The tips on my fingers got hold of my pillow and I moved it into position as Gideon stood there watching me with his stick in his hand.
I looked at him, pleading with my eyes for him to reconsider.
I received a cold stare back. I hoped he wasn't counting silently in his head. That would mean a lot of extras.
He whipped my entire body, the back of my legs, my bottom and my actual back. I felt the sting of each blow. The ones that landed across another stripe were unbearable, making me scream aloud.
He yelled that the cow had died because of me. He accused me of being selfish. It was pretty clear that he hated me now.
When he was finished he left, locking the door behind him.
It was obvious that the cow was more important than I was.
Chapter 10 - A Little Surprise
Gideon
After Jessie's runaway attempt things changed. She did everything that I wanted her to do, but she did it so quietly that I often felt like I was living alone again. She never said anything unless I asked her something, and she didn't talk to Pumpkin anymore either.
I had broken her spirit. I hadn't meant to. I wanted her to know that I wouldn't let her get away with crap like that.
Anything could have happened to her. Of course she had gone the most dangerous way. Personally, I felt that she was lucky that some hunter hadn’t shot her. She had also endangered Pumpkin. That seemed to be a routine with her. She just didn't think anything through before she jumped into action. That was a trait that needed to be beaten out of her.
When I found the cow dead in the barn, I had snapped. I could have eased the cow's passing if I had been there. But I wasn't, and she had suffered unnecessarily. I was mad, and I wanted Jessie to feel that.
I couldn't remember the last time I saw Jessie smile.
Even at church, she was quiet. She didn't sing along with the hymns anymore. She was depressed.
This just wasn't what I had pictured married life to be like. I hadn't had to punish her since she tried to run away.
One day I came into the kitchen and found my Jessie cutting the bread for our supper. She hadn't been eating much lately either. She was sometimes dizzy, and in the mornings she refused to have breakfast. I was guessing that she was expecting, but I didn't know if she knew.
I stood right behind her, watching her work, glad that she was really here when I came in. I was back to worrying about that. “That smells really good.”
She jumped. She hadn't heard me come in. Then she gasped and stepped away from her work.
I looked and saw that she had cut her hand. I took her to the sink and tried to wash the cut, but it was so deep that fresh blood replaced the blood I’d washed away. I wrapped her hand up in a couple of towels and pulled her outside. She still hadn't said anything.
I opened her car door for her.
“But there's no gas.” She was holding her cut hand up high with her other hand wrapped around her wrist.
“I took care of that. Get in. I'm driving you to the doctor's.”
She got into the car without a fight, and I closed her door carefully.
I got in took off as fast as I could. “That cut doesn't look good. I think you might need stitches.”
She made noises like she might throw up. She was coughing, almost choking. I'd ask the doctor about a possible pregnancy too.
My brave big city wife was afraid of doctors. She put up quite a fuss and couldn’t sit still.
The doctor and I had to sit her down in a chair with her hand on the operation table. My body was in between her body and the table. With one hand I held her hand on the table and with the other I kept her head turned away, so she couldn't watch the needle going in and out. It really was a big gash. I was glad that the doctor had given her something, so she wouldn't feel it.
Once her hand was all finished, she fainted, giving me a chance to talk to the doctor.
He figured that she was pregnant too on hand from the things I told him.
We talked a bit while we waited for her to wake up. He had been at the wedding, and he wondered how we were doing. I wasn't sure what to answer. Especially lately, we didn't actually talk to each other except on Sundays, and she didn't ask anymore questions. I asked her several to make sure that she was paying attention. She always had that sad look in her eyes.
Would a baby change that?
Jessica
I woke up, asking myself where I was. It was clear that I wasn't at home. I looked around and heard Gideon telling me to stay lying down, but I was already sitting up. My head was spinning, and I was reaching out. “Gideon?”
“I'm here, baby. I got you.” I felt his fingertips and worked my way towards him, so I could hold his hand tightly.
“Where are we?”
“Baby, you cut your hand. Don't you remember, the stitches?” He sounded so worried.
“Sure right. Those hurt.”
“Yes, it looked painful. You passed out afterwards and have been napping for an hour now. The doctor is worried about you. He wants to take some tests. He needs a urine sample.” Gideon was talking to me like I was a very small child.
“Am I all right?” I whispered worried about myself.
“You have been a bit out of sorts lately. Let the doctor give you the once over, and we will know more.” He kissed my forehead.
“Are you worried that it is something serious?” I asked him.
“I think that you have something very serious but also very precious that we will love for always.”
I thought about that for a while, trying to guess what he meant by that, but I simply couldn't concentrate.
“Mrs. Thompson, I have several questions that I would like to ask you.” The doctor was bending down looking at me like I was a very breakable little girl too.
Why was everyone being so nice to me?
He asked me how I had been feeling lately, and he wanted to know about my period.
