by E. A. Copen
He brought the horse around so he was facing me while sitting in the saddle. “What are you saying?”
I sighed and refused to look at him, watching the convoy pass in the distance instead. “People don’t come back after going through rifts. Everyone knows that. I look at you, at everything you’ve done, and I can’t help but wonder…”
“Am I really me?”
I nodded.
“I thought I already proved myself. What further proof do you require?”
I turned away, unable to answer.
Ash brought his horse around and we started forward again, albeit at a slower pace. “Suppose I’m not who I claim I am. Then what am I?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. A doppelgänger? Some spirit from another world, possessing Ash’s body? Maybe you’re under someone else’s control and can’t act freely.”
His saddle creaked as he shifted his weight. “I asked myself the same questions when I first returned. How am I back, I wondered? Why am I not dead? What if I’m not me? How could I prove I was myself? The questioning almost drove me insane.”
“What conclusion did you come to?” I finally turned my head to look at him.
Ash smirked. “I decided it didn’t matter. I felt like myself. I had my memories, my body… Existential questions about the nature of man felt like looking a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Well, it matters to me. I need to know that you’re you, that the man that I…” I trailed off, cleared my throat, started again. “I need to be sure, Ash, because you’re not acting like yourself.”
“You mean because I’m not afraid of my own shadow and second-guessing everything I do? Does my having found my confidence make me someone else?”
“No, Ash. That’s not it. Beheading a man isn’t confidence.”
“It was a choice that needed to be made.”
“And what if it didn’t?” I spat and stared at Ash, fire in my gaze. “What if there was another way? A way that meant no one had to die? What if that were me? Would you cut my head off too?”
“Ember, I could never…”
“Well, if you wouldn’t do it to me, what makes you think it was okay to do to Kenny?”
Ash was quiet for a moment, considering. He lowered his head, his voice softening. “There are a lot of things I would do with you I wouldn’t do with anyone else, Ember. By now, you have to know that.”
I couldn’t answer at first. I didn’t know how.
Ash stopped his horse, waiting.
What could I say? It was obvious how we both felt about each other. It’d been obvious even before he’d walked into that rift. The two of us had been too young and stupid to know what we had when we had it. We’d squandered our chance at being together, but he couldn’t see it. Why would he? He didn’t know that I was dying.
“I want you to have dinner with me,” he said. “Tonight, when we make camp. Will you come?”
“Ash…” I sighed.
“Please, Ember. Give me a chance. It would mean a lot to me.”
I pressed my lips together in thought. Maybe it would give me the opportunity to let him down easily. “Okay, but promise it will just be us. No bodyguards, no Zia, nobody else.”
“You have my word.”
I nodded. “It’s a date then. Race you back to the front of the convoy?”
He smiled that familiar sheepish grin from ear to ear and took off full speed through the forest.
Chapter Seventeen
The convoy wound through the woods, the ground gently sloping upward. Rocks rose on either side, pinching us into single file along a narrow dirt path. Trees leaned in like children waiting to hear a secret. The forest was silent except for the sounds of our convoy moving through it.
Gradually, the green earth rose into equal parts rock and plant. The trees didn’t thin out so much as they changed shape, shifting from poplar and maples to sturdy evergreens and oak. Root formations crawled over the rocky soil like fingers digging into sand.
By duskfall, we had reached a small grove of pine trees. Their needles coated the ground, the acidity leeching into the soil so that nothing else would grow. In the distance, the shadow of a mountain rose. It wasn’t Black Mountain. The convoy was slow moving enough we wouldn’t see Black Mountain for another day or so. Yet we had clearly left behind the foothills and moved into the mountains. From there, it would be tougher terrain for the wagons. I suspected by the end of the next day, we would have to leave them at a base camp and continue on foot.
That night, however, we made camp in the pine grove, circling the wagons to the center of camp where they could easily be guarded. Ash, Zia and their people set up their camp to the west while Dex, Ike, and Foggy stayed to the east. The north and south sections stayed empty, with people crowding to one side or the other.
