David did stir, however, and he tried to pull her back into bed. He put his arm around her and brought her face down to face his, and kissed her. She gave him a quick peck and pulled away abruptly.
‘Give me two seconds; I just want to freshen up. Don’t move, I’m coming back in.’ She smiled at him, trying to convince them both that everything was fine and perfectly normal.
‘You are a silly girl. You don’t need to freshen up. You always look beautiful.’
‘It just makes me feel better. I won’t be long.’ She crept out of the room, straight into the bathroom, locked the door and sank to the floor with her head in her hands.
Once freshened up, Martha crept back into bed. She realised that she wasn’t at all in the mood to be intimate with David after all, but she had started it now, he was expecting her.
What could have happened, for her to change her mind so quickly?
Perhaps she just needed to get out of the bed quickly, and now that she was back in it she realised that this didn’t seem normal, but she had offered it to David and so she would have to go through with it.
She felt sick again, she felt more ashamed by the minute, but she knew what she had to do.
Eventually, all four of the adults and baby Anna were downstairs, and around the table again. The boys were playing and had been told to be good otherwise Santa Claus wouldn’t visit them. They were behaving impeccably as a result of said threat. Mae had once again excelled herself with a more than generous spread for everyone’s breakfast.
There were no signs of poverty in this house.
‘Tuck in you two, you probably need a good breakfast in you.’
‘Martha and I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality. You’re good people. After breakfast, I will head over to the police station and see if we can return to the farm today. We don’t want to put you out.’
Peter and Martha didn’t say a word.
‘Well as I have said to Martha already and to you, there is no rush. We can manage for a few days if you need it, but we understand you want to get back to your own bed, don’t we, Peter?’ Mae began to chuckle.
‘What’s funny?’ Martha asked gingerly.
‘Peter must have had more brandy than his usual amount last night because he fell asleep down here. I was laughing as I said David must want his bed and Peter is in his own home and isn’t even using his. He hasn’t done that for years.’ She continued to chuckle and Martha offered a small, false and nervous chortle.
‘Sorry doll, I must’ve drifted off. I don’t know what got into me.’ Peter’s eyes met Martha’s, and they both looked away.
The four of them tucked into their breakfast, with Mae giving Anna little scraps of hers.
Martha wasn’t sure if anyone had noticed, but they ate in silence for the duration.
As soon as breakfast was over, David made his excuses and headed for the police station. He was keen to go home regardless of how unsettling it could be for everyone, but little did he know Martha was very keen to return there as quickly as possible.
Martha offered to clear up while Mae got baby Anna ready for the day. Well, get her ready for the second time of the day after the mess she had made with her breakfast.
Peter loitered in the kitchen waiting for the coast to be completely clear.
‘What the hell do you think you are playing at?’
Peter startled Martha at the sink. She looked genuinely scared of him; he was very much in her personal space.
‘What? What do you mean?’ She spoke in a hushed tone.
‘Do you think I don’t know why you two were late coming down this morning? How could you after last night?’ Peter looked over his shoulder, checking once again that the coast was clear. ‘How could you? Did last night mean nothing to you? I’m gobsmacked. I risked my marriage and you risked your, whatever it is you have going on with David, a friendship with Mae, and now you are back in bed with him? I didn’t have you down as that kind of girl, Martha. If I had known that was how it was going to be, I wouldn’t have risked it. Not for a slut.’
He wandered out to the back door and went and smoked in the garden.
Martha was shaking. Tears began to fill her eyes and a tidal wave of emotion was sitting in the middle of her throat ready to pour out at any minute.
She had to control it.
She was trapped, frozen to the spot. She couldn’t let Mae see her like this and she did not want to give Peter any gratification for his insults towards her.
She ran her hands under cold water. This seemed to help her get her emotions under control. Her despair quickly became anger, as she watched him through the window.
This man drives me crazy, she thought. She looked over at the wall where they had been less than twelve hours ago. She looked at the floor where they lay after. She looked back out of the window and observed him standing there, puffing away on his cigarette nonchalantly. She slapped down the tea towel on the side and decided that enough was enough.
How dare he treat me like this, she thought. He had no idea what he was doing to her, but she was about to tell him.
She marched out to the back garden and stood straight in front of him. She snatched his cigarette from him and took three deep inhalations. With her hand on her hip and the other holding the cigarette away from her, she told Peter what she thought.
‘How dare you speak to me in that way. You listen to me, Peter, and you listen good. You started all of this. You picked on me when I was vulnerable and lonely. You chose every moment. You made sure that I had just enough alcohol in my body to consider you and me, together. Yes, I could have said no and that’s what I bloody well should have done. I wish I had never laid eyes on you. You make me sick. You disgust me. I don’t steal people’s husbands. That is not me. That has never been me. But, you saw how weak I was and you pounced. Mae is my best friend and because of you, I have committed the worst crime any friend can do to another. But do you know what? I disgust myself more. I am disgusted that I was too weak. Disgusted that I inflated your already oversized ego. But worse than all of that, I am disgusted that I enjoyed it. Disgusted that I couldn’t get enough of you and that I want more of you. I hate myself for loving what you can do with your fingers, your tongue and your penis. I’ve never know anything like it but for the record, what is the point in good sex if the personality is dire? You’ve got nothing upstairs; it’s all in your trousers. That’s your problem, you’re inadequate compared to most men, so doing that, doing this, makes you feel better. What’s the matter, Peter, did Mummy never tell you she loved you? If I want to sleep with my partner the morning after we made a terrible mistake, then that is my choice. I’ve only been with three men. Johnny, David and you. I dread to think how many pathetic women like me you have lured into the bedroom. You don’t deserve Mae, and you don’t deserve me. One more thing, if I am a slut as you said, what the hell does that make you?’
