A new day and a fresh chance to start again and today the house seemed like Spring had sprung.
Everyone rose around the same time. The boys were in a good mood and playing together joyfully, running about like little bees. Peter and Mae were making breakfast for everyone like two lovesick puppies. He had his hands on her at any opportunity, and they giggled each time they touched as they navigated their way around the kitchen without separating their bodies. He looked dashing in his trousers and braces and his tight white vest. He was only half dressed and Martha kept finding herself looking at his arms and his body. She tried to busy herself with laying the table.
Mae was positively blooming. She looked radiant and Martha hadn’t noticed that Mae had been down before in truth. It was only this morning that she realised how happy she seemed that made her realise she hadn’t been herself lately. Usually, she was very good at picking up on things, but she had missed it recently. She had been an awful friend and didn’t even know how terrible until now. Although, the way they were carrying on this morning was as if she wasn’t even there. They were so wrapped up in each other and Martha didn’t know where to put herself.
‘You two seem in excellent spirits today, it’s nice to see,’ she said awkwardly, not knowing if she should distract them or not.
‘We are in good spirits aren’t we.’ said Mae looking at Peter. ‘Can I tell her? Please. I know we only just talked about it, but please, she’s my friend.’ Mae was looking at Peter like a love-struck teenager.
‘Go on then, my dear but no one else, not until, well, you know.’
He poured himself a hot drink. Martha wondered what the news could be and waited in suspense.
‘Well, come on then, what is it?’ she said, looking at them both.
‘Well, I think I…’ she looked out of the window to make sure the boys couldn’t hear, ‘we are having a baby,’ and she shrieked with sheer delight.
Martha didn’t say anything. She looked at them both and realised she owed them a reaction.
‘Well, that’s great. I mean, are you sure? How long do you…’ she didn’t get to finish before Mae interrupted.
‘Well I think it’s not long, I just feel different and I’m sure that’s what it is but even if it’s not, after what this one did to me last night I could be,’ she said, sitting on Peter’s knee and kissing him.
‘Oh, ok, so you don’t know if you are, but you are going to try anyway?’
Martha didn’t feel that happy about it. She wasn’t sure why but she felt angry.
She felt jealous.
She felt annoyed.
Peter and Mae could both see that Martha didn’t seem that happy. Peter looked around the room, feeling equally unsettled and Mae looked at him with sadness that her friend didn’t seem happy for her.
‘Martha, I thought you would be pleased for me… for us.’
Mae was disappointed in her friend.
Martha knew she had to stop being so selfish and give her friend what she wanted, but she wasn’t happy for her because Peter had been a creep recently.
A bastard.
She was unsettled by the news. She wanted to scream out and tell her it was not ok. She wanted to tell her she was making a mistake. She wanted to tell her that she needed to work on her relationship first before patching it up with another baby but, well, maybe it would get them back on track, unlikely, but maybe.
‘Mae, of course, I am happy for you. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I didn’t realise you were trying.’
She leaned over and kissed Mae on the cheek, then she leaned into Peter and kissed his cheek while taking in his scent.
It aroused her.
She sat down again and the atmosphere was a little tense.
‘Martha, I think I know what this is about. You’re worried about what this means for you and Willy, aren’t you? Well, it will be fine. A baby doesn’t take up a lot of space at first and you will undoubtedly be a great help to have around when Peter is not here. Plus, who knows what will happen in the next year or so. I’m pretty sure David is in love with you and what happens when two people are in love? They get married, live together and have babies.’
She snuggled into Peter and he placed his hand on her stomach.
‘Yes, they do and it’s wonderful when it happens,’ added Peter.
Martha felt sick. A rage boiled up within her and she wanted to smack Peter in the face. She was beginning to see him for what he was. A cold, nasty and utter bastard.
A typical man of his power.
He thinks because he comes from a wealthy family and as a result, he now has a good amount of money that he can have whatever he wants. Money might have got him everything he wanted in life, but you can’t buy good morals and that’s what he lacks, she rambled silently. Then, that internal dialogue she always had these days quickly reminded her that her morals weren’t what they used to be either.
‘Well, I had better let you ladies get on with day two of your pampering, in preparation for the date with David tonight. Things seem to be going well with him Martha. It’s nice to see you smile again.’
He squeezed her shoulder while mopping his mouth with his serviette. Mae cleared away the dishes and took them to the sink. He followed her and put his hands around her and nuzzled her neck. Martha found herself staring at his muscly back that was exposed through the shoulders of his white vest. She began to daydream and then remembered that not so long ago she stood at that sink and he nuzzled into her, amongst other things. She became jealous and flustered and realised she had probably been staring too long and that she ought to busy herself before they caught her staring at them both.
Peter put Mae down and went upstairs to finish getting dressed. Mae had a couple of bunches of tea leaves in a muslin cloth in her hand and looked pleased with herself.
‘Hopefully, there is enough here for both legs.’ she said smiling brightly.
Martha looked at her with confusion.
‘Legs?’
Mae rolled her eyes because of how clueless her friend was with this kind of stuff.
