“We’re going to miss the bus.”
“We’re not going to school until we know how Jasmyn is.” I put the brush down and noticed it was full of red hairs that reminded me of Pete’s bathroom and the mystery girl and the sorry mess I’d made of everything.
I sank to my bed and leaned against the headboard.
I checked the clock. The bus would already have passed our drive so I slipped off my shoes and kicked them aside. Ariel peered around our open door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” Lizbet said.
Ariel entered and rested against my side of the closet. “It’s creepy out there.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Steve cleaned up the mess. Now it’s all quiet and eerie — like Jasmyn died or something.”
Lizbet’s mouth dropped open.
“Bite your tongue, Ariel,” I said. “You’re freaking us out.”
“It’s true. Rosaline crept back to her room. You guys are in here. Steve disappeared back into the office, and Jasmyn and Edie are gone. I’m telling you, it’s creepy.”
I patted my bed. “Sit down in here with us, then.”
She sat and we all stared at each other.
“Let’s talk about something happy,” Lizbet said.
We continued to sit without a word. A crow screeched outside the window like we were deep in the woods at a wilderness camp.
Only this was Pregnant Fool Camp.
Ariel twisted her bracelet around and around on her wrist, pulling on the chain, and then letting it slip through her fingers. I watched her, mesmerized.
Lizbet coughed. Ariel and I both drew back.
We were a sorry group.
I jumped off the bed. “Come on, let’s go watch TV or something. It’s ridiculous to sit here waiting for the sky to fall.”
“The sky did fall,” Ariel said, and her expression tightened into a scowl. “We’re all here, Jasmyn is in the hospital, and we don’t even have cell phones. The sky has more than fallen — it’s disappeared.”
I pushed on her shoulder. “I never pegged you as the Queen of Depression. Come on, you guys, snap out of it.”
“Ariel’s right, the sky has disappeared,” Lizbet said. She hadn’t moved from her perch, and her shoulders sagged as if some invisible creature was pressing on her. “And sit down, Farah, you aren’t a cheerleader. Who are you kidding? You’re as cynical as they come.”
I heaved a huge sigh and plunked back onto the bed. “Fine. I tried.”
For the next twenty minutes, I sat next to them with my own muddy imaginings until finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m going to find Steve. He should know something by now.” I headed out to the hallway and saw Steve coming my way. His face was drawn, and the wrinkles around his eyes were shadowed.
I paused.
He knocked on Rosaline’s door. “Rosaline, can you come out here, please?” He tipped his head. “Will you get the other girls and meet me in the den?”
I nodded, and dread grabbed my gut. I leaned back around the bedroom door, and when Ariel and Lizbet saw me, their eyes grew huge. “Steve wants us in the den.”
They exchanged worried glances and then rushed to follow me. The hallway had never seemed so long. Rosaline walked in front, cradling her stomach. My insides shifted, and I put my hand over my tummy, sending silent reassurances to my baby. I glanced behind at both Ariel and Lizbet and realized each one of us had our hands over our bellies.
Steve stood in front of the TV. We filed in and sat on the couches. We were birds perched on a wire, wondering what storm headed our way.
“I got a call from Edie,” Steve said, and his voice caught when he said Edie. He coughed and wiped his hand over his brow. Steve was a slender guy and standing there, I noticed how tall and scrawny he was.
“What is it?” Rosaline asked.
“Jasmyn is fine, thank God.” He shuffled his feet and shook his shoulders. “But she lost the baby.”
All four of us sucked in air. Lizbet’s hand flew to her mouth, and she began to cry.
“Why?” Rosaline asked, rising from the couch. “She was fine. Perfect, in fact. What happened?”
“Edie said it was a prolapsed cord, so the baby’s oxygen was cut off. Sometimes things like this happen. It’s unusual, but not unheard of. I’m sorry, girls.”
“It makes no sense. She was seven months along. Why couldn’t they save the baby? The Millers are waiting. This isn’t right.” Rosaline’s voice grew louder and higher with each choppy sentence.
Steve took a step toward her. “I’m so sorry. But Jasmyn is okay. We need to concentrate on her. She’ll come home tomorrow.”
