Lennon believed in me.
I looked over my shoulder at Lacy, “You got your camera on?”
“Yes,” she hollered back.
Well, then. I turned my neck to kiss Len. “Let’s do this.”
He leapt from the plane and I closed my eyes. The wind, I swear, pushed my face flat, rippling the skin around my cheeks. Somehow, he knew I’d closed my eyes.
“Open your eyes, Kami. Baby, you’ll regret it, you don’t.”
What was I doing? He was absolutely right. The biggest fearless moment of my life—I’d jumped out of an airplane—and I was missing it. Well, not today. No way. No how. I popped my eyes open. The ground rushed up at me, or I rushed down toward it. Like with the bungee jumping, I squealed out of utter delight. If I’d have been able to clap my hands together and singsong, “Hercelese, Hercelese,” I would have.
“Hang on,” Len shouted. We’d maybe fallen for sixty seconds tops when he pulled the ripcord and the parachute sprang from his backpack.
We jolted from our freefall, like hitting the brake on a car really hard, when the chute opened fully. Then we drifted down. Len tugged on handles connected to the parachute, which acted like rudders to direct us to the landing zone.
I lifted my feet before we touched down, a skill I remembered but didn’t think I’d ever use. Once his feet hit ground and he steadied us, I touched grass. The landing took seconds and Len was so graceful. Of course, he did it for a living, but my Spidey senses told me that Len had that kind of first-time grace that instructors raved about.
Lacy landed just after us. “I can’t believe it,” she said. “How’d you get her to do it?” That, I was sure, was directed to Len.
“Kam always had it in her.” He set about unhooking the parachute, and then me from him so he could turn me around to face him. “I’m so proud of you. So darn proud. For the rest of your life, you’ll have today. You’ll know you conquered your fears and jumped out of an airplane.”
“Good job, Kami,” Lacy said to me. “I’m uploading this footage to the site. I’ll send it to you, Len, when I’m done editing.”
“Thanks, Lace.”
After we gathered up the chute, we walked back to the hangar. Len was busy putting away the gear when he asked, “What do you want to do next?”
“I don’t know. Maybe swim with the sharks?”
That got me a huge, boisterous, throw-your-head-back laugh. “I meant today, but I like how you think. That can be arranged—for us to swim with sharks. I got a friend who runs a boat out of Isla Mujeres. He’ll totally hook us up.”
“What about Iceland?”
“We’re still going, destination Iceland for the wedding, remember? After, though, Meredith and Brandon are adventure junkies, so they pretty much do whatever I put on the schedule. And September is the best month to swim with the whale sharks. That’ll give us plenty of time. Besides, that side of the world…” He stopped, like to think. “Ever thought about climbing to Machu Picchu?”
“Like the Incan city, Machu Picchu?”
“No, like the burger joint, I’m starved—yes, the Incan city.”
I unzipped the jumpsuit and stepped out, handing it off as I thought about it. Me at Machu Picchu? “I do like burgers,” I answered instead.
“But we can grab burgers before we head home.”
We stopped off at a local bar, Bill’s, for the best burgers in town. I actually showed Len this place. Bill’s was home to the buffalo burger, a thick patty dipped in wing sauce with blue cheese and pickled carrot and celery chips on top. It tasted as good as it sounds. And because we both suffered from a serious fried food weakness we left with an order of fried mushrooms, hand-dipped onion rings, and cheese curds to share.
It was about the time we pulled in to the parking lot to the condo—and a car I didn’t recognize had parked in Len’s spot, which meant he had to park in visitor’s parking because my car was currently seated in his second spot—that I started to regret the choice to carry out instead of eating in.
Not because of the car I didn’t recognize, but because of the man sitting on Len’s stoop, who presumably drove the unrecognized car. The man I did recognize. Absolutely, one hundred percent, recognized.
Brian.
What the hey-hey?
“Kam,” Len started. “Would you like to tell me why your ex-douche is on the stoop?”
“I have as much idea as you do.” I opened the door to hop out and called over my shoulder, “But I’m going to find out.”