‘Yes. Legs. We will use these to make your legs look tanned. I know we would normally paste gravy on but I was talking to Elsie, you know, she lives a few doors down. Well, she said women are not using gravy anymore. Everyone is staining their legs with used tea bags now.’
She looked quite pleased with herself and tottered off out of the room. Martha felt entirely and utterly deflated, confused, used and angry. Her eyes began to prick with tears. She was mad at herself more than anyone else and began to regret moving in.
A short while ago life was better. Was she lonely? Yes. Was money tight? What money, more like. But she was coping and she had morals and dignity and friendships that were valuable instead of tarnished.
‘Martha, is everything alright?’
Mae had come back into the room and was shocked to see Martha standing there gazing into space. Great, this is all I need, thought Martha. She struggled to hold back the tears. The lump began to rise in her throat and she knew if she opened her mouth to talk she would burst into tears. Her breathing became heavy and Mae stood right in front of her and put her hands on her shoulders.
‘Martha, what is it?’
She pulled her in and embraced her. Her kindness and softness were too much for Martha to take and the tears came tumbling down. Mae did her best to soothe Martha while being taken aback as to what it was all about.
After a few heavy sobs, Martha managed to control herself and took a step back out of Mae’s arms and looked at her.
‘Martha, what is this all about? Is it the baby thing?’ she said, while fetching a handkerchief for her friend.
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ lied Martha. ‘I just feel a bit overwhelmed and obviously, I am completely happy for you, I think it’s wonderful news. I guess I did wonder what it meant for Willy and me, and it makes me wonder where we will be in the next few years and if I will be with someone. Oh, I don’t know I am just being
silly.’
‘Yes, you are silly and now you are going to have puffy eyes when I am trying to get you ready for David.’ smiled Mae.
‘Sorry,’ Martha said with her big reindeer like eyes, all glassy from the tears which accentuated her eyelashes.
Her eyes were so big that her teardrops sat on her bottom lashes like a raindrop on a rose petal.
‘Don’t be. You are going to have a nice life ahead of you. I can feel it. Hopefully, David will show you that. You two seem to be getting on. How do you feel about him now?’
Mae began to prepare another pot of tea and looked out of the window to check on the boys playing.
‘Well, I wasn’t sure at first, but actually, I’m beginning to think he might be perfect. I’m feeling like…’ she paused and then said, ‘I think he is exactly the sort of choice I should be making.’
Not only did she just tell that to Mae, but she was saying it to herself also.
‘Yes, I think I ought to give him a chance,’ she said and smiled at Mae.
‘That’s more like it. And a smile too. How wonderful. Well, by the time I’ve finished with you he won’t know what’s hit him. You might want to think about giving him the goods tonight as well; I wouldn’t keep him waiting too long,’ she said as if she knew best.
She didn’t realise how offensive her assumption was that Martha was incapable of holding a man’s interest without her trusted and experienced guidance. Martha scowled with disapproval but had known Mae long enough not to be shocked at this. Mae wouldn’t talk to anyone else like this, she liked everyone to think of her as a lady, but when it was just the two of them, she could talk with a smutty mouth like a man.
‘Seriously Martha. Come on. You’ve been married; you have a son. You’re not a virgin. He’s not going to pop the question to get his leg over. I would give him what he wants and you never know, you might end up getting what you want.’
Martha didn’t even know what she wanted.
‘Think about it’ said Mae and she went out the back to round up the boys.
Martha began to wonder. Mae and Peter were obviously making more plans together for their future, so Peter had no intention of being with her at all. He just wanted to see if he could have her.
She felt so stupid.
And guilty.
And angry.
Maybe she should give David a chance. She hadn’t even considered him before now because she was clouded by what was happening with Peter. She had been a fool and almost lost her best friend and ruined a marriage. In fact, David was her chance at a new beginning. If she let him in, then she might fall in love with him and then they could be together rather than being stuck under the roof of Peter’s false love. The only person he was in love with was himself. Martha had to make it work with David. She couldn’t continue to live in this tormented world.
Maybe tonight they would make love, seal the deal, give him a night to remember and the thought of that, surprisingly, aroused her.
Chapter 10
‘Well, what do you think?’
Mae paraded Martha in front of Peter like a handbag she had handmade at school.
‘Doesn’t she look… hmmm… I was going to say divine, but that isn’t the look we are going for. She looks… irresistible.’
Martha blushed and felt far more exposed than she was comfortable with. Her makeup was heavy, her legs stained with tea bags and a line drawn down the back to create the look of stockings. Her breasts were pushed together and lifted and had gone numb with the tightness of her underwear. Mae had gone to town and excelled herself this time.
Peter stared at Martha. He looked her up and down. He then returned to look at his paper and picked up his cup of tea. The room was silent. His slurp seemed loud. Martha felt as though she was breathing too loudly and she could see Mae’s chest rising up and down in the corner of her eye.
Peter put his cup back down and supposedly, continued to read his paper.
‘I don’t like it.’
Mae huffed like a child.
‘What do you mean, you don’t like it? I put a lot of effort into that.’
Once again Martha felt like an object and wished she wasn’t being spoken about in such a way.
