by Dale, Lindy
“I know.”
His face moved closer to mine and his arms absorbed me in their grasp. He held me for a minute and my trembling ceased.
“You okay now?” he asked.
I nodded. My breath had calmed and my heart had stopped beating altogether but yes, suddenly I was calm. I wanted him to kiss me as much as he wanted to do it.
He moved his head towards the kiss. This was it. I had died and gone to heaven. I closed my eyes and puckered…
“Everything alright down here?” Mum was standing in the doorway, clearing her throat. Her eyes skimmed the room, taking in every detail.
Prue giggled as Ben and I sprung apart and sat bolt upright on the sofa. “Hi Mrs Stone, we were just playing eight ball.”
Well, some of us were.
“Its eleven thirty sweetheart, Prue’s father is here to collect her and it’s time for your visitors to go home.”
***
Ben leant his back against the door of the van, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. I stepped close to him, tentatively touching his waist. His forehead bent to meet mine sending a wave of affection through my veins. It was a warm kind of feeling and it made me feel safe. In fact, there was something about his whole demeanour that made me feel safe. Maybe that was why I’d been so weird to start with? I’d certainly never felt this kind of thing before.
“I had a great time tonight, Bella. Pity we didn’t get to spend some time alone. Maybe next time, eh?”
The warmth spread into my bones. He wanted to see me again. He didn’t think I was a nerd. “That would be nice.”
Then, I did something so out of character I even surprised myself. I balanced on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “‘Night.”
“’Night,” he smiled.
The game was two sets to one in my favour. Lucy was going to have to pull out all thestops to win this one.
Chapter 3
I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN’ YOU
Tonight, I wanna give it all to you
In the darkness there’s so much I wanna do.
KISS
Lifting back the curtain, I stared at the rain spilling down the window in rivulets. It was falling in torrents and my room, at the back of the house, was colder than the deep freeze, but I didn’t care. I sighed, the heat of the previous night enough to keep me warm for life. I was in love. Ben James was the most perfect boy I had ever met. The fact that I’d never had a real date, or boyfriend, before seemed unimportant. He was all I ever wanted. There was just that something about him.
All morning, I’d played the stereo over and over… ‘I was made for lovin’ you baby…’until Mum had screamed at me to either turn it off or she’d take the stereo away. But how could I? That song was playing when Ben had held me in his arms. I would never forget it. My mind was filled with it.
I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t think. All I could see was his darling face dancing across the page as I tried to study. So, I slammed the books shut and took my pen to my homework folder. Practising my new signature over and over was a far more productive use of time. When we got married, after all, I’d need to know how to sign my name. Annabelle James. It had a certain ring to it.
At eleven-thirty, the phone rang. Still in my pyjamas, I ran to answer it.
“Hello, Annabelle Stone speaking.”
“Hi, it’s Prue. Have you come down from your cloud yet?”
I sat down on the carpet next to the phone and curled my legs under my body. Surely, she couldn’t see the ridiculous smile plastered across my face from over the line. Could she?
“I had such a great time, Prue. I really like Ben. He’s so cute. But I made such a fool of myself with the coke and everything and I didn’t know how to talk to him. Not like you and Paul.” I heaved a sigh. “I just don’t know if he’s that keen on me. How are you supposed to know?”
“Well, apart from the fact that you walked around for the entire evening looking like a reject from the Red Cross Op Shop in that stained top, I’d say he’s stoked. You should have seen him checking you out when he thought you weren’t looking. He looked as if he wanted to eat you up.”
“Really?” I smiled. Ben eating me up was not a prospect I had considered. I hadn’t got past him ravaging my lips.
Prue was silent for a moment. “So, are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t ask me outright. Should I call him? I have his number.”
“Good heavens no! He’ll think you’re desperate or something.”
“I s’pose so. Anyway, enough of me, what do you think of Paul? He’s quite a spunk and he has a car, that’s a bonus. Did he say he wants to see you again?”
