After Christy ate what he had given her, she settled back further from the roaring fire. It wasn't just her fear of him that caused her retreat. The flames were making her sweat profusely. Though enjoying the warmth, she was now feeling lightheaded from the heat. She could see Lando had still not taken his eyes off her. Every movement she made was critically studied and assessed and she was becoming more alarmed by the minute. She was fearful of giving up the safety of huddling protectively within Howard's jacket. She felt it was an extra barrier. Lando was a very large man, much larger even than Chad. If he were to be brutal with her, he would cause her great pain.
“Sit closer to the fire, Christy,” Lando encouraged softly.
His voice was low, deep, rough and somewhat frightening. Her gaze shifted fearfully about the cave until, resigned, she crept slowly forward. The sweat beaded her forehead. Lando had already removed his outer jacket. The small cave had warmed nicely, even though the storm raged outside and the occasional draft of frigid air made its way through cracks in the doorframe.
She was now feeling quite warm. She could see by his confused stare he didn't understand why she hadn't made herself more comfortable. Her agitation became more pronounced.
“Take your coat off, Christy,” Lando suggested. “Aren't you feeling a bit warm?”
She nodded stiffly and, remembering her promise to obey him, she reluctantly removed Howard's coat. Perhaps he would honor his own promise not to hurt her. She shifted the coat underneath her instead, to sit on it. Her head remained bowed so low it almost rested on her chest. She was incapable of controlling the small, pitiful, agitated noises she was emitting. Her fingers began to dance and entwine in frustration.
“Christy?” Lando commanded. “Christy, look at me.”
Hesitantly, she lifted her head; her fearful gaze looked imploringly into his. Lando was studying her carefully.
“I will keep my promise and not kill you.”
“You are so big,” she whimpered back. “If you are too cruel, you will hurt me.”
Understanding lit Lando's eyes. “I'm a killer, Christy, not a rapist,” he informed her.
Christy pondered on that for a moment, wondering if his statement made her feel better or worse. She couldn't help but wonder if he had only spared her life for another reason. Once again, the fire drew her attention; the heat seemed overwhelming. Taking a deep breath, Christy felt resigned. She took off her other jacket. If he wanted her, she wouldn't be able to stop him. Perhaps he wouldn't hurt her if she cooperated.
Lando shifted towards her; she stiffened in apprehension at his approach. He had wet a handkerchief in the bowl of water. He took one of her bloodied hands into his own and gently cleaned it. Once done, he cleaned the other. His head remained bowed, intent on his task. Her slight hand shook between his large palms, but she did not pull away from him.
When he finished, he moved back from her, lay upon his own coat, tucked his arms beneath his head and closed his eyes.
Christy watched him for a moment, stunned. He hadn't hurt her! Lying down on her own coat, using one of her jackets as a pillow, Christy closed her weary eyes. She once again reasoned she was powerless against him; he could do as he wished with her. With her tummy full and her body finally warmed after being exposed to bitter cold for so long, Christy wearily gave in to sleep. Though frightened of Lando's presence, she was grateful for it.
Finally she was not alone.
Lando listened as Christy's breathing deepened. Once again, she had curled into a fetal position with her fist tucked under her chin. It wasn't long before her pitiful cries started, as they always did when the dreams came to haunt her. She begged not be left all alone. She called to her mother, her father, and then to Sam. Her frightened, mournful sobs of anguish had Lando taking action this time. He moved to her side and carefully gathered her small body next to him. She woke instantly and cried out in fear. She struggled only moments, before stopping abruptly, and then she went limp. He loosened his grasp after she had ceased struggling. She watched him, fear in her eyes, for him to make his next move.
“Go back to sleep, sweetheart. I'm not going to hurt you. You are not alone anymore,” Lando told her.
Lando lay quietly, holding her. He did nothing else. He could hear the moans and howls swirling just meager feet from where they lay. A heavy reminder death was just a breath beyond. Though her body still shook with terrible tremors, she was too defenseless to stop an assault. He knew her realization of her vulnerability was the reason she'd stopped struggling. Her fear of being alone, abandoned, would have eaten at her very soul. She would rejoice at even a meager amount of kindness now.
