And he did. The two got into a brutal fight. Guzman seemed surprised that Negan had responded, which allowed Negan to get the first couple of shots in. Both were yelling now, both were throwing punches. If the refs didn’t stop this, Katella had no idea what would happen.
People got to their feet. Cheers were raining down on the fight. The other players stood by, waiting to go fight their own opponents if need be.
At one point, the refs tried to break the pair free. Negan refused to let go of Guzman’s jersey so easily. It took another minute before they were finally torn apart, but Negan was still yelling at Guzman and then snapped at the ref. At that point, the ref raised both hands, indicating that Negan had received a ten-minute game misconduct, essentially getting kicked out of the game.
This caused the stadium to pelt the rink with boos.
Katella couldn’t say anything.
“What just happened?” Seraphina asked.
Katella shook her head. “I have no idea,” she muttered in response.
Chapter 23
Katella left her seat without saying anything to Seraphina. She had given him ten minutes to cool down; she knew he would need his space on top of that. If his temper was like hers, it was quick; quick to come, quick to pass, but explosive in the moment. It was why she had never been truly happy with Matt; because she was never able to express herself and had to hold everything back.
At the very least, she wanted to make sure he was all right. He didn’t need to talk about it if he didn’t want to. That was perfectly fine. Maybe she was being selfish by going down in the first place. It was rather presumptuous of her, wasn’t it? Maybe she should just leave him be.
The problem was, he looked pissed. Like, angrier than she had seen him on the ice before. It wasn’t like him to react in such a way where the refs had such a problem keeping the two players separated that they gave each of them a game misconduct. Typically, fighting amused Negan to no end. He liked getting under people’s skin. But it looked like his opponent had gotten under his. Which never happened.
Regardless of her hesitation and doubt, she still forced herself down the stairs and to the locker room. Nobody questioned her presence; while Seraphina owned the team, Katella was still one of two owners of the building. The doors were closed but she opened one and slid through.
She wasn’t surprised to find Negan sitting on the bench, still fully dressed save for his helmet and gloves. He actually looked similar to the way he looked last week, where she took him to the Girls’ locker room and iced his eye. This would be different. For one, they were in the Gulls’ locker room and secondly, he had more than a black eye. His nose was crusted with blood. The trainer on the bench put in a cotton ball to plug it up momentarily, but she would have to wash it if she was going to clean up his face. His helmet had come off during the fight – which happened last time – and was why his nearly-faded bruises would be back again. There was also a cut on his lip that split the skin and was already swelling.
“You look like shit,” she told him.
He looked up from the tips of his skates and shot her a smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. In fact, there was a darkness in his eyes, a void, a dull anger, still simmering.
“You okay?” she asked. She wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for her to take care of him. She didn’t want to treat him like he was her child and she was babying him. Instead, she took a seat next to him, giving him a respectful distance just in case he didn’t like to be touched when frustrated.
He clenched his jaw, not responding.
“You wanna talk about it?” she asked, her voice still tentative. She could feel how tense he was, despite his efforts at assuring her that he was all right.
“Not really,” he snapped.
Katella knew he hadn’t meant to snap but it didn’t hurt any less. Still, she refused to make this about her.
It wasn't. Somebody had said something that really pissed Negan off and if she wanted to be the supportive girlfriend she knew she could be, the one he deserved, she owed him that much.
"Okay," she murmured, leaning away from him so she could sit back up. "I'm here for you when you're ready to talk. If you want to talk. You don't have to talk if you don't want to."
God, she was babbling again. She stood up quickly, deciding she had done what she needed to do and it would probably be best if she gave him some space, especially considering he wasn't in the mood to talk. She didn't want her presence to make him feel like he had to, like she expected him to.
Before she could start to walk away, he grabbed her wrist gently. She turned her head and quirked a questioning brow. Hopefully the look on her face was gentle and nonjudgmental. Hopefully she wasn't demanding answers.
"Guzman said something about you," he told her, looking up at her with big, brown eyes. "He wouldn't shut the fuck up about it and I lost it."
Katella pressed her lips together, trying to hold her tongue. This was a new way to handle things for her. Typically, she'd be asking for details. She wanted to understand what, exactly, caused him to get so upset. But maybe if she held back, he might tell her and he wouldn't feel like he was being interrogated.
"The problem was, he wasn't saying those things to me," Negan continued. "I don't know if you noticed, but he began chirping away at Peters during our penalty kill."
Typically, two centers were placed on the ice during power plays or penalty kills in case the linesman dropping the puck decided to kick out their center for whatever reason. Since Zachary Ryan was in the penalty box for hooking, Cherney put Matt and Negan out there together.
"And fucking Peters didn't do shit," Negan continued. "And maybe that was the right response. And Guzman is known for chirping away without actually dropping the gloves. Pussy." He clenched his jaw, shaking his head and staring off. Katella couldn't tell if he was talking to her anymore or if it was more for himself. "I couldn't let him talk about you that way. Yeah, maybe I painted a target on my back, and now that I've calmed down, I can understand that I should have handled it better. But fuck, if it wasn't worth it to sock him in the jaw. Certainly shut him up quick."
