He'd made love to Poppy here. Realized he loved her. Realized without a doubt he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
When he'd unsaddled and hobbled the horse, he didn't have anything to do except pace and think about Poppy.
She would be in his mind forever. The jolt that he'd felt that first time their eyes had met. That incredibly embarrassing first evening. The way she'd looked spread out on that rock, drying herself in the sun. Mac felt himself stir and twitch with the beginnings of desire. His mind might be sickened by Poppy, but his body hadn't gotten the message. He pulled at his jeans, trying to get more comfortable.
He'd made love with her right here, right on the patch of grass now occupied by a grazing horse. This morning, a lifetime ago. "You should have seen her, horse."
Trigger twitched one ear.
The night grew colder. Mac wrapped himself in the saddle blanket and sat, leaning against the saddle. Trigger ambled closer and blew a gust of warm breath at him. "I wanted her here on the ranch. Stupid of me, sure, because she's going back to that university in Boston, but I thought I had a shot at the happy-ever-after business. Imagine being dumb enough to think she'd stay here, with me. What do you think of that? Pretty stupid, huh?"
Trigger moved off and went back to cropping grass.
"She really suffered when she pretended to come on to Tom, I could see that even if I didn't recognize it. I heard her try to talk him out of it. She even offered to pay for her stay here at the ranch. Pretty good for someone who's out of work, hey?"
Trigger raised his head and snorted grass at him.
"Yeah. You're right. But you know the funniest thing? When I think about her, when I think about all the stuff she did—and I mean out of bed too—all I can remember now is the good stuff. She's bright and brave and funny and smart..." His voice trailed off.
Trigger continued to graze.
Mac slumped against the saddle and thought about Poppy. Dawn had almost arrived when stood and addressed Trigger. "Yeah, you don't care, but what if I was wrong?" The words beat louder and louder in his head.
He had been wrong.
"You know, horse, I think I really screwed up back there. Every time I've mistrusted her, I was wrong, and this time... This time she needed protecting and I didn't do it." With sudden panic he grabbed the saddle, slapped it on the startled horse, and yanked the hobbles free. "I blew it. We've got to get back down there before she—before she leaves. She can't leave. I love her."
* * *
Poppy knew she'd finally slept because a ray of sun streaked across her pillow and woke her. Apparently she had cried in her sleep because her eyes felt swollen, dried, and boiled, all at the same time. She pulled the pillow over her head and tried to remember what had happened. Mac. The picture of Mac stalking away from her, slamming the door on her hopes, crashed in on her and she realized she'd slept on Tom and Alice's sofa.
The scent of coffee crept under the pillow. Poppy sat up and rubbed her face. Alice stood beside the couch, a steaming mug in her hand and Tom and Jase right behind her. "Good morning. Did you get any sleep?"
Poppy reached for the coffee. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes at Alice's concern. She forced them away. The armored shell she'd managed to erect around her feelings somewhere in the middle of the night could shatter at just a word. "Thanks," she said as soon as she could control her voice. "Some." Her smile felt pitiful.
Alice sat on the end of the couch. "I'm glad you stayed. Why don't you take a shower? I'll get Chickie to serve us breakfast in here."
Poppy shook her head. "I'll shower when I go down to the cabin and pack."
"Poppy, don't leave yet." Alice reached out as if to stop her.
"No, you can't leave now," Tom said. "We wouldn't feel right if you left when you were so upset. Stay with us for a few days. You can keep the cabin, or move up here to the main house. Just don't leave."
She tried to smile. "I'm not going to go off and do anything stupid, if that's what you're worried about." She didn't miss the quick glance Jase shot at Tom.
"No, of course not," Alice said.
"Never crossed our minds," Tom said at the same instant.
Poppy folded her arms and looked at them.
"Okay, okay." Tom folded his arms and returned her stare. "We're busted. Jase told us—"
She glared at Jase. "That I have a history of doing stupid things when I'm hurt?"
