by Anna Adams
CHAPTER SEVEN
“I’M CHECKING out a couple of day-care centers this morning,” Ben said the second Isabel reached the kitchen.
She twisted both hands in her mussed hair. All night long, that kiss had replayed in her head. Her pulse still hadn’t slowed to normal. She felt hung-over. She had to stop letting a man matter more to her than she did to him.
“Will you come with us?” he asked. “Two heads have to be better than one. We never used day care, and I don’t trust myself to decide.”
She wrapped both hands around the cup of coffee he handed her, feeling as cloudy as the dark gray sky in the window behind him. “I’ve never picked out a day care before. You should ask George and Amelia.”
“You’ll be able to tell if Tony’s happy.”
“So can you, and Faith and I agreed on one thing. We didn’t like day care. I already hate the idea of him being left with strangers.”
“Me, too.” In fact, Ben’s eyes had taken on the shadows of that first day again. “But I have to go back to work next Monday.” He sipped from his own mug. “Unless I call in and take another week off.”
He’d obviously thought about doing just that. “Can you?” she asked.
He nodded. “Maybe I will. Tony’s still adjusting and so are we.”
“I didn’t mean to be tactless. The best fix would be for me to take care of him.”
“I know you can’t.” He emptied the coffee carafe into her cup and then started to wash it. “Come with me. I even thought he should be around children his own age more, but I can’t be objective about Tony right now.”
Another long drink of coffee fortified her to get even more involved in Ben and Tony’s life. “I’ll go if you don’t mind waiting until they pick up Leah’s things from my house.”
“We’ll drive over there first.” His mouth widened in a bona fide smile, and his relief touched her. He might not be concerned about a kiss whose memory left her feeling hollow, but he cared about her opinion. “Maybe if we find a place he likes, and I take him for short visits, he’ll adjust.”
“That’s a good idea.” She pulled a chair away from the table and sat, putting her mug on the glass top. “He’s still asleep?”
“We read an extra book or two last night.” Ben sounded self-conscious about his weakness for his son. Faith had always accused him of caring more about his job. Faith had been wrong. He loved his family best.
“Are you and I okay?” Isabel asked.
He glanced down the hall, as if her parents might come busting in the door.
“You regret it?” It hurt, but he was right to. They couldn’t repeat last night’s confusing kisses.
“I feel—odd.” He knelt beside her chair, hemming her in. “But I still want…” He stopped, his frown signaling confusion like hers. “I’m not sorry.” His hand dropped onto her knee, warm, heavy.
She stared at his long fingers. How many times had they touched each other? She was a naturally affectionate person. He always had been, too, but she’d never felt a single inappropriate vibe.
A terrible truth hit her. Kissing him, enjoying the unexpected, heady pleasure of his arms around her, hadn’t felt inappropriate.
“An affair with you would be the perfect revenge,” she said.
He sat back. “I’m revenge?”
“How can I know for sure? I keep thinking you just found out about Faith and Will. You’re angry because of Tony. I might be the best way for you to pay them back.”
“Do you know how many times I asked Faith to see a counselor?” His hand tightened on her knee. “She didn’t want to make our marriage work. She wanted Will.”
“But you wanted her.”
“Because I’m a decent man. I married Faith. We had Tony, and I never doubted he was mine. I wanted my family to survive.”
“She still matters to you, and she should.” Isabel touched his shoulder, smoothing his shirt, loving the warmth of him beneath the coarse material. “I don’t want to ruin my friendship with you, trying to get back at our cheating spouses.”
“Do you still care about Will?”
“I think I’m over him, but then something happens— I uncover some new secret, and I’m hurt all over again.”
“But are you still in love with him?”
“You’re grilling me.” She didn’t blame him. “I don’t know all the answers.” She grabbed her cup. Coffee spilled over the lip, onto her index finger. Ben quickly took the mug.
“Does it burn?” He set the cup down as he brought her hand to his mouth. He sucked the hot coffee off, and Isabel shuddered at the sight and the feel of his lips against her skin. His mouth lingered. He looked into her eyes, and she sank against him.
“Stop.” Yet she slid her hands around his neck, her body hardly her own.
“Holding you doesn’t feel wrong.”
She felt his lips in her hair, at her temple. His heart thudded against her face as she tried to move away. Frustration made her clumsy. “It would if Mom and Dad came in.”
“Because we don’t want to hurt them, and they couldn’t understand.”
“I don’t understand.” Ben was the last man she’d expected to… “And that sounds like an excuse Will and Faith would have latched onto.”
He lifted his head, searching his own motives. “Maybe.”
A thud from Tony’s room dictated their next move.
“He’s emptying his crib. I have to go up.” Ben looked back at her as he went to the door. “Don’t assume what we feel is wrong, Isabel.”
Without his arms around her, his hungry mouth seeking hers, she felt cold, more alone than ever. Thunder rattled the house, so in tune with her mood it felt like punctuation. “How can I believe we’re right?”
KEEPING AN EYE on Tony while interviewing the caregivers at one day care after another left Ben no time to dwell on his baffling feelings for Isabel. The first center was too crowded. The moment they stepped inside the next one, Isabel wrinkled her nose and turned him around.