There was an audible groan from the other end of the line. “He mentioned something about going to the movies next time he comes to town, but I don’t know. He’s nice enough and he’s a good eight ball player but is that the basis for a relationship?”
“At least you have something in common. I’ll probably never see Ben again. There are a million other girls more experienced than me. I must be so boring to him.”
“Don’t bet on it. I think he’ll call soon.”
“Maybe. Look, I have to go Prue, tonnes of homework, you know….”
“Yeah, right, and I’m the Queen of England. See you at school.”
***
Petulant, I threw myself onto the grass of the top oval. Three more days to go. How could I last another three days until I saw Ben again? My copy of ‘I Was Made for Lovin’ You,’ illegally taped from the radio, was starting to sound as if it was on it’s last legs and Mum was threatening to throw it away while I was at school. Without that I’d never survive until I saw him again.
I hadn’t needed to worry about that Saturday being our one and only date. It had turned out just as Prue had said. As soon as he had gotten home from his journey, Ben had been straight to the phone. He wanted to see me again.
“I had a good time,” he’d said.
“Me too.”
“Paul and I are in town again next weekend. Can we come to your house on Saturday after dinner?”
“Sure. I’ll tell Prue to come too.”
Had I sounded cool? Was my voice too eager? Love was so difficult; I didn’t want to scare him away. Deciding there was nothing I could do about it now, I lay back on the grass and closed my eyes, sketching out my wedding dress in my head. Bella James. What a lovely name.
Prue tossed her books onto the grass and sat down beside me.
“Oh God, we don’t need three guesses to figure out what you’re thinking about. Have you calculated the hours and minutes yet?” she asked, taking a chip from the bag she was carrying and offering one to me. The ‘eat anything brown diet, had been usurped by the ‘eat as much as you want’ regime. If she continued along that vein she wouldn’t be able to complain when her Levi’s wouldn’t do up. Her bottom was straining to escape the confines of her school skirt as it was.
I waved the chips away. “I can’t eat, I’m too excited. You are coming on Saturday?”
“Of course, I can’t wait for another evening of watching you and Ben get it on. What else do I have to do?”
“Paul is coming too, I’m sure he won’t want to play eight ball all night.”
“No, with my luck he’ll bring his Monopoly board. What a hoot!”
***
The chemistry between us was ‘palpable’, Prue said, when we made a trip to the kitchen on the pretext of getting more Cheezels. God knows what that meant, she had read it in a Mills and Boon novel, but it sounded good. All evening Ben and I had skirted around each other but not quite getting together. I had relaxed in his company. He’d me with compliments and told me funny stories about his friends and rested his hand on my forearm. I’d found myself flirting back, teasing him and smiling at him under my lashes. I wanted him to grab me and pull me to him, to feel his body against mine, yet still we played the game.
At last, we sat on the sofa, and Ben gazed down into my eye
s as he tipped my chin with his finger. It was coming, I could feel it. This time he was going to kiss me.
“Your lips look so soft. I want to find out if they taste as good as they look. Can I kiss you?”
I liked that he asked. I thought it was sweet and with a nod, my lids fell closed as he bent his head, touching his lips to mine in a chaste and innocent kiss. His lips were warm and firm. They took my breath away. The smell of the eucalyptus fabric softener in his jumper filled my nostrils as his chest pressed against me. The heat from his large hands radiated across my back and up and down my spine as he continued. Nothing could ever feel so good. I was certain that fireworks would be exploding from the ceiling if I opened my eyes. It was heaven, our first kiss.
Yes, I know I’d kissed boys before, teenage groping in the dark; but I’d never experienced sensations like those I was feeling as Ben kissed me. Every time his lips shifted, I thought I was going to die.
After a minute or so, he broke the kiss and looked at me. “They do taste good.”