I shouldered my pack and looked first toward Ash’s camp, then toward the guild camp. I didn’t want to stay with either, so I pitched my tent at the center near the wagons.
It was dark by the time I finished. One of Ash’s people was making their way around camp, lighting some torches that had been placed in the ground earlier. He nodded to me as I came out of the tent. “Might want to take a cloak with you, miss.”
As if to emphasize his words, thunder cracked above. I looked up, but couldn’t see the sky. The way the sound echoed through the mountains left me with goosebumps.
“Storm’s a ways off yet,” continued the torch lighter. “But it’s coming.”
“Thanks.” I ducked back into the tent to grab my leather jacket. I didn’t plan on being out in it, so I figured it’d be good enough.
Music drifted up from the guild camp, a slow and somber tune that almost seemed to go along with the approaching storm. Dex saw me and waved me over. I glanced over at Ash’s tent, where he waited for me, and decided he could keep waiting.
“Hey, Ember.” Dex offered me a wooden tankard full of beer. “We’re drinking. Want to join us?”
I shook my head. “I wish I could, but I promised Ash I’d have dinner with him.”
Dex’s face fell. “Oh, well maybe after? Unless… Never mind. Don’t worry about it.”
Foggy lifted his bow from the stringed instrument and pointed it at me. “You don’t let him forget us, eh? We might be hired hands, but as you can see, we’re the quiet majority here.” He gestured around him.
It was true. If I did a count of heads, there were more on the guild side of the camp than Ash’s.
“Good luck hunting that dragon by himself.” Dex sneered and took a drink before stalking off.
“I thought you weren’t leaving?” I frowned at Foggy.
The dwarf shrugged. “That’s not the plan, but there are murmurs of discontent out here. People doubt. They’ve had time to reflect on what happened, and distance. Both have given them some perspective.”
Ike nodded and hooked his thumbs in his belt. “No one doubts that what was done was necessary. It’s the way it was handled, Ember.”
Foggy grunted and raised his glass in a toast to what Ike had said. “I know we’re on this hunt to make money and not friends, but… Well, the lad would be wise not to make enemies of heavily armed men.”
I crossed my arms. “Are you threatening him?”
Dex finished his drink and threw the mug down. “Don’t have to threaten. We’re walking into a fight some of us might not walk away from. Might come a time when your boyfriend wished he had friends to offer a hand.”
“Ash isn’t my boyfriend.”
“You keep sayin’ that,” Dex mumbled as he picked up his cup, dusted it off, and refilled it. “And then you go to dinner with him. I know better than to wait up.”
“You’re drunk,” I said.
“Not drunk enough,” he replied, and emptied his cup again.
Ike sighed and stepped between me and Dex. “The point Dex is trying to make is that disgruntled fighters can make the whole hunt unravel. If he wants this to go well, he should attempt to bridge that gap, Emb
er. You need to tell him that.”
“And what sort of olive branch would be good enough for you?” I lifted my chin, anger swelling in my chest. Ike and Dex were in the right, but their threats were out of line.
“An apology would be a start,” Ike said.
Foggy snorted. “Good luck with that. Men like Ash don’t apologize. They rationalize. That’s what evil does.”
“Ash isn’t evil. Nobody is evil. The world’s not black and white.”
The dwarf shook his head and picked up his bow.
Ike gestured vaguely with his cup. “Evil is the tree that grows from the seed of pride. All it needs to take root is for good people to look the other way long enough for it to grow. How long are you willing to look the other way, Ember? The signs are all there. He’s not who you think he is.”
“Nobody is who they say they are!” I unfolded my arms and balled my hands into fists. “Dex hid his half-elf heritage from all of us. You two are DEMO spies!”
Dex looked up halfway through refilling his tankard, beer spilling to the ground. “You guys are what now?”
Everyone ignored him.
“I’m not what you think I am,” I said. “We’re all liars except for Ash. He may be the most honest one among us. You don’t get to call him evil just because you don’t like him.”
