Me: I am incredibly grateful for being able to spend last night with you. Thank you for that. I just need to be alone for a while though. I hope your business trip goes well. Night Ryder
I turned the phone off and went to look outside the window. It was amazing to see such excitement and activity no matter the time of day. The lights, street performers, and overall ambience truly allowed tourists to get away from their normal routine for a short period of time.
There were so many people down on the street with their loved ones, sharing the experience of sin city and I always went alone. I had never had a loved one. Vegas was a place where it was okay to be single and alone—someone was always around to keep you company and it was maybe for a few nights at the most. People were laughing, hugging, kissing, and having a good time while being carefree. I wanted that so badly but was terrified of letting someone in. Who would want someone as damaged as me? I couldn’t do that to Ryder. He didn’t deserve to have to put up with my past and my inability to let people get close.
Faintly behind me, I heard a knock on my door. I had set out my tray of food for room service to pick up in the hall so there was no need to be bothered. There was no reason for a complaint to have been made for me since I had been pretty quiet, although I wish I had a reason to be loud. I made my way to the door and I noticed in the peephole that one of the front desk workers was standing outside my door, waiting patiently. Tightening up my towel around my chest, I cracked the door open ever so slightly.
“I have a letter for you, Miss Davenport. I was told to hand deliver it to you to ensure you received it.” He seemed…nervous? I thanked him quietly, taking the note and shutting the door behind me. Out of instinct, I locked and bolted the door.
I had a feeling of dread come up as soon as I was alone in my room again. I wasn’t that interesting of a person and didn’t know what I had done to start getting those damn letters. They were obviously meant to deliver a message but I didn’t know what I was supposed to do after reading them. Going on with my life like normal obviously wasn’t what the creep wanted or else the letters would have stopped. I had lived in fear my whole life, but this was a totally different level of fear.
I walked over and gently sat on the bed, crossing my legs Indian style. I flipped the letter over and saw the familiar wax seal. Fuck my life. Why couldn’t I be more boring so no one would care to stalk me?
As I broke the seal and pulled the letter out of its casing, red and white rose petals fell around me. Normally the thought of someone sending me roses would be a sweet gesture but I knew there would be some type of sick twist to it. I unfolded the letter and my mouth dropped as I read it.
All alone in this suite. What a shame don’t you think?
I hated that all of the letters were short and could be nothing but a prank or something extremely possessive and scary. I lay in bed, thinking of what the letters meant. He knows who I am. Be careful not to overindulge. Not being alone in my room. Did it have something to do with my time and activities in Vegas? I couldn’t figure out who would know who I was and care enough to not want me to go there anymore.
I must have fallen asleep reading because I woke up and the towel was acting as my blanket when I woke up. The letter was on the pillow beside me and I had never gotten dressed to go to sleep. The sun was peeking through the curtains and knew I had passed out cold for the night.
My mind wondered back to Ryder after exhausting a million different scenarios about the letters. I went there to get him out of my head, but found that he was who I thought of when I wanted to be comforted. I needed something new to get myself out of my head for the night. I would go find a new guy to be with later that night and hopefully he could help me forget my troubles for a while.
I went down to the spa for the day since I still didn’t feel like being around crowds outside or in the casinos. I opted for the Himalayan salt room and the dry steam room, jumping in the whirlpool when I got too hot. While there were other women in the rooms, no one bothered another person and it was peaceful. I got a massage and my hair cut afterward, figuring I could use a new style. My hair had hit my mid back and I thought going a little shorter could be fun.
Feeling like a ‘new’ me, I decided I could go for a little shopping to find some new lingerie and an outfit for that night. I headed down to the Caesar’s mall, and four hours later, I left with three new dresses, four new sets of lingerie, a silk nightie, and a new pair of heels. Shopping always got me in the mood to go out and try the new clothes out, and made the weird feeling in my stomach lessen just a tad about what would happen.
I should be excited to be here, damn it! I went through my routine of getting ready for the night and decided on a black strapless dress that hit mid-thigh, thigh high stockings with lace around the top, and electric blue colored fuck-me heels. I paired it with a simple set of diamond earrings and matching bracelet. This will do for tonight.
I set my sights on some Texas Hold ‘Em against the dealer at The Venetian. It was my choice of hotel when I was there and I wasn’t planning on changing. I ordered a Colorado Bulldog and began scoping out the area. Luckily, the dealer was flirty, so I didn’t mind hanging out at the table until I found someone who sparked my interests.
Ryder
After lounging around the beach for the majority of the afternoon, I decided I probably needed to get some work done. Back at the hotel, I went through emails and read through a manuscript that my assistant had passed on to me saying it was worth me looking at it. I loved the fact that I had an assistant who could find the rare gems just like I did growing up. Lorelei was my right hand man, and it was all because of her that I was able to put work on hold to do ‘research’ out in the field.
