“That won’t be hard.” She rolled her hips up against him, encouraging him to press harder between her legs. “I always feel like that when you’re around, despite my better judgment.”
The words were like a sledgehammer to his solar plexus. How did she slay him like that? It’d taken her a while to trust that his intentions were good. That he truly meant what he said. And now he had her, nothing between them, and he didn’t deserve it.
Nothing between you? Yeah right.
He couldn’t deal with that right now. His brain had only so much space, and tonight, he wanted to fill it with the best things. With how he wanted to act, instead of how he was being forced to act. With the fantasy that they could be together, even though he was certain he’d lose her.
The finality of it rattled him.
“Stop staring at me like you’re trying to figure me out,” she said, grabbing the sides of his face. “Just kiss me.”
So he did. He sank down into her, his hands sliding under her body so he could hold her tight as he moved his hips against hers. When it felt right, he pushed forward, burying himself inside her, rewarded with her sharp gasp so close to his ear that he felt it right down to his toes.
He rocked back and forth, her pelvis tilting up to let him slide in deep. Each thrust gave him something new to revel over—the feel of her silky hair brushing his hands, the hot breath against his neck, the flutter of her sooty lashes. Every damn detail was more beautiful than the last.
“I like you,” she whispered into his ear as her thighs clenched around his hips. He smothered her words with a kiss, pushing into her harder and faster, chasing the wave of her pleasure. The second her soft, little mews turned to gasping cries, he followed her over the edge.
* * *
Later, Wes cleaned himself up and came back to the bed. Remi immediately scooted over and curled into his side, her head resting on his chest while her hand toyed with the elastic of his boxer briefs.
“Sorry about before,” she said. “I didn’t want to ruin the mood with the whole condom thing.”
“You were right to say it. I lost my head.” He smoothed his hand over her hair, taming the little wisps of spun gold that glowed in the lamplight. Outside, the sky had turned an even darker shade of indigo.
“I guess I should feel proud that I can make the great Wes Evans lose his head.”
He frowned. “I know my sex life seems to be some kind of torrid zoo exhibit at the moment, but when I’m with you, I don’t think about any of that. There’s no one else.”
It was like the “before” of his life didn’t even exist. Remi had the power to blank the past from his mind, to erase the memory of all the fun but mindless sex he’d had through his twenties. She even hushed the more meaningful aspects of his past, the bits that were like faded bruises.
“You’re a lot more serious than you let on,” she said, looking up at him. Her lashes cast shadows onto her cheeks, her eyes dark and unreadable in the low lighting.
“I am,” he admitted. It was so easy to play the removed Mr. Genial that he hadn’t even realized he’d been doing it until Remi called him out. But he could be real with her, let his fears and the less desirable parts of him show—his frustration, anger, doubt.
Maybe she would understand the situation with Lilah.
Are you kidding? The second you say anything to her this—whatever it is—will be over quicker than you can say you’re sorry.
He should say something now. Be an adult and bear the consequences of his actions, rather than mentally dithering over it. He let out a breath and opened his mouth, but the curl of Remi’s fists against his chest cut off the words before he could speak them.
“I was pregnant.”
He blinked. “What?”
“When I left the Melbourne Ballet Company after they kicked me out. I was pregnant.” She swallowed, her eyes squeezing shut. “I told Alex. It was his, and I knew it could end my career—not every dancer bounces back after pregnancy. But I loved him and he…told me to get rid of the baby.”
Wes clenched his back teeth, sucking in the sadness of her voice and turning it into something darker. “He told you to have an abortion?”
She nodded. “I think he was frightened of what people might say. I was young. Still an adult, of course, but we had our whole lives ahead of us and a baby didn’t fit in. That’s when I figured out he really had been planning to keep our relationship under wraps the whole time.”
“Did the company know?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But they gave him a choice and he said he was willing to commit to the company instead of me, knowing that I was carrying his child…”
“Bastard.” Wes shook his head.
“He told me that if I said a word about the pregnancy to anyone, he’d say I tricked him into it.” She bit down on her lip. “It wasn’t like that. I was on the pill and I’d gotten sick. The antibiotics must have stopped it from working. I didn’t realize. But it definitely wasn’t on purpose.”
“Oh, Remi.” He pulled her closer, wrapped his arms around her head, and pressed his face to her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“I wanted to let you know that’s why…about before. I kind of freaked out. It’s not that I don’t trust you.” She pressed her lips to his chest. “I need you to know that. I do trust you.”
Shit. Every second he spent in this bed was another inch deeper into the hole he’d dug. He needed to think about how to handle this situation with her. There were too many moving parts, too many feelings involved. He wanted to blurt out that he wanted her more than anything.
But that’s not true is it? Because you want Out of Bounds more than you want her. It’s your dream. The launch of your new career, one you’ve built by yourself. For yourself.
But having that would now mean giving up what’d started to feel with her. It wasn’t anything tangible yet, more the potential for something to blossom and grow. The potential for something lasting.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said, shutting his eyes and hoping that he could somehow fix this colossal mess.
