Two of the big, burly men jumped up and ran to her, picking her up off the casket just before she reached his face. She struggled against them, craning her neck in an attempt to reach him.
“For the love of God and all things holy, get off Shadow’s casket, Liz!”
“Wait a minute,” Liz replied solemnly. “Then Shadow’s really gone?”
“Yes, Liz. Shadow is really gone.” He pulled her into his arms and consoled her while they made their way back to the pew. Elle knew exactly how Liz felt, even though she didn’t know Liz at all.
“I’m so sorry, everyone. Shadow and I always teased and played jokes on each other. I meant no disrespect,” Liz announced.
“We know, Liz. Devon told us all about you.” Tracey smiled through her tears. “It’s okay.”
Several men entered the room and took Devon away, wheeling the casket out of the room and away from them. The pastor cleared his throat, choking back emotion, and began the eulogy.
“We’re here to celebrate the life of a man who lived his life shrouded in darkness so others may enjoy the freedom of living in the light. His selfless sacrifices didn’t lessen the impact he had on others’ lives, as we can see from simply looking around the room. His many friends and family are here to pay last respects to a man who rushed into situations everyone else ran away from.
“His wish was to be cremated, but I don’t know if most of you were aware of the stipulations he made. He asked that his ashes not be put into an urn. There will be no remains or plaque to visit. He wanted his ashes to be made into a white gold ring that bears his fingerprint. The inscription will read, ‘You’re my girl—forever,’ and it’s for someone very special to him.”
Elle’s gaze snapped up to the pastor’s in shock. Tears ran down her cheeks though she paid no attention to them. The pastor smiled sadly at her before he continued. “Miss Elle Moore, his mother told me just this morning the ring will be delivered to you in about four weeks. He loved you very much and wanted you to be happy above all else.”
The rest of the eulogy was lost to Elle. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop. Once the tidal wave of feelings hit her, she drowned in them—every single one. The onslaught was terrible, but the memories they evoked also brought the many happy times, and that comforted her. By the end of the service, she was completely spent.
The four weeks following the funeral were hell on earth for Elle. The first week, everyone stayed to help tie up loose ends. And all of them hovered over her as if she would shatter into a million pieces at any time, putting more pressure on her to be “okay” all the time.
But she wasn’t okay and never would be again. That was a given. The brief reprieve from sympathetic eyes came from the demands of the government agencies identified with an initial that demanded to speak with her regarding her ordeal. She’d delayed it as long as she could. Reliving the moment Devon was shot brought it all rushing back to her mercilessly, but she maintained her composure long enough to give them the info they needed. She only hoped it was enough to put those sons of bitches away forever.
Week two brought a different kind of suffering because everyone returned to their regularly scheduled lives, leaving Elle feeling as if she were drifting aimlessly through life. There was no one around to watch her every move except Beth, who was busy looking for a new job. Elle envied her friend in a way. A new job would bring a new start, a clean slate to put all the ghosts of their abduction ordeal behind her. While Elle felt a little bit stronger every day, her heart wasn’t in returning to the fake life of a Hollywood starlet.
With the newfound free time she had, her thoughts kept returning to that moment when Devon was shot. She began to remember details that didn’t stand out to her at first. Fear had gripped her so tightly while she was in the middle of the chaos, she didn’t realize she’d blocked the memory of Bone leveling his gun at her. The panicked expression on Devon’s face when he’d entered the garage. The way he’d sprinted across the floor and stopped when he was directly in front of her.
“Did he do that to save me?” she asked herself, pacing back and forth across the room.
“Elle?” Beth asked softly. Elle looked up at her concerned eyes. “Why don’t you come with me to therapy? I wasn’t kidding when I said we needed it.”
“I know. But I’m not ready. I’m just remembering the sequence of events and trying to make sense of everything.”
“Okay. Did you hear about the studio?”
“No, I haven’t heard anything about anything. What’s going on?”
“The studio is closing the lot and filing for bankruptcy.” Elle’s brows drew downward, her eyes narrowed, and her lips parted. Beth understood Elle’s confusion was because she’d cut herself off from the outside world. “Okay, from the beginning. The person behind our abduction was actually a studio executive. He mismanaged investor funds and tried to hide it by delaying movie releases. Anyway, once the gang took him hostage because he double-crossed them, the investors figured out what happened and they withdrew all funding, so the studio has no capital to operate with. They’re closing the doors for good.”
“What about the movie we just finished? It’s scrapped too?”
“Maybe not. Another studio is asking about buying it. There’s also talk about a group of investors producing it independently,” Beth replied.
“I like option number two better.”
Week three post-funeral, Elle started watching the news and began entering the world of the living again. The television was safer than going out in public—not because she was afraid but because she’d become indifferent to everything. For the sake of her own career, should she ever go back to it, she had to maintain appearances. At that moment, she recognized she simply didn’t care about anything.
Then the images of the Devil’s Dominion club officers flashed across the screen, and she turned the volume up to catch every word the news anchor said.
