by Novik, Naomi
Her spirits were badly bruised, but she was conscious of her duty not to spread demoralizing sentiments;withaneffortsheralliedherselftoadd,“Iamsorryindeedtobethebearerofsuchnews,but I will leaven it, if I may, by assuring you that hope is not lost; our forces have by and large escaped Bonaparte’strap,andwhenwehaveregrouped,Ihaveeveryconfidenceinoureventualvictory.Which indeed,”sheadded,withaburstofresentmentshecouldnotcontain,“mightnothavebeensodreadfully forestalled,ifonlyAdmiralRoland’sadvicehadbeenheeded—butImustsaynomore.Ifear,sir,thatwe haveputyouout.”
“As if any such concern should weigh with you, under these circumstances. You shall have everythingitisinmypowertoprovide;andIrenewmyoffer,Miss—CaptainBennet,”Darcycorrected himself,notwithoutaninvoluntaryquestioningnote,whichnopowercouldhaverepressedentirely,“not merely for yourself but of course your—your officers, to quarter with me; I am certain shelter may be contrivedforallyourmen.”
“I am afraid the greater difficulty will be in feeding the dragons,” Elizabeth said, as they came throughthetreesaroundthelake,andfoundWollstonecraftsittingraptlyontheshorewithPulchriaand Astutatis,oneoftheirYellowReapers,allofthemgazingacrossthewaterattheenormoushousewithall its windows lit up brilliantly, the warm stone capturing the last rays of the sun and shining against the
deepeningtwilightbehindit.
“Oh!Elizabeth!”thedragonsaid,swingingherheadabout.“Comeandlookwithme.Haveyouever seenanythingsobeautiful?Itmightallbemadeofgold.Whatisthatplace?”
Mr.Darcyhadlongnursed,alongwithhismemoriesofElizabeth,apainfulconsciousnessofwhathe considered the failure of his courage, when last confronted with a dragon. He had indeed deliberately comeouttogreettheaviatorsonthisoccasionfromanintentiontoallowhimselfnosuchweakness,and wasdoublygladinfrontofMissBennettofindhimselfequaltoansweringthemonstrouscreature,“That ismyhouse,Pemberley.”
Wollstonecraft rolled one fiery orange eye towards him and exclaimed, “Why, that is Mr. Darcy,”
followedinamomentby,“Yourhouse?”intonesofrisingastonishment.
“ELIZABETH," WOLLSTONECRAFT said, a week later, “I have thought it over at great length, and I supposeIhadbetterforgiveMr.Darcyafterall.”
“Ishouldhopeso,”Elizabethsaid.Shehadbeensurprisedandgratefullysobythewelcomewhich Darcy had extended to their formation: she had not looked for anything but the most unwilling and reluctantcooperationfromanylandowneronwhomtheyhadbeensummarilyimposed,andfromDarcyin particular would have expected every effort to avoid intercourse with the scandalous aviators settled uponhisgrounds.Insteadhehadthrownwidehishousetoallofthem:hehadevenpresentedElizabethto hisownsister,despiteanyattemptsonherparttodemur.“Ibegyourpardon,Mr.Darcy,”shehadsaid,
“butIcannotgetmyselfupinadresswhenatanymomentwemayhavetogoaloft.”
“Captain Bennet,” he said, “I assure you that my sister will not censure your attire; no one could, whenyouwearitinthecourseofyourduty.”
Elizabeth had been moved although unpersuaded, recalling Miss Bingley’s refinements upon Georgiana Darcy’s perfect deportment and exquisite manners. However, she could not refuse when so pressed,andtheintroductionbeingaccomplished,hadsoonunderstoodthatMissDarcywastakenaback only by painful shyness, and was in any case too much in awe of her older brother to disapprove of anyonewhomhepresentedtoher.
“Doyoureallyrideadragon?”Georgianahaddaredtoaskher,inlittlemorethanawhisper.
“There is nothing more delightful, if you have a head for it, and are dressed for the heights,”
Elizabethhadsaid,alreadyeasyenoughwithhercompanytobeincautious,andaddedwithoutthinking,“I shouldbehappytotakeyouupofamorning,ifyoulike,oncethescoutshavereportedtheroadsclear.”
Almostatonceshehadrecalledtoherselftheunsuitabilityofthissuggestion.ButeventothisMr.
Darcyhadnotobjected.Hehadgivenherofficersdinnereverynight,andshehadbeenastonishedtofind him so affable and warm a host with them as to make all his guests easy, even though as aviators they werenearlyallofthemunaccustomedtopolitesocietyandatableofthesortwhichhelaidbeforethem.
