by T. S. Ryder
Simon rubbed his temples. It was that more than anything else that made Lana fall silent. She wanted to keep berating him for frightening her like that, but she could see it was going to do no good, so she threw her hair over her shoulder and frowned.
"Well?" she demanded.
"I can no longer be your surgeon," Simon said, his voice even as always despite the shaking of his hands. "I'm the donor. I'm your children's father."
"What?"
Lana's arms dropped from her side. They hung loosely as her eyes widened. For a moment she was tempted to laugh. It was so absurd . . . Simon, the father of her children? That was far too much of a coincidence. He was just trying to distract her from her lack of surgery. It had to be. There was no way that he could be the anonymous donor.
And yet, on closer inspection, Lana could see how it would be true. The twins had her blonde hair, but their eyes . . . the same chocolate shade as the eyes looking at her now. The shape of Evie's nose was the same as Simon's. Elaine's ears. Both of their mouths bowed like his. There were similarities. But that had to be coincidence, didn't it?
Her breathing came in quick gasps as she stared at him. He stared back, his expression somewhere between uncertain and dreading. Maybe he was their father, but that didn't mean anything. He chose to be anonymous for a reason. She never pushed finding out who the father was for a reason. They were her girls, not his.
"Breathe," Simon told her, coming closer.
She was beginning to feel dizzy and followed his instructions to take deep breaths with some difficulty. She still felt dazed, though, and sat on the bed, her head spinning.
"I found out just before the surgery was scheduled," he said. "I was so shocked . . . but you can understand why I can't be your surgeon anymore, right? Look at my hands!"
He lifted them, revealing their continued shaking.
"What's happening to you?"
Simon sighed. "There's a reason doctors aren't allowed to operate on their loved ones."
Loved ones. Lana shook her head. "No, I understand. You can't . . . you can't be my doctor anymore."
She didn't want a man in her life, not in the way that Kari kept pushing her for.
Kari.
Lana groaned. The situation was already complicated enough and she had barely been able to convince her sister that nothing was happening between her and Simon when they were just doctor and patient. Add the fact that he was the twins' father to the mix . . . Kari was never going to believe any of it. If Lana didn't have insider knowledge, she wouldn't have believed it.
"I will get you another surgeon," Simon continued. "I know several who are very good. I'll make sure one of them accepts you."
"Thank you," she whispered. "And in the meantime . . . what?"
Simon swallowed, looking even more nervous, if that were possible. "Well . . . That's where things get a little tricky. It won't take long for your surgery to be rescheduled. But once I'm not your doctor, I would like to get to know you better . . . especially considering our new relationship."
The words made Lana stiffen. This was happening so quickly . . . "What do you mean, relationship?"
"I mean that we share children."
No, they were her children. Hers. He had no right to them. What if he decided, like so many others had, that since she was single it meant she couldn't give her girls the proper attention they needed? Since she was sick, it meant she was an unfit mother? Logically, she knew that he wouldn't, but the fears were still there.
"I know that it's sudden and strange," he continued. "But I want to be part of their lives. I want to be part of your life."
Part of her wanted to shoot him down at once, but she kept her mouth shut. He wasn't saying anything threatening, and she needed to be able to think about this. She needed him to leave so she could think it through.
"I understand if you want to go slow, but—"
"No," she whispered.
Simon ignored her. "They're my children, too, and I think it would be a good idea if I started spending time with them. Maybe we could work out something that I could take them on weekends or something—"
"No."
He trailed off, staring at her, then nodded again. "Right. Of course. Then maybe family activities. All four of us together. Picnics, or—"
"No," Lana said, even more firmly.
"Lana—"
"No." She shook her head, digging her fingers into the bed beneath her. "No, I don't need you. The girls don't need you. We're doing just fine without a man coming in and disrupting everything. I'm already sick. It'll just mean more change if you start sniffing around. You were anonymous – that means you have no right to them."
"Lana, I'm not trying to suggest that I take them away from you. I would never do that."
But it felt like everything was crashing down on her and Lana couldn't think straight anymore. The fear from before the surgery and the fear from the surgery’s cancellation had already worked her into a state, and it was all too much. She pressed her hands to her temples, feeling small and childish as she shook her head. She had wanted someone to lean on, yes, but not someone who would come in and irreparably change her life. It was too much, and she nearly started crying, even as Simon reached for her.
"Don't touch me," she shouted. "Did you know? Is that why you slept with me at that party? Why you took me on as a patient?"
Simon didn't respond.
"You were just wanting them all this time, weren't you?" Lana cried, well aware that her accusations were stupid to the extreme but unable to stop herself from lashing out. She felt like a child having a temper tantrum with all of the emotions welling in her body. She wanted to stop but didn't know how else to release them. "You just saw me as a broodmare – someone who had already had your kids so you wanted more, didn't you? Am I pregnant? Is that the reason you stopped the surgery? Because it would be dangerous for the baby?"
"Lana, stop. I know that you're upset, but why would you be pregnant?"
