“I know what the Rockies are.”
God, she was such an idiot. Lately it had seemed like Jake was starting to open up to her, but now she knew better. He wasn’t about to let her in—not when it counted.
He wouldn’t tell her why he’d been drinking for the last twenty-four hours. He wouldn’t tell her why he had to go to Texas. Whatever Jake was dealing with, he obviously didn’t want or need her help.
She got to her feet and brushed her hands on her jeans. “Well, it’s been nice spending time with you, Jake. Have fun in Texas. And wherever else you’re going.”
He frowned at her. “Erin, wait a second. Why are you leaving?”
Because she’d been fooling herself again. When it came to Jake Landry, that’s all she ever did.
And it was time for her to accept that.
“I’m tired, and I’m going home.”
Before she could take more than a step or two Jake closed the space between them and grabbed her arm. The sudden rush of goose bumps was one more reminder that she’d never be able to think straight around this man. When it came to Jake, she wanted too many things—most of them incompatible with each other.
“If you could put up with me drunk and stupid, why can’t you put up with me sober and stupid?”
“You’re not sober. And I’ve had a long day.”
“I’m more sober than I was half an hour ago.” His hand slid from her forearm to her wrist. “If you want to leave, that’s okay. But don’t leave because you’re mad. I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just…frustrated.”
He frowned. “Because I don’t dump all my crap on you? You should thank me for that.”
She pulled away again, and this time he let her go. “Friends dump on each other, Jake. They listen to each other. That’s the deal.”
He looked at her for a long minute. “Fine,” he said shortly. “I got a call from my best friend’s widow. Their son’s a mess since his dad was killed in Afghanistan last year. She asked me to visit them in San Antonio, to see if I can help. I don’t think I’ll be able to, but I have to try. That’s why I’m going to Texas.”
His best friend. “Oh, Jake. How did he die?”
“Helicopter crash.”
His voice was clipped, and she knew he wasn’t telling her everything. He’d told her the bare facts but not what was behind them. “I’m so sorry. But why didn’t you just tell me this in the first place?”
He looked away, frowning. “You don’t need to hear all the sad stories.”
“You mean stories about soldiers who died for their country? I’d be honored to hear them. People should hear about the sacrifices our military and their families are making.”
His jaw hardened. “I appreciate the sentiment. But sometimes the wrong people make the sacrifice.”
His words hung in the air for a moment. Jake looked tense, almost angry, and she knew she couldn’t push him any more tonight.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said instead. “I hope you can help your friend’s son. I think it’ll mean a lot to him that you’re going down there.”
He seemed to relax a little. “I doubt it. But I guess I’ll find out.” He hesitated. “Look, Erin—I’d like to take you to dinner before I leave town. I kind of owe you after tonight.”
“I don’t want to have dinner with you because you think you owe me.”
He smiled a little. “How about because we’re friends?”
She smiled back, reluctantly. “That, I can do,” she said.
“Good. And…” He paused. “Thanks for stopping by tonight. I mean it.”
His expression was serious, and it would have been so easy to get caught in his blue eyes that she focused on a tiny nick along his jaw line instead. “You cut yourself shaving,” she said, reaching up before she could stop herself and brushing the tip of her index finger over the scratch.
He went still, and when she looked up again their eyes locked.
She backed away and almost tripped over the couch.
“Well…good night.”
She smiled at him briefly and then fled.
She pulled out of his driveway without looking back, and she was halfway home before her grip on the steering wheel relaxed.
Maybe it was a good thing Jake was leaving the state. Whatever feelings he might have for her, he’d never let himself act on them. And you could only want something you couldn’t have for so long before you did something stupid.
Like fall in love with a man who couldn’t love you back.
Chapter Eight
Mark accepted his decision with good grace, even though it meant hiring a temporary mechanic. “Maybe the trip will do you good,” he said. “Help you clear your head a little.”
His family was harder to convince, but eventually they agreed that taking a few months to see the country might not be a bad thing.
Mark was on board, his family was on board—and taking a long motorcycle trip had always been a dream of his.
So why was he having second thoughts?
Not because of Angie and Paul. He wasn’t looking forward to the visit but he was committed to it, and it wasn’t the prospect of talking about Dan that had him pacing his living room two nights before he was supposed to leave.
It was Erin.
He couldn’t get her out of his head. And after an hour of prowling around his apartment, he finally admitted the truth.
He was going to miss her.
If anyone else had come by the other night, he would have been pissed. He hated when people tried to take care of him.
But he hadn’t been pissed at Erin. Not even when she pushed him to talk about Dan.
He felt comfortable around her. Or at least he did until the tipping point he reached every time they were together—the point when he couldn’t tamp down his desire anymore, and he lost his ability to think about anything else.
He wouldn’t act on it. When Erin finally gave herself to a man, she deserved at least the possibility of happily ever after.
But he wasn’t sure he could stand to be around when that happened.