Negan picked his eyes up and looked at her. There was something in those brown orbs, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She wasn’t quite sure what it meant but it left her feeling unsettled.
“No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel,” he admitted. Even though they were alone, his voice had quieted, as though he was afraid someone would overhear. Katella didn’t think it was because he was ashamed of his feelings, exactly, but that it had more to do with anyone using those feelings against him. As Guzman did during the game. “I’ve never lost it before, and, trust me, people have talked a lot of shit on Edina. When Underwood and I were on different teams, he said some pretty negative stuff. But I always kept my composure. With you…” He shook his head again. “I’m not sure what’s going on with me.”
Katella’s breath caught in her throat. She wasn’t sure what that meant but it didn’t sound good. She had heard stories from player exes and even the players themselves who chose the sport rather than their relationship. A lot of the time, their partner became a distraction to the point where the player’s game was compromised. Whether it was because something in the relationship changed – marriage, a new baby – or a new relationship was fighting for top priority with hockey, there were times players put everything on hold so they could play as much of the sport as possible before they had to retire.
Fuck, she had made so many wrong choices. Being with Matt, hooking up with Xander. Regardless of who she was as a person didn’t mean she was going to be treated with the benefit of the doubt. She was a puck bunny. She liked players on the Gulls. If she had been with other guys – normal guys with a normal nine-to-five job – before Negan, they couldn’t get to him. But because of her past, because of her reckless choices, they were able to do just that. And now look, Negan had gotten into a fight that kicked him out of the game. The team w
as affected, as was Negan. He could have been hurt worse than he was.
“I don’t know what I can say to make it better,” Katella admitted. “I don’t know what you want from me or how I can help?”
“This isn’t something you can help with, Kat,” he told her as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “This isn’t something that can be fixed. I just… I just need to figure this out on my own.”
“What do you mean?” Katella asked, furrowing her brow.
“I just need to figure out how to handle this,” Negan said. “This is new to me and I just… I just need to figure this out. I lost it, Kat,” he said again. He looked bewildered, like he still couldn’t believe it. “I didn’t give a shit about the puck in that moment. I didn’t care about the puck or the play or the team. All I cared about was shutting Guzman up. That’s it. Nothing else. Do you know what a major problem that is?” He picked his eyes up to look at her.
Katella didn’t know what to say. She wanted to reassure him that that was okay, that everything would be okay, but she couldn’t. She knew that that was probably the last thing he wanted to hear. But she didn’t know what else to do to make him feel better. She wasn’t sure if she could do anything else to make him feel better.
“And now I painted a target on my back,” he continued, his hands dropping to his hands. They hung between his legs, his elbows on his knees. “Now people know how I feel about you.”
“And that’s a problem?” Katella asked before she could stop herself. It wasn’t her logic talking right now, but her fear. She was afraid, had been since she realized what happened, and that this somehow tied back to her.
“Yeah, it’s a problem,” he said, furrowing his brow, his eyes flashing as they looked at her. “Now, they’re going to start saying shit about you to get to me.”
“So?” Katella raised her brow. A challenge.
“So?” he asked in disbelief. “So? Kat, that’s a problem.”
“No, it’s not,” she replied. “You’re a hockey player and this is part of your job. Let him say whatever he wants to say about me. Who cares?”
“I care,” he said, his voice booming through the empty room. “I’m not going to let anyone talk about you that way.”
“I’m sure they said stuff about Edina,” Katella said. She didn’t want to have to bring his ex up, but she needed to make her point.
Negan pressed his lips together, narrowing his eyes at her. “This isn’t about her,” he said in a warning voice, short and precise.
“Maybe not, but you have to be able to control yourself, Negan,” she told him.
“You don’t think I can control myself?” he questioned.
“Clearly not, after tonight,” she pointed out. Katella closed her eyes and counted down from three. This wasn’t going the way she wanted it to go. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at Negan, who was calmly waiting for her to speak. Like he knew she was going to and didn’t want to interrupt. “Look, I don’t know how this turned into a fight. I know this has something to do with me. I just wanted to check on you because you’re right, it isn’t like you to lose it like you did. And I just wanted to make sure you were okay. But I think you need space. And maybe I shouldn’t have come down in the first place but…” She shook her head. She didn’t want to talk herself in circles, and it wasn’t like Negan was telling her to stay. “Anyway, I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Katella turned from him and headed out. She wanted to turn around, to look at him, but she was afraid that if she did do that, she would crumble and rush back into his arms. So she refrained.
A part of her was waiting for him to call her back, to tell her not to go, but the call never came.
