“In time.” I had discussed the matter with Noah, who was agreeable to letting me use his Wilbur until I found a suitable horse of my own. “I thought to buy one at the mud sale in May.”
“I have a horse for sale, also belonging to my daadi. He has pulled this buggy for more than five years.”
He pointed at the field beyond the barn, where a lone horse grazed near the fence. My pulse stuttered. The gelding bore such a resemblance to Lars that for a moment I thought it might be the horse my Hannah had loved. I knew that could not be, because I had sold Lars to a man in Drumore. Besides, this horse was several years older, and stood at least a hand taller than Lars. But he bore a white star on the center of his forehead, and even a smattering of white on his croup.
I approached the fence, and when the animal caught sight of me, he raised his head. Without hesitation, he came toward me, arriving at the fence at the same time as me. He put his head over the top rail, examined me with a friendly eye, and then gave a soft nicker. I rubbed the white star on his forehead, and when I stopped, he nosed my hand in a blatant plea for another caress.
Robbie had come up behind me. “I think he likes you, dude.”
“Orion likes everyone.”
I faced David, who had also joined us. “Orion?”
He shrugged. “My daughter named him after a star because of—” He tapped on his forehead.
“Orion.” I turned back to him and indulged him with another rub. “I will buy him.”
Daed cleared his throat. “If the price is a fair one,” he said to David, while giving me a stern look.
“Is twelve hundred dollars a fair price for the horse and gear?”
I could probably find a horse for less at the upcoming mud auction, but the price was fair, especially with the addition of the gear. Besides, Orion had already made himself mine just by looking like Lars, only with a gentler nature. Hannah would have loved this horse, that I knew. And that was enough for me.
I faced David. “Ya, it is a fair price. I will buy him.”
Daed frowned, and I could tell he thought the purchase of this horse a mistake. But the next moment he shrugged. “It’s your decision.”
With a final rub on Orion’s forehead, Robbie and I once again headed for the car.
When Daed and David were out of earshot, Robbie gave me a troubled look. “I guess this means you won’t need me to haul you around anymore, huh?”
The worried creases on my young friend’s brow touched me. Whatever problem haunted him from his past had not yet been resolved, though I thought he was now closer to finding his peace. Driving me had played a part, but if it was time for me to move forward, maybe it was time for him as well.
“Not every day,” I answered softly. “But I hope for longer distances I can still call you.”
That seemed to please him, though the lines did not disappear completely. “Of course. Anytime.”
I opened the door and pulled my money pouch from beneath the seat. I opened it and pulled out a stack of bills.
Robbie eyed the money. “Don’t tell me we’ve been riding around with twenty-seven hundred dollars in cash.”
“Only five hundred,” I assured him. I showed him my checkbook. “A bit of cash is always appreciated.”
“Yeah, I’m with you on that.”
We walked toward the house side by side. At the door, he drew a deep breath, and I paused before entering.
“I’m gonna miss you, Seth.”
Were those tears in his eyes? Compassion stirred in my chest. Though it was not my habit to embrace another, I put an arm around Robbie’s shoulder and squeezed.
When I’d released him, I said, “We will see each other still.”
“Yeah.” He sniffed and rubbed his eyes with the back of a hand. “Uh, you go on in. I’m gonna go take another look at your horse.”
He left without waiting for an answer. I watched him retreat, his hands shoved in the pocket of his jeans, shoulders hunched forward. Among the Englisch I had a few acquaintances, but no real friends. At least, I had not thought so until that moment.
I would miss him too.
Driving myself forced a change in my schedule. The ten-mile trip that Robbie drove in fifteen minutes would take me close to ninety. I awoke early the next morning and finished the milking before Saloma had the morning meal ready. Grabbing a couple of hot biscuits right out of the oven, I slapped on several pieces of bacon and took my breakfast with me.
The sun had fully risen by the time I hitched Orion to my new buggy, but I was grateful for the windscreen as a protection against the morning chill. Though I’d driven home yesterday, Daed had been seated beside me. Today was my first time to drive alone.
The biscuits remained wrapped in a towel. How could I eat when thoughts of Hannah hovered in my mind and turned my stomach into a churning mass of grief? If only I’d had a buggy like this one instead of the courting carriage, she would still be here. She might even be seated beside me, holding our baby in her lap.
Our baby.
Now my memory dredged up Rachel from the depths, and the babies we had lost.
How I missed Robbie and his chatter that kept my mind on the day ahead instead of the ones that lay behind.
With my heart thudding and pain pounding in my head, I nearly turned Orion around. There was too much time for thinking during this drive. Every clip-clop of the horse’s hooves represented a memory. They marched through my mind and left a searing trail of pain.
Gott, I cannot do this.
Before my anguished admission had faded away, an idea occurred to me. Why should I not move to Strasburg? My job and my teacher were there. Not until the planting was over, but when that was done I could rent a room from someone. Surely, there was an Amish family somewhere with a spare room or empty daadi haus. In fact, it was the only thing that made sense. Why had I not thought of it before?
Was this idea a nudge from the Lord? Coming so close on the tail of my prayer, it seemed likely.
