by Debby Mayne
Shannon sat between Janie and Judd during church. It felt good to be sandwiched between two people she loved. After the services ended, Janie told her she wished she’d known she was visiting, or she wouldn’t have made plans.
“That’s okay,” Shannon tried to assure her. “I’m not visiting. I’m here for good.”
Janie offered a look of disbelief. “I’ll call you later this week.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Judd said as he stood a few feet away, his hands thrust deep in his pockets. “I’m working with some kids in my class on the school play.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Shannon said. “Will you be at the Bible study tomorrow night?”
“Of course. I’m always there.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.”
Judd nodded, but she could tell he was guarded. It was painfully obvious that no one believed she was here to stay.
“Can we ride to the Bible study together?” Shannon asked, feeling like it was time for boldness.
After a brief hesitation, Judd nodded. “I’ll pick you up at six thirty.”
She’d hoped he might offer to go to dinner first, but she figured this was better than nothing. “See you then.”
From the moment Shannon got in Judd’s car to the time they arrived at the church, he talked about the kids at the school where he taught.
At first, Shannon listened with interest, but soon she realized he was using an evasion technique. He didn’t want to talk about anything personal.
“Stop,” she finally said when they pulled into the parking lot.
Resting his hand on top of the steering wheel, he turned to her. “This is my life, Shannon. I love what I do. Just like you love what you do.” Being the perfect gentleman, he came around to her side of the car and held it as she got out, but he still hadn’t warmed up to her.
“Thanks, Judd,” she whispered. She hadn’t corrected him or tried to explain anything. It was painfully evident words wouldn’t change anything; she’d have to prove that she was here because she wanted a permanent change in her life. She wanted to live in a more Christ-centered way.
Shannon wasn’t up on what they were studying, but now she knew she could sit back and listen. No one thought any worse of her for doing that, and she was comfortable with this knowledge.
She briefly reflected back on her first time at the Bible study. She’d felt like a fish out of water. Now she felt the connection between these followers of Christ. A warmth flooded her as she thought about the value of what she’d learned.
Once the study session was over, each person shared events from their lives since the last meeting. They prayed for each other, friends, and families. Then everyone turned to Shannon, waiting for an explanation.
Suddenly feeling put on the spot, Shannon lifted her shoulders, grinned, and said, “It’s great to be back. I’ll participate more next week, after I have a chance to catch up.” She looked around at all the wide-eyed people and added, “I’m here to stay. I’m not kidding.”
No one said anything. They just looked at each other before breaking for the evening. Shannon got the impression they didn’t believe her about coming back.
Janie gave her a perfunctory hug before taking off. Shannon stood and stared after the friend she’d known longer than anyone else. This reception wasn’t what she expected. No one was mean, but there was a distance she hadn’t anticipated.
As she and Judd walked to his car, she turned to him. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Sure, that’s fine. Where?”
“How about the Dunk ‘n Dine? I’m kind of in the mood for some of their fabulous pancakes.”
“Your wish is my command,” he said as he wriggled his eyebrows.
All the way to the restaurant, Judd told one anecdote after another, making her laugh. But she knew he was avoiding discussing anything with meaning. Had she caused this?
“I’ll have the Monster Stack,” Shannon said, pointing to the picture on the plastic menu.
“You said you were in the mood for pancakes, but I never expected this,” Judd said as he leaned on his forearms. “Aren’t you worried about watching your figure? I’ve always heard cameras add at least ten pounds.”
“Haven’t you been listening to me?” she countered. “I told you I’m here to stay. I’m not going back to New York. My modeling days are over. I want to stay here.”
“But why?”
“Because this is real. What I had in New York was just a dream. One scar that doesn’t go away, and the image is shattered.”
“But your scar did go away. You can have your old life back.”
Shannon groaned. “Sometimes, Judd Manning, you can be impossible.”
He chuckled. “That’s part of my charm.”
“Yes, you’re right,” she agreed.
A serious look replaced his grin. “Okay, so let’s say you do stick around. What then?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t we take it one day at a time?”
“You’ll have to understand if it takes awhile for everyone to accept this as a reality,” he said. “We care about you, but we don’t want to have our hearts broken again.”
Shannon understood. And he was right. She’d taken off at the first sign that she might be able to have her old career back. How could they ever believe she was serious about staying and this was what she really wanted after how she’d taken off so quickly?
