She let the phone ring five times before the answering machine picked up and told her to leave a message. She looked at her watch. He was either sleeping late or out working with some of his students. Baseball season would be around soon and she knew he wanted to get a jump on practice time. She put her cell phone into her jacket pocket and zipped it. She would call him again later this evening. Before she had dinner with Sam.
She picked up her skis. This confusion was surely only something in her mind. Sam wasn’t any threat to her or Jason. There was too much history with her and Jason. Sam was an unknown quantity and she had always stuck to the known.
“Give it up, Katie,” she said aloud. “Everything’s going to be okay.” Glancing at the picture of Jason on the dresser, she smiled. “After this week, my dear, you’ll be right back where you were with Jason.” She tapped the picture gently and then went downstairs and out of the Crest to the base of the mountain.
“Hi. I wondered where you had gotten to.” Sam looked up at the sky. “And I thought you were an early bird.” He smiled the marvellous smile that made her want to smile too and she set her skis on the ground. With that smile, who could be afraid of him? And who could believe him? That grin was too easy on his face, too quick, too dazzling. She sighed. His smile was too honest! And too heartbreaking now. But she would escape the charm. She had to!
“Sorry,” she said. “I had to make a phone call.” She tugged at her boots, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to look deep into his eyes which seemed to dare her to look deeper into his heart.
“Now? With all this waiting for you?” He waved his hand indicating the mountain and the line of people waiting for the T-bar. “Now you have to call someone? Katie, you really are strange.” He bent down to adjust his straps. “You don’t call people in the morning when all this is here just for you and when you know your ski days are numbered and especially when you know the frost won’t be on the pumpkin much longer.” He pulled the boot bindings tighter. “Call at night, in the middle of the night.” He looked up at her and laughed. “You’re on a vacation. Don’t call at all. Pretend there are no phones.”
She felt as though her heart was beating much too loudly and much too quickly. Sam was just saying innocent words and teasing her but it was the way he said the words. What was happening to her? She never felt this way before. Maybe if Jason would tease her sometimes, maybe if he joked with her or laughed with her or made up funny stories. Katie shook her head. No, Jason wasn’t the type.
“Hey, Miss Katie, how come you’re shaking your head?”
She jerked her head slightly. She had been daydreaming again. Funny, that was happening a lot these past three days.
“Never mind, Sam. I was just thinking about something.”
He put his hand on her arm. “Forget about it, whatever it is. Come on, the mountain’s calling us.”
It was! Magic Mountain was shimmering in the bright sunshine! Okay, here I come, she said to herself as she moved forward slowly. There, Sam had already forgotten about yesterday. Now that it was bright sunshine, they were once again only two people on a late-winter vacation. Back to the fun!
On the snowy slopes she could be anyone she wanted to be. A jet-setter. An Olympic star. Or an engaged schoolteacher from a small town in Maryland. On the slopes she was free to be herself. It was as though this was where she belonged forever. She had always felt this way, ever since she was a young child and her father had put the small skis on her feet and helped guide her down a little hill near their home. “Look, Daddy,” she had cried out as she moved the short distance. “I’m free.” Those were the words she had used even then, and suddenly the grown-up Katie paused and looked down Magic Mountain. Funny that she should think of her father and of that almost-forgotten time. It was so long ago—long before he had started traveling, long before her parents’ divorce. She shook her head. It was such a long time ago.
“You’re doing it again, Katie-Katie.” Sam was standing beside her. “Daydreaming again.” He pushed off. “Come on, follow me!” he yelled, and she could hear his echo resounding through the pine trees flanking the runs.
He was right—her mind was a million miles away. She looked at him as he took off down the slopes. What was it about him that made her think of her parents and of the beautiful times the three of them had spent together? She started down the run, liking the feeling of the cold air stinging her cheeks and the muffled sound of the skis racing through the packed snow. It was a comforting sound from her childhood—when she had been free of adult discussions of divorce and separation and tears and goodbyes.
“Good run, Katie.” Sam was waiting for her at the bottom. “This is what everyone needs—a holiday.” He flipped his sunglasses up and she could see his brown eyes gleam just before he turned and faced the sun and squinted. Even when he wrinkled his eyes like that, he looked like he was always going to have fun.
“Hey,” he said, turning to watch her once more. “What say we do this again? And again?”
“And again?” she asked. “I already know you, Sam Hubbard. You’re not going to stop even for lunch. Come on.” She shrugged and adjusted her gloves. “Why waste the morning?”
“Oh, Katie,” she heard him say from behind her, “I’m so glad I met you.” She stared straight ahead, pretending that the words were never spoken. She was glad that she was in front of him and he couldn’t see the bewildered look on her face. He was doing it again, making her feel all sorts of emotions she had never felt before. She had to avoid that. She reached for the T-bar and held it tightly, as though by doing so she could squeeze away all the now-familiar strange feelings that were stirring within her.
~
The sun was beginning to set behind the trees and the temperature was dropping rapidly. By the time they had been outside for six hours, Katie was exhausted and numb. They had had a quick bowl of soup as a lunch break and a chance to get warm, but aside from those thirty minutes they had spent the rest of the time on the slopes, enjoying the sport and each other.
