by Debby Mayne
“Janie and I went out for a snack after the Bible study.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to feel like you had to account for every minute.”
“I didn’t take it that way.”
Shannon was actually flattered that he cared enough to worry.
“Good. I’d never want to do that to you.”
“How’s the book fair?”
“As much fun as it’s been, and I feel bad for saying this, I’m glad it’s almost over.”
“You’ve put a lot of work into it.”
“Yes,” he said, “I have. At least I’ve documented everything that needs to be done, so next year it should be much easier.”
A few seconds of silence filled the phone line before Shannon spoke. “Would you like to come over soon?”
“To study?”
That wasn’t what she had in mind, but she couldn’t tell him she just wanted to look at him and hope for another kiss. “Yeah, to study.”
He paused, allowing a feeling of concern to wash over Shannon. “Sure,” he finally replied. “How about the day after tomorrow?”
“Sounds good.”
She called Janie later because she’d promised to let her know if she talked to Judd. Why, she wasn’t sure, but it seemed important to Janie.
“Remember he’s not used to women like you,” Janie reminded her.
“Women like me?”
“Yeah. Women who can get any man they want with the snap of her finger.”
“That’s silly. I’ve never snapped my finger at a man.”
“Maybe not, but you could if you wanted to.” Shannon laughed out loud, but after hanging up, she thought about what Janie had said. It seemed odd that people would think that just because she was a model, deep down she was any different from the rest of the women in the world. Quite the contrary. Shannon had the same desire for love and acceptance anyone else had.
Her mother paid her a visit the next morning. “Shannon, honey, have you looked in the mirror recently?”
“Of course I have. I look in it every morning when I brush my teeth.”
Gently nudging Shannon toward the bathroom, she said, “Go take a look at your cheek.”
“What about my cheek?”
“The scar is almost gone. I can’t believe it healed so well without surgery, but it looks like you were right.”
As Shannon studied her cheek, she saw the reflection of her mother right behind her, an expectant look on her face. She spun around and faced her.
She opened her mouth to comment, but her mother interrupted her.
“I’m not saying you have to do anything right away, Shannon, but you might want to put in a call to your agent. Let her know it won’t be too much longer before you can get back to work.”
“I’m not sure if that’s what I want anymore, Mom.”
“That’s ridiculous. Don’t let a setback like this keep you from the career that was meant for you.”
This was such a standard argument between them, Shannon knew it was pointless to continue. So she shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”
She didn’t have to think too long. Her agent, Melinda, called her early the next morning.
“I spoke to your mother yesterday afternoon. She says you’re almost ready to return. I’m sure all the accounts will be very happy.”
Shannon listened as her agent chattered on and on about how she had big plans for Shannon’s return to the business. She even planned to take advantage of the fact that Shannon had found peace through the spiritual guidance she’d gotten at her church.
“How did you know about that?” Shannon asked.
“Your mother told me you’ve become something of a religious zealot.”
“That’s a distortion,” Shannon said. “I don’t want you exploiting my faith.”
“Whatever,” Melinda said. “Just let me know when you’re ready, and I’ll make sure you come back with a splash.”
Shannon sighed but didn’t say anything.
“Oh—and congratulations on your scar healing. After talking to Armand, I didn’t think it was possible.”
Alarm bells sounded in her head. “You and Armand talked about me?”
“Yes, dear, he was very concerned about you. He said his biggest fear was that your modeling career was over for good. He told me the scar was very deep.”
The scar on my face wasn’t the only one that was deep, Shannon thought.
“It is deep, but not as deep as others.”
“You have more scars?” Melinda asked, sounding distressed. “None you can see.”
“That’s good. I can hardly wait until you’re ready to return, Shannon. You’ll come back bigger and better than before. Sometimes it’s good to take a little time off from the business. It stirs public interest.”
That was the last thing Shannon cared about. Public interest. What was it, really? Just perception and nothing of any significance.
Shannon’s mother started coming by the apartment every afternoon. The first time, she was thrilled to have heard from Shannon’s agent.
“Melinda called and asked when I thought you’d be ready to come back.”
“Maybe never.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. You have to go back. What else will you do with your life? All you know is modeling. It’s the only real job you’ve ever had.”
Real job? Hardly. “I’m sure there’s something else out there for me.”