So it was good that he was clearing out for a while. Better for him and for Erin.
Even if he was going to miss her like crazy.
He dropped onto his couch and pulled out his cell phone.
“Hey,” he said when Erin answered. “I know we’re going to dinner tomorrow, but what are you doing before that? Do you want to spend the day with me?”
“What about your family? Won’t they want to see you before you leave?”
“No, we did the whole goodbye thing today. So what do you say?”
“Well…I guess so. What do you want to do?”
He hadn’t even thought that far. All he knew was that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Erin before he left. “What about a picnic by the lake? The weather’s supposed to be good.”
“That sounds nice. I can pack a basket and—”
“No, I don’t want you to do any work. I’ll be in charge of lunch.”
“Really?” She sounded skeptical, and he laughed.
“I won’t let you go hungry.”
“All right, then. What time should we meet?”
“I’ll pick you up at one o’clock.”
“I’ll be ready.”
He flipped the phone closed, and flipped it open again to call Allison. “When’s the last time I asked you for a favor?”
“I think it was twenty-two years ago. You asked me to take care of your pet frog while you were at summer camp.”
“So I’m due, right?”
“Depends on the favor.”
“I need a picnic lunch for tomorrow.”
“For how many people?”
“Just two.”
“Two, huh? And who’s the lucky—”
“It’s Erin, and it’s not a date. Just a friend thing.”
“I see. So you want me to prepare a friendly picnic for two.�
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“Or to give me the phone number of someone who can.”
“Nope, I’ll be happy to do it. I’ll bring it by your place tomorrow.”
“I’m picking Erin up at one, so...”
“I’ll be there by twelve-thirty.”
Allison was as good as her word, dropping off a picnic basket the next day that smelled so good it made his mouth water. Jake carried the basket out to his truck but stopped before he opened the door.
It was warm for May—seventy-five degrees with fluffy clouds scudding across a blue sky. He looked from his truck to his Harley and made a decision.
Maybe he couldn’t sleep with Erin, but he could have the next best thing. He could get her out of her comfort zone and onto his bike.
He set the picnic basket on the ground and packed the contents into his saddlebags.
***
It was such a gorgeous day that Erin decided to wait on the porch. She sat with Pepper curled up on her lap, scratching the black cat behind his ears until the motorcycle came roaring down her road and into her driveway.
Jake was wearing a black leather jacket over a white tee shirt and jeans, and when he pulled off his helmet and grinned up at her she felt her insides melt.
“You came on your motorcycle. Does that mean we’re taking my car?” she asked as she came down the steps towards him.
Then she saw the second helmet in his hand—the one he was holding out to her.
“Oh, no. No way.”
“Come on, Erin—take a walk on the wild side.”
“I don’t have a wild side.”
He grinned again. “I’ve seen the way you look at my bike. Maybe everyone else in your life thinks you’re tame, but I know better. Don’t you want to live a little?”
Looking at Jake as he sat there on that big machine, she wanted to live a lot. She wanted to do things she’d never done before. She wanted him. The only problem was, she couldn’t have what she wanted.
Then she looked at the bike.
She remembered the thrill she’d gotten just putting the photos together for his website—the thrill she got when Jake showed her a bike he was working on, or when she saw him riding his own. Her attraction to motorcycles was like her attraction to Jake—an irresistible pull towards an energy completely different from her own.
And for once she was going to try it on for size.
“I better love this,” she said, taking the helmet from him and putting it on.
“You will,” he promised, and from the way his face lit up she knew he hadn’t been sure she’d say yes. “Now climb up behind me and hang on tight.”
How could a girl resist an invitation like that?
Jake put on his own helmet and faced forward again, and Erin scrambled up behind him. Her seat was higher than his and it seemed natural to move close. When the engine roared to life and they actually started to move, she squeaked and slid her arms around his waist.
Fear gripped her, but only for a second. Then she felt the wind, and saw the world rushing by, and felt the sheer masculine power of the man in front of her and the machine they were riding.
And she was hooked.
She loved the way Jake leaned into turns. It felt more like riding a horse than riding a car, the way he seemed so in tune with his machine and the way he guided all that raw power with his body. Peering over his shoulder at the road stretching out in front of them, she wished suddenly that they could keep going forever, towards the horizon, racing the sun and then racing the moon.
When they reached the lake and Jake turned off the engine, she didn’t let go of him right away. She didn’t want to lose this feeling.
Jake pulled off his helmet. “You okay back there?” he asked over his shoulder.
“That was incredible!”
She felt him relax. “You mean it?”
She finally let go of him so she could pull off her own helmet. “Jake, I loved it. I didn’t want to stop. Can we go somewhere after lunch? I mean, for a longer ride?”
He slid off the bike and then held out a hand to help her off. “Hell, yes. We can ride all afternoon if you want.” He grinned at her. “I knew there was a biker chick inside of you, just waiting to come out.”
