“Hi, April,” Finn says, looking up and smiling.
“Hi,” Mitchell says.
A shimmer of fear passes over me. Just as I’d worried about being found out at the café, I’m doubly concerned that their Aunt Maureen will just look at us together and somehow know. I realize it’s probably an irrational fear, but it’s a strong one.
“Hi guys,” I say, hoping I sound casual.
Maureen gives me a brief smile.
“I’m just going to get some water,” I say. I get the sense that I’m interrupting them. “I’ll be back down later to help with dinner,” I add before making my exit, glad that Reid isn’t here to tease me about burning down the kitchen in front of Maureen.
Returning to the sanctuary of my room, I wish I could take a nap just to escape for a while, but I know I’m too keyed up to sleep. Then it occurs to me that I’m occupying the house’s only guest room. I can’t imagine that Maureen will sleep in my mom and Michael’s bed. I look around at my things arranged across the dresser and my clothes strewn on the chair and decide I’d better tidy up. I toss a few essentials in a bag and prepare to sleep on the couch.
Later, when Reid gets home, I join him in the kitchen where Maureen is still sitting at the table.
“Can I help?” she asks, as I get ingredients from the pantry and he gets things out of the refrigerator. We work well as a team, after preparing dinner together many times.
“No, you relax,” Reid says.
The two of them talk while we cook. I mostly stay quiet and listen as Reid asks her about her job as a teacher and her summer plans. Finn comes in carrying a suitcase and another small piece of floral luggage. “I’ll put you in my room, Aunt,” he says.
“Oh, she can have the guest room,” I say. “I can sleep downstairs.”
“I hate to put either of you out of your beds,” Maureen says. I think about how at least one of the guys’ beds is usually empty every night as they share time with me, and my cheeks redden.
“I’ll put you in mine,” Finn repeats, continuing through the room, settling the question.
Reid catches my eye and smiles sympathetically. Our usual sleeping arrangements must be on his mind, too.
Nothing like that will go on while their aunt is here. I wouldn’t let it happen even if they tried, so maybe her visit is a blessing in disguise. It may be the best opportunity to make a clean break. I’ll stay here while I figure out a plan for myself, but I’ll explain to the guys that things need to go back to how they used to be between us. We need to be a family — siblings — not lovers.
With my mind made up, I’m more at peace during dinner, though I still feel like the “odd man out.” Topics come up that I know nothing about, though the guys do their best to include me in the conversation. There isn’t much discussion about our parents, and I’m grateful for that.
When everyone is finished, I stand and clear plates. Mitchell jumps up to help, but I shoo him away. “Sit and talk. I’ve got this. Would anyone like coffee?”
“I’d love a cup, dear,” Maureen says.
“Why don’t you all relax in the living room? I’ll bring the coffee in when it’s ready,” I say.
Reid and Mitchell accompany their aunt into the other room, but Finn lingers. When my back is turned at the sink, he comes up close behind me. “I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he says in a low voice near my ear, “but maybe I’ll come up and visit later.” His hand brushes my ass, making me jump.
I look quickly toward the doorway. “Don't!” I say. “What if your aunt comes in?”
“She won't.” He trails a finger up my side, teasing me.
“We can't do anything while she's here,” I whisper. “We just can't.”
He gives me a devilish smile. “Then I hope she doesn't stay long.”
When he leaves the room, I can still feel the heat of his touch on me. Can I bear never feeling his hands on me again? Any of their hands?
Entering the living room, I avoid all of the men’s eyes, sure that they'd be able to read the sadness in mine.
“That's not good, Mitchell,” Maureen is saying.
Mitchell's jaw is clenched but when he sees me he forces a neutral expression.
“Here you go, Maureen,” I say, setting her coffee on the table in front of her along with cream and sugar. “Would anyone else like a cup?”
The guys only drink coffee in the morning but it seems polite to ask in their aunt’s presence. Before they can answer, she continues talking to Mitchell as if I'm not there.