She took one long, animated suck on the cigarette while staring at him, and then threw it to the ground and stamped it out while maintaining eye contact the whole time. As she walked off and made her way back into the house, she didn’t see Peter smile.
Martha stomped her way up the stairs in a state of exhilaration, frustration, triumph, nausea and adrenalin. She decided to pack up the things that she and David had brought with them the night before, and get ready to go back to the farm. Whatever nightmares were waiting for her there were better than living in one here, she thought. She began picking up their clothes and was caught stuffing them hastily into a holdall by Mae.
‘Martha, darling, what are you doing? Surely you can’t be thinking of going back there? You won’t get any sleep. Stay with us for Christmas.’
Martha looked around over her shoulder to see Mae had her puppy dog eyes on. She knew that Mae loved having her around. Peter didn’t offer her anything emotionally, but that’s what she got from her friend Martha. If only she knew that Martha was now ten times worse than Peter.
Martha
became morose and began to sob.
‘Oh, hang on, let me put Anna down in her cot. Don’t cry.’
Mae quickly put Anna in her cot in their bedroom and went into Martha’s rescue. She knelt next to her and rubbed her shoulders. ‘You can’t go back there, tonight. Look at you. You’re scared stiff. Do you want me to speak to David for you?’
Martha shook her head.
‘There is no point putting it off, we have to go back sometime. We might as well go today. You know, rip the plaster off.’
She lifted her blouse and used it to dry her eyes and then tucked the wet bit back into her skirt. Mae exhaled loudly.
‘Look, just think about it. I’ve said my piece, but I think it’s too soon. Come on, let’s go and have tea. Tea solves everything, isn’t that what they say? Doubt it solves a murder, but still, it will make us feel better. I think Peter is down there; I’ll tell the useless sod to make it for us.’
Mae pecked Martha on the head and left the room.
‘Don’t stay up here too long, I want to see you downstairs in two minutes.’
She closed the door and as she walked away, she didn’t see Martha get up on to the bed, and scream and sob into the pillows.
When Mae went downstairs, David had just arrived back from the police station. Peter had begun making the tea. He hated it when Mae bossed him around in front of other people, but he’d had enough conflict with women already this morning, so decided to do as he was told, aware that at least one of the two women would be happy with him.
‘Where’s my girl?’ David asked.
‘She’s upstairs packing… and crying.’
Peter’s ears pricked up, but he pretended not to listen.
‘What? Why? I’ll go and see her.’
‘I’d leave it, David. I am not supposed to say anything. She’s packing because she thinks you should all go back sooner rather than later, and I think she’s crying because she’s terrified. Just give her a minute, I told her to take a minute and come down for tea.’
David sat down at the table and took his cap off. He rubbed his face, put his elbows on the table and held his head in his hands.
‘Well, the police don’t want us to go back anyway. They have asked if we can stay away for a couple of days, while they keep an eye on the place and collect clues. I don’t know, I'm keen to get back. I feel like I have been pushed out of my home, by another man. I feel like I have failed Martha and Willy. I feel helpless. Useless. Worthless.’
Mae gave David a sympathetic look, while Peter patted David on the shoulders and said,
‘You’re not any of those. You’ve done the right thing. You took your family somewhere safe. You are protecting them. The right thing would be to stay here, as the police said. You were going to be here for Christmas Day anyway, so what harm does staying a couple of days extra do? You will have peace of mind and you have us for company. If you go back to that farm now, all you will have to talk to each other about is what happened the other night. Why not go back with stories of the Christmas you had here, with us.’
David nodded and sighed.
‘You’re right. Plus, I suppose I am only thinking of myself. She loves spending time with you, so that will make her happy if we are all together. As long as you are sure.’
‘Wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Peter said feeling pleased with himself.
David went upstairs to go and check on his Martha and try and soothe her worried mind. Meanwhile, Mae was full of admiration for her husband.
‘You do surprise me sometimes, do you know that Peter Wilkins?’ Mae looked like a giddy teenager at her husband.
‘Really? How so?’ He walked around behind his wife and draped his arms over her shoulders, as she sat at the table.
‘I know how you like your space. I know you don’t really like David and here you are offering your home to them for the next couple of nights. I think that’s really nice of you, and it makes me love you even more.’
She held his hands and placed them on her heart.
‘We have to support them. They don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t mind them being here, in fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can handle David and as for his brother, well it’s like he’s not even here. Has he emerged from his room?’
