“That is exactly what I was looking for. Kim, did you get all of that?”
The director was there with a skinny little blonde in pink tights and blue shorts. She began to mimic our steps from memory. I knew then that she was the one responsible for the dancing in the video. Ruland laughed and shook his head. “Damn good thing that was the end of it. I might have been forced to kiss you, Lindsay.”
“Well, you know me, ever the arm twister.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, someone grabbed hold of my arm and twisted it. Turning, I found Exavier, his gaze hard and his jaw tight. He nodded towards Ruland. “Excuse us.”
Ruland stared at him with wide eyes and it was then I knew that Ruland understood who and what Exavier was. Knowing I had little choice but to follow him, I let Exavier lead me into the hallway.
The second the door slammed shut, he turned me to him. “What in the hell was that?”
“What?” I glanced behind me. “Are you upset about me dancing? Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t that what you wanted me to come along for? Or am I here to play fill-in flavor? Wait, you’ve already had every one you wanted to have. Let me know. I’m a little lost. Clear it up for me, Xavs.”
He put his arms out, pressed his palms to the wall and pinned me to it. “Lindsay, I love you and only you. I’m trying really hard to stay calm about the idea of you with other men. It’s not going so well for me but I’m trying. Try to understand that I had a life before you too.”
Laughing, I shook my head, sick of hearing him. “One small difference, Xavs.”
“What would that be?”
“I had no idea who and what you are to me. Can you say the same? Don’t skate around the question again.”
Dropping his forehead to mine, he sighed. “I knew. I knew from day one who you were to me. I let my mother fill my head with lies. But I think part of me knew…hell… I wouldn’t have come for you if I believed her fully that you’d found someone else, had children and a happy life of your own. I had to see it with my own eyes. I got ahold of your parents and didn’t even need to ask about you. Your dad just began to tell me all about you, your career, the center and how your mother refused to let up the quest to marry you off. I couldn’t get to you fast enough, Linds. Did you wonder why I showed up over an hour early for our appointment?”
“To be honest, I thought you’d come late in the day. I thought all rockers slept until at least noon.” We laughed softly. “I’ll do my best, Xavs. This is just a weird day for me.”
“Hyde’s a bitch.”
I snorted. “I caught that. It just started off weird. I didn’t sleep right.”
Exavier caressed my cheek gently. “You mentioned that already. Tell me about the dreams.”
What was I supposed to say to that? “Oh, hey, I dreamt you ripped my throat out after soul-sucking demons had at you. You gave me a story about carrying pure, unadulterated evil in some condensed form and that if they succeeded you’d be the devil himself. There was no way in hell that I’d let that happen to you so I claimed you and then yelled until you did the same.. But hey, let’s not forget the binding-induced sex that, while being controlled by forces bigger than us, was mind-blowing. Then I get brought along to have some painted whore with a god complex tell me again and again how I’m just like the endless string of women before me. Oh, fun. I can hardly wait to tell you all about it, asshole. Yeah, I don’t think telling him that will go over well. I’ll just end up killing him and saving all the other bad guys the time.”
Exavier’s chest moved up and down rapidly. He did a half-cough, half-laugh. “Umm, Linds?”
“What?” I asked, taking a chip and planting it firmly on my shoulder.
“I love the fact that you still talk aloud when you’re upset and thinking too hard.” He pressed his thigh between my legs and spread them. “In fact, I love every single thing about you.”
Love the fact I talk aloud?
My eyes widened. I pushed against his chest. “Get off me! You…you…you.”
Laughing, he pressed himself to me tighter. “I’m a what? >From what you’re telling me, I’m your husband. How do you like the sex?”
“I said it was a dream.”
He grinned and kissed my lips quickly. “You didn’t answer my question. It was mind blowing, huh? Good to know.”
I almost choked on his arrogance. I would have if I wasn’t laughing so hard at it. “Please, it was a dream. If it was real I’d still be clinging to you for dear life, scared to death they’d hurt you again. Gawd, Xavs they were horrible. Just cold, empty evil. I tried so hard to wake you up. I even hit you. I laid on you screaming and crying but they just kept drawing your soul from your body.”
