“Where have you been?” I exclaimed.
“About,” she muttered noncommittally. “I wasn’t sure I was going to come.”
“You’re avoiding me?” I asked, hurt.
“No, I came looking for you,” she said. “Come on, I know a place where we can talk quietly – unless you came here for the music?”
She smiled at me, her expression smug. She knew what I had endured waiting for her and obviously found it funny. It was both endearing and infuriating all at once. We left the pub and she took me to the smaller and quieter sports bar on the corner. It had very few patrons and no-one appeared to pay us much attention as we settled into a booth in the far corner.
“I see you haven’t fried yourself yet,” she said grimly once we had sat down. “That makes things more difficult.”
“Fried? Difficult?” I stammered. What was she talking about?
“Yeah, I’d hoped you’d charcoal yourself and then you wouldn’t be my problem,” Renee said. I could tell that she was forcibly trying to keep her tone light.
It was charming the way that she’d put that with the emphasis on the word “my” as if this was something I was doing to her.
“Given the way you looked last time we met I was sure you’d be a cloud of ash right about now,” Renee continued lightly.
“I guess that means you owe me a Coke,” I said.
“You don’t understand, but you will,” she continued, unabashed. “You’ve obviously learned some level of control.”
“Control? No, not really, I just can’t seem to control anything.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“I tore a hole in my mother’s garage roof,” I announced guiltily, then snickered involuntarily.
“How?” Renee’s voice had taken on a dangerous quality, her eyes had narrowed and I could see her irises had taken on the ‘stranger’s look’ as she gazed at me. It was unsettling.
I glanced around the bar nervously. I was reassured by the fact there were witnesses about. Although, I reflected grimly, if she wanted to be rid of me, I doubted the presence of the other bar patrons would present much in the way of resistance.
“I threw a metal ring through it,” I said, deciding that it was best to opt for truth.
“Threw?” There was a small facial twitch. She was having trouble not grinning.
“Like you threw me into that wall, last week.”
The grin disappeared.
“You saw me do that and now you’re attempting it?” Her voice went deadly quiet.
“Is that not normal?” I asked carefully.
“No, none of this is normal. Firstly, our kind usually manifests long before eighteen and secondly they don’t see other spells and then figure them out on the first try.”
“Hey, it took me all afternoon to figure it out!” I protested.
“What? It only took you an afternoon?“ she hissed. “Please.” She leaned in close and stared daggers into my eyes. “You’re not supposed to be able to learn spells simply by watching them!” Her voice had a hint of hysteria.
“Whoa, wait… calm down,” I pleaded, taken aback by her ferocity.
Renee’s eyes flashed angrily. “Eventually you’re going to kill yourself or, worse, you’ll end up on the nightly news! Which will bring your trouble down on me!” she yelled. “And you think I should be calm about it?”
I didn’t say anything. I was scared I would drive her away.
“I can’t tell if you’re telling me the truth or not,” Renee whispered darkly.
“Everything I’ve said is true!” I protested weakly.
“I wasn’t going to give you this, but I can see it’s no longer my choice.” Renee pulled an older style floppy disk out of her pocket and passed it over to me. She passed me the disk as if she was passing on something very dangerous.
“It’s a treatise on mana,” she said carefully, “written by my grandfather. It will help you.”
“Mana?”
I’d read about mana when I was researching magic at school. It was the term used for the magical force that powered the spells that wizards used. I supposed, looking down at the blue particles lining my arms, it seemed as good a term as any.
“This old disk is a spell book?” I asked as I slowly rolled the disk over in my hands.
“What were you expecting? A gold-plated, engraved, tome of a book bound in human flesh? That can only be read by moonlight?” she said.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but a piece of technology small enough to fit in the palm of my hand definitely wasn’t it.
“What would have happened if I hadn’t learned some control?” I enquired. I wasn’t sure if I wanted an answer.
“If you were still as jazzed up as you were last week, I would have let you go,” she said. She looked a little guilty to be admitting it.
“And what would have happened to me?”
“The mana in your body would have burned you out and you would have died.” Renee refused to look me directly in the eyes.
“I could have died because of this? And you didn’t tell me?”
“Hey, I’m telling you now, alright? So just drop it!” she demanded. “Besides, I would have done you more harm than good last week anyway!”
“You were going to let me die,” I repeated, staggered.
“I said I’m sorry already!” she snarled back, despite the fact that she actually hadn’t.
We sat in silence, staring at each other. My anger kept me silent and I’d like to think her guilt kept her quiet.
“Thank you,” I murmured when my anger had subsided.
“For what?” she said defensively, her arms folded across her chest.
“Well, for not letting me die for one, and for your grandfather’s treatise for two,” I said. “Can I have your proper number this time?” I asked.
“You didn’t like the pizza?” she laughed.
“You use that place a lot?” I replied, dumbfounded. I had just thought she had picked a number at random.
“Yeah, they stiffed me on a pizza once,” she continued.