Brian stood when he saw me approach. I had my marching feet and my mean face on. He didn’t get to do this. Especially not today.
“Hey, Kams, you look great,” he said.
I said nothing, opting instead to shoot the evil stink eye. A glare I’d perfected years ago and that was usually effective.
“I saw your video,” he continued, undeterred. “Proud of you.”
Hmm… stink eye not working. Scowl engaged. “How did you find me?” I asked.
“Internet. It’s not hard.”
“Great, so… stalker. You need to go. Len and I have buffalo burgers to eat and you aren’t invited.”
“Buffalo burgers? From Bill’s?” he asked, oblivious to the mounting tension or choosing to ignore it. “Those are the best.”
Was this guy for real? “Aren’t you supposed to be in Argentina with New Zealand Kiki?” I asked, exasperated.
“New Zealand Kiki?” he asked back, sort of chuckling.
All his chuckling achieved was to piss me off even further. I placed my hands to my cocked hips. “Yes, New Zealand Kiki,” I ground out. “So why are you here?”
“We got back about a week ago. Dierdre texted.” Then he turned to address Len. “Man, I thought something was up. Those videos of Kam doing all that stuff I could never talk her into. Who was this supposed superman? So I decided to check you out.” I assumed this next bit was for my benefit, as he looked my way when he said it. “It’s a good thing I did.”
That was when I felt Len press his body to my backside and Brian’s face took on a scowl of his own.
“Leave,” Len ordered. “You’re on private property. Worse than that, you lied to her, man. Cheated on the best woman you’ll ever know.”
The ugly laugh from Brian didn’t leave me feeling too excited about whatever was about to spew from his downturned mouth. “You wanna talk about liars? Okay, Lennon McCartney. Let’s talk about liars.”
That sounded ominous. I twisted my head to look between Len and Brian. No, no, no… What could Brian know about Len that I didn’t?
“Do you remember your brother’s best friend, Kams?”
Slowly, I dipped my head in a half-nod, not wanting to confirm anything, mostly because I didn’t want to hear where this was going.
“What was his name?” Brian asked.
“Harrison.”
Brian waved a ‘come on’ to keep me talking. “His whole name,” he said.
“Harrison… McCartney.” My shoulders dropped. That was why Len’s last name seemed familiar when he gave our reservation. I was such an idiot. In my defense, it wasn’t like I used Harrison’s last name all the time. He was always just Harrison to me. Clearly, I knew it. It just wasn’t something I thought about all the time. And it had been several years since I thought of Harrison at all. Okay, I was still an idiot for not putting two and two together, but it never occurred to me. Never.
“Yeah,” he replied indignantly. And I never wanted to punch somebody so badly in my life.
Len remained uncharacteristically quiet behind me.
“What was his brother’s name?” Brian asked.
“Leo.” I answered quickly. I’d never forget that name. The man had practically ruined my life.
“You gonna tell her, or should I?” He directed the question to Len. But then he didn’t give Len the chance to speak. “How about Lennon ‘Leo’ McCartney?”
Wait—no. That wasn’t possible. I stepped away from Len, off to the side
so I had enough space between me and both men.
But I did turn to Len. “Tell him he’s wrong. You weren’t the one who made threats against my life. Who got me fired from my job… who made me have to move two and a half hours away from my family to start over. Please,” I begged. “Tell him he’s wrong.”
“He’s not wrong,” Len whispered.
At the same time, Brian said, “I looked him up.”
This could not be happening. I gripped my hair and pulled the sides. I would not cry… I would not cry… I would not—shoot. Those stupid tears began to leak from my eyes.
“You love me, Len,” I said. “You told me you love me. How—why—how?”
“Don’t be dim, Kams,” said Brian. “Of course he doesn’t love you. This is just some scheme to hurt you again.”
“Shut your mouth,” Len warned Brian. “You don’t know what the hel—k you’re talking about.” Len took a step forward, like he didn’t know if he wanted to punch Brian or reach for me.