Hehadnotblinkedtobeaddressedfromfiveseatsaway,norwhentheofficershadhandedaroundthe dishes among themselves, while his unhappy footmen tried without success to dart in between and recapturethem.
Most vitally, he had laid out from his own stores the oats that necessity now prescribed for the dragons’meals,andhadinsistedtheymakefreenotonlyofhisdeerbuthishandsomeherdofcattle.He had made a point of coming to the covert daily to hear the reports of the scouts, and to share what intelligence his own servants and tenants had brought him of the surrounding countryside. By his correspondence with other men of property, of his and his late father’s acquaintance, he had even arrangedsimilarassistanceforahalf-dozenotherformationcompaniesandsometwodozencouriers,to thematerialassistanceoftheircommunicationsandspyingupontheFrenchoperations.
“I should hope so,” Elizabeth went on now, “when he has been so invaluable to us: I could wish some gentlemen of the Admiralty would behave half as well as he has.” She thought with approval of Darcy’svisitthatmorning;theyhadwalkedtogetherthroughthecovert,andhehadspokeninasensible waytoVindicatus,whosemassivesizemightpardonablyhavegivenpausetoanypersonnotaccustomed todragons.
“I have flown over all his grounds, now, when we have not been patrolling,” Wollstonecraft said,
“andtheyaredelightfulineveryparticular.Doyouknow,Elizabeth,thereisaruinedcastlehere,whichI havebeeninformeddatestotheninthcenturyandisrumoredtocontainburiedtreasure,andatopthatrise tothenorthwherethatlittlecagesits,”meaningbythisanelegantfollylargeenoughtoentertainapartyof six, “you will find a charming plaza built entirely of Italian marble, ideal for sunning oneself: it has a magnificentprospectovertheentirecountryside.Asforthehouse,nothingmorecouldbeasked:ifonlyI mightgoinside!ButreallyIcannotimaginethereisanythingwithintocomparetothepleasureoflooking upon it from without. I should not tire of the sight all my days. And I believe you once said he has ten thousandayear?”
“Youmercenarycreature.Arethesethequalitieswhichhavewonhimyourpardon?”
“Well,itishardtoimaginehimsuchapaltryfellow,whenhehassomanybeautifulthings,andhe hasbehavedsoprettilysincewecame,thatIamwillingtogranthehaslearnedhislesson.Perhapshe wasonlyill,whenhespokesoslightinglyofyoubefore;hemayhavehadsometroublewithhiseyesight atthetime.”
Elizabethonlyhummedidlyinanswer;shewaspreoccupiedwithherreports,whichindicatedthat the French foragers were making grievous depredations against the countryside to the south, and so thoughtnothingmoreofthisconversation;toherregret.Foronthenextoccasionwhichoffered,several days later, when Mr. Darcy had come to the covert to bring them several handsome bullocks from his herd,Wollstonecraftcorneredthegentlemananddemandedifthiswerenotindeedthecase.
“Wollstonecraft!” Elizabeth said, despairingly. “What Mr. Darcy will think of you,”—of us, she
privatelythought,withadismaysharperthanshewouldhaveliked.
But Darcy stammeringly said, “I cannot claim to have been
ill at the time, madam; only gravely mistaken,foritissometimesinceIhaveconsideredCaptainBennetoneofthehandsomestwomenofmy acquaintance,” and having delivered this astonishing speech, he at once colored, then bowed and very abruptlydeparted,leavingbehindadeeplysatisfieddragonandadeeplydistressedcaptain,whosaidto theformer,“Oh,forHeaven’ssake,Wollstonecraft,praystopprancing.Canyounotseethisisthemost dreadfulsituationimaginable?”
CAPTAINBENNETwouldhavebeengladtoforgettheincidententirely;thatbeingbeyondherpower, shewouldhavebeensatisfiedonlytopretendthatithadneverhappened.Shewasnotinsensibletothe complimentofMr.Darcy’sadmiration,norcouldshefail,withsuchexplicitproofsmadeher,toseethat admirationworkinginallhisexertionsonbehalfofherselfandherformation.Thatitmusthaveovercome allthesentimentswhichhad,sheknew,opposedhimtohisfriendBingley’smatchwithJane,andtoany closeassociationwithaviators,wasonlyafurthertestamenttoitsextent.