After a few moments, Christy reached a tentative hand to clasp at his arm, which was draped gently across her chest. She pulled him more soundly to her, and he knew she needed the reassurance he offered. He pressed his warm body next to hers. He slowed his breathing, waiting for hers to keep time with his. Slowly, her tremors ceased. He could feel her heartbeat. She was taking comfort from him, and he lay still, waiting for her to relax. Once more, she slept.
Christy woke to the scent of fish cooking. She looked up at Lando as he stripped the bark off a long twig with gentle, easy, precise strokes from a small, sharp knife. Once finished, he placed it in a beat up metal container holding the remains of meat and bones of the rabbit and water. Placing them on the burning ash part of the fire, he stirred the bones around in the pot for a moment.
“Do you do dishes as well?” Christy asked, then blushed deeply, surprised at her lame attempt at a joke.
Lando offered her a calculating look. “I have to, I killed my hired help.”
Christy didn't think she appreciated his lame attempt either...or was he serious? Scowling slightly, Christy sat undecided. Lando smirked at her, then handed her a large piece of fish.
Christy ate slowly. Her throat was feeling decidedly better, yet she was fearful of more bones.
The two sat quietly, awkwardly. The eerie groans of the wind whistled with intensity, rattling the cave barrier. The silence between them was becoming uncomfortable. Lando still maintained his intense study of her that she found unnerving. She squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny. Christy concluded Lando no longer wanted her dead. Perhaps it was just her company he coveted. If he had wanted to force her to submit to him, he would have already, she was certain; she was powerless to stop him. She remembered Chad had pounced upon her eagerly enough. Sometimes painfully, claiming he needed her and could not wait for her readiness.
“Why did you want to kill me?” Christy finally asked. The silence between them had stretched until the intensity reached a climax. “I am no threat to you.”
Lando was studying her carefully; she bowed her head and her hands shook.
“I felt at the time it would be best, under the circumstances.”
Her head shot up and she glared at him. “I was hurting and alone and you thought it best to kill me? Don't you realize how terrified I am of you?” she demanded accusingly.
“I thought your mind was gone. Those bruises must hurt; they're nothing short of hideous. I think, from the way you move, one or more of your ribs are broken. I thought you couldn't have continued. A wild animal could have got you, you might have frozen to death,” he countered defensively.
“A mercy killing?” she spat out raggedly. Once again she was confronted with a man who would assume what was best for her without even asking how she felt. “You're all cruel. Assassin or doctor, it makes no difference.”
“Is that who hurt you?” Lando asked quietly. “Chad? You cried out for him not to hit you. Did he beat you, Christy?”
Slowly tears began to fall from her eyes. “He never once threatened to kill me,” she countered.
Lando once again stirred the rabbit bones in the pot. He added the remainder of the fish, careful of the tiny bones.
“Why do you kill people?” Christy asked softly.
“Why do you take pictures of ferocious animals? Does it gi
ve you a rush? Does the fear excite you?” Lando countered almost fiercely.
“How do you know what I do for a living?” Christy asked, unnerved.
“Larry, the cop, asked before we boarded. He wanted to make sure you wouldn't hurt me.”
Christy's eyes widened at that. Hurt him? Kodiaks would run in terror from him. “I've never hurt anyone in my whole life,” Christy declared, outraged.
Lando snorted softly at her statement. “I have no doubt you're completely harmless. You're sweet, vulnerable, and innocent. Killing you would no doubt be like offing the Tooth Fairy!” He offered her a cheeky grin at the image that conjured.
“You're laughing at me,” Christy cried out, annoyed. “How dare you!”
“I used to kill. I've killed so many men, I've lost count. Old men, young men, evil, dangerous men. Men who would make the boogeyman seem adorable and cuddly. Men from whom you would cower in terror instead of me,” Lando snapped with brutality, now angry at what he must see as her high and mighty attitude.
