But she couldn’t wish away those kisses. No matter how she wanted things to be different between them right now, she would cherish those moments when his mouth had been on hers, his body flush against her own.
“Stop avoiding me.” His low tone washed over her, and Megan closed her eyes, comforted in that familiar richness of his voice. “We haven’t talked in days, and when the kids were here you barely said a word to me.”
So she’d been using two innocent children as a buffer. What was a girl to do when she was so far out of her comfort zone she couldn’t even see the zone anymore?
“You called me to help, so I helped.” She started sweeping the dry cereal again, her swift movements causing Cameron’s hand to fall away. “Let me get this cleaned up before you step on it and make it worse.”
“Damn it, would you turn around and look at me? Stop being a coward.”
That commanding tone had her gripping the broom, straightening her shoulders and pivoting, cereal crunching beneath her boots.
“Coward?” she repeated, ready to use her broom to knock some sense into him. “You could’ve contacted me, too, you know. How dare you call me a coward after that stunt you pulled? Did you think I’d wither at your feet or declare my undying love? What did you want me to say or do when you all but challenged me?”
She hated how anger was her instant reaction, but damn it, the man was dead-on. She had been a coward. She’d purposely not contacted him. Still, in her defense, he could’ve texted her or something.
“I’m not trying to start a fight.” That calm, controlled cop tone remained in place, grating on her nerves even more because now she was fired up and he wasn’t proving to be a worthy opponent. “I just wanted to talk.”
“Fine,” she spat. “You talk while I clean.”
Angrier at herself for letting her emotions take control, Megan went back to focusing on the floor. With jerky movements, she had a rather large pile in no time. When she glanced out the corner of her eye and saw Cameron with his arms crossed over his chest, she had to grit her teeth to keep from saying something even more childish. The last thing she wanted was to be the reason this relationship plummeted, and if she didn’t rein in her irritability about the fact he’d called her out, that’s exactly what would happen.
Once she’d scooped up the mess and dumped everything into the trash, she put the broom and dustpan back in the closet. The counters weren’t as bad, but the big brute was blocking them.
Propping her hands on her hips, Megan stared across the room. “You’re going to have to move.”
He moved—leaning back against the counter, crossing one ankle over the other. “You can’t seriously be mad at me. Let’s put the kissing aside, which I know for a fact you enjoyed. An hour ago you flirted with me and now you’re ready to fight. What has gotten into you?”
The way he studied her, as if she were a stranger, made her want that proverbial hole to open and swallow her. To be honest, she didn’t know what had gotten into her, either. One minute she was ready to tell him her true feelings; the next minute she was angry at him for not reading her mind and at herself for being afraid to risk dignity.
Yeah, she was all woman when it came to moods and indecisiveness.
“We’ve already established the kisses were good,” she agreed. “I didn’t want your hundred bucks, and now I have leverage over you when I actually need something.”
“I think you know I’d do anything for you,” he told her. “You don’t need to hold anything over me.”
With a shrug, Megan went to the sink to wet the rag. “Fine, then get out of my way so I can clean and get home. I’ve had a long day, and I’m pretty tired.”
She wrung out the water and turned, colliding with a hard, wide chest. Megan tipped her head slightly to look into Cameron’s blue eyes. Those signature St. John baby blues could mesmerize any woman... She was no exception.
“Thank you for coming.” He slid his hand up her arm, pushing a wayward strand of hair behind her ear and resting his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for how I treated you the other night. Sorry I made you uncomfortable. But I’m not sorry I kissed you.”
Megan heard the words, even processed what he was saying; she just couldn’t believe Cameron was confessing this to her.
“Cam—”
The way his eyes locked on to hers cut off whatever she was about to say. The always-controlled cop she’d known most of her life looked as if he was barely hanging on. The level of hunger staring back at her was new. Had she misread him? Had he responded to that kiss in a way that mirrored her own need? Physically he’d responded, but what about emotionally?
“I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought of you as more than a friend before,” he started. “I can’t deny you’re stunning, and you know more about me than anyone outside of my family.”
Why did this sound like a stepping-stone to a gentle letdown?
“You don’t have to defend your feelings,” she told him, offering a smile. “I’m not asking for anything. I feel the same way.”
Those strong hands came up to frame her face. “I liked kissing you, loved it, if I’m being honest.”
Between that firm hold he had on her and his raw words, Megan wanted to let that hope blossom, but she wasn’t ready to start celebrating just yet. The worry lines between Cameron’s brows, the thin lips and the way he gritted his teeth between sentences were all red flags that he was in a battle with himself. Nothing spoke volumes like that raw passion staring back at her.
“Then why do you look so angry?” she asked.
His hands dropped to her shoulders, his fingertips curling into her skin. “Because this is such a bad idea on so many levels, Meg.”
Heart beating fast, nerves swirling around in her stomach, Megan forced all the courage she could muster to rise and take center stage.
