by Eva Luxe
I was the luckiest man on earth.
The doctor came in and Cara’s legs were put up on stirrups ready for the birth.
“Are we ready to have this baby?” he asked.
“God, yes,” Cara groaned.
“We’ll wait for the next contraction, breathe through it. Then, when you feel it again, push.”
Cara nodded. This was it, I thought.
Suddenly a monitor started beeping.
“Baby’s heart rate is dropping,” a nurse called.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
They were ignoring me, all of them watching a monitor. I didn’t know much about all of this, but I knew enough to know that the beeping that went slower was a problem.
“It’s dropping too far,” the doctor said. “The baby is in distress. Prep for C-section. Now!”
Everyone was running around me. The incessant beeping, like an alarm, filled the room and Cara’s wide eyes rolled in her sockets as the nurses took her legs out of the stirrups.
“What’s going on?” I shouted, running after them as they wheeled the hospital bed down the corridor and to an operating room.
“The baby can’t breathe, the umbilical cord must be blocked and it’s cutting off the oxygen,” someone shouted, and I felt like I was going to faint.
They put a mask over Cara’s face and she slipped into sleep in no time at all. Someone pulled me away.
“You have to wait in the waiting room,” the nurse ordered.
“I have to be with her.”
“It’s an emergency, sir. We can’t let you in right now. I will be back every now and then to tell you how it’s going. Don’t panic, we’ve done this before.”
How the hell was I supposed to stay calm in the waiting room when I knew that something was terribly wrong? Horrible images of losing the baby during childbirth were followed by images of losing Cara and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This was a modern age. This shouldn’t have been possible with all our advanced medicines and technologies. Losing the mother and child should have been reserved for the dark ages when people had dozens of children and birthed them at home. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I sank down onto a chair and scrubbed my face with my hands, hoping and praying that everything would be alright.
The nurse did as she had promised and returned, but it felt like it was an eternity later.
“They’re both safe,” she said. “You are the father of a healthy baby girl.”
I started crying. “And my fiancée?”
“She’s fine, too. She’ll be awake in just a little while.”
“Can I see my daughter?”
“They’re taking care of her right now, cleaning her up. She’ll be ready for you in a few minutes.”
I turned away from the nurse and tried to pull myself back together. They were fine. Cara and the baby were fine. When all hell had broken loose and I’d thought I could lose one or both of them, it had been the darkest time of my life, but they were okay. Thank God, they were okay.
I didn’t know how long I waited, but eventually a nurse called me and took me to a large window that looked onto the nursery. Basins full of babies were arranged in rows.
I looked down at a little bundle swaddled in pink blankets. The name ‘Maxwell’ was written above her.
She was so tiny. Her eyes were shut, her face so small I couldn’t believe she was a living thing. As I watched her, she opened her mouth and closed it again.
They let me see Cara about half an hour later. She was groggy, but the moment I walked in, she reached for me.
“Where is she?” she asked.
“She’s in the nursery. Babes, she’s perfect.”
Tears rolled over Cara’s cheeks. “We almost lost her. If we hadn’t come as quickly as we did, if you had driven just a little slower or panicked a little less, she wouldn’t have made it. They got her out in the nick of time.”
I shook my head, trying to contain myself.
“She’s perfectly fine, now. I talked to the nurse. I saw her. She made it and we’re all safe.”
Cara nodded and wiped at the tears on her cheeks.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m pumped full of morphine. I can’t feel a thing. They said I would start hurting later, but I don’t care. As long as she’s safe, it was all worth it.”
I nodded. I agreed. As long as both my girls were safe, I was happy.
“She’s going to be special,” Cara said. “She’s going to grow up to be a wonderful person. No one starts life as a little miracle and then grows up just to fade away in mediocrity.”
“She’s already special,” I said. “Even if everything went the way it should have, she would have been special. She has us as parents. She will be an amazing woman because her mother is nothing short of amazing herself.”
Cara smiled and more tears rolled down her cheeks. I leaned down and kissed her before I carefully pulled her closer to me and held her.
It was so easy to take something for granted. It was so easy to assume that because Cara had agreed to marry me, that I would always have her. It was easy to think that because we had decided to keep the baby so many months ago that we would automatically have her forever.
But life was a fragile thing and it could slip through our fingers in the blink of an eye. I had nearly lost the daughter we had waited so long for. I could have lost the woman I wanted to marry. It put everything in perspective for me.
Often when I went hiking, the size of nature all around me, the ruthlessness of it, reminded me how small we were in the grand scheme of things. I loved being out there because I felt like it showed me where I fit in.
Again, it had happened. This time, not out subjected to wind and weather on a mountain that had weathered the storm since the beginning of time, but in a hospital, where I nearly had the two girls I held dearest ripped away from me.
It was an eye-opener to appreciate what I had. Every moment with Cara and every moment with my new daughter was a gift and they had to be celebrated. If I had lost them, the world would not have stopped turning. But mine may have.
I vowed never to take a second of my future with Cara and my daughter for granted. Even when I got irritated with them. Even when I felt tied down or when I looked back and realized I was at a very different point than where I’d started or what I’d planned.
