“Can I use your phone?” I asked Gen.
She glanced at me in the rear view mirror. “Not shy, are we?”
“No cell phones at the Home — which is criminal, if you ask me,” I said. “What’s with such a stupid rule anyway?”
“Some girl before I came used her phone to stage a runaway. From what I heard, it was an ugly scene. So, now we all suffer.” Ariel twirled in the seat and peered at me around the headrest. “Who you calling?”
“Pete — my boyfriend. I need to know when he’s coming for me.”
Ariel gave Gen a look. Doubt was written on both their faces.
“Edgemont isn’t far away. Pete could be there in half an hour.”
Gen shrugged, dug in the purse balancing between the seats, and tossed me her phone. I wasn’t too keen about having the conversation with four big ears listening from the front seat, but I couldn’t afford to waste any time. I punched in Pete’s number.
“Hello? Who’s this?” My heart constricted when I heard his groggy voice. We hadn’t talked for two weeks, not since he... Well, not for two weeks.
“It’s me.”
There was silence.
“Pete, it’s me,” I said again.
“Farah? Why are you calling? Whose phone is this?”
“What difference does it make?” I started to sweat. A black cloud moved toward me, and its edges pressed down on my shoulders.
“Why are you calling?”
The cloud swirled around my neck and head. I cupped my mouth around the phone, trying to muffle my words. “I’m at a home, Pete.”
“But why call me, Farah? Wasn’t I clear the last time we spoke?”
The irritation in his voice boomed like a loudspeaker. I slumped into the seat, and moisture beaded on my upper lip. Did he just ask me why I would call him? Was he insane? I had his baby in my stomach!
What was I doing, cowering in the back seat like some kind of weasel? It was disgusting. I took my hand from my mouth and pressed it against the seat in front of me.
“Oh, you were clear all right,” I said, my voice matching his. “Need I remind you this is your baby?”
The following pause was big enough to swallow a truck.
“Well?” I pressed when he said nothing.
“I know whose baby it is. You’ve told me four thousand times. I’m not deaf.”
I flinched with each word as if hit by carefully aimed bullets. This Pete was a stranger to me. Where had the other Pete gone — the one who loved me, the one who promised to take care of me?
“This isn’t the last of it.” I enunciated every word as if speaking to someone with half a brain. “We’ll talk later when you’re in a better mood.”
I snapped Gen’s phone shut and chucked it into her purse.
The three of us were silent.
I sat back against the lumpy seat and pressed my hand to my stomach. Someone must have gotten to him. I’d never met his parents, but maybe they were slathering on the pressure.
Gen’s phone dinged. “Get it, will you?” she asked Ariel.
Ariel rustled in the purse, found the phone, and looked at the screen. “Text.” She shaded the screen against the sun’s rays coming through the windshield. “Whoa. From Pete.”
I lunged forward to grab the phone.
Gen snorted. “Oh, fine. Now my phone is the go-between.”
Sry was mean. I read it out loud, and my heart soared inside me. “See?” My voice rose. “See! He’s sorry.”
My breath gushed out in pure relief. “I’ve got Pete back. It’ll be okay. It will.” I punched in his phone number when Ariel snatched the phone from my hands.
She stared at me. “What are you doing?”
“Calling him back. Give me the phone.”
She held it out of my reach, hanging it over the dashboard against the glass. “No way. You’re not calling him. Let him sweat a little. Wow, Farah, I never figured you’d be such a pushover.”
Her words slapped me back to my senses. I wasn’t a pushover and never had been. What was happening to me?
I pulled back my hand.
“I agree with Ariel — let him sweat,” Gen said. “Guys think they control everything.”
“I make my own decisions, thank you very much,” I snapped.
Ariel looked at me with her eyebrows raised. “You want me to give you the phone?”
“I don’t need it,” I said. They were right. Since when did I let someone else control my life? Since never, that’s when. I pressed my lips together. All right, he could sweat.