“This has to be the very last one, Sam. I’m tired and I’m cold and…”
“And you’re calling it a day. Okay, spoil sport, I’ll give in too.” He paused for a moment and looked at the few skiers left. “I like it when it gets like this. All the novices have given up. In fact, almost everyone has given it up. It’s practically deserted.”
She nodded. This was her time too, when she could call the mountain her own and could pretend she was the only one in the world. Only now there were two of them. Sam and Katie. Katie and Sam. Try as she might, she still couldn’t put the memory of his kisses aside. Sam and Katie. Katie and Sam. Somehow it all seemed so natural.
The wind whipped around her, shaking her back to the present, interrupting her reverie and flinging snow against her face. She shivered from both the sudden wet cold on her face and her warm thoughts.
Sam saw her and understood only half the reason. “Hey, you really are cold, aren’t you?” he said, and she didn’t correct him. “Come on, this is the last one for us today.” He picked up his poles. “What say we race to the Crest?”
“No way, Sam.” She laughed. “You’d have the advantage. I’m so cold that my toes won’t respond. Try me in the morning. That’s when I’m at my best.”
He looked at her and his eyes softened. “I haven’t seen you at anything but your best these past couple of days.”
She caught her breath. Oh, Sam! she thought. What’s happening to me? To us? She ducked her head once more and prepared to push off. She would call Jason as soon as she got to her room.
Chapter Five
The waiter placed their dinners in front of them and Katie watched as Sam began to unfoil the baked potato, again getting burned from the steam, exactly as had happened for the past two evenings. She watched him blow on his finger and she smiled as she heard his “Darn it.”
He looked at his hand. “I’ve done that every night, haven’t I?’’
“Uh-huh!
”
“You’d think I would have learned.” He glanced at her and smiled. “You’re the reason—I’m dazzled by you.”
“Excuses, excuses.” She smiled. This was their third dinner together and she realized that she was beginning to count the days left for them to be together. Four more days and then it was back to school and to Maryland and to Jason. Yes, she’d go back to Jason and… and that would be it. All this time with Sam would be a lovely memory—nothing but a lovely memory—and when she spoke the words in her mind she felt her eyes mist slightly. She shut them and when she opened them again the haze was gone, but now she felt the small knot in the pit of her stomach as she repeated to herself that this would all be only a lovely memory.
She reached for the butter and started putting it on her potato. Looking at Sam, she wondered what he was thinking. Did he feel anything for her besides friendship? As he spooned globs of sour cream onto his potato, he saw her watching him and he smiled.
“Can’t help it. I know all about cholesterol and all that stuff but I love it. Anyhow, this is my vacation. I swear I never eat like this on the road. I never have time. I’m too busy hopping on airplanes.”
There, he had said it again—“on the road.” There was something about those words that reminded her of all the times she had been alone and lonely while growing up. All those times her father had been away from home. She watched as Sam spread the sour cream across the top of the steaming potato, oblivious to her thoughts. Jason wouldn’t travel much—schoolteachers were never shifted around that fast—and when he did go away, it would only be for a class trip or a vacation and she would probably be with him. She’d never be lonely with Jason.
She watched as the butter melted on her own potato and formed rivulets to the dish. No, Jason would always be around in case she needed him. She picked up her fork and held it, thinking that Sam had been quiet, too quiet. She glanced up for a second and saw him looking out the window at the mountain.
“You know what’s happening to us, don’t you Katie?” Sam asked the question quietly and for a moment she wasn’t sure of his words, and when she realized what he had asked, she chose not to answer. She didn’t want to answer. No, that wasn’t honest. It was more than that—she didn’t even want to think about what he was saying. It was too close to her own thoughts and if she allowed herself to think about it, it would only present problems to her life. Problems that would hurt and confuse her.
“You do know what’s happening, Katie,” he said again and this time she knew that she had to answer him. But what could she answer? She could deny what he was saying and what she had been thinking.
He said it a third time: “You know what I’m talking about, Katie, as sure as I do.”
“Whatever it is, Sam, I don’t want to talk about it.” She put down her fork, afraid to eat, afraid that the food would stick in her throat like the words she really wanted to say.
He continued to look out the window. “We’re falling in love, Katie. We have fallen in love,” he corrected himself, acknowledging it as something that had already happened. He turned to look at her and she saw his eyes, earnest and clouded, questioning her, searching her face for a confirmation of his words.
She shook her head. “We can’t talk like this,” she said, and added, “We mustn’t.”
“Why not?” He took her hand and held it. “Is it so wrong? Isn’t that what happens when two normal, healthy adults meet, have fun, and then realize that there’s something else about their relationship? An attraction, a very strong attraction to each other?” He pressed her hand. “You’re feeling it too. I can tell.” She tried to pull her hand away, but he held it. “You’re attracted to me, Katie. I’m not alone in feeling it—you are too. Yesterday—”
“No… no, Sam. It’s impossible.”
“Why?” he asked, and then suddenly looked at her left hand. You’re married?” he asked hesitantly. “You never spoke about a husband.” Carried away with the thought, he leaned against the back of his chair. “Hey, if I’ve overstepped, I’m sorry. I just thought that you were alone here and that there wasn’t a Mr. Somebody in the picture.”