Judd drove her home after they finished eating. As he walked her to her door, she reached out and took his hand. He didn’t pull away, which was a good start. Shannon had to hold on to what little bit of hope she could find. When they reached her doorstep, Shannon hoped he might kiss her. But he didn’t. He reached out, tweaked her nose, and then took a step back, almost as if he’d been burned.
“G’night, Shannon. See ya on Sunday.”
With a heavy heart, she said, “Good night, Judd. Thanks for the ride.”
Once inside her apartment, Shannon instantly headed for the phone. She called Janie.
“I gotta talk to you, Janie.”
“It’s late. Can we talk tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Come over after work. I’ll cook dinner.”
Janie sighed. “Okay, fine. See you then.”
The next day seemed to drag, but finally, Janie’s knock came at the door. Shannon had dinner cooked. She opened the door and directed Janie to the kitchen.
“I hope you’re hungry. I cooked all your favorites.”
Janie sniffed the air. “Pot roast? Mm. You must want something.”
Sticking her fist on her hip, Shannon spun to face her best friend. “You think I’m up to something?”
“Of course I do. You’re always up to something.”
“You’re right,” Shannon conceded. “I’ll tell you about it while we eat.”
She explained how she’d come back for good and that she knew for sure she wasn’t the slightest bit interested in going back to modeling. Janie ate and listened but didn’t utter a word.
Finally, Shannon couldn’t take it anymore. “Well? You haven’t said what’s on your mind. What are you thinking?”
Janie swallowed her food. “I don’t know if you really want to know.”
“Yes, I do want to know. This is important to me, Janie.”
“Okay, but brace yourself. It’s gonna hurt.”
“I can take it.”
“Everyone in the group really cares about you. Especially Judd. In fact, he’s been moping around since you left. And when we saw that shot in ‘Entertainment Tonight’ with you leaving the award show with Armand at your side, I thought he’d fall over from grief.”
“You watched the award show with Judd?”
“Yeah,” Janie said. “The whole group got together because someone said you might be there. We were hoping to catch a glimpse of you. What we hadn’t expected was seeing you hanging on Armand’s arm.”
A combination of dread and panic flooded Shannon. “That was all set up.”
“Are you saying you didn’t try to get back with Armand?”
“No, that wouldn’t be true. But the old feeling I once had for Armand just wasn’t there. It was all for publicity. My agent arranged for Armand and me to be seen together every chance she got.”
“I don’t know if Judd will believe that,” Janie told her.
“He has to.”
“You know, I feel sort of bad about this whole thing because I brought you to the group.”
“You regret that?”
Janie put her fork down, pushed away from the table, and looked Shannon in the eye. “This is hard for me to say, Shannon, but I have to. We’ve known each other too long for me not to level with you.”
“Just say it.”
“When I saw you on TV, I felt like I’d been used. You needed someone after your accident. Then once you were all better, you ran back to New York. You didn’t need us anymore.”
“Used?” Shannon pointed to herself. “You think I used you?”
Shaking her head, Janie replied, “I don’t know what to think. After listening to you now, I’m not sure.”
That hurt more than anything Janie could have said. Shannon had never used anyone in her life. But then again, she couldn’t blame Janie or any of the rest of them. At least she knew what she was up against now.
“I’ll prove to you and everyone else I’m sincere,” Shannon said as Janie stood at the door.
“You don’t have to prove anything to us. Just remember, we have flaws, and we don’t always see things for how they really are.”
“How well I know.” Shannon hugged Janie, then watched out the window as her friend walked to her car.
Early the next morning, after Shannon came in from her morning run, she showered, dressed, and headed for her parents’ house. Maybe her mother would understand now.
“Shannon, I’m still not happy about this. You’re giving up way too much to suit me.”
“That’s not why I came, Mom.”
“I called Melinda earlier this week. I think she’ll take you back if you call and tell her you had a brief spell of insanity.”
“That’s not what I want.”
Sara leveled her with a glare. “Then you’re making a huge mistake, and I’m afraid you’re on your own this time. I can’t keep fixing your problems, Shannon. Not when you intentionally sabotage your own career.”
As Shannon left her parents’ house, she felt more alone than at any other time in her life. Without her mother giving her support and Janie not completely trusting her, she felt like she had to go out on a limb without a safety net below.