IfherownfeelingstowardsMr.Darcyhadremainedunchanged,shemighthavebeenlittletroubled by knowing of his. But those feelings were wholly altered: disdain become respect, dislike become affection. She had come to consider him a man to be relied upon, and one whose company brought her pleasure.Andshecouldnothelpbutrecognizethatshehadindulgedinthatpleasure,withtheexcuseof theircircumstances,farpasttheboundsofpropriety.Mr.Darcyhadcalleduponhereveryday;shehad welcomedhisvisitsandencouragedthem.Shehadbeenoftenaloneinhiscompany.Hewasnotafellow-officer,andtheirintercoursecouldnotbedefendedasamatterofduty.Ithadonlyseemedsoimpossible thatMr.Darcyshouldloveher,thatshehadneverconsideredwhetherherbehaviormightbegivingrise tosentimentswhichcouldneverbeanswered.
“I do not see why not,” Wollstonecraft said, maddeningly. “Only think, Elizabeth, how splendid it shouldbetohaveyouthemistressofPemberley!”
“AndwhatusedoyousupposeIshouldbetoPemberleyoritsmaster,whentheCorpsmustsendus toLondon,orstationusinDoverafterGodwillingwehavechasedNapoleonoffourshores?”Elizabeth said.“Besides,youabsurdcreature,hemayhavefalleninlovewithme,buthecannotmeantomarryme; Iamaserving-officer,notarespectablegentlewoman.”Shehadneverbeforecountedherreputationany realcost.Shestilldidnotreallyregretitnow,butwasconsciousofafaintpangwhichservedtomake herwaryofherownfeelings.ItmustbeforthebestthatMr.Darcywouldneverproposetoher.Shecould only have given pain, in making him a necessary refusal. She hoped that he would say no more, and resolved to avoid being alone in his company henceforth, and to delegate to her officers the necessary discoursebetweenthecovertandthehouse.
Thesehopeswerefrustrated,thenextday,whenwalkingtothelakeshoreafterthemorning’spatrol, as had become her custom, she accidentally encountered Mr. Darcy lingering in a small copse of trees alongthepath.Shehesitated,andnearlyturnedback;buthecaughtsightofherandcomingnearheldouta foldedandsealedletter,whichshereceivedoninstinct.“CaptainBennet,Ihopeyouwilldomethefavor ofreadingthatletter,”hesaid,andbowingtookhisleave.
Elizabethwantedalmostnothinglessthantoreadtheletter;shecarrieditbacktohersmallbivouac asgingerlyasanincendiary,andconsideredwhetheritoughtnotbeputonthefireatonce.Butcuriosity wastoostrongtobeovercome.Sheopenedtheenvelopeandread,inaclearstronghand,
CaptainBennet:
Ibegyounottofear,onopeningthisletter,thatitshouldcontainthefurtherexpressionofsentiments, which if not grossly offensive, could nevertheless offer you neither pleasure nor satisfaction. The demands of honor alone could justify laying this missive before you, and it has been formed in no expectationofanyrewardsavethecomfortofhavingmadeadeservedapologytooneonwhom,Ifear,I haveinexcusablyencroached.WhileIhardlyclaimtobeowedyourattention,Idosincerelyrequestit, andhopethatyouwillgrantitfromgenerosityofspirit.
Thatmybehaviortowardsyouhasbeensuchastoraiseexpectationsintheeyesoftheworld,ifnot inyourownbreast,Ihavebeenunpardonablylatetorecognize.Thedreadfulcircumstancesattendanton yourarrivalatPemberley,whichmusthavebeenyourownforemostconcern,Icannotclaimasanexcuse.
Indeed, the fear that you may have been impelled by a sense of duty to endure unwanted attentions has formednosmallpartofmyanxietytodeliverthislettertoyou.Ifthisbethecase,Imustbegyourpardon, while offering you my assurances that these shall never be renewed, and that those small efforts on my part which have only been my due, not to you but to our nation and our King, shall not slacken as a consequence.
Mysenseofyourowncharacter,however,andofyourforthrightnessandcourage,hasleavenedthis particularfear.ItrustIhavenotbeensoinsensibleastoforcemycompanyuponyouunwilling,andstill more do I trust that you would have acted swiftly, had I indeed made myself disgusting to you. Yet this shouldnotrendermeblameless—indeed,theopposite.ThechargethatIhadattemptedtoinsinuatemyself intotheaffectionsofaladythecloseconnectionofmynearestfriend,andforcedtoremaininmysphere bytheexigenciesofwar,shouldhardlybeleavenedbymyhavingsucceededinthatindefensibleobject.