“Ember…” Ike called.
But I was already walking away, fuming. I couldn’t excuse what Ash had done, but I would not stand there and listen to them talk about him like that. He’d made a decision. It was the wrong one, or maybe the right one carried out in the wrong way, but his intentions had been pure. Why couldn’t they see he’d done it to protect the rest of us? I hated that he had done it, but at least I understood. As far as evil went, that one seemed so small.
I stopped walking dead in my tracks and shivered, hugging myself. Murder, a small evil? What the hell is wrong with me? This is a slippery slope you’re on, Ember. Be careful not to fall.
Thunder growled, rolling through the sky above. I stared up into the black sky and watched lightning make shadows of the distant peaks. We’d reach them tomorrow, and be done with all this in a day or two. Then we could all go our separate ways. Life could get back to normal. Whatever post-Ash normal was.
I let out a slow breath through pursed lips, rolled my shoulders back, and continued to Ash’s tent. The tent flaps were closed. I wondered if I should knock, but there wasn’t much to knock on. “Hello? Ash?”
“Ember.” His voice startled me from behind.
I spun around and almost staggered back a step from how close he stood. Ash had changed out of his traveling clothes and donned a black long-sleeved shirt with gold sunburst buttons and a stiff collar. His black cloak with the crimson dragon broach was pinned to his shoulder. It looked too formal for wandering around in the wilderness, like something he’d wear to meet royalty.
I swallowed and smiled awkwardly, looking down at my dirty riding pants and faded t-shirt under a leather jacket. “Now I feel under dressed.”
“Never.” He offered me a hand and gestured to another tent set up beside his own. “Shall we?”
I put my hand in his. “Lead the way.”
As we stepped toward the tent, two of Ash’s people lifted the flaps wide so that we could pass through. Inside, an intricately carved table and chairs waited, the table piled high with several beautiful dishes on fine china. There was a whole roasted duck on a bed of pomegranate seeds. Another plate was piled high with garlic potatoes. Yet another dish held saffron rice. There were stuffed mushrooms, fresh baked rolls, and even tiny lemon cakes. An unopened bottle of wine sat at the center of the table with two glasses.
I didn’t know what to do or say. All sensible thought had vacated my mind, replaced by a strange sense that I had stepped out of reality and into another dream. I bit my tongue until I tasted copper, just to make sure I was awake.
“How?” I sputtered out. “We’re miles from any city. Do we even have an oven?”
Ash chuckled. “You can achieve a lot with a little magic and a lot of ingenuity.”
“Magic?” I gave him a questioning look.
“Not like you’re thinking.” He waved dismissively and went to pull out a chair for me.
I took the offered seat. “Then how?”
“You’ll just have to trust me. Let the food speak for itself.” He went around to his side of the table to sit in his chair. “I wish I could say I cooked it myself but…”
“You? Cook?” I laughed. “The idea of touching dead animals used to make you turn colors.”
“I have always been useless in the kitchen.” He took up a knife and carved a large slice of the duck, placing it gingerly on my plate. “Do you remember that time Old Jim decided we were going to have a proper Thanksgiving?”
“You mean when you found out how real gravy is made?” I laughed even harder. “I thought for sure you’d swear off meat forever and turn into a vegan after that.”
“I didn’t eat meat for a week.” He smiled and served himself a slice of duck. “Thankfully, I got over it. I’m still a terrible cook, though. I have someone who does it full time for me now. He’s a culinary genius. Magically gifted. I don’t know what he does, or how he does it, but everything he makes is perfect every time. And in half the time it’d take a normal chef. Go on. Try the duck and tell me it’s not the best roast duck you’ve ever had.”
“Can’t say I’ve ever had roast duck.” I put a piece in my mouth. It almost melted, it was so tender and juicy. Whatever glaze he’d put on it was a flawless blend of tangy and sweet. I couldn’t help but let out a small, contented sigh.
Ash leaned in, waiting excitedly for my review. “Good, right?”
“Good doesn’t do it justice. This is an orgasm in meat form.”
