He tried kissing me, and I pulled as far away as I could. Onyx didn’t care one bit. Instead, he attacked my neck like he had a personal vendetta against it.
“This is all you’re ever going to be to me is a fuck,” he said against my neck.
Onyx thrusted his hips up hard, hitting deep inside me, the place where few have been able to tap. My eyes closed as I let the feelings carry me away. For every thrust up, I ground myself down on him, my dress now around my hips.
The sensations were hitting me all at once, the burn in my core, the tightening of my pussy, my clit throbbing. His head fell back as his dick twitched inside of me, growing longer and hitting me harder.
The explosion was hard, all-consuming, and sent me soaring high in euphoria land. I felt him gripping my hips and pounding harder into me, but I stayed on the best drug ever. As the fog receded and I realized where I was, I leaned down and bit his neck so hard, I felt his heartbeat thump in my mouth.
One more arch up and he grunted out his orgasm. Not giving one single fuck that he was still coming, I pulled myself off and ripped away from him. Since he was in his own enjoyment, his guard was down letting me get away.
His come running down me, dress torn to shreds, I raced upstairs into the bedroom, slamming the door shut. My heels were lost somewhere along the way, and my thigh-highs had runs in them. Darting to the shower, I cranked it up to hot, stripped, and got in.
Only then did I let the tears fall.
19
Onyx
My cock continued to erupt all over my chest and pants as I watched Torryn run up the stairs and heard the distinct slam of the door. Head in my hands, bent over at the waist, I sat in reflection of the night.
James needed to know I had his balls in a sling and that I was taking every last damn thing away from his cushy life he kept throwing in my face every damn chance he got. Now he would have nothing. No job. No money. No wife. No mother. No home. No Torryn.
That fucker loved her something fierce. Back when they were together, he told me he was going to get married and I wouldn’t be invited since I was the bastard. Not that I gave a shit, because I wouldn’t have shown up anyway, more like I would’ve torched the place.
When they split, his poor little heart was shattered. How’d I know? Because I’d had people watching his ass every step of the way, detailing his life, for this exact reason. My plan had always been to give him a taste of his own medicine. They said Karma was a bitch, but I wasn’t waiting for him to be destroyed. In fact, I wanted to be the bastard who dished out what I felt he deserved which was a fate far worse than Karma or destiny would ever give him.
Torryn was just a tool to further my job. It’s also why I took on the Lanier’s, another piece to my revenge because it was a means to Torryn. Every step had been with James’s demise in mind.
Seeing his face tonight should have brought me peace, should have made me feel like I’d finally won against him. But it was overshadowed by the woman who just took off up the stairs. Fuck.
Getting up from the stairs, I moved to the door, locking it, then took my ass upstairs. My come was all over me and needed to be washed off. The shower ran as I clicked the door to the bedroom shut.
Torryn was under the spray, her arms holding up the wall and head down. Her body shook like she was crying. I shouldn’t feel bad for her. I shouldn’t care one fucking bit. So why the hell did I?
Stripping down, I entered the shower to which Torryn turned around quickly, losing her balance. I gripped her hips, steading her, and she stepped out of my embrace.
“Get out,” she ordered, her eyes red and puffy.
“No.”
“Dammit, Onyx, leave me alone!” She slapped at my chest to which I didn’t budge.
“Hate me, Torryn. Fuckin’ hate me. It won’t change a thing.”
“You used me! This wasn’t about my sister at all was it?” She was hurt. I caused her this pain. Typically, I wouldn’t even let it hit my radar that I upset someone. With her, though, everything was different, and it sliced something inside of me that I didn’t know was there.
“Have you ever played Monopoly, Torryn?”
“Fuck you,” she spat out, turning her back to me.
Reaching out, I grabbed the loofa I bought for her and squeezed some shower gel on it. Under the spray, I created a lather. While she did her best to ignore me and let the water hit her face, I began to wash her. She jolted, but said nothing. Starting at her neck, I used the loofa before setting it down and then putting my hands on her shoulders. Using my thumbs, I began to massage circles on the back of her neck.
“In Monopoly, the player with the best strategy across the board wins. The player who knows how to pass go the fastest gets more turns to purchase properties. Sure, there’s an element of luck to it as well. You never knew what the dice would roll.”
Her body softened under my ministrations. She didn’t reply though. Instead, she put her hands back on the wall of the shower to steady herself.
“You were a roll of the dice, Torryn. Doubles even. Hell, snake eyes. I didn’t anticipate the plays falling into place so efficiently, but they did, and I won’t apologize for it.”
She finally spoke, and it was quiet over the steady drum of the water cascading. “What did I do to you to deserve this?”
“You fell in love with the wrong brother, Torryn,” I whispered, kneading the tenseness from her.
“I didn’t know you, Onyx, so how could I love you?”
“Do you know what it is to be a kid in an orphanage?” I asked, bringing my hands down her back to continue working her tense muscles under the warm spray. “Can you imagine what it is to go to school and have a boy out of the blue come up to you at lunch and tell you where you came from?”
She gasped and started to turn around. I stopped her and moved her head back to face the wall. I never told anyone about my childhood. The people who experienced alongside me knew, but no one actually knew what went on in my head. Talking about it though, with Torryn, felt right.