We were so lucky. As Cara spoke to me, the nurse brought our baby to us. Cara reached for her and once she had our daughter in her arms, she finally relaxed.
“She’s beautiful,” Cara breathed, and I just stared at the baby in wonder. She was so small and so fragile. So delicate.
“She’s perfect,” I said.
We stared in wonder at this baby we had made together. She had the smallest hands, with tiny nails like soft little shells on each finger. Her nose was as small as a button. When I reached for her, her skin felt as soft as the petal of a rose.
“What are we going to call her?” I asked. We hadn’t wanted to decide until we saw her. We wanted her to choose her own name. We had chosen a short list of Amara, Mirabelle, and Gwyneth because of their meanings. Love, incredible beauty and blessing.
“I was thinking about that,” Cara said. “She looks like an Amara to me.”
“She looks like an Amara to me, too,” I said. “Loved.”
Cara looked up at me, glowing and just beaming. I kissed her, knowing I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Cara. That was, until I held little Amara in my arms for the first time. I hadn’t known it was possible to love something this much. I had just met my daughter, but already she was everything to me. I would give her the world. I would bend over backward to keep her safe from harm. When I looked at her and her mouth opened in the cutest, tiniest little yawn, my heart swelled.
Amara. This girl was going to be beautiful. She had already colored my life and she wasn’t yet two hours old.
Cara
After the doctors brought Amara to me, Greyson and I spent time
together reveling in the miracle that was our daughter. For a moment, everything had gone wrong and there had been a chance we could lose her. But the danger was over. We were both safe and the most perfect little being I had ever seen was snuggled in my arms.
A nurse had come in to teach me how to breastfeed, getting Amara to latch on, showing me how to hold her and that I had to alternate. I had read all of this in books of course, Greyson and I had prepared for months for this day. But doing it was a whole different story and I felt clumsy and unsure. The nurse had reassured me, telling me it was how all new moms felt at first.
After she left, we put Amara back in the basinet next to my bed.
“Get some rest, babes,” Greyson had said. “I’ll be right here.” Sitting down on the armchair next to the bed, watching Amara. I had closed my eyes and with the anesthetic still in my system, fell asleep almost straight away.
When I woke up again, my eyes searched for Amara immediately. She was fast asleep in the basinet. When I looked up, Greyson was asleep in the armchair, his head lolling to the side. He had to be exhausted. The day had been exhausting for us all. From the moment the contractions had started at home, Greyson had been in high gear.
I thought back to what had happened at home. I’d felt off, like something was wrong. I hadn’t known what it was, but in hindsight, my gut had been right. Something had been wrong. If it hadn’t been for Greyson and his panicked effort to get me to the hospital quickly, everything would have been so different for us now. We might have lost Amara if it hadn’t been for Greyson.
Looking at the man I was going to marry, I smiled. Since he had found out about the pregnancy, Greyson had been committed to me, set on making this work between us. We hadn’t known each other for very long but he’d been so sure we could make it work and he was right. Every day was a pleasure with him, even when we got stuck, even when we disagreed, even when we fought. And there had been plenty of that throughout the pregnancy. My hormones had gone crazy.
But Greyson stayed at my side. What had I done to deserve this man? I was so incredibly lucky to have him, for our daughter to grow up with both parents in her life, together and committed to each other. It could have turned out so differently, but instead, everything was as it should be.
I glanced down at the ring on my finger. We had postponed setting a date until after Amara’s birth so I could plan it just the way I wanted. That included the dress of my dreams, and I didn’t want a belly in the photos. Now that Amara was here, I wanted it to be as soon as possible. I wanted to be married to Greyson, to be the wife of the man of my dreams, the love of my life, forever.
Amara stirred in the basinet, her face crumpling in the cutest little frown. She started whining and I picked her up.
“Hush, baby girl,” I said softly, gingerly reaching for her, aware of my incision. “We can’t wake up daddy yet. Are you hungry?”
I pulled down the hospital gown I was wearing and held Amara to my breast, doing what the nurse had shown me. Amara latched on right away and started feeding. Proud of myself for managing to do it on my own, I sat back against the pillows and stared down at my beautiful daughter as she ate. She really was perfect in every way.
“You know,” I said softly, “we waited a long time for you. I’m so glad you’re here, safe and sound. You’re a little miracle, you know that?”
Amara made small whimpering sounds as she suckled.
I stroked her soft cheeks with one finger. How was it possible that from something as unplanned and chaotic as getting pregnant after protected sex in a tent in a rainstorm, someone this beautiful could emerge? I had read countless blogs and posts on forums about the awe of giving birth and holding a newborn. Moms all over the world spoke of the wonder of bringing a child into the world. No matter how much I had read about it, nothing would have prepared me for the real thing. No one could understand until they had gone through it themselves.
Everything I had gone through when I had found out I was pregnant, when I had nearly lost Greyson, when I had been terrified of how he would react, was worth it. For this, the last months of discomfort and having to revise all my plans for the future were nothing. I would have done it all again a million times if it meant I would end up here with Amara again.