"Well...yeah," Tom said. "And truth is, we've gotten right fond of you. We need to be sure you're okay."
"I'll be fine." Poppy skirted the issue of how she was at that moment. "I imagine Jase will take over guard dog duty and make sure I don't jump out of the plane. Anyway, I'm going to think of this as an opportunity."
Alice and Tom and Jase looked at her as if she'd lost her mind.
"An opportunity to react sensibly no matter how awful I feel," she explained. "All my life, whenever I've been hurt, I've gone off like a rocket and done some stupid, self-destructive thing that I've been sorry for. That's how I got into this whole mess. I was so humiliated at being labeled The Other Woman that I started pretending to be one."
Tom nodded. Alice didn't look surprised.
"I'm not running away. I am marching to. This is my chance to do it right," she said, and her voice rang with determination. Marching to loneliness, heartbreak, an endless rehashing of the awful moment when Mac looked at her and— Nope. Not going to let herself go there.
Alice leaned over and hugged her. "You mean your job?"
Poppy nodded.
"I'm surely glad I don't work for that university," Alice said. "You're going to trample them in the dust. You go, girl."
"I can understand why you want to make them eat dirt on the false charges business," Tom said slowly. "But do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a city? You really seem to like it here."
Poppy's heart twisted. "You can't always get what you want. I've found something here that I never knew existed. Even with all the padding and pampering of being your guest," she bowed to Tom and Alice, "there's something larger than life here. Something that's missing in a world that's paved and covered with people."
"I think it's called nature," Tom said.
"Whatever it's called, I like it. I could have been happy here, with Mac. I could have used what I know about genetics to help him with his horse breeding, and—well, never mind. I'll look for nature again someday." Someday when Mac had become nothing but an old ache in her heart, like a joint that could predict the weather, she'd leave the city for someplace with mountains and peace and maybe even love.
"Here?" Alice suggested. "There's a university in Missoula."
"There's also Mac. And I don't need to move across the country to be near someone who thinks I'm a prostitute. I can get that at—in Boston." At home, she'd started to say, but Boston didn't feel like home anymore.
Tom slammed a fist into his cupped hand. "This is the stupidest damn thing Mac has ever done."
"He'll realize how stupidly he behaved," Alice said.
"Yeah. He'll come to his senses. You should wait, be here when he does. He'll want to go back with you and make sure everything's okay with your reinstatement."
A healthy dose of anger sparked through Poppy. "Does he work overtime at being an idiot?" she asked Alice.
Alice gave a fleeting grin. "Comes naturally."
Poppy turned on Tom. "Ever since I got here, you've been complaining that Mac overdoes the 'taking care of' thing."
"Ouch." Tom held up his hands. "Pax. Abject apologies. You're right."
"Anyway, when push came to shove, and I could have used defending, he just walked out. I don't need that."
Tom's gaze dropped. "Shock. He'll come to his senses. You have to forgive him, Poppy. He's just an ignorant westerner. Like me. You need to educate us."
"Phooey. I've watched. You treat your wife like a human being. You don't need educating. It's your patriarchal brother-in-law who needs a little work. And so
meone else gets to do it."
The phone interrupted and Poppy sank back against the cushions, grateful for the reprieve. But Tom held the receiver out to her. "You want to talk to Kate Cunningham?"
She had forgotten Kate had promised to call this morning after her meeting with the dean. Poppy took the phone and braced herself. Kate undoubtedly had some more bad news.
She'd never been more wrong.
"We did it!" Kate's voice sang with triumph.
"Did—?"
"Got you reinstated, dummy. With full back pay and early tenure, thank you."
Kate had gotten everything Poppy had hoped for and then some. So why did she feel hollow?
"Good news?" Alice asked when Poppy put the phone down.
Poppy explained. "So now I really have something to go back to," she said. "I'd better get packing." She stood and started for the door.
It crashed open and Mac hurtled into the room. He grabbed her by both arms, his grip so tight she knew there would be bruises the next day. "Wait. Please. You have to—"
"No. I don't have to anything," she said, relieved that her voice rang clear. Controlled. Firm. Disinterested. Nothing like the churning confusion and misery inside her.
