A heavy knock on the door jerked me to attention. Mrs. Vaughn bustled through the living room, drying her hands in the wad of her apron. “Nobody comes to the front door. Land sakes, who could it be?”
I didn’t care who it was — anything for some action.
Mrs. Vaughn pulled the door open, and Lizbet flew by me from the kitchen to throw herself into her brother’s arms.
“Ned! You’re here!”
A whoosh of cold air came in with him. He hugged Lizbet tight and looked over her shoulder at me. My heart skittered, and it so surprised me that my “hello” froze in my mouth.
Ned deposited Lizbet on the floor.
He ran his hand over her shoulder and then seemed to notice Harold and Mrs. Vaughn for the first time. “How do you do? I’m Lizbet’s brother. We got the message about the fire only this morning. Somehow, we didn’t hear any calls last night. I came right away to check on Lizbet.”
Harold roused from his hibernation and rocked in his chair. “Yes, yes. Can understand you comin’ right away.”
Mrs. Vaughn grinned, and the shriveled-apple wrinkles around her mouth temporarily disappeared. “Mighty nice to meet you, young man. May I offer some tea?”
Ned rubbed his hands together, cupped them around his mouth, and blew into them. “That’d be fine, ma’am. I am a bit cold.”
“Harold, help me in the kitchen.” Mrs. Vaughn flung out her demand like a short-order cook.
Ned sauntered over to me. He offered his outstretched hand, and I took it. His skin was cold, but a jolt of warmth flowed up my arm.
“Farah. How are you?”
I gulped and stammered out, “Fine.” I shook my head and clamped my heart back into place. “I’m fine,” I repeated in a stronger voice. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
He tilted his head, and his hair fell to the side. It looked so soft that I almost reached up to touch it. He studied me, swallowing me with his blue eyes. “Maybe because you’ve been in a fire.”
I waved my hand in the air. “Oh, the fire. It was nothing. Right, Lizbet?”
Lizbet nodded. When excited, she was pretty. I did a double-take. Her face was flushed, and her eyes had come alive.
Her words came fast. “It was scary at first, but we all went outside and waited for the firemen. Just the kitchen got it, so it wasn’t bad.”
Ned smiled at Lizbet. “I’m glad you’re fine. I told Dad we should bring you home.”
Lizbet’s eyes stretched wide and she leaned forward. “What’d he say?”
Ned pulled Lizbet to the other end of the settee to sit with him. The look on his face was so tender, tears came to my eyes. “Lizbet, tell me, are you sure you’re okay?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. What did Momma and Dad say about me coming home?”
Ned paused for the briefest of moments. “Sorry, kiddo. They don’t want people to know.”
“It’s not a sin, you know,” I said. “She didn’t have a choice in all this.” Lizbet was being chucked out like an outcast, and it wasn’t fair. Anger grew inside me like an unearthed weed.
Ned narrowed his eyes. “And yours? Is it a sin?” He blinked and pulled at his collar. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
We glared at each other.
“Whatever,” I said. “And yes, I guess mine is a sin. No rape involved.”
Lizbet flinched. She picked at the edge of the settee cushion.
“Sorry, Lizbet. I’ll shut up,” I said.
She took a slow breath and shook her shoulders. Then she straightened her spine and spoke to Ned. “I’m glad you’re here. How long can you stay?”
“I told Mom and Dad not to expect me until supper. I wasn’t sure if the same visiting hours applied when you’re here.”
I didn’t belong there with them. I stood to leave, but Lizbet held out her hand. “Don’t go, Farah. Stay with us. You never have company.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” I said, “but you guys don’t need me around.”
Ned’s blue eyes settled on me. I wasn’t sure how someone could be so laid-back and so intense at the same time. “Stay,” he said. His voice felt like a gentle shoulder rub. “I’ll be good. I promise. Please stay.”
I paused, looking from him to Lizbet and back. Where was I going to go anyway? “Fine.”
Lizbet clapped her hands. “Good. Do you want to play games or something?” She jumped up and hurried over to a glass-encased bookshelf filled with a jumble of games. “I noticed these earlier. I’ll ask Mrs. Vaughn if we can use them.”