“My parents told me to stay with them, to have the baby and forget about ballet.” She swallowed. “I agreed. Then a few weeks later…she was gone. Anabella, that’s what I was going to call her. I don’t know how I knew she was a girl, but I did.”
“Christ.” As if his heart needed another blade run through it.
“That was my sign,” she said. “I knew then that I needed to start over. It was like the universe was telling me to try again. And it took a while, but here I am. Thanks to you.”
He was officially the biggest asshole on the face of the earth. Well, second only to the guy who’d knocked her up and then walked away. He had to fix this. Not tonight, when Remi was so raw and open. Tonight, he needed to comfort her. But he couldn’t drag this out any longer. Tomorrow, he needed a solution.
Chapter 20
“Here’s the thing you need to know about Wes Evans: he’s got a short attention span and plenty of options.”
—HeyThereDeLilah
Wes stood at the corner of Seventy-eighth and Park Avenue, bouncing up and down to get his muscles warm in the crisp, early-morning air. The only part of him that was warm were his hands, since he had a coffee cup in each.
This was Manhattan at his favorite time of day—before the city had truly woken. But today he found no comfort in the solitude. After a few minutes of waiting while his mind turned over and over like an engine failing to start, he saw a familiar flash of blue and purple.
“The last time I was awake at this hour I was still drunk from the night before,” Sadie grumbled as she came up next to him, grabbing for the coffee cup in his right hand. She wore a hot-pink sweater that hung down to midthigh over a pair of leggings that were printed with a galaxy design.
“I�
��m surprised putting that sweater on didn’t wake you up. I’m pretty sure satellites can see you from space.”
“Some people aren’t born to blend in, baby.” She grinned and sipped her drink. “So what’s the cause for the early-morning wake-up call? I thought everything was on track.”
Yeah, until he fucked it up. Literally and figuratively.
“So we have a problem…”
“What the hell has happened now?” She shook her head. “Don’t tell me Bert pulled out. I swear to God—”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what? Did our theater burn down? Did Remi break a leg?” Her eyes widened. “It’s not that, is it?”
“No, she’s fine.” How the hell was he supposed to say it without sounding like the biggest chump on planet earth?
There is no way because you are a chump.
“Then what? Spit it out for crying out loud, you’re killing me.”
“I slept with Remi.” He put the coffee cup to his lips and sucked the warm liquid down his throat. But even liquid gold from his favorite café wasn’t going to make this situation any easier.
“Okay,” she sounded the word out slowly. “How is that currently affecting the show?”
Her confusion over why that point was important was how people should react to such news. But he knew that Sadie was as open-minded as they came; it’s why he’d approached her to choreograph for him in the first place.
“You didn’t get her pregnant, did you?”
Wes cringed at her question, given what he’d learned last night. “No, it’s not that. But someone found out.”
“Who?”
“Lilah.” He sighed. “And she came to me about it, thinking that’s why Remi got the lead spot over her.”
“Is she delusional?” Sadie shook her head. “I told you that one was going to be trouble.”
She had. Sadie had wanted to pass on putting Lilah in the production, knowing that she could have a difficult temperament. But she’d conceded that Lilah would make a good corps member, since her contemporary ballet skills were strong…though not strong enough to be the lead.
“I was there at Remi’s audition. It was a joint decision to put her in that role,” Sadie said. “I’ll back you on that one hundred percent. Lilah’s claim has no substance. Especially since you didn’t sleep together until after Remi was hired.”
“I know that, but she’s threatening to go public.” They walked along Seventy-Eighth toward Central Park. “Given how everyone’s been talking about my Bad Bachelor reviews, she’s certain the media would be interested. And with everything else that’s happened in the entertainment industry…they’d believe her too. Why wouldn’t they?”
It made Wes furious to be lumped with the sleazy men who took advantage of young creatives, who used their powerful positions to coerce women into bed. Or did even worse. He abhorred that evil side of the industry, and there was no way he would ever contribute to it. His attraction to Remi was reciprocated and their sex was consensual. But he knew that even if Lilah’s claim had nothing to back it up, her merely saying the words would be enough to cast a shadow of doubt over him, Remi, and any of their future work.
“That. Little. Shit.” Sadie’s face had turned pink, her eyes all but shooting fire.
“She wants me to give her Remi’s role in exchange for her silence.”
“Do you really think she’d go through with it?”
He rubbed his free hand over his face, hoping it might ease the throbbing in his head. “I have no idea, honestly.”
“Have you told Remi?”
He shook his head. “Not yet.”
They walked the next block in silence while Wes fumbled through shitty solution after shitty solution, none of which allowed him to retain both the show and his relationship with Remi.
“But you’re going to, right? You have to tell her.” She looked up at him suddenly. “You’re not thinking of firing her, are you?”
“Remi? I don’t want to fire her. But in my panic-induced scramble…yeah, I thought about it for a second. Isn’t it better to lose one dancer and save the whole show?” He sighed. “I went to her place last night, but I couldn’t do it.”
