by Renny Abbas
“Charlie,” he murmured, and he paused, visibly struggling with the thoughts in his head, something that Charlie recognised, “I – I really just want you to know something.”
“What is it?” Charlie said, bracing for the worst. He had no idea what to expect. He was still half certain this was a dream. But he could feel Finn’s breath on his skin and the warmth of his body. It felt so real. “Tell me.”
Finn looked him dead in the eye and wrapped his hands around Charlie’s upper arms.
“I really need you to hear me when I say this, okay?” He said and Charlie nodded. Finn squeezed his arms. “Listen – it’s not your fault Toby died.”
Charlie just blinked.
“What?”
“It’s not your fault.”
“You – what?”
“Listen to me Charlie, it’s not your fault Toby died. How the hell were you supposed to know what would happen? It’s not your fault.”
“Finn, I –“
“No. Listen. It is not your fault. Okay?” There were tears in Finn’s eyes and Charlie felt a lump rise in his throat. He had never heard someone say those words. Ever. And Finn could tell. “I wanted to blame you. I really did. But the more I thought it over, the more I realised I couldn’t. Because it wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me?”
Charlie didn’t know what to say. He was so completely exhausted. And his dreams haunted him with Toby’s laughing eyes. But he felt like a huge weight was slowly being heaved from his shoulders and his lungs took in long shuddering breaths. Tears fell and his shoulders shook and he had no words. All he could do was look at the man in front of him and nod, before wrapping a hand around the back of his head and kissing him with every bit of energy he had left in his body.
The End
Special Bonus Story
Best Friend
Chapter 1
Rob had just gotten off the plane. He knew that his mother was going to be working, so he rented a car. The car had cost him a lot of money since he would need it for the duration of summer.
He hadn’t seen his mother since he moved out of the house and lived on his own. As soon as he had graduated from high school, he took a modeling job in California that paid good money. He didn’t even have to go to college like his mother had hoped he would.
He went to the front desk of the airport where they had the key to his rental car. They told him that the car was parked across the street by the parking garage on the side of the road, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to go far to get to it.
Taking his luggage and heading for the car, he saw it wasn’t anything big. It was white with four doors. There was nothing special about it. The money he had earned from modeling would cover all his expenses that he had at his mother’s house and then some.
Rob had refused to take any time off since he started modeling. He saved up vacation time and it was well worth it knowing that he was getting paid for the whole summer.
He threw his luggage in the back seat of the car and hurried to get into the driver's seat. He couldn’t wait to see his old stomping grounds and his old friends while he was in town. Most importantly, he wanted to see his friend Keith, who lived right across the street from his mother still. They talked on the phone and online while he was away. It was going to be a surprise for Keith, unless Rob’s mother had already told him. He didn’t think she had.
It was hot in the car and Rob couldn’t wait to get out of it, driving as fast as he could to get to the house so that he could set up his old room. He planned on doing a lot that summer—hang out with his mom when she wasn’t working, go swimming at the lake, and just do summertime things that he had missed.
When Rob pulled onto the street he grew up on, he was a little disappointed. The apartments were rundown, and some of the old houses that had been up for sale had no owners to them. The lawns were more like fields because it was clear that no one took care of them.
Shaking his head, he pulled into his mother’s gated driveway. He pulled up in front of the garage doors and under the basketball hoop that he had very much enjoyed using when he was younger. A smile came to his face when he remembered the times his mother had to turn on the spotlight because there was a big game coming up and he refused to go into the house until all of his shots were perfect. Sometimes he would spend all night outside, though his mother didn’t know about it because she had gone to bed herself.
Rob shut off the car and looked over at the white house across the street. It was Keith’s parents’ house that they had given to him when they had retired and moved to Florida. They couldn’t stand putting it up for sale and letting another family take over, so they just handed it over to him.
He didn’t see any cars in the driveway and the garage doors were open. There was nothing in there but tools that had been forgotten about and an old couch that had tears in it. The springs were popping up from the cushions. He could see that Keith wasn’t there.
Rob got out of the car and took his luggage to the door, taking out the house key from under the welcome mat where his mother said it would be. He let himself in and took his luggage into the small kitchen that they had once shared.
Leaving the luggage on the kitchen floor, he went around the house. It had three bedrooms in it, and he saw that his mother had turned one of them into a hobby room. She collected posters and odds and ends that she would find at the beach. She would hang them on the wall or nail them there if the hangers didn’t work.
“You haven’t changed.” He laughed, going out of the room and heading to the room that used to be his.
He was surprised that she hadn’t changed it around much. His bed and dressers were still there. He had taken his basketball posters with him when he left. There was an old television box sitting in the corner of the room on a coffee table. Rob laughed as he remembered how it had been. Now stores were selling flat-screen TVs and he didn’t see many old television sets anymore.
The house was quiet as he looked down the hall toward his mother’s room. He headed down the other side and walked into the living room.