“I’m not so big on games,” I said.
“We don’t play games much either, so I know you’ll win,” Ned coaxed.
“Can you take me into Edgemont?” I asked. “I’ll help with the gas. You can drop me off. It shouldn’t take you long.”
Ned’s eyebrows rose. “Edgemont? What do you need there?”
“Don’t take her,” Lizbet said, and her voice held a note of alarm. She walked over to me. “You’re not leaving me here by myself.”
“Earlier you were having a regular play-date with Mrs. Vaughn in the kitchen. You wouldn’t even miss me.”
“I want you here,” she said, and I was surprised she didn’t stomp her foot.
“Lizbet, she doesn’t want to stay in Edgemont.” Ned glanced at me, then tilted his head and scrutinized my face. “Wait a minute. You do want to stay? Why?”
“Because she thinks the father of her baby will marry her, that’s why.”
I could’ve punched her. “It’s my business, Lizbet. Not yours and not Ned’s.”
Ned held up both his hands. “It becomes mine if I take you. Don’t pull me into the middle of some mess.”
Mrs. Vaughn swooped in. “Tea for all,” she said, chirping like a cricket at dusk. The cups on her tray clattered like a makeshift band. She walked around serving, and we each took a mismatched cup and saucer. “Drink up and enjoy. Not to worry, in a moment I’ll leave you young folks alone again.”
“Mrs. Vaughn, can we play your games?” Lizbet asked.
“Of course, dearie, help yourself.”
Lizbet skittered back to the bookshelf and opened the glass casing. “Parchesi or Candy Land?”
“Candy Land?” Ned and I asked together. Our eyes met and we laughed.
“Why not? I’ve never ever played it. I’ve heard it’s fun,” Lizbet said.
“Wait a minute. You’ve never played Candy Land?” I asked.
“She probably hasn’t. I might have a long time ago at some birthday party. Like I said, we don’t play games much,” Ned said. “None of us do.”
“Who is ‘us’?” I asked, although I already knew his answer. “Your church, right?”
Lizbet brought the tattered box to the table. “Show us how.”
I moved onto the floor in front of the table and sat on a frayed rag rug. Ned leaned over and took the game board and pieces out of the box. His face was close to mine, and my mouth went dry. He gazed up and studied me through thick brown lashes. His eyes held mine. My heart squeezed, and a tremor ran down my legs. I couldn’t look away. Something in his eyes drew me in like a peaceful feeling of summer. I scooted back.
“I don’t want to play,” I said and scrambled to a standing position.
Lizbet frowned. “Why not? Come on, Ned and I don’t even know how to play.”
Ned reached up from across the table and touched my hand. His fingers were light and gentle. The muscles in my shoulders tightened, and my eyes teared up.
“No. I don’t want to play.”
Ned stood and took a step closer. “Farah, come on. I’m on my best behavior. What else are you going to do?”
I swallowed and licked my lips. “So you think I sinned?”
Spittle got caught in my throat, and I choked. Where had those words come from? Ned flinched and shook his head as if clearing away debris.
“It’s not my business. Not even a little. Forget I said anything.”
“You could never be with a girl who sinne
d, right?” My jaw tensed. Shut up, Farah. What are you doing?
Ned didn’t take his eyes from mine. “Why are you asking?”
The hair on my arms tingled with electricity. My throat felt thick, and I hoped my voice would work. “Everyone makes mistakes you know. Everyone. Even you.”
Lizbet stood up. “A mistake? Farah, you said…”
I waved my hand at her to be quiet and fixed my gaze on Ned.
“I’ve made my share of mistakes, sure. No question about it. But…” His hand traveled up and down the air in front of me. “Well, it’s a lot.”
Lizbet rested her hand on my arm. “Farah, you okay? You look like you’re going to cry.”
I shook her off. “I’m fine and I’m not going to cry.”
But I was. How dare he judge me? How dare he judge anyone? Who made him the ruler? I plopped back down on the rug and organized the game pieces with busy intent. What did I care what he thought anyway? He was no one to me. No one.
“Are we going to play this stupid game or not?” I asked.