Gen pulled onto the main road through town. We passed one empty business after another. Nothing was open, only a coffee shop with two cars parked outside. An air of desertion hung above the streets as if a tornado had passed through and removed everyone.
Ariel peered at me over the seat. “Sunday. It’s dead around here until after church is out.”
I nodded.
“The mall doors are always open because of the old lady walkers. And Pick and Pay is open — we could go there,” Gen said.
“Pick and Pay,” Ariel repeated. “My life has been reduced to Pick and Pay. Sad, sad, sad.”
Gen giggled. She punched Ariel in the arm, and Ariel laughed, too.
I hadn’t realize how refreshing laughter could be until it had been squeezed from my life. I joined in with Gen and Ariel with such abandon, I almost peed my pants.
Which got me laughing all the harder.
****
An hour later, Gen let us off at the end of the Home’s drive. I hid my purse under my coat, and we stuck our shopping bags in the waistbands of our pants — I’d bought new sunglasses and Ariel had bought eye make-up. We hustled ourselves up to the front door, and Ariel grasped the handle, turned it slightly, and carefully leaned the door open. We held our breath.
Silence.
Ariel glanced over at me, put her finger to her lips, and we slipped in, going straight to the hallway. She followed me into my room.
I shut the door, and we both let out our breath.
“Told you,” she said. “Home free.”
I dropped my purse and pulled the sack from my pants and stuck it on my closet shelf. Ariel had already plopped herself on my bed.
“Okay, here’s the plan. We walk out of your room like we’ve been in here the whole time. Got it?” Ariel said.
“Got it.”
Ariel whistled down the hallway. I glanced over at her. “Really?” I mouthed.
She grinned and resumed whistling. Beatrice was standing in the middle of the living room when we entered. Her spiky hair was sticking up from every square inch of her head. She ran her hand over down her chest to her waist. “Oh, there you girls are. I took a bit of a snooze.”
Ariel walked to her and slung her arm over her shoulders. “Now, Beatrice, you and I both know you sawed logs for more than an hour.”
Beatrice giggled. “Fine. Caught in the act.”
Better her than us.
Chapter Four
Lizbet, Jasmyn, Ariel, and I all took the bus to school. Of course, Rosaline, being years too old, stayed home. Taking the bus as part of a tribe of pregnant girls was a special kind of torture. I should have sewn a huge red P on my blouse like the A in The Scarlet Letter. I was the newbie, so everyone’s eyes were glued on me when I climbed into the bus. Normally, being the center of attention was no biggie. In fact, I lived for it, but not because I was knocked up.
I stuck my nose in the air like a self-appointed princess — how else could I act? There weren’t any seats together, so we got split up. The only spot left for me was in the back. The bus started rolling before I’d even gotten there, which I was pretty sure drivers were not supposed to do. So there I was, lurching from side to side till I managed to fling myself into the seat.
There were four super good-looking guys on the bus; I’d counted them. What a colossal waste, since I was already taken. They’d checked me out too — I had a built-in radar for such things, so I
always knew.
Out of habit, I wanted to be interested in them. But Pete’s face seemed to be everywhere I looked. I wondered what he was doing. Getting ready for work? Who was I kidding? He was probably still asleep in bed.
I clenched the seat in front of me and worked to stay upright while the bus barreled down the road. I replayed the words of Pete’s text over and over in my mind. He was having a change of heart, I was certain. What a ninny I’d been to listen to Ariel — I should’ve called him back immediately. If only I could see him. After the second chat with Edie yesterday afternoon, I knew we girls could have visitors on Tuesday evenings for one hour and on Saturday afternoons for two hours. We could even go out with our families to a restaurant or a movie.
Pete was my family. Not officially, but more than my mother was or ever had been. And more than my dad was being. My stomach clenched, and I swallowed a stale metallic taste. Instinctively, my hand went to my mouth. I could not throw up. Not here, not now. I put every ounce of concentration into breathing. In. Out. In. Out.