He noticed that his mother had changed it around and added new furniture, but the couch that he loved so much was in the corner of the room. He knew that she wouldn’t let it go. She knew how much it meant to him to have the sofa. It was the one that he and Keith would use when Keith slept over in the summertime.
Opening a door on the other side of the room, he looked out onto the sunporch. There were a small table and one chair. It showed no sign of his mother ever having company, not that it mattered to him. He was a grown man, and she could be with anyone she wanted if she chose to. It just didn’t look like she was looking for someone.
Chapter 2
Looking at the clock on the sunporch, he saw that it was only ten in the morning. It was already too hot for him, and it was only going to get hotter throughout the day.
He sat in the chair on the porch and took his shirt off. His body was nicely tanned from the California sun. He was glad he had moved out there, but he was also glad to be home. Glad to be where he had been when he was a kid.
He was also bored. With no one to hang out with, it wasn’t a very good time. He groaned as he got out of the chair and saw there was a little mirror hanging on the wall.
Rob looked at his face. His dark blue eyes stared back at him. His black hair had recently got a buzz cut. He was glad he had made the choice to have it short. It would grow out before summer was over, and he would cut his hair to the standards of the modeling company he worked for.
Rob opened the door to the sunporch that led outside. Walking around the house and down the driveway, he saw that a small red car was at Keith’s place. He smiled, hoping that it was Keith and he didn’t have company.
Rob knocked on the door and waited to be let in. He had to knock on the door louder the second time before anyone came to answer it.
He took a step back when he saw that there was a man who was quite masculine, and
he thought that someone else had bought the house. He was a good-looking man with short brown hair and light brown eyes, standing there with a smile on his face. He wore no shirt, just a pair of orange swimming trunks.
“Keith?” Rob asked, a little uncertain.
“Yeah it’s me. You didn’t think it was?” He laughed, opening the door and letting Rob into the house.
“The last time I saw you, well…you were scrawny. You didn’t have muscles, and you sure didn’t have a buff chest.” Rob laughed. He thought that Keith looked good.
Rob didn’t know the feeling that was washing over him. He thought he was just proud of his friend for taking good care of himself and finally mastering the art of working out.
“I see that modeling has done a lot of good for you, too,” Keith stated, closing the door as the cool air from the air conditioner surrounded them.
“Thanks, I work hard. I mean the job’s easy, but the workout sessions are crazy until you get used to them,” Rob stated, sitting down in the recliner.
“You never told me you were coming. I thought that you didn’t have any plans to come back and visit.” Keith was glad to see him as he took a seat on the sofa. He couldn’t believe that Rob was right there in front of him.
“I wanted it to be a surprise. My mother knew, but I thought she might tell you. How are you doing? Are you seeing anyone?” Rob asked.
Rob had found out that Keith was gay a few years ago. He had a hard time coming out to his friends and family, but Rob didn’t know why Keith felt like he had to keep it from him, his best friend. Rob had always been there for him. He had always been on his side. When he found out that Keith had been holding it in, he had been disappointed.
“It’s okay. I mean as far as the dating world goes, I have a few here and there, but nothing to write about. No one that I would want to settle down with or introduce to my parents, that’s for sure.” He laughed, shaking his head.
“You’ll find the right one. We’re still young, you know. I know that the right one will come along and you’re going to be happy. Real happy about it. How are your parents taking it?” Rob asked.
“They say they’re okay with it, but I think it’s because they are down in Florida. If they lived here, I don’t think they would support me.”
Rob wanted to tell him that he thought his parents would support anything he did, but he wasn’t confident in the words. He had to admit that it was easier for Keith’s parents to accept who he was because they weren’t living in the same town. They didn’t have to deal with people knowing that he was gay.
“I support you, and that should mean a lot,” Rob stated, shrugging his shoulders. He hoped it was enough.
“I know you do, and I don’t know what I’d do if you and your mother didn’t support me. She doesn’t look at me any differently. In fact, she still looks at me as if I’m a little kid.” Keith laughed.
“My mom would never judge you on something like that. Now if you were the town drug dealer, she would think badly of you,” Rob joked, making Keith laugh louder.
“It’s real good to have you back. If you hadn’t come over, I would’ve thought that your mother was seeing someone,” Keith stated.
“Is she?” Rob asked quickly.
“I never see her with anyone, man. She goes out with coworkers and the neighborhood mothers, but she doesn’t go out on dates. I don’t think she’s dated anyone since your father left,” Keith whispered, looking down at the floor.
His father had not really left. He had been in a car accident when Rob was a junior in high school. Rob remembered when his mother would cry herself to sleep, and sometimes he would do the same, but he would never tell her. He didn’t want to make her feel bad when she had her own problems to deal with without his father there.
“I wish she would meet someone who would make her happy again,” Rob whispered, sitting back in the chair and putting his feet up.
“Maybe the only one who could make her happy was your father.” Keith shrugged his shoulders.