And then something else occurred to me. A ninety-minute ride each way would give me time to pray. Instead of obsessing over tormented memories, I should make use of the time by focusing my thoughts in prayer. I’d been so busy recently that I had not spent much time in conversation with the Lord.
Pleased with my plan, I put it into action.
Orion maintained a steady pace, and we arrived at the shop before anyone else. My mood was much lighter after a lengthy time in quiet meditation, and I chuckled as I unhitched him and led him to the small pasture out back. Perhaps I didn’t need to rise quite so early tomorrow.
As I latched the gate, Leah’s car pulled into the parking lot. She got out and headed toward me. “Looks like you found a good one,” she said as she approached.
At first I thought she meant the buggy, but her gaze was fixed on my horse. He had walked away, inspecting the grass in the center of the small space, but he trotted back to us when he saw her. Leah received the same greeting I had yesterday, and she laughed as he nosed her hand.
“He sure is friendly.” Her smile as she gave his neck a brisk rub held not a hint of restraint. She was an attractive woman, with a delicate curve to her cheek and a sparkle in her eye.
“That’s one reason I bought him.”
“One reason?” She looked at me. “What’s the other?”
I touched the white star. “He reminds me of another horse I used to have.”
The clop-clop of Elias’s horse interrupted our conversation before my thoughts could once again become morose. He hopped down from his buggy and waved toward mine.
“I see your search was successful.”
“Ya. It was a gut day.”
I helped him unhitch his buggy, and together we watched as Orion and Elias’s mare greeted one another. Alert for any signs of tension in either horse, I was relieved when after a minute they nosed each other, a sign of affection. They seemed content in each other’s company. A good thing, because they would spend a lot of time toge
ther.
After checking to make sure the trough held plenty of water, the three of us headed toward the shop.
Leah pulled a key from her handbag and fitted it in the door’s lock. “I imagine Robbie wasn’t pleased that you found a buggy so quickly.”
“No, he was not.”
“I feel sorry for him. Sometimes he doesn’t act like he’s very happy. Strange, because his mother seems like a nice person, so I assume he comes from a good home.” She opened the door and we followed her inside.
I considered telling her what little I knew about Robbie’s troubled past, but I decided against it. Though I knew Leah had grown fond of the teenager too, talking about a friend behind his back was something I would not do. I knew how it felt to be the topic of gossip.
Instead, I spoke to my teacher as we made our way to the workshop. “I came to a decision on the drive this morning.”
“Oh?” He flipped the light switch, and the windowless area brightened.
“When the planting is finished, I will look for a place to live near here.”
Interest showed on his face. “You will move to Strasburg?”
“Ya. I am not needed at home, and that way I can spend more time at the wheel.”
“Your family will miss you.” He peered at me. “And I think you will miss them too.”
He was right on both accounts. My absence would bring about another change in the household, which still felt unsettled after Daed and Mamm’s move to the daadi haus. The whole family would feel the change, but most of all the children would miss their Onkel Seth, and Mammi would miss her kinskind.
“I will not be far away, and it’s for the best.” I went to the shelf where we kept the tools and retrieved mine. “Perhaps you know of someone in this district who has a place to rent?”
“I most certainly do.” He pounded a hand on his chest. “Me.”
I stared at him, surprised. “You have never mentioned renting a room in your house.”
“Rent? Phaw!” His hand waved in the air. “We have three empty rooms upstairs. Why should my apprentice not have one?”
Leah entered the workshop. “Did I just hear you offer Seth a room in your house?” She ducked her head and gave him a stern look. “Without even consulting Grossmammi?”
He dismissed her with another wave. “Ya, ya, I will ask, but she will approve. She will be happy for another mouth to feed.”
For a moment I wasn’t sure if I liked the idea of living with my teacher. We worked well together, but to work and live under the same roof? In the next instant, I nearly laughed out loud. I’d done the same all my life, working and living with my family. In the short time since I’d met him, Elias had become almost like family to me.
I glanced at Leah, who was studying me with a speculative look. Her comment from a few weeks ago came back to me. She ate dinner with Elias and Lily almost every night. What would she think of sharing meals with me? Of sharing her family with me? It would almost be like—
I halted the thought, my pulse quickening.
“Would you mind?” I asked the question quickly, to stop the unnerving turn my thoughts threatened to take.
“Me?” She shrugged. “Why would I? It makes perfect sense. And Daadi is right. Grossmammi will be thrilled. She will spoil you like you’re her own grandson.”
Grandson. Yes, that is what I would be. Like a grandson. Which would make me like Leah’s bruder. Her Amish bruder.
“Talk to her,” I told Elias. “If she approves, then I will accept your offer. But I must pay rent.”
His lips pursed as he thought, and then he brightened. “Rent you will pay, but not in money. Instead—”
I held up a hand. “I know.” Leah joined in, and we spoke in unison. “Throw more pots to sell.”
We all laughed, beginning our workday on a pleasant note.
SIXTEEN
I refused to drive my buggy on the following church Sunday.
“It makes no sense to take three buggies,” I told my family over breakfast. “I will ride with Aaron as usual.”