Chapter 24
Katella paced around Seraphina’s office, running her hands through her hair. She didn’t like to get caught up in a relationship, especially at the beginning of one when it was still new and vulnerable, when anything could happen. Seraphina was sitting behind her desk, her blonde hair swept into a bun, her bangs pinned back. Her blue eyes were patient, watching as Katella went in one direction before walking to the other.
“I don’t know what to do,” Katella announced, finally stopping so she could face her sister. She placed her hands on the back of a chair, leaning forward. “I’ve given him space and he hasn’t called me back.”
“You gave him a night,” Seraphina pointed out. “It’s eight o’clock in the morning. He’s probably still sleeping.”
“He told me he got into a fight because Guzman said something about me,” Katella said. “He wouldn’t tell me what he said, though.”
“Okay,” Seraphina said slowly, still not understanding what Katella was trying to say.
“But I guess someone said something about me a couple of games ago – the game before the auction,” Katella continued. “And he told me what that guy said, no problem.”
Seraphina cocked her head to the side and laced her fingers together. “Why do you want to know so badly?” she asked. “Clearly it upset him. He told you it was about you. Why do you need to know the specifics?”
“I-“ Katella stopped. Why did she need specifics? Was it really that important, save for the fact that it would help her ego? She shook her head. “Yeah, I guess I don’t. Maybe I’m just freaking out over nothing.”
“You did this all the time with Matt,” Seraphina pointed out. “The difference is, Negan isn’t Matt. And you have to realize that or else what you have with Negan isn’t going to work. Negan isn’t going to act like Matt so you shouldn’t respond like it is Matt.” She narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Do you love him?”
Katella blinked at her sister. “Of course,” she said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Of course I love him, Sera. I haven’t felt this way about anyone before. He’s… different.”
A small smile tugged the corners of Seraphina’s mouth up. “Okay,” she said with a nod. “Then act like it.” Katella dropped her mouth open to defend herself but Seraphina quickly cut her off. “I’m being for real, Kat. With love comes trust. Especially when you’re dating a professional athlete. You, more than anyone, should know that. Give him his space. He needs his space. Respect that.”
“But what if-“
“Trust him, Kat,” she said, furrowing her brow. “Don’t get worked up over this when you don’t need to. You always do this, Kat. From junior high to now, you constantly worry about how your behavior - you being you - will impact your relationships when the truth of the matter is if they care about you at all, you can't do anything that will push them away. You did this with Matt and Jordan and Rad and Rick. And guess what? They weren't worthy of you because they didn't appreciate who you are. In fact, the only person you didn't do this with was Xander, which is probably why this worked out so well for you guys. Because you didn't care."
"I can't just not care about Negan, Sera," Katella said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm in love with him."
Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing, to fall in love with another hockey player from the same team. Maybe it made her look flighty, maybe people would think she was some kind of puck bunny; she didn't care about all that. The fact of the matter was, she loved Negan and she wasn't going to apologize for that or lie about it or feel ashamed.
"I'm in love with him," she said.
"I'm not telling you not to care about him," Seraphina says slowly. It sounded almost as though she was still reeling from Katella's admittance. "Kat, you've been the better one at holding your emotions back. But ever since Matt came back, you've been acting out like you're some kind of broken-hearted high schooler."
"I know," she agreed with a nod.
This also seemed to surprise Seraphina. "What?" she asked.
"I know," Katella said again. "I'm a hot mess, Sera. Ever since Papa died, I kept everything bottled up and once Matt dumped me, I thought that was a perfect excuse to act out. I took everything I was feeling and completel
y let loose. I made some dumb decisions, although I don't regret Xander. That was some of the best sex of my life and he really made me feel special. I knew it wouldn't work out between us but still. He taught me how I deserved to be treated and I deserved nothing less than the best. But everything else..." She shook her head. "I'm embarrassed. But it's different now. I love Negan and it's hard for me not to worry about scaring him away."
"Let me ask you a question," Seraphina said, leaning back in her chair and bringing her foot up to rest on the seat of her chair. It was a completely casual pose, completely unprofessional but it was so Seraphina, Katella had to smile. "Why are you concerned about pushing Negan away rather than being concerned with him cheating on you?"
Katella blinked in surprise at her sister’s question. “Negan would never cheat on me,” she said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Just because he cheated on Edina doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat me.”
Seraphina gave her sister a look and crossed her arms over her chest. “You have got to be kidding me,” she told her sister. “Do you hear how you sound? I thought you and Negan just had sexual tension. I like the guy and he’s one hell of a player. He makes the Gulls a better team. But he cheated on his wife. That isn’t a lie, that’s a fact.”
“I know,” Katella told her. Her jaw was set and she looked her sister in the eye. “I’m not here to defend him. We already talked about that Sera, and it’s not my place to explain anything. But I trust him, and, if you trust me, you’ll trust him.” She set her jaw. “Negan would never cheat on me. I know this for a fact. I promise you. He loves me. And I know I sound like a crazy person; I get it. But I just… I just know.”
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