I took my self out of the equation by turning to run. Yup. I ran, first to the truck to get my purse and the bag with the burgers because lying Len didn’t deserve buffalo burgers, and then to my car.
No one could ever accuse me of being a peeler-outer from parking lots. Today I peeled out. My tires squealed and my head hit the ceiling of the car when I hit the street too fast and bounced hard.
Note to self: get shocks and struts checked.
What could’ve been his motive? Why after all this time would he come at me again? And to get me to do all the things I was afraid to do. It didn’t make sense. At all.
I swiped at my eyes. Then I drove to the only place I knew no one would look for me. Two and a half hours in the car, not back to my childhood home. Seeing my parents’ disappointed faces when I told them how Len had lied to us all, when I let them know their only daughter had not yet discovered the cure for stupid as she’d been trying these past few years to do—it wasn’t something I could deal with now.
Oh, and I angry ate the heck out of those burgers and fried mushrooms and cheese curds over the course of that drive. Down to the very last bite. Another bad decision. The food sat like a greasy lead weight in the pit of my stomach. But we bought it, I didn’t want to waste it. There were starving kids in the world who would’ve been happy to get my Big Bill’s.
Once I reached my fair old city, I turned down a street opposite of the way I’d go to see my family. An old road, bumpy and cracked—what the city called deteriorating—edges. I drove along the chain-link fence until I hit the wrought-iron gate. Ashwood Cemetery.
It had been years since I’d last stepped foot on this sacred ground. The mound of dirt covering my brother had been fresh, no grass. I never felt like I deserved to be here, and anyway, coming back was just too hard. But I needed my brother today.
Funny, the memories of that day, the twists and turns to get to him came to me as if I drove this route twice a week. My parents had picked Ashwood not only for the beauty. Especially in the fall when all the ash trees turn shades of purple, red, yellow, and green. Though, that happened less now since the beetles hit, and not of the British Invasion variety.
The newer, younger trees were a variety called Blue ash and, from what Mom said, just kind of turn a muddy yellow baby poop color. My brother deserved better than baby poop. But my brother rested in a spot very close to my grandparents. So he always had company. I never thought that part mattered. To my mom, it mattered.
I pulled over to the shoulder of the narrow road and turned off the engine. He was maybe twenty headstones away from the road. Being summer, the grass crunched underfoot and the space smelled of dirt and sunshine.
“Evening, Grandma. Grandpa,” I said as I passed each headstone. I’d never been close with either of them, seeing as they’d died when I was quite young, which meant I didn’t feel the need to converse.
Now when I reached my brother’s stone, I stopped and read the words. Loving Son and Brother. Loyal Friend. Brave Soldier. Hero. He’d been all that and so much more. His whole short life.
“Hey, bro.” Not sure what else to say, I sat down and folded my hands in my lap, staring down at his name. Then I took in a big breath. “I screwed up again. Did you know Harrison’s brother, Leo, his first name is actually Lennon?” Then it hit me, Harrison. George Harrison. The Beatles. How could I have not put that together sooner? “And I slept with him. But it gets so much worse. I fell in love with him. Right, you’re probably thinking, ‘What’s so bad about falling in love?’ It’s Leo. Well, I mean, I fell in love with him as Len. But Mom had to have told you all the stuff he pulled after you and Harrison died. The man made my life absolutely miserable. And for some reason, he found me and did everything he could to make it not miserable… but I don’t know why? What could he be planning?”
The wind picked up to rustle my hair and I kind of imagined that was my brother rumpling the top of my head. I could also hear the hum of a car coming from the other side of the cemetery.
“Brian’s the one who told me. Yeah, we broke up because I stopped being fun. Then once I started having fun again, because of Len, he’s up in my business again. But, dude, he cheated on me. Brian, not Len. And I thought he was supposed to be in South America celebrating his engagement to the chick he cheated with, but no—there he was on Len’s door step. I don’t get it. I don’t get men.