“These high-ranking members of the Devil’s Dominion motorcycle club, one of the infamous one-percenter gangs, have been arrested and denied bail because of their flight risk. Their charges include human trafficking, kidnapping, murder, extortion, and drug trafficking. Federal agencies say they expect to file more charges soon, including organized crime and money laundering.
“Two weeks ago, Detective Joanna Gough’s body washed ashore. The gang has been linked to her murder. You’ll remember she was the detective in charge of the kidnapping investigation involving Elle Sinclair, Beth Condra, Katrina Fox, Carrie Snow, and Lori Hensley. Director Vince Rossi and agent Ray Burke have also been indicted on conspiracy charges.”
Fueled by rage over what they’d stolen from her, Elle flew up from her seat and moved into action. Just the sight of their faces was enough to turn her stomach, but more than that, she was ashamed of what she’d allowed them to reduce her to.
“No more,” she decided. “No more living my life behind closed doors. Devon would’ve wanted more for me. I want more for me.”
24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“I’m so glad you started coming to therapy with me. In group, there are so many people who’ve decided to speak out because you had to courage to do it. You’ve changed already from just a week ago. I was honestly getting worried about you.” Beth threw her arm around Elle as they strolled on the beach, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the sand beneath their toes.
“Me, too. It’s been very helpful. And I’m glad my big mouth helps others when I give them a chance to speak.”
“Yeah, you have to take a breath every now and then,” Beth teased. “Man, it feels good to laugh and joke again.”
They had lunch at an outdoor oceanside café, carefully avoiding certain topics so they wouldn’t step back into melancholy, but still enjoying each other’s company. “I think it’s time we stop tiptoeing around each other and get back to saying what’s on our minds like we used to. The more we act normal, the faster we’ll feel normal,” Elle said between bites.<
br />
“Agreed. So, I’m glad you’re showering again. That made a nice change to the smell coming from your room.”
“Bitch,” Elle laughed and threw a piece of her bread at Beth.
With the tension finally broken, she found a new spring in her step and could breathe easier. One step at a time, she was beginning to feel better. She was actually beginning to feel anything again.
Later that evening, Elle and Beth were watching a movie together in Beth’s bedroom when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Beth announced. “Elle, it’s a package for you. Come sign for it,” she called from the door.
Elle froze in place, suddenly remembering the date. Four weeks to the day since his funeral. The ring with his fingerprint made partly from his ashes. The last piece of Devon Kane waited for her.
She padded across the apartment toward the front door and grabbed the knob while she steeled her nerves. Anything remotely related to Devon was still a trigger for her, but she was learning to embrace the memories of their good times. She swung the door open with her best face forward, even though it put her acting skills to the ultimate test.
“Elle Moore, this is the only confirmed fingerprint of Devon Kane. Every other print has been expunged from every file accessible anywhere as a safety precaution to national security. I want you to wear it, as part of your bridal set, as a constant reminder of my promise that I’ll never leave you again.”
She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t speak.
Devon Kane was kneeling down on one knee outside her apartment door. There was only one explanation for that—she’d had a complete break with reality.
“Elle, will you marry me?” Devon extended the ring to her.
To test her sanity, she reached out, took it from him, and slid it onto her finger. It fit perfectly. She admired the unique lines and grooves his fingerprint created.
“Elle?” He stood slowly and slid his hand across her cheek until his fingers threaded through her hair. “Darlin’, talk to me. You’re scaring me.”
She leaned into the warmth of his hand and closed her eyes, lost in her fantasy. Then her eyes flew open when she realized she could feel this daydream. She reached up and touched his face, several days of stubble covering his jaws.
“Devon? Are you real?” she whispered, scared she’d interrupt the best dream she’d ever had if she spoke too loud.
“I’m real, darlin’. It’s me, Elle. I know I have a lot to explain, but believe me when I say you’ll understand everything when I’m done. I love you, Elle. And I want to spend my life with you as my wife.”
Her hands flew to her mouth, covering it after a loud gasp. Her eyes grew big and locked wide open, staring at him and shaking her head from side to side.
“You died. I saw you get shot twice. The ambulance. The surgeon said… The funeral. I went to your funeral!”
“Just listen, okay?” He spoke softly, calmly and approached her cautiously. “I know it was all hell on you. It was on me, too. I’ve been in the hospital recovering. At my funeral, I was in a medically induced coma, with a special medication to slow my breathing. I knew nothing that happened. That’s why my casket was only open for an hour, so they tell me. They had to get me back to the hospital.
“From the beginning, here it is. After I left the Army, I joined the CIA’s clandestine black ops team. I’ve spent most of my life undercover and pretending to be someone else. That’s why I was part of the motorcycle gang. I went in undercover to save you. I would never do anything to hurt you or put you in any kind of jeopardy. Letting you think I was actually part of all that killed me, but I couldn’t risk telling you the truth and letting it get out. We’d both have been killed. The best I could do was stay close to you and protect you, so that’s what I did.”