Katie wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. She was touched by the way he had said it, the way he was worried that he had acted improperly. Another thing to like—love—about him in so short a time. She shook her head.
“No, there isn’t a husband. Not yet, at least.” She saw the relief in his face. “But there’s a man. Well, he’s more than just a man.” She gulped and raced on: “I’m engaged, Sam. I’m going to be married at the end of summer.” She didn’t want to look at him anymore and now it was her turn to stare through the window. “I didn’t mention him before because I just didn’t think anything would happen.”
“You mean anything like falling in love with someone? With a stranger? With me?”
She nodded. “Yes. Oh, Sam! I’ve been here a dozen times, alone, and I’ve had a good time and always went back home to my routine and my life and my friends. But I never met anyone who would… change my life. Like you. I never had to go home and question and….” Her voice trailed off.
“Make you think twice about your fiancé?” He finished the sentence for her.
“Yes.” She watched as a skier approached the window. “It just never happened before, that’s all.”
“And now that it has?”
Sam wasn’t about to retreat, she realized, and she didn’t quite know what to do or say. “I guess I don’t know.” She bit her lip. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“Then you’re saying that you feel it too?” He had a way of questioning and quickly getting at the answers, the truthful answers.
Yes, Sam, she thought, if feeling like you’re happy and sad and confused and wanting to shout out to the world that you’ve got a sense of peace and amazement and fireworks and joy and how could anyone else ever have felt like this before is what you mean, then yes, yes, yes, I’m feeling it too. Whatever it is, it’s affecting me too.
“Something like it.”
“So what are we going to do about it, Katie?”
Again the direct question demanding an honest answer. Still staring at the window, she realized that she could see his reflection and his reaction to her words. He was sitting back in his chair—slumped against it, really—and she saw him tap the rim of his plate.
“I don’t know,” she said. “No, that’s not true. Probably nothing. Probably I won’t do anything about it.”
“Nothing?” She saw his incredulous look. “You’re just going to walk away from it? From us?” He shook his head. “I don’t believe that, Katie. That’s ridiculous. Unbelievable. You just can’t say that it’s too bad it’s happened.” He picked up her hand again and gave it a little shake so that she turned toward him. “What kind of a woman are you, Katie, to want to put it all aside? To want to do nothing about it?” He scanned her face. “Don’t you ever recognize your own feelings?”
She shivered. Sam had hit on a weakness she knew she had—her inability to act on her feelings. And he had discovered it in such a short time. It was true—she didn’t want to recognize any strong feelings. Love, hate, joy, sadness—those were all perfectly good words to put in an English composition but not to apply to life, at least not to her own life. She had had those feelings once upon a time, but the years she had spent with her parents—her mother, especially—and the times she had seen the look of unhappiness on her mother’s face, made her resolve long ago not to give in to any feelings that she couldn’t control. And this was one of those feelings.
“It’s very mixed-up,” she said, and she saw his eyes narrow as he drummed his fingers on the table. “Very mixed-up.”
“Look at me, Katie,” he said so sharply that she blinked. “Do I look like some monster to you?” She shook her head. “Do I look like I want to hurt you?” She shook her head again. “Do I look like I want to take advantage of you?” For the first time in the conversation they both smiled. “No k
idding,” he said. “I’m really an honorable person. Okay, just tell me one thing. You do know that something happened out there yesterday, don’t you? You do recognize something between us. Some little spark?”
Yes, Sam, she wanted to say. Yes, I know that there’s something there. That’s what the problem has been all day. That’s why I tried to call Jason so many times. That’s why I had to talk to him, wanted to hear his voice, to be reassured that he was my fiancé and that he was waiting for me, expecting me to return from just another winter vacation. Only, he wasn’t there. Yes, Sam, I recognize that there’s something there. But I don’t want to. I really don’t want to.
He tried another tack. “Do you think it’s just the fact that we’re having a good time? Or that we met each other at some vulnerable moment for each of us? Or that we have so many things in common? Or,” he smiled, “all of the above?”
She tilted her head to one side and kept silent. All of the above, she wanted to shout. All of the above and more. But she didn’t say anything and they remained awkwardly quiet.
“Okay,” Sam said, pushing his plate away. “We do have a problem, don’t we?” His chest heaved. “So what do we do about it? What can we do about it?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing we can do.” Katie was miserable and a tight band began to form around her head and compress it. This was something she hadn’t bargained for, this was to have been just another vacation. It was supposed to be strictly skiing, strictly fun. Nothing was supposed to happen and certainly nothing that would affect her life so permanently.
“Oh, Katie-Katie,” he said, “we just can’t turn our backs on this and pretend it never happened. It would be such a waste.”
She had no answers. She rocked back and forth in her chair, her palm against her head, trying to push at the ache inside and outside her skull. She wanted the pounding to stop. Most of all she wanted to stand up and run from the room. But she couldn’t, knowing in her heart that she really wanted to stay with Sam for as long as she had time left.
Warm Winter Love Page 4