“Enjoying my dessert?” I ask, returning my mouth to him.
“Best. Dessert. Ever,” he manages.
His hands find my hair, stroking tentatively, silently asking for permission. I still and wait. He holds my head softly in his hands, but directs me firmly. He pushes my head up and down while I twist his shaft and suck. The steady bobbing leads to his hips bucking erratically and turns his breath to pants. He’s close. I use my other hand to cup his balls to send him over the edge.
“Oh fuck,” he grits out, coming hotly in my mouth with a jerk.
I pull back slowly, swallowing what I can, but a mess remains on my hands and chin. I use a finger to swipe at his salty taste that lingers on my lips, and lick my palm.
“Jesus, Bliss,” Talan groans, pulling me off my knees.
I straddle his hips, still in my lingerie and heels. It’s not the most comfortable, but it makes me feel incredibly confident and sexy. That confidence keeps these brand-new encounters with Talan from being awkward and weird like many of my past experiences.
“You look so fucking good, just like this. I almost wish I could take a picture of you, right now.” Talan kneads my thighs framing his hips, his eyes filling with more than lust. He’s making me feel the slightest bit vulnerable, while very much wanted.
I touch my lips, swollen and well used, and smile behind my hand. Just when I think I have all the confidence in the world, he finds a way to strip me bare and make me feel shy.
“Will you miss me when I’m away this week?” I ask, rocking my hips.
“Hell yes. I better get my fill of you now.” He is growing hard again under me as I gently move above him. Good. I want that as much as he does. I’m an addict for the orgasms he tears from me.
Talan reaches up, slowly sliding the straps of my bra over my shoulders. He raises goose bumps on my skin as his fingers softly brush my arms. Reaching around behind me, he undoes the clasp, allowing my bra to slide down my arms. I toss it away, waiting to see what he will do next. His fingers follow the curve of my waist and trace the small swell of my breasts until his big hands cup and press them together. I arch my back, pressing into him as my hips rock faster. His hands move to my shoulder and my hip, holding me as he flips me onto my back. His mouth is on mine, his body settling between my legs, pressing on my aching need through the last barrier of my panties.
“How do I get these off?” he asks, pulling on the lace, trapped beneath my garter belt.
I laugh. I hadn’t thought that far ahead when I dressed for him. “Here, I’ll help.” I undo the garters so he can slide my panties down, and choose if he wants to keep my stockings on or not. He keeps them.
He grabs a condom from the nightstand, holding it up for me to see. “It may look like all the others, but I stole this bad boy from you, when your purse decided to explode rubbers and make me want to take you in the middle of a party.” His eager grin as he rolls it on is all I need to laugh off the reminder of my mortifying moment. I stretch luxuriously as he watches me with his cock in hand, stroking the base slowly. I feel wanton and beautiful, and even though I’m naked and being stared at, I don’t let it detract from this feeling. He gives me all of the power in just a look.
His kiss is deep and hungry when he lies down next to me. We become hands and teeth and recycled breath, our legs twining, our nails scratching. There is neediness in both of our grips. The kneading and licking and biting slowly fills the chasm of desire. Talan rolls me on top of him, directing himself to my entrance and letting me slide down onto him slowly.
My head tips back as we come together. “Oh, god,” I moan, the exquisite fullness sending shivers along my spine. If being with him feels like a religious experience, he can take me to church anytime.
His hands grip my hips, pulling me forward and easing me back, allowing me the position of control, but fully taking it in his capable hands. I let him, because it feels incredible. This is my new favorite position, filled to the brim astride him. Even with the delicious dragging and rocking, I find myself greedy, needing more from him.
“Touch me,” I direct. In the short time we’ve been together, he’s insisted that I shouldn’t be ashamed in the least to ask for what I want.
He obeys instantly, his hands leaving my hips to brush my stomach, squeeze my breasts, trace my collarbone, and pinch my nipples. I’m finding it hard to keep my eyes open to watch this perfect man below me, the pleasure building and my lips uttering both curses as well as praises.