Ash laughed so loud I was sure they heard it all the way on the other side of camp. “I will let him know you said that! It’ll be the highlight of his career.”
We dug into our food. Everything on the table was just as good as the duck, except for maybe the wine. I like a good red as much as the next girl, but I would always be a beer girl at heart. Wine just wasn’t me.
“We’re making good time, despite having lost a few days,” Ash said, pouring me a second glass. “We should be at the bottom of Black Mountain by sundown tomorrow. Then it’s a day’s hike up the mountain.”
“About that.” I picked up the wine glass and took a sip before continuing. “I spoke with Ike and Dex before coming here. They seemed concerned about morale. After what happened, aren’t you the least bit worried they won’t have your back? I mean, there are more of them than there are of you.”
He shook his head. “I could take Ike and Dex by myself. The dwarf is another matter. I think he’s a berserker. It’d be a tough fight if they came at me all at once, but between me and Zia’s vampires, I still think my side would win.”
I put the glass down. “You’re not listening to me. We’re supposed to all be on the same team, right? If they suddenly decide this is too much trouble, and they turn around, you won’t make it to the top of Black Mountain, Ash. You need to talk to them. Apologize.”
“Apologize?” He huffed air through his nose. “What would I apologize for? I saved them from having to do it themselves. Kenny clearly wouldn’t do it himself. It’d be cruel to ask Dex to kill his best friend and Ike… Ike had as much right as I did. If he or Foggy had made the killing blow, you’d all be mad at them instead of me. What I did was selfless. It was quick and painless for Kenny. If people hate me for making the right decision, then let them hate me. I will not bow to the demands of squabbling masses. Besides, when the dragon is slain and they’re rolling in riches, they’ll forget about the blood on my hands.”
“That’s naïve, to think you can buy their forgiveness.”
His lip twitched as he considered his wine glass. “I do not want their forgiveness, Ember. Those men out there are a means to an end for me and nothing more. Men like Ike and Dex don
’t aspire to be anything greater than they are. That makes them tools for people like us.”
“People like us? And what are we exactly?”
“Dreamers.” His eyes sparkled with the promise of something dark. “Trailblazers. The future, Ember. For most people, it’s just a word, something that happens to them. But not for us. We will make the future happen.”
I pushed my plate away, my appetite suddenly vanishing. “And how will we do that?”
Ash lowered his glass and considered me carefully in silence.
I sighed and looked down at my hands in my lap. “Ash, we have too many secrets. I can’t—”
“Wait!” He lifted a finger, silencing me. “Whatever you’re going to say, please wait. There’s something I want to show you first.” He rose and offered me his hand again.
I frowned at it before looking up at him.
“Indulge me just a little longer, Ember. We were apart for five years. All I ask is an hour. Please.”
Reluctantly, I rose and put my hand in his.
Ash led me out of the tent and into the night. There was a heaviness in the air, accompanied by the familiar stillness of night just before a storm. Laughter and a slightly jollier tune than before drifted out of the guild camp. I was glad they’d found something to be happy about after the long, hard days behind us.
We went away from their camp and to the edge of the clearing where the horses were kept. Ash’s horse had already been prepped for a ride, though Scorch didn’t have her saddle. Ash climbed up into the saddle and offered me his hand.
I looked at the sky. “Are you sure? It’s going to storm soon.”
He smiled warmly. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
I took his hand. He pulled me effortlessly up into the saddle behind him, and we took off.
With my arms wrapped around him, breathing in his familiar scent, and the electric quiet all around us, it was impossible not to get lost in what could have been. I often used to entertain myself—or torture myself, depending on my mood—imagining how my life might’ve been different with Ash in it. Even before that night at the rift, there had been something blossoming between us. Something more than childhood friendship. We were ripped apart so quickly that neither of us ever had time to tell the other, nor had we ever acted on it. It was just a feeling, and it had been as alive and beating as our hearts. I knew as sure as breathing that Ash and I would be together forever… until we weren’t.