Looking at my hands, I shook my head. “I went through them. Right through them. Then when you finally did wake, I begged you to understand that it was me. You didn’t care. Then you,” touching my throat, I looked away, “grabbed me. I thought I woke up. I thought you were there telling me it was a warning. I was so terrified for you, not of you.”
Pulling myself together, I took a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh. “It was so bad that I’m still shaking. Sorry. Crazy moment again. Those happen a lot. It’s a good thing I didn’t force you to take me. This way you’ll have more time to observe my oddities. And I’ll have time to tell you…” I stopped, unable to believe I’d almost let him in on something that only a tiny handful of people knew about.
“Time to tell me what?”
Cupping his face, I kissed his lips gently not caring what sort of policy I’d instituted. “I promise to sit down with you and talk about it when you’re done today. It’s for the best. Going too far from home is silly when I know you’ll want me to leave you alone.”
He baulked. “I get that something big went down. I was there when you found out your father already knew. I’d never send you away, Linds.”
“Oh, for this you will. If you were just any other man, you’d get over it, maybe not even have an issue with it. But you’re not ordinary and this isn’t something you’ll get past.”
“Linds?”
“Hey, Exavier, Pat’s about to have a heart attack. He wants you back in there!”
Exavier stared coolly down at me as the sound of Eion’s voice moved around us. Turning slowly, I found Eion standing at the end of the long hallway. He’d let his black hair grow longer and now wore it tucked behind his ears as it brushed over his wide shoulders. I knew then why the drummer for Loup Garou looked familiar. He was my ex-boyfriend.
When in the hell did he and Exavier start playing together?
Exavier picked then to slide his hand partially under my shirt. My skin flared with need and I came so close to hissing that it was almost pathetic. He kissed my cheek, putting on a show for Eion. Finding out about Eion and I had no doubt been eating at him from the moment I told him. “I love you, Linds.”
“I love you too,” I whispered back. The second it left my mouth I knew what Exavier had done. He’d gotten me to say what he knew I’d never told anyone else. He’d gotten me to confess my love for him in front of Eion.
Eion’s blue eyes locked on me, his face paled. He said nothing. He only shook his head and stared at me with complete disbelief in his eyes.
My heart shattered as I realized he had no clue who Exavier was to me. The truth was, he wouldn’t even care. “Eion?”
He turned quickly and went back through the door. I went to go after him and found myself still pinned beneath Exavier. I pressed on him. He didn’t move.
“Please.”
“Let him go. He needs to get used to it—to us. I know how he feels. Trust me. But you’re my mate. He needs to understand that. And he needs to know there will never be any casual sex—or sex period—between the two of you.”
“I get you feel vindicated now but what you just pulled was wrong, Exavier. He didn’t deserve to find out this way.”
He snorted. “No. I didn’t deserve to find out you’d ever been wi
th him let alone spent years with him.”
I let my eyes go hard as I glared at Exavier. “I need to go to him.”
“What makes you think he’s hurting more than I am? Do you think I’m fine seeing the way the two of you just looked at one another? I’m not. You sure the hell didn’t look at me like that when I showed up at the rec center.” He shook his head and let out a soft laugh. “It’s killing me knowing he was there with you the entire time it should have been me, Lindsay. It should have been me.”
“Let me go to him.”
His hot power pushed against me. “Did you hear me?”
Doing my best to keep hold of my temper, I nodded. “He’s what I need to talk to you about tonight. Don’t try to make me leave him like that.”
“What more do you have to tell me? I get he was your first, that you kept seeing him. What else is there?” The look he gave me told me he already knew my secrets. I wasn’t surprised. He’d been there when my father confessed to knowing I’d been pregnant. Though it had never been spelled out for Exavier, it didn’t take a genius to figure it all out. Apparently, he just wanted to hear the whole truth from my lips. I couldn’t blame him. He deserved as much.