“They obviously don’t change diapers often enough.” She pushed him through the glass door, making Tony laugh at her over his dad’s shoulder. “I can’t stand to think of him with a dirty diaper.”
“He’s almost potty trained.”
“Hygiene is a big deal, Ben.”
“One of the biggest.” He smiled. Her grin reminded him of old times as she hung on to Tony’s hand.
“Where to next?” she asked.
“The Children’s Cottage.” He pulled the pages he’d printed from his Internet search out of his pocket and looked for the address. “On Bradley and Melton.”
“I haven’t heard of that one.”
“You mean with all the children you’ve had to place in day care?”
“Don’t make fun.” She peered at the information page. “I mean shouldn’t we stick to national chains?”
“We need to find a place that feels safe and offers a good student-to-teacher ratio.” He kissed his son’s cold-flushed cheek. “And don’t forget the smell-good factor.”
“Ha-ha.” Isabel took the keys he’d looped around his finger and opened the back door of his car. “In you go, Tony.”
He went, grabbing a water bottle as he scrambled into his seat. Isabel popped the bottle’s top open for him while Ben buckled him in.
“We make a good team.” He felt underhanded as he stealthily breathed in her scent.
She wrapped Tony’s hands around the water bottle and moved away. “Daddy may have lost his mind.”
“Daddy.” Tony beamed around his drink. He took a quick sip and then offered it to Ben.
Ben drank and then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “True love means you don’t worry about pretzel crumbs.”
“Thanks for the warning.” She took her place in the front. “Ready for this cottage place?”
He patted Tony’s happily kicking foot and then took his own seat behind the steering wheel. “You’re in a good mood.”
&nbs
p; “I like a task. We have places to be, important matters to consider.”
“Other than ourselves?”
“Exactly.”
She folded her hands in her lap, and he tried not to laugh at her prim posture. She’d been anything but prim in his arms. He couldn’t help wondering if last night had been an anomaly. Couldn’t resist wanting to kiss her again.
But Tony came first.
The Children’s Cottage looked good. Maybe too good from the outside. Brick building and chintz curtains. Clean playground equipment in the side yard. Children’s laughter floated through the windows.
His heart beat faster from excitement and fear. This might be the place where he left his son. He liked the sounds of happiness, but those strangers Isabel had mentioned earlier spooked him.
“It’s almost too good to be true after the other places,” Isabel said.
Shouldn’t there be a test to determine whether a day care was safe? “It’d be more helpful if you’d convince me he won’t feel abandoned.”
“Sorry. I can’t help being afraid something will happen to him. Maybe because of the accident.” She took Tony from him as he opened the front door.
“Could you back off?” She looked surprised, and Ben regretted the harsh question. “I’m already worried, and I wonder if you’re looking for reasons to turn these places down.”
“Maybe.” She bumped affectionately into his arm. “I told you I feel funny about handing him over.” She squeezed her nephew so hard he grunted, but then laughed.
Ben’s heart melted.
Faith would have snapped back at him. Isabel understood give-and-take. Comparing Isabel with Faith would never have occurred to him in a millennium before. He focused on the job at hand.
Inside, they met Mrs. Nash, the center director, who was thrilled to give them a tour. The reception area, behind shatterproof glass, sat in the middle of the building. The rooms around it were more like oversize cubicles, except for the “baby room” the center’s director showed them to.
“We have full walls in here to afford the children more quiet. Tony would spend nap time here. Otherwise, the toddlers use that cubicle.” Mrs. Nash pointed at an open area in the west corner. “Let’s show Tony his classroom.”
Halfway there, Isabel’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and read the number. “It’s Ray.” Whatever she and her attorney were cooking up obviously made her uncomfortable. “I should answer it,” she said.
Nodding, Ben took Tony, who held out both arms for “My Iz-bell, my Iz-bell!”
She came back to hug him and Ben fought his own compulsion to keep Isabel at his side. “I’ll be at the front door, sweetie. You can see me through the windows.”
“Doesn’t like to leave his mommy?” Mrs. Nash asked.
“I’m his aunt.” Isabel looked at Ben, her face serious. As clearly as if she’d said the words out loud, he heard her thought. If only I were Tony’s mom.
Or maybe the wish came from his own fear.
“RAY, HEY. Thanks for calling back so quickly.” She tried to sound all-business, but her head was back in that rainbow-strewn hall with Ben and her nephew. If only she were Tony’s mom. If only she and Ben were his family. It was what they both craved. Unlike Will and Faith, they’d risk anything to keep from tearing their family apart.
But Ben could hardly know what he wanted right now, and she was no better for Tony than her parents. He needed to be with the only father he’d known.
She needed to know if she could make a life on her own. The chance to settle scores with Faith and Will must be at the root of her attraction to Ben. That was no foundation on which to build a baby boy’s home.
“I’ve made plans for Tony’s trust fund, and I need to talk over the rest of Will’s papers with you,” Ray said.
“I’ve read the copies he left at home.”
“Your wishes change some of his provisions. I have to be certain you understand what you’re giving away.”