“Why is that?” she countered with a defiant tip of her chin. “You’re afraid of what it would do to our relationship? You think this is just some random emotion and it will pass?”
“Yes to both of those.” His clutch on her shoulders lessened as he leaned in so close, his warm breath tickled her face. “And because if I start kissing you again, I won’t stop.”
Every nerve ending in her entire body instantly went on alert at his declaration. How could he drop a bomb like that and not expect her to react? Did he think he was helping matters? Did he truly believe with this knowledge she now possessed that she would give up?
“What if I don’t want you to stop?”
By his swift intake of breath, she knew she’d shocked him with her bold question.
“You don’t mean that,” Cameron muttered.
Megan flattened her palms against his chest, slid them up to his shoulders and on up to frame his face. Touching him intimately like this was just the first step of many she hoped they’d take together. She wanted him to see she wasn’t blowing this off anymore, wasn’t pretending whatever was happening between them wasn’t real.
“I mean every word. If you want something, why not take it?”
The way he continued to stare at her, as if listening to both the devil and the angel on his shoulders, made her take action into her own hands.
Rising to her toes, she pulled his head down and captured his lips with her own. She knew she’d made a good judgment call when Cameron instantly melted against her.
Chapter Nine
Every single valid reason for keeping his distance from Megan flew out the window with her lips on his. He’d always admired her take-charge attitude, but she’d never fully executed that power with him before.
He didn’t know if he should be terrified or turned on.
Wrapping his arms around her, pulling her flush against his body, just seemed to happen without him even thinking. One second he was talking himself out of kissing her ever again. Then he’d touched her, and the next thing he knew she was on him...which wasn’t a bad thing.
Cameron held one arm against her l
ower back, forcing her hips against his, and slid one hand up to the nape of her neck to hold her right where he wanted her. Soft moans escaped Megan, and he couldn’t stop the dam of need from bursting.
Bending her back, Cameron eased his fingertips beneath the hem of her shirt. Smooth, silky skin slid beneath his touch. The ache he had burning inside completely blindsided him. He’d known he’d wanted her, but the all-consuming passion that completely took hold of him was new.
Megan’s hands traveled down to the edge of his shirt and the second her petite hands roamed up his abdomen, Cameron nearly lost it. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been touched by a woman before, but never by the one woman he’d craved for years. Her touch was so much more hypnotizing than he’d ever imagined...and he’d imagined plenty.
Megan tore her mouth from his, tipping her head back and arching against him. “Cam,” she panted.
Hearing his name on her lips in such an intimate way was the equivalent of throwing cold water on him. This was Megan. Evan’s sister. A guy he was within days of arresting.
Cameron jerked back, his hands falling from beneath her shirt. Megan got tangled in his until he lifted the hem and took another step back.
Her moist, swollen lips seemed to mock him, showcasing what he’d just had and what he was turning down. He clenched his fists at his side, trying to grasp on to some form of control. Lately, where Megan was concerned, he was losing every bit of it.
“This can’t happen.”
Why did it sound as if his vocal chords were rubbing against sandpaper? He couldn’t put up a strong front if he didn’t have control over his own voice.
Her eyes searched his, and Cameron hated the confusion laced with arousal staring back at him. Of course she was confused. He’d all but taken over the second she’d touched him and nearly devoured her; then he told her no and backed away as if she had some contagious disease.
Megan pushed off the counter. “What is the problem?”
Swallowing the truth, Cameron gave her another reason that was just as valid. “Sex would take us into a whole new territory. Who’s to say that once we give in to this lust, that we won’t resent each other or regret what happened?”
She crossed her arms over her breasts and shrugged. “Judging from that kiss, I can’t imagine either of us would have regrets. So maybe we would actually enjoy ourselves and find that we may want to keep moving and building on our relationship.”
That right there was the biggest worry of all. No way would he go through with this knowing he would have to tear her and her brother apart. Megan would hate Cameron when that time came, and if he slept with her now, she would hate him even more. He couldn’t handle it. He only hoped their friendship would carry them over this hurdle once Evan went to jail and Megan understood that Cameron had no choice but to do his job.
Besides, if they went beyond the lust, beyond the sex, Cameron refused to let Megan lead a life married to a cop.
Married? Yes, he loved Megan more than any other woman, but marriage was not in his future.
“There’s a reason I don’t have relationships, Megan. You know that.”
After staring at him for another minute, she laughed and threw her arms out. “So, what, you’re just giving up before anything can get started? You’re denying yourself, denying me what we both want because you already know the outcome?”
Pretty much.
“We can’t come back to this after we have sex,” he retorted.
“Come back to what?” she asked, taking a step closer, fire blazing in her eyes. “Friendship? We already crossed that threshold when your mouth was on mine and your hand was up my shirt.”
Her angry, frustrated tone matched the turmoil raging inside him. What could he counter with when she was absolutely right? The second they’d crossed that line, an invisible wall had been erected, preventing them from turning back.