Shannon’s mother stepped back, folded her arms, and shook her head. “Nothing else that can pay your bills, unless you go back to school for at least four years.”
“I’ve got money in the bank,” Shannon argued. “I don’t need more than what I have.”
“Then think about all the other people who depend on you. And how about the contracts you’ve signed? According to Melinda, you still have two years with the corn chip company, and the hair products company needs at least another year’s worth of ads. And then there’s …”
Shannon remained silent as her mother rattled off other companies and people who counted on her supermodel status. This was an angle she hadn’t yet considered.
“Don’t forget how Melinda has stuck her neck out for you. Remember, back when you were just getting started?”
Shannon nodded. How could she forget? Melinda had literally taken her by the hand and led her to her first audition. Then, when decision-making time came, she’d pulled all sorts of tricks to get Shannon her first television commercial. She’d taken chances—which had paid off big-time—but it could very easily have gone the other way.
“Melinda’s agency is counting on you, Shannon. She’s counting on you for her agency’s survival.”
Oh, man, her mother knew right where to hit.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Shannon finally agreed. “Looks like I need to do whatever I can to get back to work.”
Next time Shannon saw Janie, she pointed to her face. “Do you see any trace of the scar?” she asked. “Be honest with me.”
Janie narrowed her eyes. “Have I ever been anything but honest?”
“No, and that’s why I’m asking you.”
Taking a step closer and inspecting not only by looking but by reaching out and touching Shannon’s face, Janie shook her head. “Looks to me like it’s completely gone.”
“Well, it’s not completely gone, but it’s faded enough to where I can hide it with makeup.”
“That’s great,” Janie said. “You heal well.”
Shannon managed a weak smile. “Yes, I’m very fortunate.”
“So, what do you plan to do?”
With a brief lift of one shoulder, Shannon glanced away. “I haven’t decided yet.”
Janie groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re going back to modeling.”
“It’s a distinct possibility.”
“Why would you wanna go and do that?”
“It’s all I know how to do. Besides, my mother reminded me how my agent depends on me.”
&n
bsp; Janie snorted. “Don’t give me that. There are plenty of things you can do.”
“Name one,” Shannon challenged. “And don’t start talking about me going back to school.”
“Okay,” Janie agreed. “Since you don’t need to work for money, you can do something that’ll really help people. You’ve always cared about others. As for your agent, you know as well as I do, there are plenty of girls lined up waiting to take your place”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“Let’s talk to the group about it after we finish the Bible study. I bet someone will come up with something.”
“Good idea.”
The next morning, Shannon’s mother called, her voice laced with excitement. “I spoke to Melinda a few minutes ago. She’s been lining up some things for you to do. We figured you could start back slowly and work you way into a full schedule.”
“Don’t you remember I’m not sure I’m going back?”
“I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t, Shannon.”
“I’ve been thinking I might want to do something here.”
“Modeling? Really, Shannon, you know New York’s the best place for you. There’s no way you can have a decent modeling career in Atlanta.”
“No, not modeling. I was thinking about volunteering for a worthy cause. I really want to help people who aren’t as fortunate as I’ve been.”
“Let’s discuss that later, okay?”
Shannon knew her mother needed time to think of an argument. “I really have to run now. I’m meeting Judd for lunch. He gets out of school early today.”
“You’re still seeing that schoolteacher?”
“We’re friends.” Shannon didn’t think her mother would understand her feelings for Judd, so she didn’t even try to explain them.
“Don’t let this relationship get too tight,” her mother warned. “I’ve heard Armand is coming back soon. In fact, he’s been talking to Melinda, and he asked about you.”
Shannon was surprised at how quickly she’d gotten over Armand. The initial shock over his departure had worn off in a matter of days, and now she realized her pain was more from injured pride than love lost.
Once she was off the phone, Shannon went into the bathroom to put on her makeup. She studied her face in the mirror. As each day passed, her scar faded a little more. It was barely visible without makeup, and once she applied her foundation, it wasn’t noticeable at all. The doctors had done an excellent job of stitching up her skin. Plus, she’d eaten very healthy food, taken plenty of vitamins, and gotten more rest than she ever had in her life.
When the phone rang, a sense of dread came over her. Hopefully, it wasn’t Judd having to cancel.
It wasn’t.
“Hey, Shannon, this is Melinda.”
“Oh, hi.”