I smiled and snuggled into him. He nuzzled my ear, making me quiver as he blew hot air along my neck. Then he bent his head once more to mine, kissing me fully, slowly. His lips raced over my jaw line. His breath scorched my neck. He nibbled on the tip of my earlobe and dropped tiny pecks down the pulse along my throat. I was on fire. I was lost.
“That tickles,” I whispered.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Um…no, I just said it tickles.”
“Shh, stop talking then.”
What else could I do?
The room was silent, except for the humming of the stereo in the background and the sound of Paul and Prue whispering from the beanbags. I was besotted, as I lay trapped on the sofa wrapped in Ben’s arms, wanting the feeling to never end.
Chapter 4
IT’S IN HIS KISS
If ya wanna know if he loves you so
It’s in his kiss
Betty Everett
The common room where we congregated in our free time at school was, in reality, a disused classroom. The walls and pinup boards were plastered with posters and notices, the perfect solution to a long overdue paint job, and the space scattered with a mishmash of second hand furniture. Each particular group in the senior classes had their own designated area, the ultimate being the privilege of sitting on the orange vinyl sofas in the centre of the room. That was where the popular girls sat. You had to be extremely special to be admitted into that hallowed group of ‘beautiful people’ and a pecking order was strictly adhered to, though none would care to admit it.
The cool group, of which my friends and I were fortunate members, (all thanks to our older brothers who played football) sat on the lounges and plotted our social lives and futures. Well, rather, we sat on the lounges as Lucy plotted our social lives, for even though we were only Year 10’s, Lucy was the queen of the school. And we were her loyal servants. I didn’t want to be her servant, I wanted to be myself and sometimes it made me cross that we all bowed to her every whim. Sometimes, I wanted to shout out that she was wrong but it had taken a long time to be accepted into that crowd and I wasn’t about to give it up for the sake of voicing my opinion, so I let it slide.
By right of her parents being loaded and her extremely good looks, Lucy dictated all that took place in St Brigid’s that was acceptable-what to wear, where to be, who to go out with. To gain her acceptance and possibly soak up some of her popularity, a girl had to prove herself many times over. We had to look good, be intelligent, say the right things, have the right hair and the right clothes; but most importantly, we had to be supremely cool. In the bible according to Lucy, that was the way to get the boy’s from St Peter’s to go out with you. The ultimate in cool. The way to keep them was to have sex, apparently.
In my modest eyes, I failed in all areas.
1. I was a virgin,
2. I was not good looking or cool. I was plain and mousey.
3. I had no boobs, a limited wardrobe, my forehead was too big and my nose too bulbous. But I knew one thing for sure, having Ben James as a potential boyfriend would increase my standing in the group, no end.
By the time recess came on the Monday after ‘the kiss’, I was so excited I was almost jumping out of my skin. It was a cold morning and we would rather have gathered closer to the heater, but discussion of such delicate nature required privacy, so we assembled in our usual corner on the lounge, holding steaming mugs of chocolate. Coffee was out. Queen Lucy had decreed it dehydrated the body, causing you to drink more and thus put on weight. I couldn’t have given two hoots at that stage. I was dying to talk to someone, anyone, about Ben and our new found relationship.
Jen spoke first. She was eager to learn of our adventures on the weekend. She was allowed out about as much as me and lived vicariously through Prue and Lucy.
“So how was Saturday night? Come on,spill the beans.”
I sipped my chocolate, considering my reply. “We had a nice time. Ben likes a lot of the same bands as me so we talked about that a lot.”
“Oh yeah, right,” Prue snorted, “would that have been before or after he stuck his tongue down your throat? Every time I looked over you two were pashing like there was no tomorrow.”
The other girls laughed. I blushed.
“Is he a good kisser?” Jen asked. “I hope we haven’t found another Fish Face. He was the worst!”
Fish Face’s charms had seduced us all at various times. We’d been devastated to discover that he really did kiss like a fish. It wasn’t just a name made up by Lucy to keep him for herself.
“No, Ben’s the best kisser ever. When he kissed me, little shivers went up and down my spine. It was divine.”