A surge of Eion’s pain hit me. Crying out, I clutched my heart and stared at the end of the hall. “Let me go to him. Please. I need to make him understand.”
“How the hell are you picking up on his emotions?”
I stared at Exavier. “How do you know what I’m feeling?” I would have waited for him to answer but another wave of Eion’s grief struck me hard. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. “Let go of me. Don’t make me choose because you will not win this one, Xavs. He needs me right now. He needs closure.”
“You’re taking him over me?”
“Don’t make me. Let me go to him. Let me explain us to him. It has to do with what my father and I were talking about at dinner. It’s him, Exavier. When we sat at dinner and my father talked about talking with a man, it was Eion. It was never Tim. I won’t leave Eion like that. If you push me, I’ll pick him over you because I couldn’t live with myself for leaving him in this much pain.”
Exavier pushed off the wall and moved far away from me. I didn’t wait to assure he would be fine. I ran straight for Eion. When I opened the door, I didn’t see him anywhere. Spotting the exit, I took it.
The bright sun shone all around me. I didn’t have sunglasses on and it burned my eyes as I ran in search of Eion. I could feel him, his pain, his confusion. I spotted him standing near the corner of the building, slamming his fists on it over and over again.
“Eion, stop!”
Turning, he looked at me with tear-soaked cheeks. “Go away. Go back to him.”
I rushed up and took hold of his face. He pushed me off and I did it again. We continued until he gave in and dropped his head down to me as I pulled him into my arms. Rocking him gently, I ran my fingers through his hair. “I should have come straight to you but I just found out the other day. I swear. I didn’t know you’d be here or I wouldn’t have come. I never meant to hurt you.”
He snorted as he cried harder. He wasn’t a weak man. Eion’s tears were more than warranted. “Three years, Lindsay. It’s a long time to keep the door slammed shut in my face only to open it for me to see you with my cousin—my best friend. Why? Do you hate me that much?”
I shook my head. “No, Eion. I don’t hate you. I never hated you.”
He pointed towards the doors. “Why him? It’s to punish me, isn’t it? I swear to you that I didn’t know it was happening. I didn’t. Myra and Gina showed up, and took me looking for you. I didn’t know. You said you were going to be busy, not to worry and that we’d meet and finish going over plans for the wedding. I didn’t know, Lindsay.”
“Stop. Don’t do this to yourself.” I hugged him tighter. “No one knew. Do you think Tim would let them do that to him? Do you think he’d let them do that to me? To us? To himself?”
Eion shook as he lifted his head. “No. He would never let them hurt you. Never. If they hadn’t—”
“If they hadn’t sent one of their people in to get to know us, make us trust them then he wouldn’t have died. He didn’t know. How could you have? You have many, many gifts, Eion. The gift of foresight isn’t one of them.”
Confusion covered his face. “But if you don’t blame me then why shut me out? We spent almost eight years together. Eight fucking years and you just end it all with no explanation, no goodbye. You just leave, don’t take my calls, use magik to keep me away and pretend I don’t exist. Why? What was I guilty of? Was it loving you? I won’t apologize for that. Was it pushing you to marry me?”
He thrust magik out and let it hit the cement building. “I should have forced you, Lindsay. I gave you too much space. I thought you just needed time. I thought you’d come around. I thought when you told me about the baby you’d finally accept me fully. You didn’t. You never once could even bring yourself to say three little words to me. ‘I love you’ never once fell from your lips. Don’t think I didn’t notice. I did, Lindsay. I noticed everything.”
“Shh, Eion. Stop.”
Thrusting more power out, he shook his head. “No. I won’t stop. You were so excited when you found out you were pregnant. When you called and told me you needed to see me as soon as possible I thought something was wrong. When I got you and found you in tears I thought you were going to tell me goodbye. The second I realized you were crying because you were happy, I gave up that last piece of my heart I kept protected, shielded, from the knowledge that you didn’t love me like I loved you. I surrendered to you.”