‘He came down for a drink earlier. I told himself to make himself at home. I think he is very shy. We will have to get David to coax him out, even if it is just to sit and have dinner with us.’
Peter continued to stand behind his wife, swaying gently as she held his arms around her, believing her husband was a true gentleman.
Chapter 24
The house was filled with an abundance of festivity and jubilance.
The children’s laughter was a cacophony of noise that ricocheted off the walls. The smell of turkey and potatoes wafted through the house like a comforting blanket of happy memories. It rained down memories of Christmases past, before the war. There was to be no ‘murkey’ in Peter’s house. He had money and he had connections, so today they would be eating like royalty. Not a scrap of hardship in sight. Not a crumb of poverty to be seen. Not in this house.
The wireless was louder than normal and everyone bopped around each other while getting the house prepared for a feast to be remembered. A day that would go down in history. The first Christmas after the war.
Bing Crosby, Billie Holiday and songs by Ella Fitzgerald played and brought animation to what were normal tasks. The music brought life to the laying of the table, the chopping of the veg. The music that was reverberating through the house was bringing the morning to life. Frank Sinatra’s ‘The House I Live In’ came on and Peter stopped what he was doing, and took his wife for a dance around the table.
They laughed and to everyone else, seemed in love.
Martha had begged David the previous afternoon to take them all back to the farm. He hadn’t seen it as pleading. He thought she was saying it for his benefit, and he thought she was selfless yet again. He loved her for that. He thanked her for it at the time and he pulled her close. ‘No, no the farm can wait. I know you like being with your friends so that we will stay here. I can manage, but thank you for trying to please me.’
Martha had nothing to say. She sobbed into his arms, and he believed she was distraught about the murder. He stroked her head, and he promised to take care of her. He promised that he would never let any harm come to her. He told her he knew how lucky he was, and that she deserved more than he had to offer, but that he would give her everything he had. Martha sobbed harder and harder but said no more.
She decided this was her punishment. She believed that her God wanted to torment her, to make sure she was never as stupid or as weak again.
David’s brother, Michael, had become a godsend.
He was better with the boys than anyone else. No one wanted to exploit him, but he was a welcome break. It worked well for all of them, as he was painfully shy. He got to come out of his room without being intimidated by Peter, and without feeling sheepish around the women.
He loved children; they were innocent and non-judgemental. He was comfortable in their company, and rarely relaxed in adult company. Willy and Charlie were happy, and Michael was happy. Everyone was happy. David surprised himself by enjoying the day more than he thought he would. It dawned on him that being the guest on Christmas Day was a treat compared to being the host, just as Martha had told him. They wouldn’t let him lift a finger. The women did most of the work while Peter began to drink early, and got out his cigars for special occasions. Most of all, David was happy because his girl was happy. She was comfortable here and he felt that he had given her the greatest gift of all, and by doing so believed that it had been reciprocated.
Martha was in a silent hell.
She had gotten up that morning, and decided to carry out the day with conviction. She decided to wear her best fake smile, and be the most gregarious soul in the house. This was the pact that she made with God, in exchange for a solemn vow that sh
e would never be deceitful or weak again. She had been brought up in a religious family but had let this side of her life drop as she got older. She didn’t know what she believed. She believed in something. Even if it wasn’t God as such, she believed there were forces working for the greater good, but they watched everything you did and your luck depended on your behaviour. That’s what fate was all about, she reckoned. Sometimes, she would do something that she considered frowned upon, but Martha’s ‘frowned upon’ was mildly mediocre compared to the everyday bad man.
Martha considered not opening a door for someone, or being too busy, or not paying a compliment when she had thought it, like a bad act.
She would churn it over in her head, kicking herself that she had an opportunity to do a good deed or carry out an act of kindness, and she didn’t do it. When she was aware of these kind of teachings, she would feel that God or whoever it was that was looking over her would sweep down almost immediately to remind her, she should have been kinder. It would be a small reminder like breaking a tea cup or spilling something down a freshly worn outfit. A small penance for a missed opportunity of good.
On Christmas Eve, she silently prayed to God for forgiveness for her adultery with Peter. David had lain asleep next to her as she held her hands in a praying position to her face and silently prayed, begged, pleaded for forgiveness. She explained that she felt lost and that she didn’t know who she was anymore, but that it was clearer to her now more than ever before where she wanted to be, and that if God could protect her, she would never let him down again. In her mind, she believed she had his forgiveness that night, as long as she turned it around the following day, and became the partner that David desired and the friend that Mae deserved.
Christmas Day 1945 went by without a glitch.
There was food aplenty. The children played with a multitude of gifts. Some were hand-me downs from Peter, David and Michael who had all taken the time to find old possessions that they no longer needed, that they felt the boys would feel privileged to have, but David and Michael had been the stars of the day having hand crafted toys for the children. Michael was particularly good at woodwork and had made a dolls house for baby Anna. She was far too young to enjoy it now, but ever since he knew they would be spending Christmas Day there, he had gone straight to work, having always wanted a little sister.
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