Silence stretched out like a slingshot ready to snap and hurt us all. Ned sat back down, and we got on with the business of playing Candy Land.
A bit later, he got up to leave. “Kiddo, I should go,” he said to Lizbet. He leaned down and flicked her braid over her shoulder.
She grasped his hand. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” His eyes sought mine. “Tomorrow’s Saturday. Maybe I can take you into Edgemont then — if you promise to come back with me. I’ll check with Mrs. Vaughn.”
I sucked in my breath. “You mean it?”
He nodded. I tried to read his expression but couldn’t. His face was tense, controlled. He walked into the kitchen.
I thought he hated my guts, and now he was offering to take me to Pete?
Lizbet climbed up from the floor back onto the settee. “Isn’t Ned great? Now, you’ll get to see Pete. Aren’t you happy?”
“Yes.” But my voice echoed with uncertainty. “You do know Pete hasn’t called or come to see me, and Ned’s here all the time.”
Why had I said that? Of course I was happy, and of course I wanted to see Pete.
“Ned’s my brother, that's why he’s here.”
I looked at Lizbet’s innocent eyes and knew she had no clue how lucky she was.
“Most brothers would rather drop dead.” I thought of my missing brother and the familiar cloud of sadness bled over me.
“Ned will help you. You’ll see Pete, and everything will work out.”
Yes, Ned would help me. While he judged me the greatest sinner of all time. My stomach hardened into iron. Let him judge. I didn’t care.
Then why did I want to curl up into a ball right there on the floor?
“Thanks, Lizbet,” I said. My shoulders stiffened, and I stood and stretched to my full height. “And you’re right. Once I see Pete, everything will be fine.”
Chapter Nine
I woke up at four o’clock the next morning and had to go to the bathroom bad. Lizbet hung off her side of the bed, snoring a soft rhythm. Careful not to waken her, I wiggled out from under the covers and padded to the toilet. The floor creaked with each step, but Lizbet didn’t stir.
My spot was still warm when I crawled back into bed. I lay on my side, then on my back, then on my other side. I felt itchy and uncomfortable, and my boobs seemed to be gaining weight by the day. I’d always been proud of my chest because I had one. I smiled, remembering how flat my ex-friend Emili was. Next to her, I was huge. Now, however, I bulged under my T-shirt and flopped with each twist I made. I tried my side again, and wedged my pillow underneath me. Better. I must’ve slept, because the next thing I knew, Lizbet had hogged the covers and a cold rush of air assaulted me.
It was Pete Day. Finally. Mrs. Vaughn had called Edie, who’d called my dad, who said he didn’t care one whit if I went into Edgemont.
So, I was going.
I closed my eyes and planned what I’d wear. It had to be perfect. My aqua nubby sweater set off my red hair and green eyes, and perhaps I could still fit into my skinny jeans if I left the top snap undone.
I sat up, and pulled down the covers. My clothes were back at the Home. I hadn’t brought any of the good ones with me. I dropped back down on my pillow.
“What’s wrong?” Lizbet mumbled. “You okay?”
“Fine. Go back to sleep.”
I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine at all. How was I going to convince Pete to marry me if I looked like a slob? Maybe Ned could stop by the Home, I could change, and then we could go to Edgemont. That might work.
Mrs. Vaughn served up pancakes again. Lizbet slathered hers with butter and syrup and chowed down with her usual gusto. I managed to nibble a few pieces.
“Land’s sake, Farah girl, get eating. Your ride will be here soon, and we can’t have you going hungry.” She plunked three more pancakes onto Lizbet’s plate then hovered, holding a pancake-loaded spatula over my plate.
I held up my hand. “No, Mrs. Vaughn. I’m full. Honest.”
The phone rang. Mrs. Vaughn pulled it from its cradle on the wall. “Yes, she is… No, no, she’s right here…” She pressed the receiver against her ample chest and nodded at me. “For you, dear.”
My heart twirled. Pete! I jumped from my chair with my hand out. “Is it a guy?”
“Your father.”
My arm wilted and dropped to my side. “Oh.”
How would Pete have gotten the Vaughns’ number anyway?