He explained how Nick, Axle, and Jack were all working together as part of a joint task force to bring the club down. With Nick undercover DEA, Axle undercover CIA and working through Silas, and Jack being Nick’s handler, they had her and the other ladies well covered.
“You brought another actress in.” Her statement was disguised as a question, hoping he had a valid answer.
“The actress you saw me bring in the old clubhouse that night was one of their targets, but she participated willingly. She was prepped by trained agents and knew we were coming to get her, but she didn’t know which of the gang members were undercover agents. She never saw our faces so she couldn’t give us away.”
“She never told me.”
“She was strongly warned not to say anything. Her life depended on it too. She had a tracking device inserted into her arm just in case.” He stepped toward her, tentative in his approach, afraid she would bolt away from him forever. “The past eight years, the only reason I’ve left your side was because I was on a case. In between working assignments, I was with you. If I was in town on assignment, I checked on you and watched you from a distance, like an obsessed fan. But only because I’ve hated every second I’ve been away from you.
“You once asked me who Ava is. She’s my little sister, but she was taken from us when she was only five. Kidnapped by a monster. My parents had just bought me a new bicycle for my birthday, and at nine years old, I was preoccupied with tricking out my ride. I took my eyes off her for too long. They must have driven by and snatched her out of the front yard.
“Remember the man who died while we were in St. Lucia? He was a party to her disappearance, and he was there to coordinate the movement of more abducted children. Since I was completely off the grid while we were away, Axle showed up to deliver my orders in person. It was a sanctioned hit, but I gladly killed the man who took my sister away from us. I’ve blamed myself for what happened all my life, and I’ve dedicated my every move to protecting innocents as best as I could.
“So many times, I’ve wanted to lay all my cards out on the table for you to know all about me. I’ve said repeatedly the only way to leave the CIA is to die. Shadow was my nickname, the only name most people have ever known me as. Shadow died on his last operation and is finally released from the CIA. Devon now stands in front of you, asking for, I believe, the third time—will you marry me?”
“I’m sorry,” she replied and watched his face fall. “I’m still trying to catch up to you actually being alive and deciding if I should be mad at how much anguish you’ve put me through. When I opened the door and saw you there, I actually thought, if I was hallucinating because I’d had a mental breakdown, I didn’t want to be put back together. So now I know I’m not crazy, you are real, and you’ve been a spy and an undercover agent the entire time we’ve been together. It’s…a lot to take in.
“Plus, as I recall, you left me a year ago and haven’t been back.”
“I’ve been back many times,” he replied quietly. “But I can understand how you’re hurt over the secrets and the month since my funeral. To be fair, I’ve been in the hospital all that time, but you didn’t know that. It is a lot to accept and forgive. So I’ll go and give you the time to think about everything that’s happened. Mull it over. Decide what you want.”
He turned to leave, and she noticed his grimace when he moved, the slow pace of his steps, and his hand on the wall for support. The pallor of his skin struck her hard, as did the noticeable weight loss.
“I never said I didn’t know what I want, Devon.”
He stopped in his tracks, but he didn’t turn to face her. “And that is?”
“You. All I’ve ever wanted is you. All I’ll ever want is you. Had you asked me to leave the glamour and glitz of modeling and movies to join the undercover world in the shadows, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it as I packed my bags. My first choice has always been you.”
She slipped under his arm on his injured side and wrapped her arm around him, gripping the other side tightly. He looked down at her, his eyes overflowing with love. “Let me help you into my apartment. You need to lie down before you fall down.”
“You’re just trying
to get me into your bed.”
“Damn straight.” She smirked.
His thumb and index finger found the ring on her finger and tilted it slightly from side to side. “Does this mean yes?”
“It means yes. With all of my heart, body, mind, and soul—yes.”
She walked him toward her bedroom, and her steps faltered only when she saw Jeff standing in Beth’s bedroom doorway with his hand firmly over Beth’s mouth.
“It’s the only way I could keep her from blabbing.” Jeff shrugged and winked, clearly enjoying his role in the game. “I’ll be on my way now.” He nodded to Devon, his eyes conveying the sincere gratitude he felt inside.
Elle smiled at her brother and continued assisting Devon to her room, then watched with tears brimming in her eyes as he struggled to crawl into the bed. Tears for so many reasons—elation, sadness, concern, and relief. Euphoria topped the list of feelings overwhelming her senses, though. Completely grateful for everything she’d gone through because it only made her that much more thankful to have him back in her life.
“When did you get out of the hospital?”
“About thirty minutes before I rang your doorbell.”
She slid into the bed beside him, his back to her front, and gently draped her arm over his side. “Does that hurt?”
“No.” He wrapped his hand around hers and pulled her closer to him. “You feel like heaven.”
“I have so many questions to ask you.”
“Ask away.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” she laughed.
“We have the rest of our lives, darlin’.”
She raised up on one elbow and put her chin on his shoulder. “So, black ops. Does that mean you know how to torture people for information?”
He slowly turned his head until he could see her. “That’s the first thing you want to know? Out of everything you could possibly ask?”
Wicked Shadows (Steele Security Book 5) Page 27