David’s face lit up and a smile spread across his face. She realised he liked her. Mae had pushed her into seeing him, but it had only just occurred to her that he didn’t need pushing. He really liked her. Oh great, just what I need she thought. She could tell he was a nice man but he wasn’t exactly her cup of tea and with everything that had happened between her and Peter recently, she just didn’t feel like getting involved with anyone.
It was a big mess, but she also knew she had to go out with him to keep Mae off her back; and she could go out with him once, and then she would tell Mae that there was no spark so that Mae would leave her alone. At least she could say she tried. That is what she would do. She would go out with David tonight. Peter wouldn’t be happy, but then she would tell Mae they were not compatible. Then she could tell Peter that she did it to keep Mae off her back and that she had no intention of seeing him again.
But, then Peter would think she did it for him. If she goes, Peter is unhappy. If she doesn’t go, Mae is unhappy.
If she does either, then she is unhappy.
David walked with them back to the house. He was very good with Willy and in the short walk, she had discovered that he very much wanted a family and she knew he would be good at it. She could tell he was dependable. He wasn’t a risk. He also wasn’t in the army so theoretically she knew he would come home. He had been dismissed on medical grounds because he had problems with his breathing. She had found out a lot about him on that short walk. He had done all the talking. She hadn’t said a word apart from the odd acknowledgement and the random giggle here and there.
They arrived at the front door and the awkwardness crept back in.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I’ll see you this evening.’
She looked down at Willy who was staring across the road. She had looked at him so that she didn’t have to look at David. She opened the door and told Willy to go in. David took her hand and kissed the back of it.
‘Yes, you will Martha. See you at 7.30.’
He took his cap off and gave a slight bow and walked off smiling. He had spring in his step and wanted her to see it. She watched him for a few seconds and then brought her gaze back to find Peter across the road staring at her.
He was just standing there, smoking and watching. She looked behind her, looked around her and then back at him and he was still there just watching her. He then put his cigarette out with his shoe, the whole time, just staring at her. She hastily turned and went into the house, closing the door behind her without looking back.
Willy had already run off to play with Charlie, and Mae was sitting out in the back garden. Martha sat down and joined her.
‘Hello, darling, beautiful day, isn’t it?’ Mae said, basking in the sun.
Martha agreed, sitting back and closing her eyes.
‘Did you two have an enjoyable time?’ Mae asked, eyes still closed.
‘Yes, we did. We just played by the river, blew some dandelions…’
But Martha was interrupted by Willy. He had come over and put his hands on her knees and said, ‘Mummy, where is Uncle Peter?’ Martha became uncomfortable.
‘I don’t know Willy, he has gone out I think.’
‘He was outside Mummy. Why didn’t he come in?’ Martha’s heart began to race.
’Was he? I didn’t see him,’ she said, hoping Mae wouldn’t think too much of it, and feeling guilty for lying to her son.
‘Yes. He was. He was staring at you when you were talking to that man by the front door. He was across the road staring. I waved at him, but he didn’t wave back at me. Why didn’t he come in?’
Martha needed to stop the questioning.
‘You must’ve seen someone that looked like him. I didn’t see him. Never mind, I’m sure he will be home soon and you boys can play cowboys and Indians.’
She laughed it off and looked around to Mae for reassurance. Mae was still basking in the sun, eyes closed.
What was Mae thinking? she thought.
She had become a paranoid wreck over the last 48 hours and now she was lying to her son. This situation needed to end and it needed to end soon. She couldn’t cope with the dishonesty, the lies. Why did he stare like that? What did it mean? she pondered. She had really hoped the other night was a mistake.
‘Was he staring because he wanted her to see him? If so, what point was he trying to make? He didn’t want David around? He wanted to be David? Why was he angry?’
She hadn’t done anything wrong apart from kiss him, she thought, but he kissed her. He plied her with alcohol and then he kissed her whilst she was weak. She would never have done that if she was sober.
Mae still hadn’t said a word. The two women sat in silence, both soaking up the sun in ignorant bliss. The bliss was short lived as Peter came bounding in. He was whistling loudly and making more noise than usual. It was as if he wanted his presence to be known.
This time he didn’t come out and greet the women. He banged about in the kitchen. He didn’t even say hello to his son, which was not normal for him. Well, Martha hadn’t been with them long, but in the brief time she had been there he always greeted everyone when he came in. Martha was panicked. Mae was still silent. The boys continued to play, the women continued to sit quietly and Peter continued to keep himself to himself.
Martha was sure something was wrong. Perhaps they had another row, she thought. Nothing has been said about me before now, so surely I’m worrying about nothing? she said to herself, trying to rationalise how uncomfortable she was feeling.
Mae broke the silence.
‘So, you’ve got a date tonight. What clothes have you got with you?’ she said still staring ahead.
‘Well, I hadn’t given it much thought. I wasn’t looking at it as a date,’ Martha said nonchalantly.
‘Don’t be so ridiculous.’ Mae took off her hat and got up from her seat. ‘Come on. I’ve got something in mind for you.’
Martha didn’t argue. She suddenly felt like there was something in the air, and that it would be easier just to do what Mae said.