Mrs. Vaughn nudged the phone up to my ear. “Come on, now. He’s eager to talk with you.”
I took it. “Hello, Dad.”
“How are you, Farah? I’m sorry I couldn’t call yesterday.” His voice was tinny sounding, like he was talking in an echo chamber.
Mrs. Vaughn hustled Lizbet into the living room, pancakes and all. “We’ll give her some privacy.”
I sank onto Lizbet’s chair, and the seat was still warm. “You talked to Mrs. Vaughn?”
He coughed. “Yes, I did. I hope you’re pleased with me giving my permission for your little outing.”
“My little outing? I can’t wait.” My tone smacked of smart-mouth, though of course I was pleased.
“Uh, yes, I’m glad then.”
“What do you want, Dad?”
“Are they treating you well?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t they?”
Another cough, and then he cleared his throat. “Did you want to see me when you come into town?”
“No, I have some errands is all.”
“I see. Farah, we need to talk.”
“We are talking.”
“No, I mean about the baby.”
I tightened my grip on the phone. “What about my baby?”
“I know they have services at the Home. You know, adoption services.” He spoke with slow, careful deliberation, like he wanted to make sure I understood every syllable.
“No, they don’t.”
“What? But I was told…”
“You were told wrong.”
“But I chose that home on purpose because…”
“Because you want me to desert my own baby. I get it now. How many times do I have to tell you I’m keeping this baby, I’m marrying Pete, and we’re going to be a family?” My voice rose with each word. I was near yelling when I finished.
“Calm down. Please. I know your plans. But you’re only sixteen. Pete’s not much older than you. I think it would be…”
“I know what you think.”
“Farah, please. I’m sorry. Let’s start over here. Are you saying every girl there is keeping her child? Edie told me you girls are given free choice which includes adoption. I think I need to have a talk with them.”
I didn’t want him calling Edie and causing a fuss, which would put the focus right on me. With my plans, I didn’t need any unnecessary attention. “No, no, you’re right, Dad. They do give us the choice. There’s an adoption agency that comes to the Home to talk. But
Pleasant Living doesn’t do adoptions themselves.”
“Ah. All right then. Farah, can you at least talk to them? Listen to them? You know your mother and I both…”
“There is no ‘both’ with you and Mother. Don’t give me that.” My chest had jammed up, and I gulped in air. I pressed my hand to my heart to feel it beat. I closed my eyes and remembered what I was doing today. By tonight, it would all be settled. Everything was going to be okay.
“I’m sorry, Farah.” His voice pinged off my ears, hardly registering. “Please talk to them the next time they come. Please.”
Ping. Ping. Ping.
I hung up. Mrs. Vaughn came to me from the living room. She put her arms around my shoulders and squeezed. She whispered into my ear. “Sweetie, I’m sorry it didn’t go well. I’m sure he loves you very much.”
I nodded, and my head bobbed up and down as if it didn’t belong to my body. Her arms fell from my shoulders.
“I’m going to get ready now,” I said, and my voice sounded as flat as the floor.
Lizbet followed me upstairs. “You take your shower first,” she said. “You’ll have more time to get ready.”
I sat on the bed. “In a minute.” My head was heavy, and my heart couldn’t seem to beat right.
“You okay?”
“Not really.” Why did I let my dad get to me?
Lizbet didn’t push. She sat and put her hand on my knee. When my insides settled back into place, I looked at her. “How do you truly feel about giving your baby away?”
She stiffened, and a curtain dropped over her eyes. “Fine.”
“My dad wants me to talk with the adoption people.” I got up and walked to the bathroom door.
“Maybe you should.” Lizbet’s gaze wandered to the window. “I think it’s going to rain.” She walked to the glass. “Clouds are rolling in.”
“Okay, I get it. Subject closed.” I checked the time. “Ned will be here in thirty minutes, and I don’t have anything to wear.” I heard the whining in my voice and hated sounding weak and ugly.
“You brought a bag.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know I was packing for Pete’s.”
Lizbet crossed the room in two steps and grabbed my arm. “You are not staying with Pete. You’re going to visit him and come back.”
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