“It makes no sense,” Rosaline kept on. “The baby was fine. We laughed yesterday about how strong it kicked.”
Lizbet sniffled and hiccupped. Then she stood and bolted from the room, her hand still over her mouth.
“Farah, Ariel, you two all right?” Steve studied our faces.
I opened my mouth to say we were fine, but no words came. I sank back into the couch, and tremors of shock zipped through me.
Ariel stirred. “Jasmyn is lucky,” she said, her voice low and quiet. “She’s lucky. It’s over for her.”
Rosaline whipped around like a mad woman. “How can you say she’s lucky? A baby died! Are you insane? What’s wrong with you?” She lunged toward Ariel, and I scrambled to the side of the couch. Steve was quick. He grabbed Rosaline and pulled her off Ariel.
Ariel screamed and leapt from the couch. “Me insane? You’re a flippin’ nut-case!”
I jumped up, grabbed Ariel’s arm, and pulled her through the house back to my room. I yanked open the door, heard Lizbet’s sobs, and shoved Ariel inside.
“Everyone’s crazy around here. Sit down, Ariel. Lizbet, dry it up.” My voice rose to Rosaline’s level.
I was surprised when they both obeyed. Ariel sat on my bed, glaring at me like a mad bull. Lizbet sniveled and shut up.
My bravado drained, and my limbs went limp. I sank to my bed next to Ariel.
“What should we do?” I asked.
“You’re the self-proclaimed boss — you tell us,” Ariel said.
I rested my hand on her knee. “Sorry. I don’t know what to do.”
Lizbet grabbed a tissue from the desk and blew her nose. “What happens to Jasmyn now?”
“She goes home,” Ariel said. “Lucky girl.”
“So she’s done. Her baby dies and she’s done.” Lizbet reached over the edge of her bed to throw the tissue in the wastebasket.
“Weird,” I said. “For it to be over.”
“Who are we kidding?” Ariel snapped her fingers. “She’s lucky. We all wish we were her.”
“I do.” Lizbet was quick to agree.
Ariel stared into my eyes. “So do you, if you were honest.”
I scooted over the bed like a crab across sand, until I pushed up against my headboard. “No, I don’t.”
“Liar.”
I couldn’t hold her stare, so I concentrated on pulling my shirt over my stomach and straightening the seams.
Ariel leaned toward me, bending low to look up into my eyes.
“Liar.”
“Shut up, Ariel. Mind your own business.”
“Fine, but you know it’s true.” She scooted back against the wall. “So, are we going to school?”
“How could we concentrate? Steve never said anything about it just now,” I said.
“He’s kind of got a lot on his mind,” Lizbet said.
We were so silent, we could hear the cars zipping by on the road at the end of the drive. I wondered how Jasmyn felt. Was she glad? But she wasn’t going to keep the baby anyway. My leg cramped, and I straightened it across the bed. What was I thinking? The baby had been growing in her for seven months. How could she be glad? I wouldn’t be glad. I couldn’t. It was a baby. A human being.
There was no reason for Jasmyn to stay at the Home if she wasn’t pregnant anym
ore, so she’d be leaving for good.
“Is Ned coming tomorrow night?” I asked Lizbet.
Her eyes were red and watery. She drew in a long breath. “He comes every Tuesday and Saturday.”
“Yeah, what’s with that?” Ariel asked. “Are you sure he’s not your boyfriend in disguise?”
Lizbet leapt off her bed and hurtled toward Ariel. “How dare you!” she screamed.
My face froze in total shock. Lizbet was a feral cat, clawing at Ariel, while Ariel threw up her arms to protect herself. I jumped on Lizbet pushing her to the floor where we both landed with a heavy crunch.
Lizbet panted in my ear and wailed from her throat until it filled the room.
Ariel stood over us with fury curling every feature. “What is wrong with you?”
“Stop it, both of you!” I yelled. My legs were still flopped on top of Lizbet. “Stop it, I said!”
Lizbet went slack beneath me. I crawled onto my knees and gazed down at her. “You all right?”