Amazingly, she made no move to leave and I was able to ask her more questions. She was a little more open with me now. I wasn’t sure if she’d decided that she could trust me, but she was a lot more forthcoming with answers about her life. Renee refused to discuss anything further about the mana though, imploring me to read her grandfather’s writings, saying it would explain it far better than she could, but we chatted long into the night.
“So you didn’t answer me earlier,” I said as the night drew to a close. “Can I have your real number this time?”
“No,” she said.
“No?”
“I’m not going to give you my number today – that would be too easy.”
“Easy?” I was becoming a parrot.
“If you can find me again, I’ll give it to you.” She smiled. “And I’ll know that you’ve understood my grandfather’s work.”
“How am I supposed to find you?” I asked in desperation.
“Read my grandfather’s work!” Renee repeated smugly. “See you soon, Twitch!” she said as she walked away. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.”
I just stared at her with longing.
“Oh, and keep that disk safe. I want it back when you’re done.”
CHAPTER THREE
I didn’t sleep well again that night. I twisted and turned in my sleep, unable to switch off. Renee’s words repeated over and over in my mind: “I see you haven’t fried yourself yet.”
I could have died. I wasn’t prepared to use the mana until I knew how to use it properly and I couldn’t learn to use it properly until I read the information on Renee’s disk. Unfortunately my dad’s computer didn’t have a three and quarter inch drive, neither did my laptop. The only place I knew that still had them was the computers in the school library. I’d have to wait until Monday. I hate waiting.
After three days without using mana I began to feel my temperatu
re rising. I still wasn’t sleeping properly and my dreams were troubled. The whole experience had introduced me to a new concept – being eager to get to school. This was a new feeling and one that I didn’t like.
I left for school very early on Monday morning, leaving a note for Tony or Garry on the front door telling them that I’d gone ahead to finish an assignment. I’d hoped to catch a half hour or so in the library where I could look at the disk uninterrupted. The library is always open before school, so that kids can finish homework before class. I tore into the school at high speed, kicked open the doors into the library and burst inside. I ignored the outraged expression on the librarian’s face and her indignant demand to slow down and settled down in front of a computer terminal. After logging into the system I hesitantly placed the disk into the slot and waited for it to load.
The discordant sound of the floppy disk loading was unusually loud in the quiet library. I looked around guiltily but the librarians had gone back to their morning duties. There were about a half dozen documents on the disk and I selected the one entitled “Basic Principles”. That document seemed like the logical place to start and it also had the earliest creation date.
It was a large document – very large. This was going to take some time to work my way through it all. I tried reading several paragraphs but to be honest I couldn’t really focus on the text. Key sentences kept jumping off the page, drawing my attention to them, but for the most part it was gibberish.
…at the heart of the process is the chemical reaction caused by the conversion between mana energy (Vis Viva to use the Latin term) and other forms of energy. It is the conversion of Vis Viva to other energies that gives a mage his power. Kinetic, sound, light and heat – these are all forms of energy in their most visible form. Converting one to the other is possible as seen in basic physics – heat to light, light to heat and kinetic energy to heat or sound.
This was really dry reading. I may as well have read a Physics textbook. I had no idea what Renee’s grandfather was trying to tell me. I could see the mana particles in my arms, but I still had no idea how to draw upon them. At times it almost was like the mana seemed to know what I wanted to do, but it wasn’t through any conscious order.
How can that be?
When I tried to lift something I could see the particles trail down my arms towards my hands. How did it do that? I had yet to read anything that led me to believe that the magic was consciously aware.
…It can be theorised that as with other forms of energy conversions, no energy is lost in the conversion process. It can then be stated that the average human being must contain an unparalleled level of energy in mana. This would explain the amount of kinetic energy that can be produced by even the most untrained mage with the simplest of telekinetic spells.
This was making me sound like I was some form of human nuclear power plant and that thought did not bring me much comfort. Why couldn’t the book just get to the point and tell me how I needed to gain control of this thing?
…The crux of the issue is the human ability to generate mana. Once a mage begins generating mana, a hormone is released into the bloodstream. This effect in turn releases a series of endorphins which creates a general feeling of euphoria when the mage is actually using mana. The hormone also stimulates the production of yet more mana. The cycle of mana production becomes directly linked to the amount of mana expenditure and soon enough the human body will suffer withdrawal symptoms if the mana is not generated. Therefore the more mana one uses, the more one will crave it and the more mana energy one will be able to generate and the more powerful one will become.
This last sentence made me pause. Something important was being said here. The more I used my powers, the more powerful I would become? That sounded good. Although that wasn’t really telling me anything I didn’t already know. If you practice something of course you’re going to get better. I didn’t realise until much later that the actual importance of that sentence was not about ‘generate’, it was the word ‘crave’.
I didn’t manage to get through the whole of that particular document – it was far too long. There was a second, shorter piece titled “Kinetic transference” that I spent most of my time pondering over. I was pretty sure that it was what Renee had been using in the alley that night.