The nausea passed, leaving a layer of sweat shimmering on my face. I dabbed at it with my coat sleeve. My dad. I couldn’t understand what had happened. When he found out I was pregnant, he was all Mr. Supportive. He even took me away from Mother, like she wasn’t all over that.
Get her out of my sight, I believe were the exact words she had shrieked. No exaggeration — she’d shrieked like a little girl whose finger got slammed in a car door.
I stayed with him for a few weeks. After the first couple days, I went back to school at Bates, but it wasn’t long before the snide comments started. Oh, the girls were giddy as hens, heads bobbing in delight at my “sin.” They cackled the news far and wide until I got called into the counselor’s office. Of course, they wouldn’t kick me out of Bates. Even though I stretched the behavior code, they were petrified of being sued. Yeah, like my mother would call any more attention to her scandalous daughter by suing. But they didn’t know that. Anyway, they didn’t have to kick me out. Who’d want to stay when you couldn’t take a step without being stared at, pointed to, and shunned. Elitist snobs.
The shunned part didn’t bother me much. I was used to it — a girl can’t have tons of guys following her around without the other girls hating her guts. The worst part was Emili wasn’t there anymore. She was my best friend who’d moved from Bates to public school.
I studied my hands lying gloveless and cold in my lap. Truth was, Emili wasn’t speaking to me anymore, so I guess it wouldn’t have mattered had she been there or not. I missed her. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I missed her more than I’d thought possible.
“Farah!” It was Jasmyn. She twisted around in her seat and stared at me with concern all over her face. “You okay?”
I glanced around to see who was watching. A few heads had pivoted to look my way. I straightened my shoulders and gave Jasmyn a scowl. “I’m fine,” I snapped.
Thanks a mil, Jasmyn.
Emili was in my head saying, she was only being nice. So I rearranged my face, nodded, and attempted a smile.
We made it to school, and I put myself in robot mode. I checked into the office and reported as expected to each class. I kept myself aloof, detached. I wasn’t going to be there long. I barely heard what any teacher said. My mind was whirling furiously, trying to figure out how I could get to Edgemont to see Pete. If I could only see him face to face, I could get him to rescue me. I knew I could.
I figured some of the school bus routes probably went way out into the countryside. Edgemont was about twenty-five miles away, so if I took a school bus toward Edgemont, I could probably hitch into town. I knew hitching was a stupid idea, but it wasn’t like Indiana had a ton of public transportation options. And Hoosiers were notoriously nice, so I was sure I’d be okay.
My job was to find out which bus went toward Edgemont. I figured none of the bus drivers took roll either, so I’d be able to slip on and off with no problem. Relief swept over me. The relief was so unexpected, I found myself smiling. A real smile. The chubby girl next to me kept watching, and I winked at her.
Good grief, I didn’t wink at people, especially girls.
I didn’t even know myself anymore.
After school, I stood on the wide front steps and observed the buses. They were numbered, but there was no indication which run they made. If I got to know some of the kids and where they lived, I could see which buses they boarded at the end of the day. And then I could board the right bus and make my way to Pete.
I knew my plan would work.
“What are you scheming?” Ariel came up behind me and whispered in my ear. “You look positively devilish.”
I shrugged. “I’m trying to figure out which bus is ours.”
“Sure you are.”
How could this girl who barely knew me, read me so well? It was annoying.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me down the stairs. “Come on, we’re over here.”
Jasmyn and Lizbet were already on the bus, sitting there prim and proper with their eyes focused straight ahead, ignoring everyone around them.
****
Monday night was group meeting night with a counselor. Promptly at seven o’clock, we all gathered in the den. Rosaline dragged in some extra dining room chairs, since there wasn’t enough room for all of us on the couches. Edie and Steve didn’t join us for the sessions. A lady named Beverly Craig was the counselor in charge.