NorcanIpretendtohavegivennothoughttotheobstacleswhichmyfamilyandpositionshouldlay inthewayofmymakingtheonlyhonorableanswertohavingsogrosslytrespasseduponyourfeelings, shouldIhavedoneso.Youknowtoowell,Ithink,thatIwasatpainstodetachmyfriendBingleyfrom your sister. That want of connection, and the considerations of propriety, which he wisely refused to regardasanobstacletohisachievingthehandandheartofaladyworthwinning,weighedtoolongand tooheavilyuponme.Ihavelatelyhadcausetoregretmyfollyinthisregard,seeingintheirhappyunion
thatbestandmostdesirableoutcomewhichanymanmighthopefor.—Orenvy.
OnlywhenIhadexposedmyfeelingstoyousooutrageously,yesterdayafternoon,wasIforcedtoset asidethelastofmyselfishconcerns.ItseemedtomethenthatIhadnothingmoretodobutdecideupon themodeofadeclarationwhosesubstancewasdemandedbymyhonor.Iamashamedtosaythatitwas onlyinattemptingtoformthatdeclarationinaccordancewiththerespectIfeelforyou,thatIdiscovered theimpossibilityofdoingso.
In my self-centered preoccupation, I had neglected to contemplate those obstacles which your positionshouldplacebeforeyourreceivingwithpleasuretheaddressesofanygentleman.Havingatlast doneso,Iwasstruckwiththeirinescapableforce.Thatyoushoulddesertyourdragoninthehourofour country’s need, or worse yet remove her from the fray, must be unimaginable, an act very near treason, andeventoproposethatyoushoulddosoaninsultwhichnopersonofspiritcouldeasilyendure.
Iamwellawarethisexplanationisapaltryone.Itislittledefensetosaythatprideandvanityhave beenmydistraction.IfIhadsoonershowntheproperconsiderationforyoursituation,Ishouldnotnow findmyselfobligedtochoosehowtooffendonewhomIbothesteemandadmire.IcanonlysaythatImay justlybereproachedforanythingbutalackofsincerefeeling.Myfollyhasnotbeenself-interested,andI hopeIhaveinjuredno-oneworsethanmyselfinitscommission.Onlyoneanswercanbemade,andthat istoassureyouthatifbyanyactnoworhenceforthImaymakeamendsformybehavior,Ishallbeyours tocommand.IhavenothingmoretosaybutGodblessyou,andtohopeyouwillpardonmeforstyling myself,
YourMostObedientServant,
FITZWILLIAMDARCY
CAPTAINBENNEThardlyknewwhattomakeofherletter.ThatMr.Darcyshouldhavesofarovercome hisprideastowishtopayhisaddressestoher,inspiteofthematerialobjectionstothematchwhichshe
herselfhadviewedasanimpassablebar,wouldalonehavesurprisedher;thatheshouldhaverefrained not for the sake of his reputation but for that of her own honor as an officer, was so astonishing as to nearly make her doubt her own understanding. The letter had to be read again. But the meaning did not alteronasecondreading,orathird,exceptforthemoreinconceivable.IndeedMr.Darcyhadcontrived, whilenotsolicitingherhand,toofferhisown;theconclusioncouldbeunderstoodinnootherway.
ItnowremainedonlyforElizabethtobegratifiedthatshehadinspiredsoferventanemotion,andto besorryforthepainshehadunintentionallygiven.Thesemustbetheboundariesofherownfeelingson thematter.Anythingelsewasimpossible.Sheknewitwell.Ifshereadtheletterthreetimesmore,and foldeditawayintotheinnerpocketofhercoatratherthanburnit,thatwasonlyagestureofsympathy.
Her mind dwelt on particular phrases only to extract their full meaning—a small vanity, nothing more.
OnewhomIbothesteemandadmire—therewasanencomiumindeed!Onlythemostinsensiblecreature intheworldcouldreadthosewordswithoutastirringofemotion.
Elizabethfoundshemuststopherselffrombringingtheletteroutagain.“Thiswillnotdo,”shesaid, and took out her dispatches from that morning, instead. But her mind refused to manage the ciphers properly,stillbentuponthepuzzleofanothertext.“Iwillgoflying,”shesaid.
Wollstonecraft was nothing loath to accommodate her wish, but when they were once in the air, insisted on speaking to Captain Bennet only of the many beautiful features of the grounds and the good qualities of their master, all unaware of the pain she was giving. “There is that tower I believe I mentionedtoyou,”sheadded.“Mr.Darcytellsmeitisahuntinglodge:Ibelieveitislargerthanmany anotherperson’shouse.Look,thereheis;wewillgoandsaygood-morning.”