It hadn't been regular since I moved in with Gideon and after the birching, as he called it, I hadn't gotten one at all yet.
The doctor tested my urine and declared that I was pregnant. He shook Gideon's hand and congratulated him, like he had done something amazing.
He ignored me and talked to Gideon about vitamins and bed rest. When they finished, Gideon helped me to my feet and walked me out to my car, which was now his. Everything that I had or ever had was now his.
Would the baby also be his?
Chapter 11 - Bedridden
Gideon
I went right up to Jessie to give her the things she wanted. I always felt a need to check that she was still here whenever I went out and came back in. I was just making sure. I would rather be safe than sorry.
I found her lying in bed when I came in. She smiled a weak smile at me, but her eyes lit up. She was very happy to see me. I sat next to her and smiled back. She had been in bed for three weeks now.
The doctor stopped by every three days saying he wanted her to stay in bed, or he would personally check her into a hospital.
Jessie was so bored that even seeing me was a treat.
“I got you several things. The crackers that you like so well and more importantly stay down. I got you several magazines about making baby clothes and other things that a baby needed.”
“But you know I'm not that gifted?” She looked worried. She had no idea how precious I thought she was.
“Don't worry, you still have six months. Make what you like. Our baby won't have to go without anything, but it should have a few things made especially for him or her. I got you grapes like you wanted, even though the doctor said they weren't the best choice. Your beloved peanut butter is also downstairs. When you’re ready for it, I’ll spread some on your crackers for you.”
She was nodding eagerly. It was almost time to carry her down to the living room, so we could be close to each other. She would sometimes complain about being bored up here all alone.
“I'm sorry that I’m causing
you so much trouble.” She looked so guilty.
The truth was that I was thankful to her. She was taking care of our child at the cost of her own health. What she was doing was admirable.
I often told her that, but she dismissed my words like she hadn't heard them. She didn't see herself as a hero.
“Don't worry about that. I think you’re doing very well, but the doctor wasn't at all pleased with you.”
Tears filled her eyes. “He doesn't like me either?” she asked.
“No, no. That wasn't what I was saying. I think he likes you – a lot. Better said he wasn't pleased with your blood results, or the fact that you’re eating so little. He gave me new vitamins for you to take. I’ll be making sure that you take them all.”
She nodded at me. “Thank you for being so great about all of this. You could have reacted differently.”
“Sure, if I were an ass, but I'm not. Now I need to tell you one more thing. The doctor called this a high-risk pregnancy. He has ordered that you basically stay in bed.”
“But my chores? I need to get up for my circulation. I can't stay in bed.” She was fighting to get up, but when I left, she napped. She was afraid of getting into trouble with me. I used that against her to keep her in bed.
“Spanking?” I felt my eyebrows push together.
“No, sir.”
“Good, because I really don't want to have to do anything like that to a bedridden woman. I’ve hired a girl from the farm down the road. She will come every morning and take care of things. She will go home every evening. Things will be on the up and up. She is only here to take care of you and keep the house up.”
She blushed terribly. “I wasn't worried that you would – I know that you are only interested in me.”
I beamed back at her, happy that she knew that she was loved. She had even thanked me for taking care of her, saying I could have reacted differently. But the thing was; she could be reacting differently too. If she were cursing the baby and me, I would be reacting differently too.
“If she has a moment to spare she can teach you how to knit and things like that. Are you ready to go down?”
She reached her arms up to me like a little kid would. I swooped her up and kissed her. I felt so happy.
Everything had fallen into place.
Angela showed up on time the next morning. I explained as best as I could what was wrong with my wife and what the doctor had said. I knew my wife wasn't popular among the other women, but I was paying this girl to help her and wanted her to be respectful to my Jessie. I gave her a long list of chores before I went back to mine.
When I came back in for lunch, I found out that she had brought Jessie a light breakfast and introduced herself to her. I asked her if Jessie had actually eaten anything. She merely shrugged her shoulders and went back to the stove.
Angela and I sat together while we ate. I got an earful about modern washing machines and their practical uses. She even wanted to take our dirty clothes home with her and bring them back tomorrow clean and dry.
I had a feeling that she was implying that I had worked my wife sick.
I raised my eyebrow at her and she stopped.
Angela wasn't like Jessie. I liked to eat with Jessie. I should have taken my plate up and eaten with her.
I checked on her before I went back to my chores. She was asleep.
I left disappointed.
Jessie
I wasn't getting any better but worse. I felt like I was dying and that sounded like rest, peaceful rest. Gideon visited me and talked to me a couple of times during the day.
Once Angela was gone, he carried me downstairs, so we could pretend that everything was normal as we sat in the living room. I would knit and cuddle with my men. Both Gideon and Pumpkin felt neglected.
Pumpkin would sit on my lap, and I would pet his fur. He liked me, but I wasn't the one who took care of him anymore. Gideon was his primary caregiver in the meantime.