She bustled in, her kinky black hair caught back with a tight, red headband. Her friendly brown eyes honed in on me. “Ah, a new friend,” she said as if she’d been awaiting me for months.
Her face was smooth and without wrinkles. She was at least forty, so there should’ve been some creasing. I wondered if she’d had injections.
“Everyone comfortable?” she asked. She nodded her head toward each of us. “How was your weekend? Any visitors?”
“Ned came,” Lizbet said. “He’s coming again tomorrow.”
“You have the most faithful brother,” Beverly said, scanning the rest of us. “Anyone else?”
Everyone was silent.
“No matter,” she continued. “This evening, we want to talk about dealing with public comments.”
She started in about what people in the general public might say, seeing someone so young pregnant. I was having trouble concentrating — a major problem lately. All I wanted to do was dream about my reunion with Pete. I’d prove to my mother I was right — Pete would come for me. I couldn’t forget the glare of pure poison she’d leveled on me when Emili’s mom had dropped me back home to admit I was pregnant.
She’d ripped me up one side and down the other. It was all about her — what would her friends think of her? What would her relatives think? What kind of mother would the neighbors think she was? And worst of all, what would her precious Maven Society Club think?
I had brought a curse down on her head. For nearly two hours, I’d listened to her wail. When I’d tried to go to my room, she’d grabbed my arm, shoved me back down on the couch, and kept raving.
Then she’d thrown me out.
I’d tried to call Dad, but he didn’t pick up. It was freezing outside — thank goodness I’d kept my coat on during Mother’s tirade. The only thing I knew to do was go back to Emili’s. And of course, they had taken me in. Emili had a human mother, unlike mine, who was a demon in disguise.
It had been okay staying at Emili’s. Until I totally screwed up.
Emili’s boyfriend Lance had liked me. It was obvious. So when he’d come over, I’d let him fawn on me. The stupid thing was, I’d let him do it on Emili’s bed. We hadn’t done much, only kissed a bit. I’d been nauseated then, and my heart had shriveled and died, and it’d been nice to have someone fuss over me. It wouldn’t have caused any problems, either, except Emili had come home and caught us in her bedroom.
I had told her it was nothing and that she shouldn’t be mad, but she had been. She’d been more than mad.
A burs
t of laughter from Beverly jolted me back to the present. I leaned my head on my hand, and her eyes darted to me. “Farah, are you feeling all right?”
I perked up. “Yeah.”
She nodded her head in such a way that told me she was my friend. I straightened my shoulders and tried to pay more attention.
Didn’t do much good, though. My mind wouldn’t quit thinking about the huge mess I’d made with Emili. By the time the hour session was over, I couldn’t wait for a change of scenery. I headed back to my room, but Jasmyn caught up with me.
“She comes every Monday evening, so get used to it,” she said.
“Beverly doesn’t seem so bad.”
“She comes extra for Lizbet. Sees her in private. Sometimes twice a week,” Jasmyn whispered, and her eyebrows wiggled up and down. “Think about it,” she continued and then trotted off down the hall.
I took a minute to digest the information and then went to my room. Lizbet was already there. When I entered, she was sitting in the middle of her bed, brushing her hair.
“Want me to give you a new style?” I walked to her bed and flipped a long strand of her hair back over her shoulder.
She looked up at me with those pale, nearly colorless blue eyes. “A new style? Like what?”
I jumped on the bed behind her and gathered her hair up in my hands. “You’re hair isn’t thick, but it’d look thicker if we trimmed some of it off. It would have more bounce then, too. I could feather your bangs a little which would frame your face.” I leaned around so I could see her.
“We could put a bit of make-up on you. Man, Lizbet, you’d be a knock-out.”
I watched her expression and swore I saw excitement come to her eyes. For a minute, I expected her to grab me up in a hug and ask how soon we could do it. But just as quickly, her face fell back into its normal blah-ness.
“We don’t cut our hair,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Our church frowns upon it.”
Farah's Deadline Page 3