She wrapped her arms around her middle. "You didn't wear a condom. That night you took me to the hotel, you didn't put on a condom. I was going to tell you to put one on, but then you were already inside of me and I didn't want to stop it."
Simon shook his head. "You're not pregnant. I wasn't trying to trick you, Lana. I honestly didn't know. If I had, I never would have let all of this go this far."
Lana sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. What he said made sense. It was logical. She needed to stop being irrational and just accept what he was saying. She took in another deep breath.
"I know it's a shock," Simon continued. "It was a shock to me, too, learning I was a father."
It was the wrong thing to say. Lana stiffened. "No. You're not a father."
A flash of pain crossed his face, but it soon smoothed out. "Okay. You should call your sister. Go home to your children. I know this is a lot to process."
Lana opened her mouth, wanting to say something – but the words got stuck in her throat as he left the room. She collapsed onto the bed and began to sob.
Chapter Ten – Simon
Three Days Later
Simon sipped at the pure vodka in his glass, wishing that it would get him drunk faster. Shifter metabolism made it difficult to drown his sorrows in alcohol, even with the high-grade stuff. He slumped at the bar, trying to pull his mind in any direction other than Lana.
The anger and fear on her face when he told her that he was the anonymous donor that fathered her children came back to his mind and he flinched. He hadn't really been expecting any specific reaction, but that was something he hadn't expected. She was so angry at him for telling her. And the fear . . . Why was she afraid? The only thing he could think of was that she was afraid that he was going to try to take her children away from her. But he would never do that. If only he had been able to make that clear to her . . .
He snorted as he drained his glass and gestured at the bartender for more. He should have just waited until after the s
urgery to check that file. It wasn't like there had been any urgency to know who the person was. Then at least he'd know that the tumor was out of her body, and it would just be her recovery that he would have to hand over to someone else.
Besides which, if she wasn't so stressed, she wouldn't have said the things she said.
Simon sighed as he stared into the clear liquid. The truth of the matter was that he missed her. Terribly. Every day since he had been forced to hand her care over to another doctor, he checked his patients list, searching for her name before he remembered what had happened. He missed her bright smile and sweet disposition. Several times he had almost called her, turning the phone off right before he hit the final number, just wanting to hear her voice. But it was too soon. She needed space to figure out how she felt before he tried to talk to her about this again. Ideally, she would call him. He didn't know how much longer he could hold out.
The doctor glanced up as a woman slid onto the stool next to his. For a second, his heart leaped. She had alabaster skin and blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders. When she turned to smile at him, he realized he was staring. Even as disappointment hit him, he smiled back.
She looked a little like Lana. Blonde hair, pale skin. Similar age and build. But she wasn't Lana. Still pretty, though. Big blue eyes, full, kissable lips. She ordered a drink and then leaned her elbow on the bar while her gaze drifted slowly down his body. He knew the look well and was glad he was wearing a business-casual outfit. It was a pretty affluent bar, and from the pantsuit she wore, she wasn't looking to slum it.
"Hey," she said. "My name's Rachel."
"Simon," he replied, focusing on the curve of her lips. "Dr. Simon Wolfe."
Her eyes lit up. "A doctor?"
Simon nodded. The smile came to his lips easily, but the normal thrill of the hunt he felt when he met an interested woman just wasn't there. Maybe it was because she looked so much like Lana, but even when he cast his gaze over her exposed cleavage and her hand rested on his thigh, he felt nothing for her. He withdrew and frowned into his drink.
"Something wrong, doc?" she pressed.
"Just work. Stressful things going on." He looked back at her and forced another smile.
Lana didn't want anything to do with him. Even if she had been speaking out of fear and anger, there wasn't anything between them. They had had a one-night stand. He had been too focused on work lately. That must be the problem. He finished his drink and tossed a few bills on the table.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
Simon let his gaze drift down her figure. She was very pretty. "I just need a little de-stressing."
The woman giggled. "What were you thinking?"
"There's a hotel just down the street. Bottle of wine, beautiful woman. I just haven't decided who to pick."
She giggled again. "What about her?"
Simon glanced at the woman she pointed at. "She came in with a boyfriend. Big, scary looking guy."
Rachel pointed at another woman.
"Too short."
"Her?"
"A brunette . . . I do like brunettes, but I was thinking blonde."
She giggled again and pointed at the hardness of her nipple poking through the thin fabric of her shirt. Was she even wearing a bra? "What about her?"
Simon focused on her body. Slender, but with just the right amount of curves. Looking for a fun time. No ring, no scent of a man on her. He pulled out his wallet again and handed money for her drink to the bartender, then offered his arm to the young woman. She latched onto him immediately. All the way to the hotel she giggled and flirted. His mouth and body went along with it, though his mind was elsewhere.
When they got to the hotel, he pushed her against the door and kissed her hard. She responded by immediately ripping the buttons off of his shirt, snarling as she kissed him back. His hands moved to her breasts automatically, kneading the soft flesh. As he closed his eyes, he remembered being with Lana in their hotel room. The soft sound of her moans, her body lush against his.