“What do you plan to do?” she says, a heavy weight on the question, all of her attention on him.
His eyes flick to mine before he responds to her. “Enjoy your coffee. We can talk about this later. Excuse me,” he stays, standing abruptly. “I need to check on something outside.”
I look to Reid and Finn for some kind of clue as to what's going on, but they look nearly as uncomfortable as I feel as we watch Mitchell leave the room. “I'll have a cup,” Reid says as he rises and follows me into the kitchen.
“What are your plans now that you've graduated?” I hear Maureen asking Finn as we exit.
I raise my eyebrows to Reid. His expression is grim and he doesn't answer.
“Everything okay?” I ask, though I can see that it's not.
He makes a noncommittal sound. “It will be.”
I watch him as he pours himself a cup of coffee. When he's had a sip and is leaning against the counter stewing, he notices that I'm staring.
“Don't worry,” he says. His tone softens. “Everything's fine. Are you okay? Sorry. None of us were expecting her visit.”
“I know. Yes, I'm fine,” I lie. I meet his eyes once more and then look away.
There's an invisible pull between us and I want so much to be in his arms that I have to grip the chair in front of me to keep myself still. “I'm going to go up to bed,” I say. “Will it be rude of me not to visit with your aunt?”
“You need to get up early,” he says. “We all do. I think I might go to bed, too.” To my relief, he doesn't give any indication that he's thinking of sneaking in to share my bed. I'm both relieved and overwhelmingly sad.
I make my excuses and go to bed much earlier than usual, hoping that I’ll feel better in the morning, though I know that won’t be the case. I toss and turn for a while, and eventually fall into a restless sleep.
When I wake abruptly, it feels like I’ve been asleep for hours, but according to the clock, it isn’t quite midnight. I’m sweating and my mouth is dry. I throw the covers off and sit up, thinking a small glass of cool almond milk may help me sleep better.
The hallway is dim and the house is quiet. Remembering that Finn will be sleeping on the couch, I’m careful not to make any noise when I go downstairs. I tiptoe past him, noticing that his feet don’t quite fit on the sofa. If their aunt stays another night, I’ll insist that I be the one to sleep down here.
Approaching the kitchen doorway, I stop when I hear muffled voices. It’s Mitchell and Maureen. Unsure if I should interrupt to get a drink, I listen for a moment.
“This should be your peak season, shouldn’t it?” Maureen asks.
“It varies,” Mitchell says. “We are busy.”
“Well something’s got to give,” she says. There’s silence for a minute and I try to decide how badly I want the almond milk, while also wondering what’s going on. Is Maureen just being overbearing, or are there real problems?
“I think selling the house is your only option,” Maureen says. She sounds sympathetic and resigned.
I realize that I’m eavesdropping, but I’m unable to stop listening now. There’s another long silence before Mitchell says, “We need a place to live.”
“You need to downsize. If you sell the house you can pay off some bills and it may keep the business afloat. Buy a small place,” she says.
“April’s with us. We need something more than a small place.” Mitchell says. My stomach clenches when I hear my name.
Maureen sighs. “April’s not your responsibility. You need to look out for your brothers and the business.” Another pause. I consider fleeing back to my bedroom but can’t pull myself away. “I wish that Michael hadn’t left you in this position, but of course he didn’t expect for this to happen.”
“I know that,” Mitchell says, his voice cold. “I know all of that.”
Behind me, Finn makes a noise in his sleep and the couch creaks as he changes position. Not wanting to get caught listening at the door like the intruder I suddenly feel that I am, I quickly retrace the path back to my bedroom.
I’m not thirsty anymore; I’m just in pain.
I’ve bought groceries and other things for the house, but when I’ve offered some of my paycheck to Mitchell for mortgage, bills, or whatever else was needed, he’s refused to take it. From the sound of it, the financial problems are so big that my little contribution would’ve only been a drop in the bucket anyway.
