“Suit yourself, but I also offered the same to Morgan. If it’s dirty laundry you’re worried about, don’t. You wouldn’t believe half the shit I did before coming home.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“I met a man, trying to make the correct change without using a dime. He was holding up the line over at Macy’s Bakery. I wanted coffee.”
“John?” I questioned.
“Yup. That and I was addicted to pain killers. John helped me more than I ever helped him.”
“I’ll think about it. Are you going to be at the barn?”
“Of course. We’re going to tag our trees for next weekend. You should tell Morgan. No more surprises. Okay? Tell her. Talk to her.”
“She won’t talk to me.”
“Do you blame her? I’ll see you at the barn.”
The back roads were still pretty covered, but the wide open country space covered in snow was oil painting worthy. The boys were so excited, seeing the snow and I wished Morgan would have shared in that excitement. She didn’t. She stared out the window blankly. Or was she just that stoned?
Morgan lifted Tadpole out of the car ten minutes later. I could see the question in her eyes when she saw the ten or so other vehicles. Maybe this was too much too soon.
“Hi, I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Morgan said just inside the door. Nicole gave me a dirty look and I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t have time.
“This is my husband John. He runs this place,” Nicole explained the other thing I was planning on telling Morgan.
“And what is this place?” Morgan questioned, looking around. Neither of us got the chance to explain it before John was introducing her to other couples from around the small town. Stacy and Morgan seemed to hit it off. Stacy wanted her boots. Women…
Nicholas stayed tucked behind my leg staring at the yippy little dog tied in a corner and Tadpole took off. The rock climbing wall looked too tempting to be shy. He was off without one introduction. There ended up being seven women there plus the two that stuck to themselves over with the kids. That was a lot of women. John and I were the only two guys. Paul was at home with a cold, and Solomon was at his day job.
“Okay, gather around,” Nicole called to the group of women and kids. Nicholas still wasn’t having any part of this. He wasn’t comfortable around the crowed. He jumped a little when John stomped his foot at the yappy little dog. Who the hell brought their dog? Morgan glanced at me puzzled while we listened to the instructions.
“We’re going to the old elementary park right though the patch of woods out here. We have eight families participating this year. That’s awesome. I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with. Someone from Center Station Baptist Church won last year. Someone from Center Station Barn is going to take it this year. The theme is anything Christmas, here’s what’s not allowed to be on your tree,” she explained, passing out papers with decorating rules.
Morgan shot me a dirty look when I smiled at her. I thought for sure she would love doing this as a family. I couldn’t win.
“We’re not going to pick out a tree,” Morgan said under her breath while the crowd excitedly broke up.
“Yes we are,” I demanded.
“Thanks for thinking of us, but we’re going to sit this one out,” Morgan overruled and explained to Nicole that we wouldn’t be participating.
“Oh come on, it’s a lot of fun,” Nicole begged.
“Oh it sounds like a lot of fun. That’s not the problem. The problem is my husband here has no idea how to take care of our kids. The boys are wearing sneakers, and this is the only jackets they have until I get them some winter clothes. I didn’t really get the chance to be prepared for this,” Morgan explained.
Fuck…
Unbelievable. Not only did my husband tell some total stranger about my problem, he expected our boys to go tromping through the woods in sneakers and windbreakers. Idiot.
“Nonsense, come on. We’ll walk up to the house and find them some things. I have twin five year olds. I’m sure we have something they can borrow until you get them prepared for Center Station weather.
“Drew, look!” Nicole’s husband John exclaimed. There was something up with this guy. I wasn’t sure what, but I was surprised that Drew had taken up with him. He seemed slow but smart, if that makes sense. Maybe not slow, just non-expressional. I looked to see the snippy little dog, finally shutting up. Why would someone bring a dog to a community event?
“What?” Drew asked.
“That dog hasn’t shut up in three days. We had to bring him out here to get away from it.”
“Whose dog is it?” Drew asked, seeing the tiny little dog curled in ball on Nicholas’s lap.
“Drew get him. He’s never been around dogs,” I ordered.
“He belonged to Moses Brewer. His kids had to put him in a nursing home a couple days ago and I promised to find him a good home, only this is the first time he’s shut up since he came. You have to take him,” John said with the same monotone expression. What the hell? Didn’t the guy have an emotion in his body?
“Oh no,” I spoke up. I wasn’t taking a dog. I had enough with two boys and Drew. I wasn’t taking care of a dog.
“Come on, let’s go find these boys some warm clothes,” Nicole happily said. I did like her and I liked Stacy too. I didn’t like Drew. Drew could go to hell.
Stacy walked with us up to Nicole’s home. I, of course, wasn’t in the mood for chatter. I was wearing boots, yeah, but these were LA boots, not six inches of snow boots. I was freezing my ass off and I wasn’t interested in decorating a tree in a park.
Nonetheless, I wasn’t going to be the one to rain on the parade. I took the offered warmer boots and coat from my new friend, and dressed my boys in clothes more suitable for the weather. I walked the path through the woods with Nicole and Stacy, chatting about kid things. Drew was right about their little girl. She was adorable, and she could so pass as ours. Tadpole was in heaven, kid heaven. Trevor and Trenton were Nicholas’s age, but Tad seemed to like them more. Nicholas was too busy with his new little friend.