There was a moment of silence between the two of them. Neither of the men knew what to say.
When the phone rang, they both jumped.
Keith went to answer it and realized it was his mother. He went into a different room to talk to her, leaving Rob to his thoughts.
Chapter 3
By the time Keith came back into the room, Rob was almost asleep. He knew that Rob was bored and there wasn’t much to do.
“Hey, before you fall asleep, do you want to go swimming?” Keith wanted to do something that they both liked.
“Yeah, that’s better than nothing. This town is still boring, but I’m glad to be back.” Rob grinned, getting up from the chair and following Keith over to his house where the ground pool was.
Keith walked into the yard as if he lived there, going around the back and jumping into the deep end of the pool without even thinking about it. Rob was right behind him as they hit the bottom of the pool and came back up for air.
“It’s like the old times. It’s been a while since I’ve actually had some fun.” Rob laughed. The cool water felt good surrounding his body.
“To tell you the truth, I haven’t come over much since you left. I’ve asked your mom if she’s needed help off and on, but that’s about it,” Keith confessed.
He swam to the wall of the pool and held on to the side. He looked over at Rob who was in the middle of the pool, soaking in the moment.
Keith had always liked Rob, as more than just a friend. He wasn’t sure if Rob knew that, but he was planning on telling him before Rob left for the summer. Somehow he was going to make it known that he was interested, and no matter which way it went he knew that Rob would always be his best friend.
“What are you thinking about?” Rob asked, seeing that Keith was staring at him.
“Nothing.” Keith shook his head quickly.
Rob stared at him, trying to figure out if Keith was lying to him. Keith’s mouth went dry. He didn’t know if he could come out right that second and tell him what was on his mind. He was afraid of rejection, and rejection from his best friend would be horrible.
“I’m home. I see that you’ve managed to get comfortable in the short time that you’ve arrived. Your luggage is still in my kitchen.” Rob’s mom came out the sliding door and sat down in a chair that was covered in shade.
“Sorry, Mom.” Rob forgot about his luggage, and he did feel bad because he knew that he didn’t need to clutter her house with his mess.
Rob’s mother was five-feet-six-inches tall with long brown hair and light blue eyes.
“You could pass as your father’s twin right now.” She laughed. She didn’t realize just how much she had missed her son until he was standing right there in front of her.
“Yeah, I get that a lot.” Rob nodded his head, swimming to the side of the pool and hoisting himself up and out.
Rob went over and hugged his mother, holding her tightly for a few minutes before he let go of her.
“It feels like the old times when I would come home and the two of you would be doing something over here. It’s good to see you, Keith. You should come over more often.” Tonya looked at him as he started to make his way to the side of the pool where they were.
“It’s good to see you, too.” Keith nodded his head. He didn’t feel comfortable hanging out at the house if Rob wasn’t home.
“Can Keith crash here tonight?” Rob asked with a boyish smile, and Tonya couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yes. I figured he would be here, so I bought some hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner tonight. Once it cools off, I can start the grill up and we can have a cookout.”
Keith got out of the pool and went to stand by Rob, who was letting the warm air of the day dry him off.
“Was your flight good?” Tonya asked, looking up at Rob.
“It was alright. Boring and tiresome, but that’s how most flights go for me.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“From a boy who wa
s afraid to fly, to a man who goes from city to city by plane for his next big modeling session.” Tonya shook her head and smiled. Though she had missed him, she was proud of her son and the man that he was becoming.
“I promise that I won’t wait so long next time to come back home and visit you.” Rob could see the sadness in her eyes, but she managed to work through it with a nod of her head.
“I know, you’re always busy. I don’t know how many times I’ve called you and you don’t answer or you don’t call me back. But we’re not going to worry about that. What matters is that you’re here now.” Tonya got up out of the chair and gave him another hug before going into the house.
“Is there anything you need help with?” Rob called after her.
“Yes, come pick up your luggage off my kitchen floor!” she called out as she continued walking through the house.
“It’s good to be home. It feels like I never left when she yells like that.” Rob laughed as he and Keith went into the house together.
Before heading into the kitchen, Rob pulled the sofa bed out from the corner and placed it in the middle of the living room, just a few feet away from the flat-screen TV that was sitting on the entertainment center. He wanted to make sure that they were both comfortable that night.
“Do you know how many times we’ve slept on this together? How many times we would lay there and just talk all night?” Keith asked, smiling down at the couch.
“Probably a million times.” Rob laughed.
“Well, tonight it will be a million and one.” Keith grinned as they left the living room and headed for the kitchen.
“Now don’t make Keith do all the work. Those aren’t his clothes to take care of. I left your dressers in your room so you should be able to fit all your clothes in the two that are there,” Tonya said from the food pantry when they entered the kitchen.
“How did you know I was going to ask Keith for help?” Rob teased her, picking up two pieces of luggage off the kitchen floor.