I’m in the way here, adding to their expenses, and keeping Mitchell from doing what needs to be done to save their family business.
It sucks. It hurts like hell. But it makes my decision easier.
16
Little White Lie
I wait until a decent hour to text Christine. Can we talk today? Maybe on your lunch hour?
My phone rings two minutes later. “What's up, sweetie? Is everything okay?”
My friend’s voice is full of concern and sympathy. I take care to keep my tone light. “Everything's fine. I didn't expect you to drop everything and call.”
“No problem. Is this a good time to talk?” she asks.
“I'm on a mini break at the cafe,” I say.
“Then we'll have a mini conversation. What's up?”
I hesitate, but only for a moment. After a deep breath, I say, “Is there any way I could crash with you for a little while?”
“Sure. Of course. Actually, Ella hasn't been here much. She has a new boyfriend.” She pauses for a beat. “April, has something happened there?”
“No, nothing's happened. I'm just ready to come back and I'll need a little while to get on my feet.”
“Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No. Thanks. I have my mom’s car now.”
“A car? It'll be easier finding a bed than a parking space.”
“I know. I thought of that. I'll figure something out.”
“Okay. Well, let me know when to expect you.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I owe you.”
“You owe me nothing. See you soon, sweetie.”
I spend the rest of my shift making plans and thinking of the right words to say. I expect that telling Rita and Lucky that I’m leaving will be fairly easy, but I’m wrong.
At the end of my shift, business is slow, so I ask the Marconis if I can talk to them in the kitchen. Rita must see something on my face because she immediately looks concerned, but she waits for me to speak first.
“I want to thank you both so much for giving me a job here. I really appreciated you hiring me, and I’ve loved working for you, but it’s time for me to go back to the city.”
Neither of them speak, which is especially unusual for Rita, so I continue, getting flustered as I ramble on. “Of course, I won’t just leave you. I’ll give you proper notice. How much would you like? Is two weeks enough?”
Rita puts her hand on my arm. “Relax, April.”
I exhale and let my shoulders slump.
“What’s going on? Why are you leaving?”
“That was always my plan,” I say. “The guys helped me out when I needed them, but it’s time to go back to my life.”
Lucky arches an eyebrow, as if suspicious or maybe disapproving of what I’m saying, but he doesn’t say anything.
“And what do the guys think about you leaving?” Rita asks.
“I haven’t told them yet,” I admit.
“Oh.” Now it’s Rita’s turn to look suspicious. “Is everything okay there?”
She’s no longer touching me, but I feel the warmth where her calming hand had been. I’m always aware that she had been a good friend to my mom, and if I were going to confide in anyone in town, it would be her.
But what am I going to say? I’m in love with my stepbrothers — all three of them — and I need to get away from them before I get in any deeper than I already am. My heart is already broken, and I can’t continue to be under the same roof as them, or it will explode into irreparable smithereens. Oh, and they might lose their family business — their dad’s business and their livelihood — if I don’t get out of their way.
I push all that down and put on my bravest face. “Everything’s fine. It’s just time for me to go.”
“They’re going to be heartbroken,” she says, with a faraway look in her eyes.
I’m the heartbroken one, I think. They’re going to do what they need to do, get things in line, and then they’ll go on to lead their lives. I’ll be leading my life too; it just can’t be with them.
I look to Lucky, unable to meet Rita’s eyes at the moment. “Is two week’s notice enough?” I ask.
His expression is serious but not unkind. “We’re not that busy lately. You can do whatever you need to do.”
I glance to Rita who looks full of concern but stays quiet, then I look back to Lucky. “Okay. I’ll finish out the week, if that’s okay.”
“That’ll be fine,” Lucky says. He clamps his hand on my shoulder, gives it a small squeeze, and then gets back to work.