“I’ll pretend you didn’t sound disappointed to hear from me,” Melinda said in a voice that was a little too enthusiastic. “I just spoke to your mother. She said you want to do some charity work.”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about it.”
“That’s excellent. We have a whole list of opportunities here for celebrities to make a difference. This would provide excellent exposure for you in your comeback.”
“I’m not doing it for myself,” Shannon informed her.
“No, of course not. You’re giving your time unselfishly. But why not capitalize on your kindness?”
Shannon started to tell her she needed to run, but Melinda kept going on and on about how much good she could do for underprivileged children all over the world if she participated in one of the world adoption programs. Then she started in on women’s abuse shelters and how she’d already started talking to the woman who headed up the one in New Jersey.
“We have all sorts of wonderful things planned, Shannon. I guess I don’t have to tell you I’m thrilled to have you back.”
“Melinda, I really need to run now. I’m meeting someone in a few minutes.”
“Okay, sweetie. Just remember, if you want to help others, it’s always good to have greater means. If you stay there, you won’t be able to help as many people as you can if you come here. Give me a call when you have more time.”
After she hung up, Shannon glanced at the clock. She had to hurry so she wouldn’t be late to meet Judd.
eight
One look at Shannon, and Judd knew something was wrong. Although she was smiling, pain clouded her eyes. There was something else, too. Confusion, maybe?
“Hungry?” he asked.
A brief look of panic shot across her face, then she shook her head. “No, not really.”
“Why don’t we go somewhere else, then. Wanna go for a walk?”
“Yes, that might be better.”
Shannon had told him she was in the habit of keeping her running shoes in her bag from being in New York and having to run from one assignment to another early in her career. He waited while she changed from her dress shoes to sneakers.
“Always prepared, aren’t you?” Judd asked.
“I try to be.”
“So, what’s on your mind?”
Judd forced himself not to look directly at Shannon. From being around her, he knew she had a hard time putting her thoughts into words when someone was staring at her.
“I’m still hung up on what I should do with my life. It’s so hard.”
“That can be really tough,” he agreed. “What are your thoughts so far?”
Shannon slowed her pace to a crawl. “My agent called.”
“Your agent?”
“Yeah, my modeling agent. She wants me back in New York.”
“But I thought …” He turned to face her, and they both stopped. “I thought you wanted to stay here.”
“I thought so, too, but I’m not sure now.”
Judd felt like his heart had been yanked out of his chest. He was speechless. Suddenly, he felt the familiar shield he’d used growing up—the one that protected his heart against getting too close to people.
“My agent, Melinda, has some things lined up for me already. I told her I was thinking about doing some charity work, and she pointed out that I could do a lot more good for people if I went back to my old career.”
“How does she figure that?”
“She said I can help homeless children and abused women all over the world because of my high visibility in modeling. If I don’t go back, I’m limiting the good I can do.”
Anger instantly welled in Judd’s chest. It was obvious to him that her agent was playing with her emotions and taking advantage of Shannon’s desire to be involved in a charity and to help others with her gifts. But he couldn’t point that out to her now at the risk of sounding selfish. He wanted her here in Atlanta, and he suspected she knew that.
“Which way are you leaning?” he asked, trying hard to keep his anger from showing.
She lifted her shoulders, held them up for a few seconds, and then let them drop. “I’m still confused.”
“Then I guess you’d better pray about it,” Judd replied before correcting himself. “We need to pray about it.”
He took a chance and looked directly into Shannon’s eyes. It took every ounce of self-restraint not to grab her hands, pull her to him, and beg her to stay. But he knew he didn’t have the right to keep her from following her dream. He’d gone after his, in spite of many people advising him to go into a higher-paying profession.
“Thanks, Judd. I wish the decision were easy. Nothing’s clear to me.”
“Sometimes the right thing isn’t clear.”
Or maybe it’s clear and the selfish people in your life are trying to make it muddy. Judd was dying to yell those very words at her, but he held back.
“We’ll just have to keep this in prayer and trust the Lord,” Judd said, feeling like he was giving lip service to something he wasn’t sure he believed at the moment.
“Yes, that’s what we’ll do.”
When she left to go home, Judd felt an emptiness in his chest
. But it wasn’t nearly as painful as when she announced her dilemma to the Bible study group.
“It’s a difficult decision,” she said, “but the opportunity is there, and I feel like I at least need to consider it.”