From the way the day started, I was sure it was going to end in disaster. It really didn’t. The boys ran through the pines, picking the Kelley family tree. The tree that we had five days to decorate for some dumb contest. Like I had time to be doing that. I had a hundred boxes that needed to be emptied, or my kids were going to freeze to death, and I didn’t want to be around Drew. I’m happy to say we ended up having a great time. Even avoiding Drew, it was fun. The boys were so excited when the both agreed on a tree right up front. Great. Our tree was going to be the first one on display. I didn’t even decorate my own tree.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” Drew asked, pulling me to the side while the rest of the group ran around tying ribbons on their trees.
“What?” I asked, pulling my fingers away from his.
“It’s about Dasher.”
“Dasher?” I questioned. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”
“It’s the dog’s name
“No way. We’re not taking that dog home.”
“Can we try it for one night? Sole says he’ll take him back in the morning if you want. At least I’m asking you, that’s something, right?” Drew replied with a tilted head and a smile. I wasn’t smiling.
“No, Drew.”
Drew pulled my coat toward him and he whispered in my ear. “If you let Dasher spend the night with us I’ll give you so much attention later you’ll be screaming my name to the top of your lungs.” Damn, that was tempting. My mouth dried up and I was caught off guard briefly.
“Drew, you know I will be the one taking care of it. What is it anyway?” I asked, trying not to think about what Drew could do to me to make me scream out his name.
“It’s a toy poodle. He likes Nicky. Look at him, maybe it will help with blanky tonight. Please.”
“I’m not taking care of it and he better not go in the house. Get away from me
, I’m pissed at you.”
“You should be, but I need you to forgive me so you can sit on my face and scream my name.”
“Drew, shut up,” I scolded, looking around. He laughed and walked to our tree. Our stupid tree that I wanted to be excited about. I knew it was going to turn into a competition between Drew and John and who knows who else.
I hid the smile with a frown and looked around the group of people. I wasn’t letting Drew off that easy. Had that been me telling some total stranger about our personal life, Drew would have killed me. Kids laughed and ran around the park, picking out trees to decorate, in what seemed to be a tradition around here. Nicky and Tadpole were happy, playing in their own little world. Nicky alone with his four legged friend and Tadpole running around with the twins like a mad man.
“Psst,” I heard from behind me. I walked over to Stacy and smiled when she started talking. I was going to like her. “You see that tramp there with the pink coat? That’s Macy Spirits. She’s the one you don’t want to leave you husband alone with. I’ll show you the other town whore when you get clean and can do girls night out with us,” she explained and my smile dissipated. I was going to kill my husband.
“Oh, so he blabbed his mouth to you too?” I asked boldly, staring a sharp sword through Drew’s back while he talked to John about how we had this contest in the bag.
“No, not really. Solomon told me.”
“Nice.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it. You’ve got this. I tried on my own for two years. Even with Solomon taking over the control of when I got a pill, I still couldn’t do it.”
“Wait. You were addicted to pain pills too? And so was Nicole?”
“Yup, Nicole saved my life. I mean hers was years ago, but I don’t know, Nicole is, she’s, I don’t know. She’s just Nicole, let her help you. You’re going to hate her, but I promise you’ll come out in the end in love with her.”
I studied, Nicole with her husband and twins, arguing with Drew about this contest. Oh brother… “Is there something wrong with John? I mean he seems—.”
“Creepy?” Stacy laughed. “John is the nicest man you’ll ever meet. He’s funny as hell too, you just never know if he’s joking her not. John has Asperger’s Syndrome.”
I thought I was going to swallow my tongue. “He does?!?”
“Yes, he was diagnosed as a teenager. That’s why it’s so important for him to get this barn up and running.
“Up and running?” I questioned.
“Hey, I wanted to tell her about that,” Drew accused with a smile.
“Seems to me you procrastinate on telling your wife a lot of things,” Nicole accused, joining us too while we all walked across the field back toward the old school, stopping to laugh at Nicky’s new friend. He ran right up to the Kelley Christmas tree and pissed on it, marking his territory.
“I’m not joking with you Mrs. Kelley. That dog hasn’t shut up since we brought him here. I think he knows,” John explained, entwining his fingers with Nicole. They were older, to have such young boys, maybe in their forties.
“Call me Morgan, please. What do you mean?” I asked, moving my fingers from Drew doing the same thing.
“Animals sense things. I think Dasher sensed Nicholas’s apprehension.”
“Tad, come back here. I want to show mommy something,” Drew called.
I looked at him with the same frown I’d disclosed several times since Drew had brought us there. Shielding my eyes from the bright sun, shining on the white snow, I turned to Nicole.
“Go ahead, we’re going to the barn for hot chocolate,” Stacy offered. Tadpole was in little boy heaven out here. I didn’t like it. We didn’t really let them out of our sight like that, especially Nicky. Tadpole would make friends with the devil, Nicolas not so much. He wouldn’t even stay with a sitter he didn’t know.