For the first time, his body responded. Heat swirled in his core, tightening. He moaned as he pressed the woman against the door, swallowing her moans with his mouth.
He remembered Lana sitting on the floor in the middle of the giant mess, crying, looking at him as though she was utterly lost and he was someone who could show her the way. He remembered their time at the cultural hall, laughing as they chased her two girls around. The way Evie told him that she wished that Lana had a husband, and Elaine saying that one day a prince would come to marry her.
He was no prince. But he was their father.
"What's wrong?" the woman asked, her hands on his abs, a frown on her face.
Simon sighed as he pulled away. "I think . . . I think I'm in love."
Her eyes creased together.
"It was great meeting you," Simon said as he stepped away from her and started to tidy his appearance. "Feel free to use the room, it's already paid for."
She looked put out as he opened the door and hurried down the hallway, but he felt light as a feather. A grin spread across his face. Three days of moping was enough. Too much, in fact. Yes, everything had been unexpected and it was strange to think that he had two young daughters. That didn't mean that he should just disappear, though. He needed to make sure that Lana understood what he wanted and what he meant when he said he wanted to get to know her better.
For the moment, romance was off the table. As much as he wanted romance, it would just get in the way. He needed to get to know her as a friend. If things developed further, then he would be over the moon. If it didn't, he still needed to be there beside her as she went through this. He needed to be a father to his children. Lana needed a friend. He was going to be that friend.
He arrived at Lana's house quickly. Kari answered the door with narrowed eyes. So Lana had told her. It didn't matter. He tried to look contrite as he greeted her.
"Is Lana home?"
"No," Kari said. "And she doesn't want—"
"It's okay." Lana stepped around the door. She wouldn't meet his eyes but came out of the house and closed the door behind her. Her arms wrapped around her middle, making her look vulnerable. "What do you want?"
"I want to talk to you. Please."
Lana glanced at the window where Kari's silhouette was still standing. With a sigh, she gestured towards the sidewalk. They started walking and Simon wondered how he was supposed to say what he came to say. Just being close to her like this made him think that his whole 'be friends' thing was too optimistic. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and breathe in her scent, carry her to bed and—
"What did you want to talk about?"
With difficulty, Simon pulled himself back to the moment. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and considered the situation. "First I wanted to clarify a few things. I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, but I just want to make sure you know that I don't have any intention of taking your girls away from you. I am not going for any custody battles or anything like that. You're a great mother and I know you love them."
Her shoulders stiffened then relaxed. "I did wonder if . . . I know you weren't saying that. It was just – everything was happening all at once and I was scared."
Simon nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I should not have looked at that file until after the surgery."
"I've got another one scheduled for two weeks. As long as nothing happens."
Two weeks. It wasn't very long. He let out a relieved, shaky sigh. "I'm glad. You'll be fine."
Lana glanced at him again. Her green eyes were jaded, uncertain. His heart sunk a little, yet he tried to remain optimistic. She was walking with him, after all. Speaking with him. That counted for something.
"I, uh . . . " He took a deep breath. "I want to be in their lives. I want to be in your life."
"Simon—"
"I know that this is all very confusing and scary, but just hear me out. It doesn't have to be romantic. In fact, it might be better if we tried to stay away
from those types of feelings. But I haven't stopped thinking about you. I want to be your friend even if nothing else is possible."
Pain flashed across Lana's face and she wrapped her arms tighter. She was silent for a long time. So long that Simon's hands started to sweat. She was trying to think of a gentle way to let him down.
"Lana." He grasped her elbow, stopping her. "Please. I don't have to be their father. You can just tell them that I'm a friend. I'll give you child support. Anything you want. Just let me be in your lives."
"I don't need child support." Her voice came out weak and soft. "I'm rich. And I'm good with money, so it's not like it's going anywhere. I hear what you're saying, Simon, but it wouldn't work. Can you honestly say that you would be satisfied with only being a friend? Not a father, not . . . anything else. In our lives but only on the fringes?"
Simon opened his mouth to say yes, but the lie got stuck in his throat.
Lana's shoulders slumped. "I didn't think so."
"We don't have to have a romantic relationship."
"That's what we said when you were my doctor. Look at how well that went."
"We didn't do anything—"
"Nothing sexual, but we still crossed boundaries. You know we did."
Simon sighed but nodded.
"I couldn't get you out of my mind, and every time I see you, it's like . . . it's like I'm seeing the sun for the first time. You're right about one thing, though. It's better if we stay away from those types of feelings." Her arms remained firmly around her middle and tears began to leak from her eyes. "I can't do this. Between cancer and looking after my girls, I don't have the strength. I'm sorry. There can be nothing between us."
Simon stayed where he was as she turned and walked away. He felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. He had finally learned how to move on from Katie . . . How was he meant to move on from Lana?
Chapter Eleven – Lana
"But Mommy, I want to go back!" Evie wailed.
Lana stroked her fingers through her daughter's blonde hair. "I know, but we need to go home."