“Everyone saw him. They praised him. He was the good kid. I was the bastard no one wanted.”
“I didn’t know,” she whispered, her head hanging a little lower like she was thinking.
No, she wouldn’t and I knew that, but still, it was how she saw him that burned my ass. “Your sophomore year of college, he asked you out. You were shy, so shy. The way you would tuck your hair behind your ear and look down every time he talked to you was cute. You were pure, Torryn.” I began massaging the globes of her ass. “Your first date, he took you to the batting cages, and you were so focused on hitting the balls. He tried to kiss you and you pushed him off. You were so innocent and so strong. God, the way he would push you and you would stand firm. You didn’t throw yourself at him, you made him work for it, for you.”
“Please, Onyx, don’t go there.”
“You were another thing he was going to have.” She began to arch her back, giving me more access to her ass as I continued to work her soft skin. “He didn’t wait for you like you thought. Over and over again, he took other women while you remained faithful. The way you looked at him with unconditional love, it was the real deal.”
She turned before I could stop her and faced me. “I was young, and I didn’t know myself. What you saw as love was more like acceptance and excitement. I never had a real boyfriend that paid attention to me like he did. It doesn’t mean I had this all-consuming love for him. We didn’t last, obviously. Everyone’s allowed to make mistakes and not have them thrown in their face.”
“It was so pure, Torryn. The way you looked at him. And he was going to destroy you because there is venom in his veins. I’m not a good man. I’ve done the most unspeakable things, and I have no regrets. But I refused to let James have you. I refuse to let James live a good life when he has, at every turn, tried to fuck with mine. I didn’t ask to be born, I didn’t ask for him to have such envy for me. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to be left to my o
wn accord. He couldn’t let it go even though he was raised by our mother and had the family I never would.”
This calm washed over her. The air shifted around us.
She rested her hands on my pecs before rolling up on her toes to press her lips to mine. “I’m sorry for what you experienced, Onyx.”
The apology was genuine, and it twisted me in knots. She didn’t pity me like most. She seemed to have some deep rooted understanding I had never once in my life seen or experienced before.
What the fuck was I supposed to do with her now? I gave her something I had never given anyone before. The game was shifting, and I wasn’t so sure I was the one still winning.
20
Torryn
Torn, that’s what I felt. Part of me was broken for the little boy being teased, living in a place where he didn’t feel loved. The other part was still pissed. Onyx said it himself that he wasn’t going to let his brother have me. That’s why he came after me, kidnapped me. It had nothing to do with my sister and everything to do with his revenge.
And here I was the chess piece, being fought over. Rolling back down and moving away from Onyx, I heaved in a huge breath.
“You used me. You don’t really want me here. You just want me so James can’t have me.” I fought the tears. Why I was upset about this, I couldn’t understand, but somewhere deep, it hurt. And it cut bad, burning into my soul.
We had some kind of connection. Yes, it was twisted and fucked up as hell, but it was there. I’d accepted that I was collateral for my sister to get her baby, but to get back at James—that slammed me in the face like a baseball bat. I hadn’t seen the man in so long if he hadn’t been at dinner tonight, physically in front of me, he wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind as being any part of my situation with Onyx.
Funny how things you thought wouldn’t matter—that you would just move on and forget, those minor moments suddenly took root inside you and became so much more. When it came down to it, those were the things that took part of your soul and twisted it until it broke. That would be what I was leaving in the shower. That small part of me that was now shattered.
“Yeah, I did,” he stated frankly.
Honesty, I admired, even if it hurt. “I’m getting out,” I whispered, wringing out my hair. Onyx turned off the faucet, reached out of the shower, and handed me a towel. “Thank you.”
I wanted to say fuck you and scream, but the manners my mother instilled in me kept me with the decency of gratitude. Really, I owed this man not a single thank you. What I saw good for my sister was only a minor bit of his plan with me. When he said he was all things bad, it was the very truth. I needed to hold onto that and not the thoughts of a damaged little boy.
Getting out of the shower, I wanted to turn off all the raging feelings that were taking over my body, they were too much. It sounded absurd, but it almost felt like betrayal. How that was possible, I had no idea, but it did.
Drying off quickly, I left Onyx in the bathroom and went to my drawers. Pulling out underwear, some lounge pants, and a t-shirt I methodically got dressed. The towel stayed planted on top of my head as I went to the window and looked out at the darkness.
The lights illuminated the ground casting shadows from the trees and outbuildings. There was a swing off to the side that I realized I’d never tried and would tomorrow. When my mother was alive, she had a front porch swing and we’d sit and talk for hours, just the two of us, and sometimes the three of us. Kennedy’s first break up in high school she cried on my shoulder while I leaned on Momma. I never wanted a boyfriend after seeing my sister so hurt. Then in college I met James. Stupidly, I thought I was older, stronger, wiser, and somehow wouldn’t end up hurt like my sister was those years before. Heartache hurts, there was no way around it.