“Where are we going? Nicky, you want to come with mommy and daddy?” I asked, hoping he said yes.
“No, I want to go with John.”
“You do?” I asked shocked.
“He has train town. He’s going to show me his bridges. We’re going to make a bridge too, right dad?” he asked. Wow. Nicholas wanted to go with John.
Drew and I walked to the one level elementary school while the rest of the group headed back the way we came.
“What are we doing?” I questioned.
“I ended up here on accident. I was going to move you to the city. I was going to buy that store in New York City. The snow that got dumped on the entire state made me land here. Had I not gotten lost we would be moving to New York. I know I don’t always make the right decisions when it comes to our family, Morgan, but that’s all going to change. I never want to leave here. I love it and we’re going to do a lot of good here.”
“Did you know John had Asperger’s,” I asked. I’d get back to never leaving here in a second.
“Yes, and I also know that he converted that barn to help kids just like Nicky. He was running a program there for parents and kids. A two week workshop. The state shut him down because the barn is old, and needs a lot of money and time put into it.”
“It looks like there was a lot of money and time put into it,” I alleged. I’d never seen anything like it. It was perfect.
“There was, but they’re out of funds. Nicole doesn’t practice medicine anymore so her income has dropped significantly. She focuses more on AA meetings and helping John with the Barn.”
“Stop trying to hold my hand,” I said, pulling away again. “She told me all about that, but what does any of that have to do with us?”
“I think it has everything to do with us. We need him more than he needs us. You know he’s never taken one prescription pill for the way he is? You know, like that quack tried to give us for Nicky. He’s married with two little boys.”
“I know, that intrigues me very much.”
“It did me too,” Drew explained, unlocking a chain wrapped around the double doors of the school. “That was one of the things that worried me most. I worried about Tadpole having to be responsible for him when we’re dead and gone. I worried about Nicky never having his own place here on earth. It doesn’t have to be that way. We just have to learn with Nicky how to handle some of the things he’s going to be faced with.”
“Drew, what the hell are we doing here?” I asked, stepping inside the dark school.
“Well, after I started talking to John about what needed to be done at the barn I had a contractor come out and do an estimate on what the state says has to be done to the barn. It’s more than what I think we want to get into,” Drew explained.
“What are we doing here, Drew?” I asked again while he flipped on lights.
“This school was closed three years ago because there aren’t enough kids out here for the county to pay a staff. They bus them to another school about fifteen miles from here now.”
“And let me guess. You bought the school to mollify the state?” I sarcastically questioned.
“No, I want to buy the school to appease the state. This place is perfect. We can even set up a dorm to accommodate parents that need to come here from further away. I didn’t buy anything, because I’m trying this new thing out where I have to ask my wife permission first.”
“Drew, it’s not about asking me permission. I don’t want to give you permission to do anything. I’m not your mother, I’m your wife. I just want you to include me in these decisions.”
“Do you like it here, Morgan? I mean besides the cold and snow?”
“I don’t know. I love the house. I like Stacy and Nicole, but I haven’t really had time to think about it. You just dumped all this in my lap, and then you wonder why I need something to cope. You’ve ignored my pleas to get Nicky into a development program for weeks, and you do everything without me. I’m tired of you making all the decisions for us. They’re not always the best decisions, Drew.”
“I know, love. I get it. I do. California was a bad decision, but this isn’t
. This is something bigger than me, something bigger than what I have ever tackled before, something for someone besides myself. I’m asking you to help me decide. Is this a good move for our family?”
“You already bought a house,” I pointed out. “What’s the point in asking now?”
“I don’t mean that. If you don’t like it here and you want to leave after the holidays than that’s fine by me.”
“Okay, then it only makes sense to not buy this school and wait until we’ve given it a try, right?”
I rolled my eyes and walked in front of Drew, glancing inside the empty rooms. He wasn’t going to wait. I could see it in his eyes. This was nothing more than a plot to get me on his side. He didn’t care what I thought.
“I still want to do it for John, even if we don’t stay here. He’s doing a lot of good for these kids, Morgan. This is more important to me than anything I’ve ever done before,” Drew explained. I got that, I did. I just felt like it was on a whim, and he wasn’t thinking it through. “I have thought about this for weeks. I eat it, breathe it, and sleep it. I really want to do this, Morgan.”
“Why couldn’t you have told me all of this?”
“I tried. Every time I try to talk to you about anything, you start an argument over it.”
I turned back to look at Drew with a frown. “No, I don’t. You do,” I accused.
“Regardless of who starts it, we end up in a fight. I’m tired of fighting, Morgan. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want this month to be magical for us. I want you to get better, and I want our family back,” Drew explained with great conviction.
I took a deep breath and reminded him of the foundation we’d built our life on. “Drew, we’ve never had that. We’ve always struggled and you know it.”
“But there isn’t a deeper love than ours. You know that, Morgan. Yes, we have a fucked up relationship, we do things most married couples don’t, and we fight just as strongly as we make love, but we’re us. We’re a family and I want nothing more than to have all this animosity between us gone. I miss you, Morgan.”
An Underestimated Christmas Page 20