“So I’m here. I need you to enlighten me. Help me understand what I’m supposed to do because I’m lost. I miss you so darn much. And I’m scared. Sad. Confused. Ugh…” Maybe coming here had been a mistake. I rubbed my hands over my face, then rested them on the crown of my head.
The cemetery grew dark as the night set in. I’d been sitting in that same spot for hours, not once gaining the enlightenment I sought. Though I felt closer to my brother than I had in years, so I couldn’t exactly call the trip a waste.
I said goodbye to my big brother, stood, and wiped off my bottom, then walked back to my car. There were like fifty thousand text messages on my phone, all from Len.
Kam, baby, I’m so sorry.
Are you alright?
I’m worried.
Call me back, plz.
I should have told you.
He’s so sorry? Really?
He should be.
Am I all right?
No.
He’s worried?
Good.
Call him back?
Was he kidding?
I drove around for a while, stopped to get a chocolate shake and a large cup of ice water from a fast food joint (my mouth was parched from all the salty food I’d consumed earlier and the expenditure of tears later), and found a hotel for the night.
Sleep, despite how drained my body felt, would not come. The moment my eyes closed, I saw Len’s face in my mind and the sadness crept back into my heart. Around 3:30 in the morning, a final text pinged. Of course, from Len.
Can’t sleep. Not without you in bed nxt to me.
Stupid, stupid me… In my fuzzy-brained state, I called him. Yup, pressed my finger to his contact and called.
“Kami?” He picked up on the first ring, as if he still held the phone in his hand.
“I can’t sleep either. You broke my heart, Len—or should I call you ‘Leo.’ I don’t even know.”
“I’ve got a lot to tell you, baby. Please, I’m begging you to give me the chance. Please hear me out.”
Would I hear him out? Not to hear him out would be fearful Kami coming back, right? Afraid to hear his reasons. I didn’t have to like his reasons. I didn’t have to agree with them, but to remain fearless Kami… Yes. Yes, I would. I sighed heavy enough for him to understand what my sigh was about and shifted on the bed to get comfortable. “I’m on the phone and I can’t sleep. Make it count.”
Seventeen:
“First, what you have to know… Do you remember that night I had just graduated and was coming to the bonfire? Your brother and I, we saw you kiss Harrison.”
; How could I ever forget that night? I’d made the biggest mistake of my life that night, set everything in motion that night. “Yes,” I said. “I remember.”
“Har had shown me your picture from Christmas. You had on this ruby-red sweater and a black skirt and tall, black boots. You took my breath away, Kam. Then he told me about all the fun the three of you had together, and I started crushing pretty hard.”
“Len.”
“No, please let me get this out. When I saw you kiss him, it felt like you’d socked me in the gut with a sledgehammer. And I was so angry at him… He knew I wanted to get to know you, maybe ask you out. Har and I fought, with fists, over you. He and I used to be so close until your brother came into the picture. Then, Harrison tells me that I can’t try to date you because it would just be too weird. Kam, all I wanted was for you to get to know me, to see if you couldn’t find in me the same things I seemed to pick up on in you.”
“He told you not to get to know me?”
“Yeah, baby, he did. Then they went ahead with the plans to join the service.”
“No, you’re wrong. He joined to get away from me. My brother joined because they were best friends.”
“They’d been planning it for close to a year.”
“You’re lying. My brother would have told me. He would have.”
“Listen to me. He didn’t tell you because he knew how you’d react. They both really wanted to enlist. But your brother wanted to keep it a secret from you because he said you’d guilt him into not going.”
My mind raced in a million different directions. Len could not be telling the truth. No way. No way would my brother have hid wanting to join the military from me. “I’m hanging up now,” I said.
“No. Please no—Baby, Kam, I’m telling the truth. I freaked out after Harrison died. I’m not proud, but it happened. I stayed away from you because those were my brother’s wishes, and then he up and died on me, leaving me completely alone. And I took it out on you because someone had to hurt more than I did, and you were already dating that douche and like I said, I was really messed up.”
Skydiving, Skinny-Dipping Page 14