Damn, what I wouldn’t give to have my mom here with me right now to go out and swing. Her advice would mean the world to me. Sad thing was, I didn’t know what she would think. She wouldn’t be surprised that I was helping my sister, but this new revelation—I wondered what direction she’d tell me to take.
Do I just let it go considering I’m only here for a short time? Or do I fight with him, make my voice heard? Either way didn’t sound appealing at the moment. It just seemed that all I was good for was being used, and I was getting pretty fed up with that.
“Torryn.” My body jumped at Onyx’s deep voice because he was right behind me, and I hadn’t heard him come up.
“What?”
His hands came to my shoulders. They were warm covering much of my skin. The smell of our bodies with the same shower gel was damn good. That was all it was between Onyx and me. Sex. Detached sex. He was using me, and I was staying so my sister could be happy. End of discussion. There weren’t any reasons for me to try to get to know this man. To try to understand him or feel anything other than obligation. Because in the grand scheme of life, it didn’t matter. When the baby was born and in my sister’s arms, I’d never see Onyx Blake again, and I needed to remember it.
But I also needed to remember one very important thing—my mother didn’t raise a woman who would sit meekly and allow themselves to be walked over.
He squeezed my shoulders. “I…” Onyx started to speak, but couldn’t finish. It was a damn miracle that he was actually human. I sensed the weight he was carrying. Was it guilt? I don’t know. Could he be rethinking what he had done to me? While that may have been my hope, it wouldn’t help either of us now.
I decided to give him an out, because I needed one as well. Turning into him, I said, “Onyx, I’m really tired. It’s been a long night.”
Something was brewing behind those dark eyes and the curiosity ate at me, but my mouth stayed shut. I needed time, space, and rest so I could regroup from this revelation.
“Right. Let’s just get some sleep.” He turned away and went into the bathroom. Staring at the bed, I knew I’d sleep with him and have sex with him again. It was good, too good, and I needed to separate myself. Something about Onyx Blake made me weak to my body’s desires even as my mind stayed strong. I hated him with every ounce of my being, but I couldn’t deny the way he twisted up my insides.
Climbing into bed, I pulled the covers up and rolled to my side so I’d be facing away from him. At least in sleep, I wouldn’t have to talk or think. I could just be and that was what I needed.
My eyes closed, and I searched for that peace. The bed dipped behind me, and Onyx crawled onto the mattress. He came to me, wrapping a beefy arm around my waist, and pulled me to the middle of the bed. He spooned me, and that was how he fell asleep. Always in control, always calm, that was Onyx Blake. He slept peacefully.
I didn’t.
Silent tears slid from my eyes as the seconds ticked by. Onyx was breathing in and out deeply, telling me he was in a deep sleep. I still needed space. Ever so slowly, I peeled out of his embrace, halting when he moved, then continued to breathe in his steady pattern.
I grabbed the white throw blanket at the end of the bed then went to the dresser and grabbed a pair of socks. Turning the handle on the door, it was unlocked, thank goodness. Moving through the house was a challenge. Yes, I knew the basic layout but without many lights on, it proved difficult.
The back door called to me, actually the swing did. It was easy to unlock, but I stilled for a moment wondering if he had an alarm system. One would guess yes, but the worst that could happen would be he’d find me. I needed space.
The cool night air hit my cheeks as no sounds from alarms went off. The swing rocked slightly in the distance. It was quiet, the only sound the rustling of leaves every once in awhile. The backyard was lit up enough for me to see my way, but not enough to put focus on me either.
It was the perfect escape.
Sitting down on the swing, it creaked reminding me of my mom’s. With a smile on my face, I pulled up on the socks, then wrapped the blanked around me. It was perfect.
The methodical sounds of the swing going back and forth were a comfort I’d been m
issing the last month. My mind immediately drifted to my mother. Without speaking, I had an internal conversation with her.
Oh, Momma. What have I gotten myself into? I’m not sure whether to be angry or relieved in this situation. Angry because I was used. Relieved because I knew the end was coming. It’s all overwhelming. I don’t know if I should just go with the flow, Momma, or fight.
I know, I know. Fighting only gets you so far. I remember you saying that many times. You also said that no man should treat you like an object, a toy to play with and dispose of.
That’s what I feel like, Momma. A toy. A pawn in a game that I never gave anyone permission to include me in. Sure my life is sucking at the moment, but I deserved to have a say in this matter. Yet, Onyx wasn’t going to give me one, no matter what.
He’s dead set in his revenge that it seems to be the only thing he actually cares about. I hate him for that, Momma. For using me to get back at James, which I don’t even know how I play a role in it considering I hadn’t seen James in five years. It’s all a clusterfuck and there’s no way for me to escape it, at least not now.
Heaving out a breath, I stared into the darkness.
So, I guess that was my answer, right—survive. There’s no way to escape it, therefore embrace it. I just needed to learn how to leave everything else out of it.
I laid down in the swing. It was a tight fit, but bending my knees, I made it work. That was when the night dragged me into sleep.
21
Onyx
Something was wrong. I woke up uneasy. I knew what that something was as soon as I opened my eyes. Torryn wasn’t in bed with me. Looking over, her side of the bed was cold as ice. Her pillow was fluffy like her head never even rested there. She had been gone for a while.
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