‘Mae, stop behaving like a brat. The woman is going to meet his family, God damn it. Holy shit, she looks like a woman of the night. What will his family think? You wanted to help her make it work with him and the only thing you are doing is guaranteeing he gets his leg over.’
He shook his paper as if to re-read it and pick up where he left off, although they all knew he wasn’t reading it a minute ago.
Peter was irate. He very rarely swore, especially not in front of women but he was agitated and both the women knew it.
‘She looks like a victory girl. You’ve seen those posters that are brandished everywhere. Warning the soldiers that these women are not clean. That they are riddled with disease.’
Peter lit a cigarette.
Martha was mortified.
Mae was insulted.
‘That is quite enough Peter. I think it is quite clear you don’t like it. I was just trying to make the woman feel good, and make sure David would make her feel good too. There is no need to take it that far.’
Peter gave a look of sheer disgust at Mae. Martha wondered if he had ever hit her, he looked so mad. Martha decided to speak up. She had bit her tongue for long enough. She was fed up with being everyone’s new toy. She just hoped she could do it eloquently and not as a quivering wreck.
‘As much as I appreciate you both looking out for me, I am capable of looking after myself…’
Peter snorted a laugh and Martha went crimson with rage. She had had just about enough of these two.
‘No more,’ she said, with a raised voice and looking at both of them, ‘I have had it. Can’t you see how you are treating me? I am a grown woman. A widow. A mother. Mae, I don’t mind you dressing me but see it as that and only that. I don’t mind but, sometimes I am happy with the way I am and Peter, I don’t need you to protect me. I appreciate it, I do, but you two arguing over me is ridiculous. Now, I am going to go upstairs, get changed and kiss my son. David should be here any minute.’
She looked at them. They were both looking in opposite directions, like spoilt children. Peter was staring at the ash tip, growing on the end of his cigarette. He was probably wondering how long he could let it grow, how long he could control it before it would eventually fall off and into the ashtray and become a little pile of ash. He would have to inhale a few more drags before he could daydream and ponder that thought again.
Mae was probably seething. She did not like being put in her place. The only one that got away with that was Peter. Martha had spent most of her life avoiding confrontations with Mae. She imagined that Mae was probably annoyed that her ‘work’ hadn’t been appreciated. Her taste wasn’t up to scratch. She wore it well but ultimately it wasn’t Martha’s cup of tea and if anything, Martha was glad the row had happened because she got to get changed and wear what she wanted. Something plain. Something simple. Nothing too flashy. Nothing that exposed too much chest.
Martha turned on her heels and went upstairs. She looked through the crack in the door and watched the boys play. They were so good and tonight they seemed more angelic than normal. When all was strange in her life, she had her boy. As always, he calmed her. He made her feel normal when everything else was a quagmire of emotional mess and moral wrongdoings.
She then went into the bathroom and looked at her face. Mae had done a good job with this bit. She looked very glamorous. Martha could cope with the extra makeup. In fact, it was nice to look this good, but the make-up combined with the dress and breasts was a tad too much. She gazed at her face in the mirror. She liked what she saw.
‘You’re not too bad Martha Henderson. Tonight, you have scrubbed up ok,’ she said to herself.
Then she went into her room and looked at her dresses in the wardrobe. She wished she could embrace what Mae ha
d put her in and wear it with style and confidence, but the reality was that she would shuffle out the house in it and keep an eye on her boobs all night. It wouldn’t look sexy at all.
‘No, the face I can live with, but the boys are going back in the barracks tonight. 'Sorry.’ she said, holding her boobs and looking at herself in the mirror.
She realised she had made a joke. She understood her personality came out. It seemed a while since she had been that way. It felt good. Great in fact. She came out of her room in something much daintier. She still looked fashionable and classy but just not as racy. She went into the boys to kiss them goodnight. She sat on the floor next to Willy and hoisted him up on her lap. He was almost too heavy for this now, she thought. He apparently didn’t think so because he tucked himself into her and curled up.
‘You look nice, Mummy.’
She cuddled her boy and squeezed him tight.
‘Thank you, William. What do you think, Charlie, will I do?’
Charlie blushed and picked up his toy and pretended to play with that.
‘Well, you boys be good. I am popping out this evening so, Willy, be good for Aunty Mae.’
She stood him up and got to her feet. She stroked his hair across his head and he leaned into her thigh and wrapped his little arms around the top of her knees. She wondered what he thought about at times. Did he worry about her going out and not being across the hall from him? Did he worry about having a ‘new dad’? Does he even think about who his dad was? How would he cope if she did settle down with someone else? She lowered down to his height and gave him one more squeeze and a kiss on the head.
‘Goodnight darling, Mummy loves you.’
She went downstairs and was glad to hear Peter and Mae were talking normally again. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but they were talking and that was all that mattered . She made her entrance into the room and they both stopped. They were back to silence again.
‘Oh, come on you two. I heard you talking as I was coming down the stairs. Mae, I like what you did, but I am more comfortable in this. This is more me, but I love the make-up. I never have the patience for all that stuff but I love it, so thank you.’
Cupidity Page 11