Gideon was pretending to be nice to me. I still didn't trust him. I was glad that he wanted the baby. Just the thought about having to care for a baby and do all of my chores was making me sick. I tried to get Gideon to explain what was wrong with me. He played it down, saying that I only needed to rest.
Was this somehow his fault because he had punished me so often?
Angela was a complainer. She thought that we should have more stuff. I agreed with her, but I wasn't sure that this wasn't a test. If I complained, then he might punish me. However, she did take the time to teach me how to knit baby booties for the baby.
Knitting gave me something to do. Whenever I could sit, I worked on things for the baby. I had so much time on my hands.
Mostly, I lay in bed and thought back to Christmas. What I should have done differently. If I had played my cards better, maybe he would have let me buy a few things for the house that would make my life better.
I had so much money, and here I had to work my hands raw merely to clean one of his shirts.
There had to be a compromise.
Chapter 12 - Having To Say Goodbye
Jessie
It was raining cats and dogs outside today. Gideon couldn't do much outside, so I was downstairs before lunch.
I was now in the fifth month. I had an adorable tiny tummy.
I was feeling a bit better, but Gideon was getting more and more worried. I would have thought that he would relax more now that I was eating and out of bed more often, but he was getting worse. Now he scolded me not to do anything. I was constantly sore from all of my lying down.
We drove to the doctor's once a week. He and the doctor whispered to each other often. The doctor also insisted that I rest now.
Everyone was being nice to me, that couldn't be good.
This must honestly be a high-risk pregnancy. Gideon was reading to me on the sofa. I was leaning against his chest. That was easier than holding my head up.
Angela came in and complained that the ceiling fan that Gideon had installed in the kitchen wasn't working again. “The oven is so hot and that fan won't move an inch,” she whined.
Gideon carefully moved me to the side before he got up. He looked mad, but it was unbearably hot today. The storm was pushing the heat down, making the air heavy.
I would have passed out for sure if I had to cook in the sweltering heat. The air was so thick and heavy. I wasn't comfortable no matter where I was. Gideon came back, shaking his head. “I’ll carry you up again. I have to take the fan completely apart again.”
“I'm fine. You don't have to carry me up.” I got up and turned away from him. I was so dizzy, but I knew that Angela wanted to finish up and go home. She didn't eat lunch with us anymore, now that I was back at the table.
Gideon went into the kitchen, and I worked my way over to the stairs. They had never seemed so high, or so steep. I grabbed onto the railing and pulled myself up. My head was spinning.
“Gideon,” I tried to call out, but only a whisper passed my lips.
I kept going, not wanting to disturb him. It was hard work, but I was the one constantly saying that I needed to be allowed to do more.
I was actually proud when I reached the top of the staircase. I lifted my head to take the next step and then everything went black.
Gideon
I was standing on the kitchen table when I heard that terrible noise, the one that I will never forget.
I jumped down and raced to Jessie to see what had happened.
I found her in the entryway on the floor. I thought that she was dead. She had passed out and fallen down the stairs.
Her dog was barking as I tried to wake Jessie up. I wasn't sure if I should move her or not.
Behind me Angela was talking on her cell phone. She was calling the doctor. He was on the way. It would take him at least ten minutes to get here.
That was a long time to sit next to someone you loved and wonder if they were alive or not.
I held her hand, thinking that she might just be passing from our
world into another. That would scare her. She shouldn't be alone if that was happening.
I had to cry. I was sniffling, and I had tears running down my face. Exactly like she did when I punished her.
I regretted so much. If only I could go back in time, I would do so many things differently.
I was worried and scared.
If she lived, I would make sure that she was never afraid of me again. We would be happy like in the beginning.
Jessie
I woke up in bed. I was in terrible pain. I had to scream. I felt like I was broken in the middle of my body. There was an odd pulling feeling there. No, pulling was too mild a word. I felt like I was being ripped apart.
“Jessie, honey, I'm here. I got you.”
“Please, stop, Gideon.” Why was he hurting me so much?
“Oh, Jessie.” I felt his hands on my face. He was kissing me and not hitting me.
“Mrs. Thompson,” the doctor called out to me.
I opened my eyes and tried to concentrate on finding his face. The room was so bright even though it was still raining outside. I could hear thunder and see the sky light up. Then I saw Angela's mother. She was at the foot of the bed. She looked nervous.
Next to her was the doctor. “Mrs. Thompson, you fell down the stairs. The baby needs to be born right now.”
I tried really hard to understand his words. What he was saying simply didn't make sense. The baby couldn't live if it was born now.
I had to scream again. I felt it. The birth was honestly happening right now. My only friend wasn't going to be a part of my life. If the baby was dying, then I wanted to go with it.
I couldn't breathe, I was mourning, and I was in so much pain. This was too much for me.
This pain went on for hours. I didn't think that a human body could take that much pain and still live.
I simply wouldn't die.
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