Jen and Prue looked at each other. Pens were swiftly produced from their stack of books and giggling, they began to sing. ‘It’s in his kiss, that’s where it is. Oh yeah.’
At that moment, Lucy strolled in hand on hip, double hot chocolate at the ready. Her entourage of book carriers stowed her books on the coffee table and slumped onto the benches, in case they were needed again at a moment’s notice.
“What was that about little shivers all over your body?”
Jen explained. “Ben’s the best kisser ever. He can cause shivers up and down the spine.”
“Humph.” Lucy said, tossing her golden hair. “And I suppose you’ve kissed so many boys that you can make an informed judgment can you, Annabelle?”
I swallowed. Lucy knew very well I had little experience with boys.
“We have no absolutely interest in what you do with Ben James on a Saturday night. Your little stories are quite mundane.”
I looked at her. Seriously, when was she going to give up being such a cow?
“In that case, I don’t think we want to hear about who you got off with on Saturday night, either, although we all know you wouldn’t be able to resist telling us. You always do. In lurid detail.” The cutting words slipped from my mouth. I tried to reel them back in but it was too late. The elephant in the room had escaped.
A dark blanket of horror descended over the room. Girls, who seconds before had been entranced in the conversation, were looking out the window. Nobody dared to speak that way to Lucy, not even the Year 12 girls.
Lucy glared at me, her drink forgotten. “Nice to see you’ve started reading the English Dictionary, Annabelle. Maybe you could use some of those new words in your next assignment. You need all the help you can get.”
I gulped. I couldn’t be silent at that. Not when was insulting me so openly. Words spewed from my mouth, a noxious lava of pent up anger.
“I don’t think schoolwork has anything to do with this Lucy. Anyway, everybody knows I always do better than you, which wouldn’t be difficult seeing as how your mind is in the gutter.”
“You bitch, the only reason you do better than me is because you have no friends and you stay at home all weekend.”
Cries of horror flew to the ceiling. It was one thing to accuse a girl
of being unintelligent but to say she was socially inept was the worst insult ever, even if it might be true.
This is it, I thought, I’m dead. Even if we get past this, the rest of the school will never speak to me again. Looking from one girl to the next, I sought some support but the morbid silence loomed.
Nobody moved until we were interrupted by the shrill of the bell.
Prue began to gather her books. “Come on Bella, we have to go or we’ll be late for Art.”
I followed behind. I could feel the crimson anger in Lucy’s eyes burning a hole in my back.
“Watch your back, Annabelle.”
As we walked past the library towards Art class, I shook my head in disbelief. “Can you believe her? What did I do to deserve that?”
Prue tried to smile. “Don’t worry, she’ll get over it. Though I don’t think it’ll happen in our lifetime.”
“But why would she be like that?”
“God, you can be so naïve, sometimes. She’s jealous. She wants Ben for herself. She was incensed when she heard he called you.”
“I don’t care what she wants. She didn’t need to speak to me like that.”
“I can’t believe you answered her back. It’ll be social suicide.”
“I don’t know if I should laugh or cry but I like Ben and I’m not going to say ‘no’ if he asks me out again, not for anyone.”
“Good for you.”
Prue smiled as we walked down the corridor but I could tell what she was thinking. I was dead meat on a platter.
***
Lunchtime came all too quickly for me, and despite my earlier bravado, I felt anxious as Prue and I approached the spot where Jen, Lucy and a few of the older girls were sitting in the winter sun. We flopped onto the ground and unwrapped our sandwiches. We often sat outside to eat on sunny days, relishing the feeling of the sun’s warmth on our legs as we stretched out on the grass with our stockings rolled to our ankles.
After we had finished eating, we lay on our stomachs, heads together in a circle, chins resting on our hands. Lucy, of course, was hiding behind the tree, smoking a Dunhill but still in earshot. An unspoken truce seemed to have been formed, though neither of us had apologised.