Looking down at the ground, I fought hard to keep myself together. It was a losing battle. “I was there, Eion. I know.”
“Do you know how fucking happy I was? I wanted to shout it off the rooftops. I wanted everyone to know that the woman I loved had my child growing in her. You said no. You didn’t want it to ruin my ‘image.’ You let everyone think you were dating other men. I know you weren’t. Tim knew you weren’t. Hell, he even laughed up the drunken threesome ordeal the tabloids ran about us. He acted like it was more than it was just for the sake of keeping the two of us looking like we were available for the female fans. He never touched you and we all know that.”
I tried to calm him down. He ignored my efforts, not stopping long enough to pay me any mind. “I agreed. I hated it but I agreed. The tabloids did their bit and got out, it made you happy. It never made me happy. I wanted you on tour with me. I wanted to crawl into bed at night, hold you and know our baby was safe. You refused to let that happen. Why?”
I didn’t have an answer and I wasn’t sure he really wanted one. “Why didn’t you tell me that you went to my father?”
He snorted. “Because I knew you’d be pissed. You love him so much and he loves you with all his heart, Lindsay. He deserved to know his daughter was going to have a baby and I owed it to him to ask for your hand—not sneak around like we were children. We weren’t!” He smacked his chest. “We had nothing to be ashamed of, Lindsay. We created a life! That’s a miracle, not something you keep from your best friends even.”
Blinking back tears, I nodded. “I know that now. I just couldn’t—”
“Couldn’t what, Lindsay? Couldn’t love something I helped make?”
Anger shot through me. I let my magik up and used it to give him a good shove. “Don’t, Eion! Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving her. I was terrified and I didn’t know why. The entire pregnancy I had this sick feeling in the pit of my gut telling me something would go wrong.”
He tried to hug me but I pushed him away. “Lindsay.”
“No! I knew, some part of me knew something horrific would come and take her from me—from us. I didn’t want to tell you about being pregnant but I couldn’t keep it from you, Eion. It meant everything to me. You meant everything. I couldn’t ask you to give up all that you had in your life for me and I didn’t understand the nagging in my gut not letting me say yes to your prop
osals.”
Something passed over Eion’s face and he gasped. “Oh, sweetie, every time you’d wake up in a cold sweat, clutching your stomach you…”
I let him pull me into his arms as I nodded. “I was dreaming someone would take her from us, Eion. I didn’t know there was a real threat out there. I didn’t. Had I known, I would have stayed with you or even went to stay with my father through the pregnancy. I thought I was overacting because of how much I’d always wanted children and was finally going to be blessed with one. I thought it was normal anxiety. I was wrong to keep it from you—to push you to stay away.”
“Dammit, Lindsay. When Myra showed up out of thin air I knew something was wrong. She hates borrowing power from outside sources. I thought you’d miscarried. I never expected to have to search for you—that she and Gina only came to me because they knew I could track you. She’d sensed you were pregnant and knew without you confirming it was my baby. She also knew that for Fae, it meant we were linked now. That we’d merged essences. For a pair that aren’t destined mates, that’s a hell of a thing to pull off. We did.”
I held him tight.
He continued, “I still can’t get the images of you, of those sick fucking bastards, of what they did to you out of my head. They did,” he closed his eyes, “the most horrific things to you. I’ve seen evil. It’s in my bloodline. Hell, Exavier’s father, my mother’s brother, is notorious for his torture techniques, but I have never seen evil like that.”
He openly sobbed as he clung to me. “They knew the baby couldn’t survive that. That you would. They took you to the point that if they stepped even a bit further you would die and they pulled back—let you heal and then…”
Eion kissed the top of my head. “Lindsay, I will never, ever get that image out of my head. I’ll never forget you begging me to kill you.” He cried harder. I joined him. “You begged me to let you follow her. To let you be with our baby. I couldn’t. I was selfish but I couldn’t let you die too. I’d lost her and I couldn’t lose you too. I should have known! I should have stopped it!”
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