They went back into the house. Peter had poured himself a drink again. That worried Martha. This time, however, he didn’t even acknowledge them.
‘I’m just taking Martha upstairs to dress her up for her date. Watch the boys, please.’
Again, he didn’t remark. Martha began to feel like a pawn in a game of chess for the second time this week.
Who knew who would win.
Chapter 7
There was a knock at the door at 7.25pm.
David was five minutes early.
‘Someone’s keen to make a good impression,’ Mae said to Martha, while grinning from ear to ear.
Mae seemed heavily interested in this evening’s events while Martha was dreading it and wondering why on earth she agreed to it. She just wanted to get it over with and wished that Mae wouldn’t make such a big thing of it. She was making Martha feel like a child with her constant goading. Martha was a grown up, but suddenly it felt like Mae was the older, more mature one and everyone wanted silly little Martha to get a boyfriend. Martha hated how patronising and short-sighted Mae could be at times. She knew that Mae genuinely wanted her to be happy and she was. She didn’t need a man to make her happy. She wasn’t Mae. It started off as that anyway but now Martha suspected that Mae was cottoning on to Peter’s wandering eye.
Maybe it will be a good thing to get out of the house this evening, she thought, better than being played by Mae and Peter. She wasn’t a piece of meat and was rapidly becoming uncomfortable about being caught up in their game.
Martha said her goodbyes and pretended to be excited about going out. She asked them to wish her luck as she headed for the door.
‘Luck won’t come into it in that dress’ remarked Peter.
He was not amused and Martha couldn’t get out quick enough. David was at the door and much to Martha’s surprise looked very dapper. She had only seen him in his work clothes, but tonight he had his hair slicked back
and looked clean shaven. She could even smell aftershave on him. They kissed each other on the cheeks.
‘You look…’ they both said at the same time.
Martha giggled and David apologised.
‘No need to apologise,’ said Martha, ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘Well, I was just going to say that you look beautiful Martha and it is my pleasure to have your company for the evening.’
He opened the car door to let her in. Martha thought he was adorable. She imagined that he had probably had his heart broken before, with a soft nature like that.
The pair made small talk for the first fifteen minutes or so. They drove off in silence, so Martha broke the ice and started asking David about his interests. Even if she weren't interested in him, the ride would be easier to endure if they spoke a little. She was worried about talking too much in case he she could be accused of leading him on, but at the same time, she didn’t want him feeling rejected. She was a sucker for always trying to make people feel better, even to the detriment of her own happiness.
David talked about his first love, cars. As the conversation flowed she realised cars were his only love.
‘So, there’s never been a Mrs. David?’
She was sure she wasn’t this direct with people a year ago, but she was changing. Her independence was growing. That, and a lack of not caring so much about what people thought of her these days. She surprised herself with her direct questioning and was instantly riddled with nerves and guilt because she was worried he would think she was more interested in him than she was.
David smiled at the question and replied;
‘No. Nope. Not a Mrs. David yet. Never anyone that special that has caught my eye yet. A few that I wanted but wasn’t in their league mind. But, I haven’t given up.’
He was staring right at her. She gulped and reminded him that he needed to watch the road. His eyes suddenly looked sad and he turned his head to focus forward. Again, she found herself feeling guilty and she felt the strong desire to make him feel better.
She said, ‘I’m sure there is a Mrs David out there and she would be mad not to want you.’
He blushed a little and carried on driving. He didn’t dare take his eyes off the road.
The couple had been driving for about half an hour. David had driven her through a couple of neighbouring villages. Martha sat back and enjoyed the ride. She felt free. Free from being a Mum. Free from Mae. Free from Peter. Free from life. She couldn’t remember the last time her mind was this clear. She felt happy. So happy. All because she was doing nothing but being in a lovely car, being driven around and taking in the views on a beautiful light evening. She had the window down and the warm breeze was blowing through her hair. She wished this moment, this feeling, could last longer than she knew it would.
They passed through the next village and David had begun talking again. He told her he knew this spot where it might be nice to pull up and watch the sun go down. She felt like the suggestion was a bit more romantic than what she wanted, but he had been so lovely to her and she had surprisingly enjoyed herself so far, so, she thought he at least deserved to pull over and watch the sunset with her if that’s what he wanted.
They cruised through the village, and Martha noticed a lady. A senior woman with a frail frame. She felt like she recognised her but couldn’t think where from or how. She didn’t have any friends apart from Mae so she must’ve just looked familiar. Whoever she was, she looked troubled and in need of a hug, but she couldn’t say ‘Stop the car. I don’t know if I know that woman or not, but I feel like I do and she looks down. I have to see her and give her some comfort.’ Martha felt frustrated. She hated seeing people looking down; she had always wanted to help others. That’s just the way she was. Strangers or not.
They drove past and exited the village with Martha feeling in a quandary. David drove a little further and pulled over in a secluded spot. He turned off the ignition and the two sat silently. He realised that maybe taking her here wasn’t a good idea. It screamed romance and he didn’t even know if she liked him like that.
‘I’ve always loved this spot,’ he said, and broke the silence. ‘When I come here and I look at the views… I worry about nothing. You ever feel like that?’