On the drive home, Rita’s words echo in my head, though they don’t ring true. The guys won’t be heartbroken, though I can see how it might look that way to her. They look out for me, and they’ve taken care of me — they rescued me because they thought that’s what they needed to do.
I was a miserable, nonfunctioning mess a few months ago, and they felt like they should help me. Probably because they were living in the house where my mom had lived, surrounded by her things, they somehow felt like they had a responsibility to me. And now they’re taking the feeling of responsibility too far, and letting it mess things up for them.
I’ll be forever grateful to them, but I’m so much better now. I’ve gotten out of bed every day, held down a job, and managed to get through many days without crying at all. They helped me when I needed them, and now I’m going to help them by getting out of the way.
As I think about what I might say to them, I worry that they might still feel like they have to look out for me. Especially Mitchell. He takes on that role for his younger brothers, and based on what he said to his aunt, he seems to think he has to look out for me now, too.
I decide that a little white lie might be the best way to smooth my departure.
Near the end of dinner, all of us around the kitchen table, including Maureen, who plans to drive back home tomorrow, I say, “I heard from my friend Christine this morning.” That part’s not technically a lie; she did call me.
The four of them look up, curious.
My body goes cold and I feel sick to my stomach, but now that I’ve started, I keep going. “She works for a really great company,” I say. “She found out that they have an opening in their marketing department…”
I glance briefly at each of the guys, then I focus on a spot to the left of Maureen in order to get through my story. “She gave them my resume, which she still had in her files, and they’re interested in interviewing me. She thinks I have a really good chance of getting the job.”
Everyone is silent for what feels like forever. Finally, Maureen speaks. “That’s wonderful. A new job opportunity.”
I nod, and am met with more silence. “That’s right,” I say. “It’s a really good opportunity. A really great company.” I smile at her and then risk a look in Mitchell’s direction. He is not smiling. Nor are Reid or Finn.
“Christine has space for me in our old apartment, so I think the best thing for me to do is move back, so I can be available.” The last part comes out i
n a rush, but still makes an impact.
Mitchell’s jaw is tense. Somehow I can feel it, rather than see it, because I can’t bring myself to look back at him. I take a drink of water.
“You’re leaving?” Finn says. He sounds like I’ve just told him up is down.
“In a few days,” I say.
Reid looks between both of his brothers, opens his mouth and then closes it again. It was a dirty trick for me to bring up this news in the presence of Maureen, but it’s working the way I hoped it would, buying me some time before I have to face their reactions in full.
“You’re leaving in a few days?” Finn says.
“I don’t want to miss the opportunity,” I say. “The company is looking to hire quickly. I spoke to Lucky and Rita, and they were okay with me leaving since it’s a slower time of year with school out.”
My heart is breaking at the hurt in Finn’s eyes. The silence coming from Mitchell and Reid is just as painful.
“I think I’ve gone through everything of my mom’s,” I say. “There’s one more bag ready for charity, and I have a few boxes of things I’ll be taking with me.”
Reid is glaring at me. I wonder if he knows what real financial trouble the landscaping company is in. I wish I could explain all of my reasons for leaving, but their business is none of my business, and the other, deeper reason I need to leave… well, that would only make them feel pity for me again. We were just having fun, as they said. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with them.
I stand, pick up my plate, and then ask Maureen if I can clear hers. To the side of her, Mitchell’s plate is also empty. He sits stiffly, hands at his sides. “Are you finished?” I ask softly.
He makes a noise in his throat, kind of a grunt, letting me know I can take his plate. He doesn’t look at me. My eyes start to sting, but I hold back the tears. I can do this.
While I gather Finn and Reid’s plates, I ask Maureen about her travel plans, and then engage her in conversation until it’s an acceptable hour for me to go to bed. I excuse myself, go to my room, and feign sleep so that I don’t have to answer when someone knocks on my door. Eventually, a long while later, sleep actually comes.
Three Brothers: A Menage Romance Page 11