“Nothing that belongs to me.”
Ray was silent, but she sensed his disapproval. “When can you come by the office? Tomorrow morning?”
“Sure. What time?”
“We’ll have breakfast. You show up and I’ll provide all.”
“And Ben?”
“Maybe just you this time.”
Good. She didn’t mind putting off another disagreement with Ben. She’d have to fight him to make him accept Tony’s legacy.
“Bring a pen. I have a stack of papers for you to initial before we do the finals.” He paused as if reluctant to go on. “You won’t believe who called me.”
“Who?”
“Leah Barker.” He chuckled. “She wanted to know if her attorney should look over any documents her son left in my care.”
“That woman.” Her new leaf, being kind to Leah, had browned rather quickly.
“Will had to inherit his control issues from someone.”
“Thanks for not being upset.”
“With you? Leah’s always been inappropriate where Will was concerned. You’re trying to do the right thing. I’m more concerned you’ll cheat yourself with good intentions.”
“Not while you’re in my corner. See you in the morning.”
“Try for eight o’clock. Give me a call if the traffic holds you up.”
She went back inside, fuming over Leah, until the squishy carpet caught her attention. She tested it with a bounce. And another. A little guy could fall on this carpet and not break anything. She drifted past the other rooms, peering in at each door.
The caregivers, men and women of various ages, were all focused on the children. Playing games. Listening to stories. They paid attention as if they meant it, not as if this was a nine-to-five they had to endure.
She stopped at the toddlers’ room. Ben and Mrs. Nash were talking while Tony pounded a toy drum at his dad’s feet. Tony looked up.
“Iz-bell.” He waved a rubber drumstick at her, and she sat beside him. Ben’s swift, private smile let her believe she belonged with him and Tony.
Tony offered her one of his sticks and she tried to help him beat out a rhythm, until he grew exasperated with her lack of talent and snatched the stick back.
“Mrs. Nash, Isabel and I will talk about all this tonight, and I’ll call you tomorrow.” Ben included her in the decision. She liked mattering to him. “Thanks for everything.”
Isabel stood, lifting Tony while Mrs. Nash gently harvested the drum set from his hands.
“You can play with this if you come back to visit us,” she said. “I’ll look forward to speaking with you again, too, Isabel.”
Isabel nodded. She and Ben trooped outside. At the car, she helped Ben buckle Tony back into his seat. The baby offered her his water, and she faked a drink. Ben did his fatherly duty and took a real swallow, receiving a congratulatory grunt from his son.
They were quiet for the first few minutes of the drive home. Not home. The drive back to Faith’s house.
“No more too-good-to-be-true jokes?” Ben asked.
“I’m sorry about that.” She turned so only he could hear. “I panicked.”
“I know.” He turned onto the interstate. “But if Tony were your child?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not planning on losing my mind and snatching him away from you.” Her heart tapped out a frightened beat. It was too easy and too good to picture herself as Tony’s mother.
Ben nodded, relief unmistakable, despite his apparent effort to neither smile nor frown. “What about when you have your own children?”
“After seven years under Will’s thumb, I’m making my own life. I couldn’t be a dependent mom so I’ll have to work outside the house.”
“What would you have done if you’d had a child with Will? No.” He wiped his mouth. “I’m sorry. I won’t ask that.”
Because his wife had been the mother of Will’s child. Isabel chewed on her thumbnail, trying to look as if the reminder didn’t cut her deep.
Ben wasn’t malicious. He’d gone out of his way to help her with the house. He’d exposed his uncertainty about the day-care center. She owed him a what-if. Besides, she’d planned the maternal phase of her life with intricate detail. She already knew what crib she’d want in the nursery, the pattern she’d choose for drapes, the brand of diaper her baby would wear.
“If I’d had a child with Will, and he’d never loved Faith, I would have counted myself the luckiest stay-at-home mom in the world.”
“I figured. Why was Faith so restless? She didn’t want Tony in day care, but she wasn’t satisfied being a stay-at-home mom.”
“Faith wasn’t satisfied—period. We were different—neither of us wrong, just different. And I’ve changed, too.”
“Because of Will. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it. Not in front of him, anyway.” He nodded toward the rearview mirror.
“You’re right.” She had no interest in Ben’s current feelings for her sister. “Who knows how much he takes in? That cottage seemed like a nice place.”
“I think so, too. Tony had a good time.”
“What happens next?” she asked.
“I suggested he and I visit again, while you were talking with Ray, and Mrs. Nash agreed.”
“Cool.” She still had doubts. “We’re both novices, Ben. Maybe you should ask someone with a child what she does for day care.”
“We love Tony. That makes us experts. Working parents do this all the time.”
“It’s terrifying. I’d be happier with a police report on everyone who works there. You should ask Mom to visit.”
He flashed a relieved smile. “That’s a good idea. She already seems stronger, but I’d like her to feel involved with Tony.”
He surprised her. “Why?”
“She’s trying her best to be a good grandma, but I think you and I assumed she saw more of Tony than she did. Faith and Will must have risked using your mother as an excuse to leave town together.”
“You’re sure of that now?” The possibility had hurt enough.