"I know you're mad. You have every right to be."
"How big of you." Controlled disinterest had turned to sarcasm in a heartbeat and she mustn't go there. Sarcasm would fuel anger, anger would melt her icy control, and Mac would know how badly she hurt right now. She had nothing left but a shred of pride, and if he knew, she wouldn't even have that. So no sarcasm. Nothing but deliberate coolness.
"Please," he repeated. "Don't run. Let me explain."
"Explain?" The anger she didn't want began to burn somewhere under the layers of hurt.
"Apologize. I meant apologize. I was wrong." He released his desperate grip on her arms when she took a step back, away from him.
She looked at him. His clothes were rumpled and dusty, his jaw darkly shadowed. He looked terrible. And gorgeous. She squelched the urge to care.
"Oh, well then, that's all right, hmm?" There was that sarcasm again.
"No, it isn't all right, damn it. It isn't all right and you know it. What I did to you last night was unforgivable." One lock of dark hair fell over his forehead. He looked tired and desperate and Poppy wanted to put her arms around him and make it all better. Until she remembered last night.
"But you're asking me to forgive you." Her heart had slipped into that slow thud, the same thing it had done that first time she'd seen Mac, and she knew she stood on the brink of the most important moment of her life. She had a chance to do it right this time. No more running, no more foolish mistakes.
She'd be calm and cool and collected. She'd listen to him, and then she'd go on with her very sensible plan.
"Yes, I am. I know what Millicent said last night wasn't true."
"And you arrived at that conclusion by crystal ball? Communication from outer space? Telegram from the president?" Poppy arched one eyebrow, wondering where that deep well of bitchiness had come from. It had to stop, even though she'd think he'd ripped her heart out if it hadn't been for the pounding in her chest.
"By remembering what I know about you. I went up to the claim and thought about you, and I knew I was wrong."
Poppy lifted the brow again. "And now you want to explain? By all means. Do please explain how it is that after making love to me like there's no tomorrow, you took that vitriolic old shrew's word over mine. And then explain how it is that after almost two weeks of—ah—close interaction, you can believe that I'm a hooker. Excuse me. A common streetwalker."
Mac crossed to the sofa and sat with his head in his hands. "I have issues there, all right?"
"Fine. I have issues with people thinking I'm a home-wrecker and a prostitute. So let's leave it at that. You sweep your issues back under the bed, or wherever you keep them, and I'll get on my way to the airport." Pain tasted like metal in the back of her throat, but she was pulling it off. If she didn't know better, she'd believe her cool, flippant attitude was real.
Mac raised his head and riveted her with a beleaguered gaze. "No." He rose and reached her with two powerful strides, his hands gripping her shoulders. "No. Even if you never forgive me, you've got to know why I reacted like that. It wasn't you. It—" His voice choked off and he looked away for a moment, his throat working. "It was me. Even Alice doesn't know all of this, but you need to."
Poppy glanced at Tom, Alice, and Jase, huddled by the fireplace. "You don't have to tell me family secrets."
"I do. Yes, I do. Now shut up and let me tell you. It's hard enough without you arguing."
That sounded like the Mac she knew and loved. The one who knew best for everyone else in the family. She glanced at her watch, tapped her foot. Gave up and let curiosity win. "All right. I'm listening."
"I have to tell you about my ex-wife," he said, and the last two words sounded like a bitter curse.
She nodded. Her heart thumped faster.
"I met her in Las Vegas, on a business trip. I'd just pulled off my first big deal and went crazy with triumph. Talk about your sitting ducks." He shook his head, and she saw remembered disgust in his eyes. "So we were married before I left Vegas, and I brought her home to my family. To Alice and my father."
He'd never even mentioned his father before. "You lived with him?"
Mac shook his head.
She looked into his eyes. What she saw there turned her cold.
"Roxie and I had been married about six months—six unbelievably miserable months—when I came home unexpectedly."