When Talan joins my movements, thrusting his hips into mine, I find my place that exists beyond all reasoning. Where planets collide and the sun shines in blackness with no form. I rake his chest as heat blooms and expands. The colors swirling and sucking back into the vortex of pleasure.
Crumpling over, my head meets his chest, our breaths creating a staccato beat of sound and air. Hands skate my back, bringing me down from the astral field I long for as soon as it slips from my grasp. He gently rolls me to my side, hitching my leg over his hip. He moves within me slowly, careful of the easing sensitivity.
His lips find mine. Sweet kisses turn to hot breaths and licks that feed my hunger. I’m gluttonous for him, never satisfied. He plays my body against me, holding me steady or moving me the way he wants, stoking the fire that burns within but keeping my release just out of reach. He draws my leg up to his shoulder, my back pressed firmly into the bed by the weight of him. He catches my lip between his teeth and the perfect angle ignites me. The fuse burns quick, the sparks of release sizzling and scalding, my breath laboring to fill my lungs. I cry out to Jesus, but Talan answers, his voice joining mine in release.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Do you have to go so early?” I ask, my voice groggy. I pull Talan back into the warm nest of sheets, wrapping him up in my legs and holding him tight. His alarm woke us, and unlike me, he didn’t need to snooze it three times before he got out of bed. Now that he’s back from a shower, I don't want him to leave me again. We spent all of Sunday wrapped in his sheets, exploring each other’s bodies like mapmakers discovering uncharted territory. I can’t get enough of him. Thankfully, he’s happy to indulge my every whim.
Talan groans as I press my naked body against him. “I wish I didn’t have to.” He kisses my head, tucked tight against his chest. “We’ve got a ton going on with the grape harvest for the crush season.” He rubs his smooth face with his hand, making me miss the papery sounds of the stubble I like so well. “It’s our busy time at the winery. I usually spend more time at my place in Sonoma than the city, but you’re a really good motivator to stay here.” He palms my breast, kneading the flesh and making me writhe.
“Mmm do that again, and stay here with me. Grapes can wait, this can’t.” I run my foot up his shin.
“Baby, you’re unstoppable. How the fuck am I supposed to say no to you?” To my relief, he opens the nightstand and has his way with me as I hoped he would.
I wear Talan’s shirt, wrapped in the scent of him and sex. When Talan left, he insisted I stay as long as I want.
I chew an apple I found in the kitchen as I stand in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows in his living room. I stare out over the foggy bay and enjoy the quiet of another early day. The Bay Bridge wears the summer morning mist like a scarf, but I know it will be another warm day. I kept Talan too long in bed to receive a proper breakfast, but I kind of like the tradeoff. It’s not even eight a.m. on a Monday and I have been up for long enough to get thoroughly fucked and say an unwelcome goodbye.
I walk back to the bedroom and find my clothes neatly folded in the bathroom. I consider showering, but the thought of putting my dirty-girl lingerie back on once I’m clean deters me. I keep Talan’s shirt as payment for him leaving, but put my dress back on and say my goodbye to this beautiful place.
I leave my panties in Talan’s nightstand. I consider it a naughty little Easter egg of sorts.
Driving back to my apartment across the city and doing another morning-after walk in
the same clothes is getting old. I’ll have to remember to pack something else to wear the next time I plan to see Talan. I pout as I unlock the door. Not knowing when that will be puts me in a sour mood.
The roommates are nowhere to be found, all at their regular nine-to-five jobs. There is, however, a package waiting for me on the table in the entryway. Curious, I take it to my room, sitting on my bed to rip the box open. I gasp as I pull back the bubble wrap to unveil a framed print.