Once back in her apartment, Shannon pulled the drapes, turned on a light, and pulled out her Bible. She shut her eyes and prayed for guidance and the ability to overcome all doubt from her friends. She wanted to let them know she was sincere. Now that she knew Christ, her entire perspective had changed.
Before she went to bed, she called Janie. “Please stop by in the morning.”
Janie groaned. “You know I have to work in the morning.”
“Then get up half an hour earlier, and I’ll have coffee and a pastry for you.”
“Okay, if it’s that important to you.”
“It is.”
eleven
“I never thought I’d see this,” Janie said as they sat sipping coffee the next morning in Shannon’s apartment. “Especially after you went back to New York.”
“Everything changed for me once the Lord came into my life.”
“Yeah, that happened with me, too.” Janie set her coffee mug down on the table. “I believe you now, Shannon, but you can’t blame Judd for being guarded.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“I guess you just have to give him time.”
“That’s all I can do.”
After Janie left for work, Shannon straightened her apartment. All she could think about was what she and Janie had discussed. If only there were something she could do to make Judd believe her. She had a strong suspicion, verified by Janie, that he cared about her as much as she did him, but he was concerned about her commitment to the Lord, so he continued to guard his heart. She really couldn’t blame him.
When the phone rang, she hoped it was Judd, but it wasn’t. It was Melinda.
“I hate to bother you like this, Shannon,” she said, her voice cool and emotionless, “but you still have to finish two of your contracts.”
“I thought everything was complete.”
“Everything except a couple of photo sessions and one commercial. As far as I can tell, that’ll be it.”
Shannon blew out a breath of frustration. She’d already given up her lease on the New York apartment, so she’d have to find a place to stay.
“Can you try to schedule it all together?”
“You know how hard that can be,” Melinda replied. “I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all I can ask. Thanks, Melinda.”
“I’ll let you know when you need to be here.”
After she got off the phone, a weary feeling descended over her. Actually, it was more like dread. Just the thought of posing for magazine ads and shooting more commercials wore her out.
A couple of weeks went by, and she still hadn’t heard from Melinda. Maybe she’d managed to get her out of the contract. If she didn’t hear back in a few days, Shannon figured she’d call to make sure.
Her mother was still upset, but she tried not to let it affect her. She understood how much time, money, and energy her mother had put into her career, so she tried to be sensitive. Her father, on the other hand, seemed overjoyed to have her back in town. He’d pulled Shannon off to the side a few times and told her he thought she was making a wise decision.
In the meantime, she hadn’t missed a single Bible study session. That was the one thing in her life in which she found total comfort. Jesus was constant—never changing. He loved her no matter what, and she never ceased to be amazed by the extent of His grace and mercy.
When Judd called and asked if she’d like to get together to prepare for the lesson, Shannon gave him a resounding “Yes!” After she hung up, she danced around her apartment, singing and praising the Lord. Maybe things were looking up between them!
The next day, Shannon got up, went shopping, and came home to get the apartment ready. She wanted it squeaky clean and neat. She even baked cookies.
He walked in and sniffed the air, his expression warm and tender. “Did you bake something?”
Shyness overcame her ability to speak. This had never happened to her before, so she wasn’t sure how to react. As she nodded, a smile found its way to her lips. He grinned right back at her.
“You’re amazing, Shannon.”
“You’re pretty amazing yourself, Judd.” Her voice barely came out in a whisper, so she cleared her throat. “Would you like a cookie?”
“Of course.”
She scurried to the kitchen, then brought out a plate of cookies. His eyes widened. “You baked those?”
“All by myself with these two hands.”
“Is there anything you can’t do?”
Shannon let out a nervous laugh. She was used to praise from her fans, but this was different. This was coming from Judd.
He led the study session. As they went through all the questions in the workbook, Shannon felt his gaze as it lingered on her long after she responded. After they finished the lesson, he closed the book and placed it on the table.
“Shannon, I guess you’ve probably noticed I’ve been acting sort of weird lately.”
“Well, yeah, I have noticed. What can I do?”
He shook his head. “It’s me. I’m dealing with some issues.”
“I understand,” she said. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe she needed to give him a little space to make up his mind to talk to her about his feelings. And she also needed to pray about the relationship. What she wanted and what the Lord had in mind for her might be two entirely dif
ferent things.
That week’s group Bible study went extremely well. She and Judd contributed more than most of the others, which gave her a great feeling because they’d been so far behind in the beginning.