues.
E gone, said Arya.
Is bess, said Rebecca behind them, and they all jumped. Dat mahn wuddah keel im dis time.
They turned back to the window as the tow truck driver was yelling to get Shiva’s attention. Their father’s wrath was pointed in the direction Rahul escaped, but they all knew their brother must have dived into the thicket of trees by now. Shiva’s only chance of finding his son would be to patrol the main road in the hope Rahul would emerge to hitch a ride into town, and even then the chances of Shiva discovering him at the right time would be very low.
Allyuh chilren goan toh bed now, Rebecca ordered. They pecked their mother a good-night kiss on her cheek and piled into their room.
Arya fell into a shallow pool of dreams but woke and dozed, woke and dozed, a cycle of sleeping and jumping until she heard her father’s return. Her siblings’ sleep was sound, their bodies and minds resting for the days to come.
There was no noise or commotion upon his entrance, just the shuffing of his feet as he removed his shoes, the creaking of the floorboards as he made his way to the bedroom, and the rustling of cloth as he changed.
—Ah so happy, Krys, says my mother, dat e din ketch Rahul. Is bess e out dey dan e ketch im because de madness dat possess im when e din see Rahul come hwome dat day was someting else.
When Arya and her siblings rose to the cock’s crow in the morning, twilight still clung to the periphery of the world, but that didn’t stop them from clambering over one another to race downstairs and see the car. It didn’t escape them that their father had already left; they expected him to be up and in search of their brother again. Arya hoped to find out from one of his friends where Rahul was hiding. They’d all give him updates on their father’s moods and let him know when was the best time to return home.
The car sat right where the tow truck had dropped it the evening before. The beautiful car was now a warped mess of spiked metal. Tree branches jutted out from the broken windows, and one of the doors hung despondently off its hinges. Jagged glass and steel protruded from every angle, making the car difficult to approach, impossible to touch. Where they once caressed it with their hands at the end of the day, now they all stood back, horrified. How Rahul managed to survive this crash unscathed was something they’d never understand.
—Foh weeks Rahul hah toh hide from one place toh de nex, Krys chile, my mother tells me, from one family membah house toh ah friend, whoevah goh take im een foh ah lil while. Dey all know how Grampa does get when e like dat, it wasn’t rheally no secret, juss someting we prefer not to tawk about.
On their return home from school that day, the shattered glass glittered in the same place. Amrit insisted on asking Shiva if he wanted them to move the car for him.
Come nah, Arya gyul. Ahgo teach yuh how toh drive.
No, watch we goh geh lix foh juss axin.
Ahright, ah go ax im mehself and if e say is ahright, yuh wantah lun? We goh hah rheal fun.
How yuh know how to drive boi?
So dah is ah yes? Amrit said, throwing his head back and laughing, his bulbous Adam’s apple dancing in silhouette. Mahn, doh worry how ah lun, long time now ah know and is time yuh know too. Come nah gyul, yuh done sixteen almoss seventeen ahready.
Arya stopped and considered. She desperately wanted to drive. She’d always dreamt of owning a car one day, wiping it down to keep it shiny, hanging an air freshener around the rearview mirror so the inside would smell like wild cherries. Amrit extending this offer was such a gift, but she was afraid to breathe life into this dream, one her father could rip from within her grasp and throw a beating on top of.
Ah eh wahn yuh toh geh no beatin by yuhself foh helpin meh, said Arya. Ahgo go wid yuh toh ax im boh not today, is rheally too soon. Lewwe at leass gih im ah week nah? Ah eh wantah find out wah e goh do today.
A week unfolded before them. They knew now where Rahul was, information obtained from the same friend who was in the accident with him. But their father didn’t. Shiva never asked them and they never told.
Amrit was galloping home next to Arya. They’d been lucky their father hadn’t taken out his anger on them.
Yuh ready, Arya gyul? Yuh ready? We goan have ah rheall good time.
Amrit, wah make yuh tink it goh goh we way? Firss, yuh kyant ack so happy happy when we goan toh ax im.
Ahright nah gyul, doh worry.
But Arya was worried. Her father’s wrath followed a pattern—first he exploded, and that was usually followed by a period of seclusion where he tucked himself away from the rest of the family; it was during this time she was terrified of disturbing him. They found him behind the cocoa house cooking something for himself over an open fire. Arya hung back, allowing Amrit to handle the situation. Her brother’s demeanor changed when they were within their father’s sight. His effervescent body language stiffened to somber, and his happy face drew downward.