“Is that better?” I asked, when Amara finally let go. She blinked deep blue eyes at me. Those eyes would still take on the color they would eventually be. For now, they were midnight blue and beautiful.
I put her on the bed and changed her diaper. She was so small, even the newborn diaper reached under her arms. Everything I did was still tentative and unsure. Everything was new.
“You’ll have to tell me if I’m doing something wrong,” I said. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Amara was so fragile I worried I would hurt her. My nails were long, and I was worried I would scratch her. She was so delicate. I managed to get the new diaper on without her screaming or even crying. I had done a good job. Again, I had managed alone and was starting to feel more confident. I could do this. I knew everything in theory, it was just about practice now. And now I had plenty of time with Amara to practice until it was perfect.
After changing Amara, I picked her up, carefully pulled up my legs so my knees were together and put her on my thighs so I could look at her. Her eyes were open, and she regarded me. I knew from what I had read that she knew my voice, she had heard it for months now. But now she was learning my face, just as I was learning hers.
For a while we just stared at each other and I was overwhelmed by it all. Greyson and I really had done a wonderful job.
“You have an amazing daddy,” I said to Amara. “When you decided to show up I didn’t know I would grow to be so in love with him. But fate brought us together and you are the product of something lovely. How does that feel? Daddy told me we would get through this together and he was here all the way. What do you think about that? I think it’s pretty incredible. You’re so lucky to have a dad like him.”
I was getting emotional. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones still in my system or something. Or maybe it was because everything in my life had been so amazing from the moment Greyson and I had decided to make it work. He really was an amazing man and he had treated me like a princess even before he knew about the baby. He had been so kind to me when he had found out, declaring he would take responsibility as the father. But he had done so much more than that.
Greyson hadn’t only stepped up to the plate, he had become my pillar of strength, the other half of my equation. And it wasn’t going to end here, either.
“We’re going to get married,” I said to Amara. “As soon as we can. We will be such a happy family, the three of us. And maybe we will have more babies and give you a brother or a sister. But not now, Mommy needs a break.” I’d had enough of being pregnant for the moment. “For now, it will be the three of us. The happiest family Twin Falls has ever seen. You, me and Daddy.”
“Did I hear my name?” Greyson asked, pushing out of the chair. He came and joined us on the bed.
“I was just talking to her,” I said, feeling silly about it.
Greyson nodded. “I did that too, when you fell asleep.”
I smiled at Greyson, feeling better. We were still exploring this new world of parenting, feeling our way around in the dark. I didn’t know what I was doing, but neither did Greyson. We would figure it out together. We were a team.
Someone knocked on the door and Rachel came in.
“Oh God Cara,” she said, coming to the bed. “She’s beautiful.”
Rachel cooed at Amara and sat on the other side of the bed with me. “Can I hold her?”
I nodded, and Greyson carefully handed Amara to Rachel.
“What’s your name, angel pie?” Rachel asked.
“Amara,” Greyson told Rachel. He was beaming, the proudest father I had ever seen.
“She’s so tiny,” Rachel said. “Aren’t you, sweetie pie? I’m going to spoil your rotten. I’ll be the best
auntie you have ever seen.”
I chuckled. I knew Rachel and she would do exactly that.
“I called everyone,” Greyson admitted. “Your parents, my parents, all our friends. I had to shout it to the world.”
“Of course,” I said, smiling. This was something to celebrate.
“She really is beautiful,” Rachel said, handing Amara back to me. “And how are you feeling?”
I nodded. “I’m alright. I’m in a bit of pain, but it will get better.”
I was in more than a bit of pain actually, but there wasn’t much to be done about it. They’d had to get Amara out quickly, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Wounds could heal. I wanted my daughter safe.
Rachel asked about the emergency C-section, so Greyson and I filled her in on what happened, each telling what we knew. Greyson had been on the other side of it and had to endure the horror of not knowing, all that time he waited. I had been under anesthesia so quickly I hadn’t had a lot of time to panic about what had gone wrong.
“I’m so glad they managed to take care of you,” Rachel said, squeezing my hand. “After everything you two have done right, you deserve a happy ending.”
I smiled at my friend. I agreed with her.
A moment later, there was another knock on the door and in walked Harper and Caden.
“You came,” Greyson said, walking to his friends, beaming. He hugged Harper and Caden shook his hand.
“We couldn’t stay away. We had to come as soon as we heard,” Harper said. She rushed over to me, looking at Amara with the pride of an aunt. None of the people that had come to celebrate with us were related by blood, but they were our family, nonetheless. Harper asked if she could hold Amara, and of course, I agreed. My baby was safe with these people, I knew she was.
“Congrats, man,” Caden said, clapping Greyson on the back again. “Not only a husband-to-be, but a dad, too.”
“Don’t say it,” Greyson laughed.
“I told you so,” Caden said, anyway.
Greyson laughed, shaking his head. “Asshole.”
“Language,” Rachel and I said together.