She grinned back. “I don’t know about that. But I definitely want more of whatever it is I just felt.”
Her words came out sounding a lot sexier than she’d intended, and she saw the look that flashed into Jake’s eyes before he turned away to open the leather saddlebags.
He wanted her. But as he kept his back to her and unpacked their picnic, Erin knew he was as determined as ever to resist the chemistry between them.
Erin walked away a few yards and looked out at the lake, rippling like silk in the breeze.
She was wearing a blue tank top that left her arms bare. As she hugged herself around the waist she looked down to see goose bumps prickling every inch of her flesh.
It was as warm as a summer day, so she couldn’t blame it on the weather. This was something else—something that crackled across her skin like electricity.
She turned to look at Jake. He was still focused on their picnic, spreading a blanket down over the grass and setting out containers of food. After a minute he glanced up.
“Come and get it,” he called out.
Another irresistible invitation, she thought as she sat down beside him on the blanket. There was fried chicken, baked beans, potato salad and strawberries, and as she watched him fill her plate and hand her a cup of sparkling cider, she was suddenly ravenous.
“So, how does it look? It’s all courtesy of Allison.”
“It looks delicious,” she said, meeting his eyes over the rim of her paper cup.
His eyes locked on hers for a minute before he looked away. “Have you thought about where do you want to go? For our ride after lunch.”
“Anywhere you’re willing to take me.”
***
They rode for two hours, and the fact that he never pulled over to the side of the road to tear Erin’s clothes off was a goddamned miracle.
He’d had women on his bike before but it had never been like this. Nothing had ever felt so right as Erin’s arms around his waist and her body pressed against his. He could feel her excitement, how much she loved riding, and that was a turn-on, too. For the last hour he let himself imagine they were on a trip together, and that tonight, when they hit a motel or maybe camped out under the stars, he’d make love to Erin until sunrise.
Like all fantasies, eventually it had to end. He pulled up in front of Erin’s house and took off his helmet, twisting around in the seat to look at her.
She pulled off her helmet, too, and her golden hair came tumbling down. It was so close and so touchable that he forgot whatever it was he was going to say.
She smelled like leather and strawberries.
It had been a mistake to go on such a long ride with her. It felt like they’d been fused together somehow. His body remembered the vibrations of the bike, and the deeper pulse of his desire for Erin.
She slid off the bike and handed him her helmet.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile.
He wasn’t sure how it happened. He didn’t know which of them moved first. But suddenly the helmets clattered to the ground and Erin was in his arms, and they were kissing like the next few moments were their last on earth.
God, she was so sweet. She tasted like honey. Like sunlight.
He had to let her go. But he only held her tighter, kissed her deeper, and she kissed him back with the same desperation.
He must have hauled her up on the bike because she was in his lap now, her back to the handle bars and her legs around his waist, and when he realized he was grinding his body against hers he finally came to his senses.
He forced himself to break the kiss. “Erin—”
“Don’t you dare apologize,” she panted. She looked as wild as he felt, her lips parted and her face flushed as she tried to catch her breath.
&nbs
p; “Erin—” he tried again.
“You know I want this,” she said, and even though her voice was trembling he could hear the determination behind it.
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“I know.”
His heart was pounding. “If we do this…Erin, I can’t stay the night.”
Maybe that would change her mind. The fact that he wouldn’t sleep beside her after they made love.
“I don’t have any expectations, Jake. All I want is this moment.”
His hands tightened on her even as he gave it one last shot. “You deserve so much more.”
“I don’t care what you think I deserve. I just know what I want.” She lifted her chin. “What do you want?”
He looked into Erin’s eyes. “I want you.”
“Then take me inside.”
They made it into the house and up to her bedroom, and Jake scooped Erin up so he could lay her down, gently, on her navy blue quilt. She smiled up at him, and a sudden ache in his chest stopped him in his tracks.
Her beauty was like a hand squeezing his heart, so removed from his world of dust and ashes she might have been an angel fallen from the sky. She was warmth and strength and goodness and life. She was everything he’d become a soldier to protect.
She was everything he didn’t deserve.
But he wasn’t going to think about that now. During this time they had together, he was only going to think about Erin.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, reaching up to touch his face.
He closed his eyes. “I’m happy.”
***
His voice shook when he said those words, and Erin was suddenly afraid he’d change his mind. She could barely handle the feelings building up inside her, and she wasn’t dealing with all the complicated baggage that Jake was.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed. Now she sat up, too, pulling off her tank top and reaching for the hem of his tee shirt. He opened his eyes and met hers, and after a second he raised his arms and let her tug the shirt off over his head.
A stab of lust made her bold. She leaned forward and kissed his bare chest, and when she felt his hand on the back of her head, holding her to him, she knew he wasn’t going anywhere for a while.
Relief made her even bolder, and she started to kiss her way downward. She heard him suck in a breath as his stomach muscles went rigid. She was almost at the waistband of his jeans when he stopped her.
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