Why had he allowed this to happen? Why hadn’t he let it go after she’d kissed him when she’d been dreaming? Even though she’d been dreaming of him, he could’ve moved on to save their friendship. But Megan’s kiss had turned something inside him; something had clicked into place...something he couldn’t identify because he was too scared to even try.
Megan threw her arms in the air and let out a low groan. “Forget it. Clearly you don’t even know what you want. Or, if you do, you’re afraid to face it. I don’t have time for games.”
“Games?” Cameron all but yelled, and he never yelled at anyone, let alone his best friend. “You think I’m playing a game here?”
When she started to walk by him, he reached out and snagged her arm until their shoulders were touching, her face tipping up toward his. The fury in her eyes wasn’t something he’d seen too often and never before directed at him. Her chest rose and fell as her heavy breathing filled the silence. He didn’t release his grip on her arm, apparently because he wanted to torture himself further by feeling that silky skin beneath his fingertips once more.
“Let me go,” she whispered, her chin quivering.
Even with her eyes starting to fill, the anger penetrated through the hurt. As he watched her struggle with holding her emotions together, Cameron’s heart jumped as he reluctantly slid his hand down her arm, stopping at her wrist and finally releasing her.
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” That pitiful statement sounded flat and cold even to his own ears. “You’re the last person I want to make cry.”
A watery laugh escaped her. “You think I’m crying over you? These tears are over my own foolishness.”
One lone tear slid down her cheek. Just as she reached up to swat it away, he caught her hand in his and used the pad of his thumb to swipe at the moisture.
He turned toward her and tugged her until she fell against him. Wrapping his arms around her, ignoring her protest, Cameron waited until she stopped struggling before he spoke.
“I don’t want this between us, Meg. I can’t lose you.”
Her head dropped to his chest as she sniffed, her palms flattened against his shoulders. “This is just a really bad time, and my emotions are getting the best of me. Don’t worry.”
Cameron stroked her back, trying to ease all the tension, knowing he’d never fully get her relaxed and calm. But that wouldn’t stop him from trying.
“You don’t have to defend yourself,” he muttered against her ear. “We’ve both had pressure on us lately. Finding you in my bed the other night and then kissing you, it was all unexpected and it takes a lot to catch me off guard.”
Megan eased back, lifted her eyes to his and blinked. Wet lashes framed her green eyes as a wide smile spread across her face. “The fact that I manage to keep you on your toes after all these years makes me happier than it should.”
The way she worded that, after all these years, sounded so personal. More personal than friendship. Married couples said such things to each other.
“I’m not blaming those kisses on pressure or the chaos in my life,” she told him. “I realized soon after your lips touched mine that I wasn’t dreaming anymore. I could’ve stopped, but it just felt so good and you were responding.”
Hell yeah, he’d responded. He hadn’t been with a woman for so long, but even he couldn’t make that his excuse. Cameron had to at least be honest with himself. The second her lips had touched his, her arms encircled his neck, he’d been pulled under. All control had slid from him to her in the span of a second, and he hadn’t minded one bit.
Then reality had come crashing back and he’d known what a mistake he’d made. Unfortunately, he’d gotten her in his system and now he was paying the price.
Damn it.
“I need to get going.” She pulled completely away, eased around him and headed toward the living room. “The kitchen is done. Can you handle the living room?”
Why did his eyes have to zero in on the sway of her hips? Why was his body still humming from the way she’d been leaning against him?
Years ago he’d wondered, but he’d
never made a move because either she or he had been dating someone. Then they got to a point where they were just perfectly happy being friends and not expecting anything more. He’d been deployed and hoped when he’d returned the feelings would’ve lessened. They hadn’t. And then he’d become a cop, lost a partner and hardened his heart toward anything permanent.
So here they were, still best friends who each knew just how well the other one kissed. Cameron was also extremely aware of exactly how Megan liked to be touched and how hard and demanding she wanted those kisses. Her sighs, her moans, the way she arched her body against his were all images he’d live with forever.
He had to endure his own personal hell because he couldn’t have her, wouldn’t put her through coming in second to his job. And he damn well wouldn’t expect her to want more once she learned he’d spent months bringing down a drug ring that now involved her brother.
Megan grabbed her keys off the small table just inside the entryway. “I’ll be out of town Thursday and Friday,” she told him without turning to look at him as she pulled open the door. “I should be home late Friday night.”
“Where are you going?”
With her hand on the knob, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and stared back at him. “Just something for work.”
Cameron curled his fingers around the edge of the wood door. “Is it a conference?”
“You might say that.”
She was lying. Whatever she was doing, she didn’t want to tell him.
“I don’t expect you to share every aspect of your life,” he told her. “But don’t lie to my face.”
Megan reached up, patted his cheek. “Kind of like you lying about not wanting more with me? That goes both ways, Cam.”
Before he could respond, the cell in his pocket vibrated. Damn it. Now was not the time to deal with work unless it was to bring this ring down once and for all.
From Best Friend to Bride Page 8