Ariel heaved air above me. “She’s ravin’ crazy.”
I looked up at Ariel. “You hit low. Ned’s her brother, and he’s the only good thing in this nightmare.”
“I wasn’t even serious, I was just talking.”
“You talk too much.”
“Thank you, Miss Farah the Perfect.” She turned on her heel. “I don’t need any of this.”
“Come back. Man, everyone around here’s a hot mess.”
Lizbet struggled to a sitting position and leaned against my bed. “Sorry, Ariel,” she said in a whisper.
Ariel walked back and joined us on the floor. “I guess we are a hot mess. I feel awful about Jasmyn.”
“We all do,” I said. I reached over and smoothed Lizbet’s hair from her forehead. “We’ve got to stick together. Otherwise, none of us will make it through.”
A car pulled up, and Ariel jumped up and ran to the window. “Can’t see who it is from here. Come on.”
We scurried up and followed. We hung back at the end of the hallway to peer around the corner. Steve opened the door to a couple who were both crying. The woman held a tissue to her face and kept mumbling, “It’s not true. It’s not true.”
I leaned close to Ariel’s ear. “Are those Jasmyn’s parents?”
She shrugged. “Not sure. I didn’t think Jasmyn had a dad.”
Lizbet clutched my arm like she was about to fall off a cliff.
Steve hugged the woman and ushered them into the living room. “Please sit,” he said.
The three of us plastered ourselves back against the wall, so we wouldn’t be seen.
“What happened?” the man asked. “She was fine.”
Steve sat with them on the couch. He spoke in low tones, but we could hear him. “It was sudden. The doctors say it was a prolapsed cord. There was nothing to be done. The baby couldn’t get air. I’m so sorry.”
The woman burst into another round of sobs. “And Jasmyn? Is she all right?”
Steve nodded and patted her shoulder. “Jasmyn is fine. Edie is with her, and her mother is on her way.”
Ariel jerked back and gave me a questioning look. “Who are they?” she mouthed.
“My baby,” the woman choked out and clasped the tissue over her mouth.
Ariel’s eyes grew wide. “The Millers?” she mouthed again.
The Millers. A sick heaviness twisted inside my stomach. My heart sagged with a strange sorrow for these people I’d never seen before. Jasmyn’s baby had been their baby. Their child — one they’d probably already lavished with dreams and hopes. And it had died.
Lizbet’s grip on my arm tightened further. Her body shook with silent cries. I blinked and realized I was crying, too. It was all so wrong. I put my arms around my waist and hugged my baby. Nothing was right. Nothing was fair. Ariel pushed us back toward our room. We stumbled down the hallway, and I was grateful for the carpet so Steve wouldn’t hear us. We passed by Rosaline’s open door. She sat on her bed, and her face appeared as if someone had erased all emotion, like chalk from a chalkboard. Her eyes were dull as she watched us go by.
Ariel kept pushing us until we were all back on my bed.
Lizbet shook her head as if in slow motion. “Their baby is dead.”
I hit the bedspread, sending a hard vibration through the mattress. “It’s nobody’s fault. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Come on, let’s do something. This is sick, sitting here.”
Lizbet frowned at me and then whispered, “What’s sick is Jasmyn’s baby died, and I was jealous.”
Chapter Sixteen
The front door banged shut when Edie came home after dinner. We were all lingering in the den, the TV blaring, but nobody watching.
Steve went to meet her at the door, and I heard her greet him with, “Where are they?”
“In the den,” he answered.
She trudged in, and every muscle sagged as if pulled down by anchors. Even her face drooped, making her appear like someone’s great-grandma. Rosaline scooted over and patted the couch. Edie sat as if dropped from a great height.
“Girls, how are you doing?”
No one answered.
“Jasmyn is doing fine, she’s medicated and resting. She’ll be picked up in the morning, provided there are no complications.”
Lizbet stiffened beside me. “Complications?”
Edie shook her head and held out her hand. “No, no. There won’t be any. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Jasmyn is tired, but all right. Her mother and sister will be here in the morning to take her home.”
“The Millers were here,” Ariel said.