She winced, knowing what was coming. "And found her in bed?"
Mac shook his head. "Yes. So trite."
"With a stranger."
He shook his head.
She frowned. "Your best friend?
His expression had turned to stone. "My father. He watched me come through the door. He lay there, in my bed, and laughed at me."
Her mouth sagged open. "But that's—"
"Seems my dear wife hadn't been lying when she told me she was a hard-working professional woman. She worked hard, all right, at the world's oldest profession. My father thought it was funny. 'Hell, boy, I thought you knew she was a hooker. One of the best in Vegas.' He'd been one of her clients for years. That's why I got a little upset when I heard you call Tom a client."
Nausea churned in her stomach. "What did you do?"
"I suggested that he leave, that she leave, that perhaps he'd take her with him. Unbelievably civilized. I shut the door behind them and started canceling credit cards. So rational, so sensible, and underneath all the calm reason, I wanted to kill both of them. I didn't care about her by that time, but the lies hurt." He tightened his arms around her. "I think I went a little crazy when Millicent said those things last night."
Small wonder. She hugged him hard, wishing she could take all the sickening memories away.
"So now you know my deepest, darkest secret."
"And Alice never guessed?"
"She knows I asked our father to take Roxie to the airport. Not—the rest of it."
"What a horrible man he must be." She could scarcely imagine a man who would do such a thing, much less to his own son.
"Not exactly your ideal poster boy for fatherhood, no."
"And that's why you've never let anyone close to you."
"Until you." He put a finger under her chin. "Look at me, honey."
His face shimmered through the tears she'd tried not to shed. She blinked, and they spilled down her cheeks.
"Don't cry, Poppy. You've gotten close to me. If you leave, it'll hurt a million times more than what she did or what my father did, but I'll understand. Even if you can't love me, at least let me hope you'll forgive me for last night." He stood without moving, looking at her with a world of hurt in his eyes.
Everything inside her went mushy with love and empathy. "You know I love you. How can I not forgive you?" she whispered.
His arms
came around her as if she were the last hope of a drowning man. She held him until he had stopped shaking. "I suppose we have to go be sociable," he said eventually. "I'd be willing to bet they're all standing in the hall."
"No, they're right by the fireplace." She didn't move. "I think the MacLeans don't have a lot of secrets any more.
"You got that right," Tom said as he ushered Alice and Jase out the door. "But some things still ought to be private."
Mac tilted her chin up to look into her eyes. "I may be pushing my luck here, but will you—would you consider—" He stammered to silence.
She raised an eyebrow.
"I—oh, dammit, I’llloveyouforeverwillyoumarryme?"
Her heart unfurled like a rosebud opening to full bloom. He looked like a man facing a firing squad. "Yes," she said simply.
He let out a triumphant yell and the door crashed open. Jase and Tom and Alice looked in with anxious expressions.
"Dammit," Mac said.
"You wanted family," Poppy said, swallowing a smile.
"Is this the happy ending?" Jase asked.
Mac nodded and held Poppy tighter.
Alice pushed past Jase and Tom and set a tray with champagne and glasses on the desk. "I think we have a lot to celebrate."
"Right," Tom said. "Happily ever after and Poppy's got her job back."
Poppy felt Mac go rigid.
"She even got early tenure," Jase added.
* * *
Tenure. The word speared through Mac like steel. Tenure meant Poppy staying in Boston, and he'd imagined them living on the ranch. Everything he wanted, everything he cared about centered right here on the ranch. His home. Everything except Poppy, and he couldn't give her up.
He tightened his arms around her and felt her warm and soft against him, and knew that from now on his home lay with her, wherever that might be.
It wasn't just sex. Yesterday, when she stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel, blotting crystal droplets of water from that creamy skin, maybe that had been about nothing but sex. He didn't believe it. He knew that ten years from now, twenty years from now, when that flush of passion had tempered, little as he could imagine such a thing right now, he'd still want Poppy in his life.
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