My announcement upset the women, which confirmed my suspicions. They’d hoped I would drive so I could offer to take Laura or some other unmarried girl home. Saloma and Becky exchanged a loaded glance, and Mamm frowned at me across the table.
“We will be too many because we are all going today.” She dipped her head toward Mammi, who would return to church for the first time since her surgery.
“Then I will ride with Noah. There is plenty of room in his buggy, and only three to ride.”
Becky spoke up. “We thought Mammi could ride with you in your buggy. It would be more comfortable for her and not crowded.”
“I have never felt crowded before,” Mammi said.
Mamm’s lips drew into a tight line. Using more force than necessary, she stabbed at a bite of hotcake with her fork. “The twins are growing bigger every day.”
Mark and Luke both sat straighter and smiled at each other.
Mammi leaned forward to see around Becky and catch Noah’s eye. “May I ride with you? Sadie will fit nicely between me and Seth, with room to spare.”
Becky opened her mouth, and for a moment I thought she might refuse the request. But then she closed it again without speaking. To insult her own grossmammi by refusing her a ride would be inexcusably rude.
Noah seemed oblivious to the unspoken frustration being exhibited by the women around the table. He finished chewing his sausage and then said, “Ya, of course you can ride with us.”
The look Mamm gave Mammi would have withered a lesser woman, but Mammi maintained an innocent expression as she sliced off a bite of hotcake. I thought she, too, must have been unaware of the women’s scheme, until she looked up at me and slightly winked.
I hid my smile behind my coffee mug.
When we arrived at the Zooks’, I hopped out and then helped Mammi down. When I would have released her, she clung to my arm.
“Will you walk with me, Seth? I may need help up the stairs.”
Noah went to park the buggy, and Becky took Sadie ahead into the house. Mammi made a show of leaning on my arm and walking slowly. Too slowly.
I studied her through narrowed eyes. “I have seen you go up and down the stairs at home with no help. And yesterday when you and Sadie were in the yard, I noticed you moved well.”
“Truth be told, my hip feels better than it has in many years. I think I might take the doctor’s advice and have the other one done.”
“Are you sorry you agreed to move to the main house, then?”
“A little.” A second later she shook her head. “No, not really. Change is never easy, but sometimes it is good. Like your move to Strasburg. It will be sad to have you gone, but it is a good change.”
My family had reacted with varying degrees of surprise to my announcement. Aaron and Daed seemed to have expected it, while Mamm burst into tears and had to be reassured that I would still come out to the farm for family gatherings and Sunday dinners.
“If your hip feels so well, then why am I helping you as if you are an invalid?”
A small smile deepened the wrinkles around her mouth. “I wanted to speak to you. You know Joan hopes you will take to that girl, Laura King?”
I snorted. “Not her only, but it seems Saloma and Becky too.”
“Well, not me.” I looked at her, surprised by the vehemence in her voice. “The wildness is not yet gone from that one.”
Judging by the boldness with which Laura had pursued me, I agreed. But I couldn’t help defending the girl a little because I felt somewhat responsible for her return to the Plain life.
“Maybe marriage will help her settle.”
“That I do not doubt, but she is not the wife for you.” She tilted her head to gaze up at me. “Your wife will have a level head on her shoulders.”
I heaved a sigh. Not once had I wavered in my insistence that I would not marry again. Why did no one believe me?
“Please tell me you do
not have someone else picked out.” My voice sounded weary in my own ears.
“There is no one in this district I would choose for my kinskind. Perhaps in your new district you will find her.” She held more tightly to my arm. “How I will miss you when you are gone.”
“I will visit often,” I promised.
We arrived at the house then. She released me and walked up the stairs with no assistance. At the top, she turned a grin on me. “That is all I wanted to say. Look for a wife with a level head.”
She disappeared inside.
I was still standing there, shaking my head, when a familiar voice called my name. I turned to find Josiah striding toward me.
“I heard you bought a buggy,” he said by way of greeting.
I wasn’t surprised. News had a way of spreading through the district quickly. I nodded.
“Das gut.” He peered closely at me. “It is progress, ya?”
My insides went tight. Progress toward what? I didn’t ask the question because I didn’t want to hear the answer.
Josiah seemed intent on telling me anyway. “I hope this means you are feeling better and ready to make plans for the future.”
I answered stiffly. “I have made plans. Have you not heard? I am moving to Strasburg to devote myself more fully to learning the craft of ceramics and pottery.”
“I have heard that.” An enthusiastic smile appeared. “And that you are skilled already. One day soon I will come to see your work.”
A family approached. We both greeted the Yoders as they entered the house, followed by a stream of others.
Josiah took my arm and pulled me to one side. “There are some who will be sad not to see you so often.”
Because we had been friends for so long, I knew he didn’t refer to himself. Or to my family.
I tore my gaze from the stare he fixed on me. “Oh?”
Never one to hem and haw, he got to the point. “You know Laura King is taken with you.”
I answered through clenched teeth. “How could I not know, since she has enlisted the help of everyone in the district to make sure I do?” I gave him a pointed look. “Including my friends.”
The Amish Widower Page 20