Christy retreated back to the far side of the cave; she cowered from him fearfully as though in shock, ending their conversation. It was too much; he was too much at once.
Lando watched as Christy shrank back fearfully from his outburst, huddling against the back wall. Her chin once again quivered; she stared at him wide-eyed, as if trapped in terror. He then realized she was.
His life was foreign to her, to a point of being incomprehensible. He was hard and dangerous, corrupt. She was not like the women who had sought him out for a cheap thrill. She had been thrust unwillingly into this position. He had sought to kill her, for whatever the reason. Under normal circumstances she never would have ventured near him. He disgusted her. Just one more person in Lando's life who would run as far away from him as possible if given the chance.
Lando suddenly threw on his coat and, shoving his makeshift door aside, he ventured out into the blizzard that still raged.
Christy watched, terrified, as Lando left. She sobbed brokenly. Everyone was always deserting her. Yes, she found him frightening, but the aloneness was far worse. He hadn't killed her, beat her, or raped her. He had fed her and soothed her nightmares. Why was he leaving her?
“Please, come back,” she whimpered, afraid.
The stewing bones began to bubble over and Christy crept forward. She carefully placed the pot off to the side. She waited for what seemed to be an eternity until her fear exhausted her.
He was not coming back. She was certain. She had angered him. Once again she had been abandoned because of callous comments. She would die all alone in this cave and there was no one left to care. Everyone whom she had ever loved or known was gone. Lando really was the only one she had. Now he had left, she had chased him away.
She lifted her hands to shield her eyes from confronting the aloneness before her. Perhaps if she could not see the nothingness inside the lonely cave she could somehow bear it. Christy cried hurtfully until sleep claimed her. There was no safety even in sleep. Nevertheless, she curled up on her jacket and drifted off fitfully.
Lando entered the cave. He felt frozen. He had wandered only a short distance away. It would have been too foolish to venture further; the snow still fell in heavy sheets like dancing death. Lando was annoyed with himself. He had let her get under his skin again. The result had frightened her. Damn! Go slowly, the loud voice resounded in his head. “Oh, will you just shut up!” Lando snapped angrily to himself.
Christy was sleeping on her jacket. He could see in her great fear of him leaving, she just had to nap. Muttering angrily, Lando resisted the urge to shake her awake. While he had been out trying to control his temper, she took advantage of the silence.
“No, please,” Lando heard Christy whimper. Again, as always, she dreamt. Lando sat on the coat he now removed. Well, let her suffer this time, the mean, more rational voice in his head said.
“Damn straight,” Lando muttered.
“Don't go,” Christy cried.
Briefly, Lando wondered at just what this Chad had done to her. Why would she cry for him to stay when he had obviously hurt her? Lando had met women who liked rough relationships, though he highly doubted Christy was one of them. Her fear of him was less than exciting. She was almost dumbstruck with terror at their encounter.
“Please come back, don't leave me... Lando,” Christy sobbed. She thrashed about now as if seeking to get to him.
Lando sat wide-eyed, mystified. She was begging for his return? His? Most people begged him to leave.
Thoughtfully, Lando reflected, confused. He had provided her with food, shelter, and companionship. Of course she would seek his return. Without him she would die. He knew she still held certain fear of him. Most normal people did. Moving closer to her, Lando noted her tear-streaked, pale face. She hadn't been napping, he realized suddenly, she had cried herself to sleep. For whatever reason, food or companionship, she wanted him there.
“Lando,” she cried tearfully again.
This time the louder, softer voice was again advising him. He moved to her slowly. He reached a tentative hand and brushed her hair from her face. Christy woke. Her eyes fluttered as he gazed down upon her, wondering what her reaction would be. She threw herself into his surprised embrace.
“I'm sorry, Lando, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I was just curious, please forgive me. Please don't go away again. I ask too many questions. I'm too demanding. You've taken care of me and I have been so ungrateful,” Christy cried out imploringly.