When I heard their name, a trembling started deep in my stomach and traveled up my spine. I couldn’t figure out why the thought of them continued to disturb me. I didn’t know them at all. They meant nothing to me.
Edie exhaled in a whoosh. “I know. Steve called and told me. They wanted to see Jasmyn, but I thought it best to say no.”
“What happens to the Millers now?” Lizbet asked.
“They go back on the waiting list until someone else chooses them.” Edie closed her eyes for a moment, then inhaled and opened them again.
“I didn’t choose the family taking my baby. They were chosen for me,” Lizbet said.
“Why didn’t you choose your own? That’s plain weird.” Ariel made a face, propped her elbow on her stomach, and rested her head on her hand.
“Everyone makes their own way, Ariel,” Edie said and nodded her head at Lizbet. She observed each of us around the circle. “I’m exhausted, and I know you are too. Beverly is coming for your counseling circle in a few minutes. She’s aware of today’s happenings and has been with Jasmyn all afternoon, even though Jasmyn slept a good deal of the day.”
“Do we have to talk to her? I’m not in the mood, and I’m tired. This has been a wretched day.” Ariel rose from the couch and faced Edie.
“It can be a short session, but I think you need to stay.” Edie looked around the circle again. “Girls, I’m so sorry about all of this. I want you to know that Jasmyn’s condition was rare so you needn’t be worried. Beverly will have some good words for you.”
The doorbell rang, and Steve went to get it. A few seconds later, Beverly whisked into the room, her scarf trailing behind her as if a strong wind was blowing. She wore the same red headband as before. It hadn’t held in her kinky mass of hair then, and it didn’t hold it in now.
Edie stood and indicated her spot on the couch for Beverly. Beverly gave Edie a quick hug, sat down, and piled her purse and leather briefcase onto the coffee table. She nodded at Ariel, who still stood, facing the doorway like she was trying to escape.
“Ariel. Girls. Hello,” she said. Her deep brown eyes searched each of our faces.
Ariel sank back down with a sigh.
I busied myself with studying my left shoe for the full forty minutes Beverly was there. I’d had enough emotion for one day, and I wasn’t in the mood to keep it flowing. I shut my ears to Lizbet’s tears
and Rosaline’s wailings. Ariel was as tight-lipped as I was, except she kept her heaving sighs going all evening.
When the front door shut behind Beverly, we all jumped up as if spring-loaded and escaped to our rooms.
****
I slept like a dead person all night. When the alarm went off, Lizbet hit the clock so hard, it went flying across the floor.
The clatter jolted me awake and sent me straight into a sitting position. “Man, Lizbet, did you have to attack the thing?”
She sat up. “Sorry. I was sound asleep. It scared me.”
I got up and pulled back the curtains. Light snow was falling, and there was already about an inch of accumulation. “It’s snowing.”
“Do we have to go to school?”
“It’s not deep, so I’m guessing yes.”
“But Jasmyn is coming home and then she’ll leave for good. Don’t we get to say good-bye?”
“Do you want to?” I let the curtain drop and turned to face her.
“Don’t you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess.”
“Seems like we should say something to her.” Lizbet threw her covers back and stood. “I’m going to ask Edie. I bet she’ll let us stay home.”
“Fine. Go ask.”
Lizbet left, and I sank back to my bed and pulled the covers over my legs. I didn’t want to see Jasmyn, and I didn’t want to go to school. In truth, I didn’t want to do anything but crawl back into bed and fall into oblivion.
I wondered what Jasmyn was feeling. Not that I’d ever know since we weren’t exactly best buds. The door swept back open, and Lizbet walked in and flipped on the light. I squinted at her.
“We don’t have to go,” she said with relief in her voice. “I don’t think I could’ve faced school today anyway. Now we can say goodbye to Jasmyn.”
“I’m going back to sleep then.” I scrunched down under the covers.
“You want to talk or anything?”
I raised myself onto my elbow. “Talk?”
She wiggled her shoulders in a weird shrug. “Yeah, you know, talk about stuff.”
I moaned and then realized my reluctance could hurt her feelings. I turned my moan into a yawning noise and sat up.
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