Pa? Amrit said as he stepped toward him. We notice de cah still right whey de mahn leff it and we was wondering if yuh wahn we toh move it dung de hill foh yuh. Me and Arya kyan do it.
Leff it right dey, Shiva said. De insurance people hah toh come and assess de damage. Doh lay ah fingah on it till dey reach.
The infectious lightness that had taken flight inside Arya while she and Amrit pranced home that day evaporated when their father growled those words at them. Amrit deflated.
Ahright, Pappy, said Amrit.
Arya shot forward to grab her brother’s hand so they could retreat to the house. Come lewwe go fass nah, mahn, she whispered.
ONLY A FEW DAYS LATER someone from the insurance company came. Arya and Amrit happened to be next to the house collecting eggs from the hens.
Come close nah, Arya gyul, said Amrit, so we could hear bettah.
Boi, me eh wantah geh no closah foh Pappy toh lick whey meh ass foh macoin, said Arya. Yuh know how e hate when e feel people mindin e business.
Amrit moved closer under the pretense of examining a calabash on the tree. It took everything for them both not to jump and hug one another when the man proclaimed the car junk. Their father looked pleased, and though they were confused, they hurried away from the duo standing by the car. They trembled with excitement as they placed the eggs in crates to take into the house.
Amrit, Shiva called.
They both froze mid-bend.
Yuh see wah ah mean? Arya hissed. Doh stay bend so, goan and see what e wahn befoh it geh woss.
Amrit placed the almost full egg crate at Arya’s feet and jogged over to their father.
Take dis cah from hyah, ordered Shiva, is junk. Dey goh come geh it when dey ready. And their father climbed into his jeep and left.
Arya made two trips to put the eggs inside, then came out to find Amrit standing on the puckered hood. Careful, she warned him as she walked around the car herself, wondering how they could get in. Amrit bounced up and down trying to pop a portion of the hood back into place, but the serrated metal was rigid. His footsteps stuttered a bit as he tried to regain his balance, and a sliver of metal sliced into his skin. Blood dripped from above his ankle. Arya was alarmed.
Doh worry, gyul. Relax nah, he said as he ripped off a piece of his shirt and knotted it around his leg. Come, ahgo show yuh how we goh geh in dey.
Amrit leapt off the hood with the agility of a monkey and landed lightly on the ground. He wrenched at the door, which hung from its hinges, pulling and twisting until it gave way in his hands. He crawled through the back and folded himself into the crumpled front seat. It eh too bhad, he said, but Arya was doubtful. A A gyul, we rheal lucky, de key een here ahready. Ah tawt we wouldah hah to hotwire de ting.
The engine hacked to life as her brother turn
ed the key, and for a second she was certain it wouldn’t start. When it did, a happiness washed over her that made her tremble. She was so excited she started bouncing around.
Whey we takin it? she asked.
Dung de hill. Hop on de hood, lewwe go foh ah ride. Dis front seat eh een no shape foh yuh toh climb een.
But Arya declined this invitation, telling her brother to drive down, she’d be right behind him. Amrit drove down the hill on the other side of the house, past the well, past the chicken pens, and stopped at a razed piece of land.
—Grampa di gettin ready foh anuddah chicken pen, Krys gyul, my mother tells me, so dere was dis nice piece ah open land just dey foh we toh use. Puhfek foh drivin.
Their father had been preparing this plot for the erection of another chicken pen, bringing even more money to the farm. The once dense forest had been shorn of trees and grass, its expanse simultaneously breathtaking and overwhelming. Greens and yellows blurred before them under the sun. Amrit stopped the car at the edge of the field and climbed out, signaling for Arya to make her way in.
Trembling, she climbed into the backseat of the car, then through to the front. Her hands shook so badly, she was afraid she’d start crying. Never had Arya sat behind the wheel of a car, though it was something she’d fantasized about.
Her brother perched on the front fender and leaned toward the cracked glass to tell her what to do. He explained to her how she had to shift the gears so it didn’t grind and get stuck. His directions came too fast for her—Push de clutch, leh de clutch out slow, doh dungshiff!—and she was confused, the loud sound emanating from the gearbox frightening her. The car bucked and reared like a horse, even throwing Amrit off a few times. But her brother knew just how nervous and anxious his sister could become, and he helped to calm her before they started again.
They passed the next couple of weeks this way. From the minute they woke up, they worked toward this time they shared together. It was their secret, and they didn’t tell their other siblings, wanting to preserve the little gold they’d found.
Secrets We Kept Page 7