The frustrating thing about this ‘book’ was that there didn’t appear to be any spells as such. It wasn’t like I could memorise a string of words to weave my magic. There were no secret words or base enchantments. Renee’s book was trying to get me to understand complex principles and theories. It was a little strange reading a book that read like my Physics textbook but discussed the most un-scientific topic I could imagine.
Renee’s grandfather had even included some test notes in footnotes, claiming to be able to lift up to 500 kilograms, but theorised that with intensive use, there was probably no limit to how much weight could be lifted.
…The spell of telekinesis relies heavily upon the principle of extension or the ability to draw the mana from your body into a mana thread. It is a difficult challenge and one that usually takes several weeks of practice. It is difficult at first to maintain the thread as it will often attempt to dissipate once outside the confines of your flesh.
Apparently Renee was right, I had done something unusual. I had learned the basic control within an afternoon. To be fair it wasn’t complete control, but I certainly hadn’t had any great issue with the mana thread dissipating. It wasn’t until I got to the following paragraph that an important truth dawned upon me.
…It is important to understand the relationship between mana and mind. Mages attempting to protect themselves from a fire could do so in several ways. First, one could suck all the air away from the fire, thereby suffocating the flame. One could employ a hydrant to the fire thereby dousing it. One could cause the flame to increase in intensity thereby burning itself out before reaching its intended target. It is important to realise that this is not a conscious decision on behalf of the mage – the mage merely wishes the fire out.
It is the unconscious mind that determines the result of the endeavour. Only in understanding the way in which we interact with the world around us can we become more precise and less wasteful of effort. This in turn makes the mage more powerful: knowledge is the key - power itself is irrelevant.
I re-read that paragraph three times before I finally understood what I was being told. This explained why I couldn’t lift up an object with any precision. I was trying to do what Renee had done!
I had seen Renee use this technique as a weapon to knock someone down in an attack. An attack can’t be used to lift or move things! There was no subtlety in Renee’s attack thus there could be no subtlety in my use of the technique either. I sat back from my chair in a daze, my mind trying to assimilate what I’d learned. I could feel the excitement building within me. It was not my lack of control that was leading me to failure, it was my unconscious intent.
I was sure that I could do it now – but I needed to practice and I obviously couldn’t do that here. The library was far too open and I had run out of time. I had about five minutes before my first class.
I packed up my stuff and ejected the disk from the computer. If I had been thinking more clearly I would have copied the files from the disk so I could look at them later, but it didn’t occur to me until after I had already left the library.
Tony and Garry were waiting for me at a long string of benches where we usually hung out. It was our unofficial meeting place as we usually gathered there before going to class or walking home.
“Morning,” Tony greeted as he saw me approach. “Forget our homework, did we?” He seemed friendlier than last time, but there was still something off.
“Yeah,” I mumbled back sheepishly.
“Yeah, well, if you get detention again, don’t count on me to help you out this time.”
“Help me out! How did you help me out?” I said in mock outrage.
“Hey, I kept y
ou company!”
“Kept me company? As I recall we just sat there silent for the whole hour!”
“Yeah, well… I didn’t have anything to say.”
“That explains why I was so quiet then – I was stunned into silence at the thought of you running out of anything to say.”
Tony laughed then looked at me seriously. “So, what’s going on, mate? Did you see her again?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to pursue this line of conversation at the moment, but Tony wasn’t to be put off.
“What’s this? You met up with a girl?” said Garry. “Get anywhere?” he smirked lewdly.
“No, well she wanted to…” I grinned, playing along, “…but I had a headache and had to wash my hair.”
“You do have such lovely hair,” Sarah interjected from behind me – I hadn’t even heard her approach.
“Wash, rinse, repeat,” I said, quoting an annoying shampoo commercial.
“What technique, you must be a fantastic lover.” She smirked back, poking her tongue out at me.
“I don’t get any complaints,” I said. Actually, although I had kissed a few girls, I had never had sex. But Sarah didn’t need to know that. Fortunately for me the bell rang before anyone was able to comment further.
English class again. Mr Saunders’ monotonous voice filled the room, only broken by the squeaking on the white board. I wasn’t paying attention. Instead, my mind was fixated on what I’d learned in the library. I was sure I could do it now. I definitely couldn’t practice in class. It would be too obvious and unfortunately Saunders would never let me go anywhere. If I asked for a toilet break, he’d probably come looking for me after five minutes.
I’d have to sit through English and wait until my next class. I scanned my timetable, History next. That wasn’t too bad. I could easily get away with ducking out of History class for a few minutes without causing too much disruption.
Because I was so tired from the sleepless nights I actually dropped off to sleep for a moment and Saunders woke me with a question. Strangely he didn’t seem that angry about it. What the hell? I would have thought he would have torn me a new one. He seemed to let it pass and English class drew to its thankful conclusion and we all marched in a line to the class door.
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