He looked at Martha. He didn’t know that she had already been feeling like that on their little trip out that evening.
‘Yes.’ She looked down at her lap. ‘Yes, sometimes I do.’
Martha looked out of her window and gazed. It was very quiet. You could hear a pin drop. David thought she was terrific. It had been so long since he'd had female company like this, one on one. He couldn’t detect how she felt, but he knew he didn’t want to miss his chance. He had let the love of his life slip through his fingers once before. He couldn’t let that happen again. He wasn’t sure if he was in love but it damn well felt close.
He was mesmerised by her looks. Every little detail of her. The way she dressed. The way she smelled. Her eyes. Her hair. She was just beautiful and he knew that she didn’t know quite how beautiful he thought she was. He also knew that if he told her, she would just hush him. She was a modest, classy woman and that was another thing he loved about her. He stared at her staring out of the car window. He looked at her jawline, her small dainty ears. He didn’t think he had ever studied someone’s ears carefully before but hers. The way they folded. The neat little creases. She was just beautiful.
He raised his hand and reached out to stroke her face. His heart was pounding. It was all or nothing. He wanted a good woman and he decided not to be the wimp he had been in the past. She needed to know he liked her. Martha didn’t even flinch. She knew it was coming at some point. She continued to stare out of the window.
Her mind was in turmoil. She wasn’t interested in David. He was a good-looking man; she could do a lot worse, but the spark just wasn’t there. If everything had been ok at home, she would have had the confidence to tell him it wasn’t going to happen, but what with everything that had been happening with Mae and Peter, she just felt all out of sorts. She felt like she didn’t know who she was anymore. She hadn’t been the kind of woman to lead men on, lie to her friends and play games. Everything she valued and believed in had been tarnished.
She lifted her hand to meet David’s and pulled it away from her face; she held it on her lap. She needed to be straight with him. She couldn’t change Peter, but she could control what happened next. David was lovely and sweet and thoughtful, but she needed to not play with him. If Peter and Mae wanted to play a game, then that was up to them, but Martha could make sure she wasn’t contributing to the mess and so she would tell David she didn’t ever want to be with anyone apart from her deceased husband.
That wasn’t entirely true.
She loved Johnny, and she missed him and she was beginning to feel like she could love again but, not with David. She would have to tell him now. It would be better to disappoint him now rather than break his heart later. She sighed deeply and turned to look at him.
He was staring right at her. He looked helpless like he needed rescuing. She went to speak but he leaned in and kissed her and she hesitantly reciprocated. She knew it was wrong. She should stop. This couldn’t end well. But, she kissed him back.
She began kissing him more and more. His lips were so soft. My god, can he kiss. she thought. He held the back of her head with one hand while the other held her face. He ran his fingers through her hair. This was a man who knew exactly what he wanted. This wasn’t a ‘back of the school bike shed’ kind of kiss. This was a, ‘I want you in my life’ kind of kiss.
The pair became short of breath. Martha felt her nipples harden. She didn’t even think about who she was kissing; she just knew she liked it and her body was crying out for passion. She hadn’t had sex for almost four years now. She missed the feeling of being overpowered. That sensation of succumbing to the man. The pleasure she got out of feeling that appreciated.
David’s hands started
to explore her body and she didn’t stop him. His hand was smoothing her thigh inching closer and closer. The kissing got heavier. She ran her hand along his thigh and found his very hard erection. God, I want you to take me. she thought. Just take me to bed, and enjoy every bit of my body, she fantasised. The kissing slowed. David took his hand away from her legs and ran it back up her body until he got to her face. He cupped her face and pulled away. Then he gave her two gentle pecks.
‘You are one fine woman Martha. I just can’t believe you like me back. I am one lucky guy.’
Martha was still panting gently, completely caught up in the moment.
‘Well I had better get you back. I said I wouldn’t keep you out late,’ and he turned back to face the road and started the car up.
The pair drove off with David telling Martha how much good care he was going to take of her and Willy and that everything was going to be great for them all. Now she knew why he hadn’t been successful with the women; he was quite full on. He wore his heart on his sleeve so low that it was grazed from being dragged along the ground. She didn’t have the energy to disappoint him and although she knew it was wrong, she just let David talk and lay out his plans for them both as they drove back.
They pulled up outside the house and David gazed at Martha. He looked like a lovesick puppy which made her regret the fabulous kiss.
‘I can’t thank you enough, Martha. I’ve had such a lovely evening. Shall we say same time again tomorrow?’
Her heart sank. She felt so tangled up inside.
‘I can’t tomorrow evening I’m afraid…’
David instantly looked broken, and Martha knew she was in too deep.
‘But I can do the evening after that. How does that sound? We could do the same again?’
His smile lifted and although she could tell that he was still disappointed, he was at least a little happier with her sub offer. He leaned in and began to kiss her again, and she kissed him back.
Peter was watching the pair from the upstairs window. They hadn’t seen him. He had slightly twitched the curtain and had been popping into that room regularly for the last hour so that he could do so. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being with David and was extremely tormented by the idea that she wanted to be with David and not him.
Cupidity Page 8