Lando sensed on a certain level she was confusing him with someone else. Her speech held a practiced quality that derived from another's harsh words. A defense mechanism, no doubt. Something in her placating tone gave him pause. Lando shifted slightly to look at her frightened features. Her eyes returned his steady look hopefully.
“You angered me,” Lando said in a menacing tone. He narrowed his eyes upon her.
Christy's expression widened fearfully, her bottom lip trembled. “I'm sorry,” she whimpered quickly, her tremors increasing.
“Sorry isn't enough,” Lando declared, and his grip on her tightened painfully. He scowled dangerously. Lando sensed her sudden, overwhelming terror. No, she was not after cheap thrills. She was reliving a horrible, painful memory.
“I won't do it again,” Christy sobbed pitifully. She looked about frantically, as though seeking to escape him. Her body tried to evade him.
“You need to be taught a lesson.” His hand wrapped around a generous amount of Christy's hair, capturing her effectively.
“Oh no...Oh, please no.” Christy begged softly, looking trapped. Her eyes clouded and her body shook with horrific, violent spasms. She clutched at him pitifully.
“I won't anymore...I won't ask. You can have the money. Oh, please, please don't beat me anymore, Chad, please.”
Lando loosened his painful grip on her. Though she still remained wrapped within his embrace, he now stroked her hair gently. His large hand rubbed softly up and down her back, trying to soothe her horrific trembling.
“It's all right, sweetheart, I won't ever beat you,” Lando promised. Perhaps his past wasn't quite finished; he was contemplating ordering a hit of his own. This disgusting, filthy creep, Chad, was in definite need of an attitude adjustment. He rocked Christy within his embrace.
Christy continued to sob softly. When Chad had hurt her she'd had no one to talk to. There was no one, not even a girlfriend she could talk out her feelings with. As a result, she had suppressed them. Only in her nightmares had she dared to confront her fears. The pain of his betrayal ate at her. He had promised he would love her forever. Instead, he had fractured her jaw and broken her arm. She had cowered from men for a long time after. A raised voice had been enough to send her scurrying for a corner. The lonely nights she faced confused and bewildered had left her feeling so terribly vulnerable. Sam had been kind to her. He had never once lifted his voice with her, always remaining calm and rational, as if sensing her inner turmoil and distres
s. Christy hated being alone. In her heart she craved intimacy, a gentle loving embrace, a kind word, praise. Yet, she was too fearful to seek it out. Chad had taken everything away from her in moments. She feared the very closeness she coveted.
Christy heard the rough voice penetrate the cement wall she had once again resurrected. She didn't want to listen. Lando had made her remember her terrible fear, her heartbreaking loneliness, and the horrendous pain. He had forced her to relive that horrible night in her mind.
He remained persistent, calling her from the depths of her despair.
“Please...” She once more pleaded for his mercy, only this time it stemmed from emotional needs. “Please, no more.”
“I am not Chad. I swear, you are safe with me. I won't hurt you. I have never hurt you. I could have killed you, but I didn't. I have always sworn I will cause you no pain. We need each other now,” he reasoned.
Christy looked up into his eyes. Suddenly they didn't appear as soulless as before. His earnest expression gazed back at her. She was unsure if she could allow him in. She wanted to. She needed to. They did need one another. Or perhaps it was just she who needed him.
What if he left her again? What would she do?
“If I make you angry, please tell me. Please don't leave me. I can't take the aloneness anymore,” Christy begged, suddenly panic-stricken.
“I won't leave you alone like that again, I promise,” Lando told her.
To her relief, he continued to rock her within his arms, though she wondered at his confused, thoughtful expression.
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* * *
Chapter Five
* * * *
Christy hung her pair of now clean socks, then underwear, over rope from the parachute after squeezing them dry over the bowl filled with warmed water. Lando had stuck two sticks into the ground, forcefully embedding them near the fire close enough to dry a few items without the risk of the flames touching them. In exchange, Christy had grandly offered to rinse out any items he wanted washed. Lando looked at her oddly.
Love's Dangerous Territory Page 6