“You were right about her, you know. She’s perfect for this role.” Sadie shook her head. “We won’t have a chance of going wider with Lilah as the lead. She’s not ready and she doesn’t have the same depth.”
“I agree. And I’m not going to put this show on unless I’m happy with it.” He laughed when Sadie elbowed him. “Unless we’re happy with it. We’ve got one chance—if we don’t open with a bang, then why bother?”
Aside from all the growing feelings he had toward Remi, the facts were the facts. She was the better dancer. Without her, the show would struggle to succeed. Maybe it was better to risk Bert pulling funding and to weather the stench of a scandal than to give in to Lilah and let her drive the show into the ground.
You’re not going to throw all that money and hard work down the drain. The show will go on.
“Are we going to lose it?” Sadie asked as they hit Central Park.
A pair of men jogged past, way too energetic for the early hour. Wes scowled. He couldn’t remember how long it’d been since he’d sprung out of bed without some kind of worry on his mind. Not since the show started, anyway.
This is what you want. The pressure and stress are part and parcel.
“I won’t give up,” he said. It was the only honest answer. “Part of me wonders, even if Lilah does spill this information, are people really going to care that much? It’s just sex.”
Even as he said the words, he knew people would care. They should care, frankly. The creative industries were rife with unconscionable behavior, people in power abusing their positions, and young people being taken advantage of—whether it was physically, financially, or otherwise.
But if both he and Remi came forward to say nothing unethical was going on, would people believe them? Would her career weather that storm? Would his?
Sadie looped her arm through his. “Have you thought about talking to your mother? I know she and Lilah were close at one point. Maybe she might be able to talk some sense into her.”
Wes scoffed. “You’re suggesting I talk to the woman who’s been trying to drag this production down from day one? What’s that going to achieve other than giving her something to gloat about?”
Sadie shrugged. “You know I’ve never been her biggest fan, but she’s been dealing with temperamental creative types since before you were born. I mean, you never really gave her the chance to be involved in your show, did you?”
He mulled for a moment as they walked through the park, his gaze catching on the vibrant blaze of orange, yellow, and red leaves made even brighter as the sun came up. Everything glowed. It was like the trees were giving their grand finale, knowing the end was inevitable. But they wouldn’t go quietly into winter. They wouldn’t surrender their color until the last leaf fell.
“No, I didn’t,” he admitted. Their boots crunched on the path, grinding the fallen leaves into the earth. “Why would I when she told me I was throwing away my family legacy?”
“Hmm.” Sadie bobbed her head. “Fair enough.”
“I’m going to fix this,” he said. “I have to.”
If only he could figure out the right way to tackle this problem without reinforcing Remi’s fears that he would abandon her in favor of his career, like her ex had.
* * *
Remi felt lighter when she woke up. Last night with Wes had been…amazing. And not only the sex. That was not in question. But she’d trusted him enough to unburden herself of the past, and it was like her heart weighed less than before. Whether she’d chosen to acknowledge it or not, she’d carried the anger and guilt over how things had ended in Australia like a boulder around her neck.
W
es had left not long after midnight, leaving her with a heated kiss that held the promise of more to come. And she’d grinned like a fool all the way back to her bed, falling into a deep, satisfied slumber that’d seen her sleep right through her alarm.
But she couldn’t seem to feel stressed today, even if she was running late. Because things were finally looking up. As she headed out of the subway and down the street where the theater was located, she had the Out of Bounds soundtrack pumping through her headphones, her mind tracing the steps over and over. She must have looked a bit strange, her hands moving in small gestures, miniatures of what she did onstage.
She tugged her headphones out of her ears as she entered the theater. Before she made it through the door to the theater’s main area, however, the sound of her name froze her to the spot. Biting down on her lip, Remi backtracked and pressed herself around the side of the ticketing booth, out of sight. The voices got louder, as did the fall of footsteps.
“I hope she’s okay.” It was Angelo speaking. “It’s not like her to be late.”
There was a pause in conversation followed by a frustrated “What?” in his hard, Bronx accent.
“Maybe I know something you don’t know.” The female voice held a singsong smugness. Lilah.
A cold fist wrapped around Remi’s throat. She couldn’t know about Remi and Wes…could she? There was no way. They’d been careful not to flirt in front of the cast, careful to be polite and professional and platonic in public.
“Spit it out.” Angelo laughed. “If you’re going to gossip, then at least say something.”
“She’s probably not here because Wes fired her.”
The wind was knocked out of Remi’s lungs.
“What? How do you know that?” Angelo huffed. “And when the hell is he going to tell everyone else?”
“Let’s just say they’ve been doing more than rehearsing, and apparently it hasn’t worked out,” Lilah replied, her shoes hitting the wooden floor. “I’m assuming he’ll be telling everyone when he gets in today.”
“And I suppose you’re going after her role.”
Bad Reputation Page 25