It’s of me, in the blush dress from the first day I wore it at the photo shoot with Finch. My eyes are closed and my chin tipped up toward the light as I stand in profile. My neck looks elegantly long, my body lithe and graceful as one arm rests against my head, my wrist tilted up. Finch edited the photo to have a matte, but dreamy feel, and I can’t stop staring at it. I wasn’t expecting this, at all. I lift the print out of the box and see a note. I carefully set down the print and lift the cream colored paper out of the box.
Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, and when I saw this photo, I knew it was true.
Thank you for being my creative bestie, for sharing my visions and making them reality. For being my partner in photo shoot magic, and even my unwilling muse. May you find the beauty in life, and recognize it within yourself. Beauty is all around us. It is in pain, in struggle, and in overcoming adversity as much as it is in that which flaunts it.
Embrace it, Bliss.
-Finch
I blink back tears that well in my eyes as my heart fills with warmth and gratitude. I have the most caring and gracious friends. I tuck the note into the edge of the mirror in my room, reverently touching my fingers to the paper before I rewrap the print for Mom. She’ll love it even more than I do.
I shower and get some things together for Mom’s, not finding the joy in the task I would have imagined even with my beautiful surprise print from Finch. I’m in a Talan hangover, an addict in the depressive downward slide from a high. I mentally shake myself. I didn’t even want to start anything with him a few days ago, and now I can’t imagine anything without him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The drive from San Francisco to San Jose leaves the foggy August morning on the peninsula behind for the sun kissed day in the valley ahead. Mom is waiting in the living room when I get to her apartment.
“Hey, Momma,” I say, settling myself next to her on the couch.
“Hey my love, how was the drive?”
“The same as usual, but nice because it means I get to spend some time with you. I have something special for you, from Finch.” I hand her the framed print and watch as her eyes take it in.
“Oh, Blissy, this is beautiful!” She runs her fingers along the glass, before she gets up and places the photo on a shelf across the room. “My beautiful baby girl, all grown up.” She spends a moment staring at it before returning to the couch with a smile lighting her face.
I take her hand and notice the blue veins seem particularly pronounced. “I’m really sorry about leaving you at the fundraiser. I should have stayed and acted like an adult for once, rather than running away from my problems.”
“Oh sweetie, it’s okay. I understand. It was quite the shock to see Andy again, even for me. I can only imagine how overwhelming the whole thing must have been for you. I am so sorry for never telling you about him. Maybe if you had known more, you would want to get to know him now.”
“I think it was just too much all at once. I do want to get to know him, but maybe slowly. I have spent my whole life wondering about him. I just never realized how it would feel to actually meet him. Will you tell me more about him, now? I want to know everything before I see him again so I’m more prepared.”
Mom settles back into the couch, her eyes taking on a dreamy look. “I met Andy when I was twenty-two. It was Valentine’s Day and he was in San Jose on business from Austin. This was in the early nineties, when the Dot Com age was huge here in Silicon Valley. I was feeling particularly sad and heartbroken over another failed relationship. But I was determined to not let a recent breakup ruin one of my favorite holidays.”
I’m completely engrossed in my mother’s tale, so eager to hear how she fell in love with a married man and my life came to be.
“I went to a fancy restaurant to have dinner by myself. Andy was there, too, and we were going to have to wait over an hour each to get a table. I looked over at this handsome, slightly older man all by himself, and thought ‘Why not?’. So I asked him if he would like to share a table and have better odds of being seated before midnight. He seemed surprised that I would be asking him anything, and I would later learn that he thought I was too young and beautiful to be interested in someone like him. He was only thirty, but felt that he was too old for me. Our conversation flowed so readily, we had so much in common, and it was just so easy with him. He made me laugh, seemed genuinely interested in my life, and was incredibly nice to me. I found myself becoming infatuated with him, when all I wanted was a dinner date.” Mom smiles at the memory, clearly loving the chance to tell me all of this.
I smile with her, thinking of how I first met Talan. I now know how sweet it can be when you connect with someone like that.
“I was brave, and maybe a little drunk off good wine, when I asked him to come home with me. I wasn’t stupid. I saw the tanline from his missing wedding band. I knew he was probably married, and yet I still asked. For whatever reason, he said yes. Bliss, you may not want to hear this, but that man made love to me like he was worshipping my body.” Mom hides her face behind her hand as she shares this last bit, embarrassed, but insistent on telling me everything.
My heart sinks a little as she weaves her tale of their illicit tryst. I don’t want to think about my mom getting busy, or Andy worshipping her. I make a carry on motion with my hand and try to purge the images from my brain.
“We spent every day of his trip together, and then saw each other every time he was in town. I felt alive when I was with him. I missed him like crazy when he was back in Texas, but our relationship picked up right where it left off when he was with me. It was so easy, Bliss. I had never been happier than when I was with him. I tried not to fantasize about him moving to California to be with me, but that’s exactly what my heart wanted. I knew in my heart he was married, even if we never discussed it. It all came crashing down on me after seeing him for two months.”
The look on Mom’s face as she remembers twists a knife right through my heart. I feel for her obvious devastation.
“I had just found out the day before that I was pregnant. I was worried about telling him, but excited to have this little piece of him growing in me. I knew we would make it work, whether I had to move to Texas, or he finally moved to California. My life was shattered when Faith, his wife, called the hotel while he was in the shower. I picked up, thinking it was the front desk. I quickly realized who she was and pretended to be a housekeeper. I took down a note for him from her, feeling sick to my stomach because here was the woman he had married telling me one of his daughters had a fever. I confronted him, and he didn’t deny anything. He looked as sick as I felt. I told him I couldn’t be with him, and he should never have put me in this position. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant. Even if I had, how could I possibly make him pick me over his family? I thought it would be better to raise you by myself than deal with a lying cheater, because even though I loved him with all my heart, that’s what he was. I stayed with a friend until I knew he had gone back to Texas, then found a new place to live and changed my number. I was broken hearted and pregnant, but I knew I had made the right decision for myself. I’m not sure it was the right choice for you, but I tried.”
I look at my mother with a newfound respect. She’s always been my hero, but now I can’t imagine anyone stronger or braver. Seeing the outcome of their affair twenty-two years later sheds light on so many problems. I grew up without a father. Mom never married or found someone to love the way she did Andy. Andy himself divo
rced, breaking up his family and probably bringing all sorts of complications from that. It’s not fair, to anyone. It seems like affairs just hurt, no matter what your hormones say in the moment.
I imagine myself in her position. What would I have done had I met Talan, if I later found out he had a hypothetical unknown family? The last few days have proven I probably would have done exactly what Mom did, because the attraction is so strong.
“Do you hate me for being the other woman in an affair?” she asks, her eyes full of guilt and remorse.
“No Mom, I don’t hate you for being the other woman. I actually understand. I can see how hard it was for you to make the choices you did. I can’t believe how brave and selfless you were to cut off ties with Andy, instead of making him choose between his family and you.”
Mom looks down at our joined hands, wiping tears from her eyes. Her voice is thick when she speaks. “How did I get so lucky to have such a mature and understanding daughter? You always amaze me, but this is true grace you are showing now. Thank you, my sweet girl.”
“Thank you for telling me all of that. I know you’ve been carrying that burden a long time.”
I tip my head back against the couch. I could spend all day processing, but I have better things to talk about.
“I’ve got something that will hopefully make you smile. We were able to raise enough money to cover your living costs, take care of your medical bills, and fund at least some of your bucket list. Want to know what we’re doing this week?”
“I’m so excited for whatever you have planned, please tell me all about it,” Mom says.
“We’re going somewhere special. Is that enough, or do you want the whole surprise?”
“I suddenly understand your dislike of surprises. Just tell me everything. I can’t deal with the suspense.” She waves her hands around to encourage more.
A Taste of Bliss Page 17