Lorelei would become one of my senior editors in a few years. I purposely gave her a full load of work each day to see her potential and to see how she handled the pressure. In the emails she had sent me, it seemed like work was going as usual and it gave me reassurance that I could be gone another week or two without serious damage. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into by going to Vegas to find Payton. Would she just run again? I hated that I had to ask myself that question.
It was almost peaceful being back in San Diego. My avoidance of the city for the last year never allowed me to realize that coming back was healing for me. I was already starting to feel better about Cami’s death. Wait, I feel better about it? That felt so wrong to say. Shouldn’t I still be upset and sorrowed? I wondered how Tristen was really coping with things and if he was beginning to feel the same way.
It was almost nine and I thought about going out to a bar but thought otherwise. If the bartender chick didn’t get my mind off Payton, I doubt anyone would. I needed to figure out my game plan for letting Payton know I knew her dirty little secret.
I was hoping to get there in time to catch her at the bar. If I did, I figured I would see how things went. I had no idea if she would be with some guy, or hell, if they had already moved on from the bar. I wanted to be pissed at her but had a feeling showing up angry wouldn’t help. I had to play it cool, and I was secretly hoping I’d find her all alone at the bar. She’s way too sexy to be alone in a bar but it didn’t deter my hope.
I ran through scenario after scenario about how confronting Payton would go down. I wish I knew her better to know the reasoning behind her actions. It would also allow me to better prepare myself for how she would handle me knowing she was Reece.
Her story was definitely on the sexy side of books and it was well written. I could understand how someone wouldn’t want their sex lives written in detail, but she was the one who wrote them. She had to figure that someone would out her eventually. I wasn’t planning on outing her to the world; I could keep it between us and even help keep her secret.
I kept asking myself if I was going to Vegas to see Payton and try to get to know her better or to get ‘Reece’ to sign with me. I knew the answer I should give would be work related, but found myself conflicted. I
worried that if I pushed Payton too hard to sign on with my agency, that I would lose all chances of being with her. If I really wanted to try things with Payton, I couldn’t be pressuring her about the book. She also might think I’m trying to be with her because maybe eventually I’d be able to talk her into saying yes. Could I let a great author like that go? What if some other publishing company swooped in and gave her a better offer?
I just wanted her to let me the fuck in.
When I woke up the next morning, I decided to pack up my things so that I’d be ready to head to the airport after spending the day with Tristen. I stopped by his house and noticed there were still pictures of Cami and him all over the place. I wondered how long they had actually been dating before she passed away. I made note to ask later on.
“What did you want to do today, man? I figured we’d head down to the beach this afternoon but hadn’t planned on anything beforehand,” Tristen hollered from the laundry room. I had caught him off guard by arriving so early, but I didn’t know where else to go.
“I hadn’t thought much about it. For the past few months I thought about getting a tattoo to remember her. I hadn’t had the time to get it while in Los Angeles, but if you want, you can come with. Seems like an appropriate day to get it done.”
I didn’t hear Tristen say anything for a minute or two and figured he didn’t hear me and would bring it up again once he was finished up. I had put on ESPN to kill time while waiting for him to get ready. When he finally popped his head out, he came over and had a seat on the other end of the couch with his elbows on his knees, leaning forward.
“I, um, kind of already got one for her.” He lifted up his shirt, and on his shoulder he had the quote, Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction, with two dolphins. The larger dolphin had a fin over the smaller one while they seemed to nuzzle each other. I stared at it for a moment before inquiring more about it.
The quote was beautiful and must have been hard to settle on. I wondered what his interpretation of the quote was. “Are the two dolphins you and Cami?”
“No. Listen, I wasn’t sure if I should or how to bring this up with you, man.” He cleared his throat and fidgeted with his hands, seemingly contemplating how to go about the conversation.
“Take your time. We have the whole day, Tristen. I know I haven’t been around as much as I should have been, even before her death, and I know there was more to your relationship than I knew. I’m okay with it, man. Were you in love with my sister?”
Hopefully that would give him the nudge he needed to open up a little. I wasn’t sure why he was acting so nervous; he had already told me about them. He was a good man and would have been great for my sister.
“Cami was pregnant.”
I’m pretty sure the world just stopped spinning. I couldn’t have heard what I thought I heard. “What? What do you mean Cami was pregnant?” I shook my head in disbelief. He had to be lying or had his facts wrong. My sister did not die while she was pregnant with my niece or nephew. God wouldn’t do something that cruel; it wouldn’t be fair.
“She had just told me three weeks before the accident. She didn’t want to tell everyone until she was closer to three months. Apparently, you’re most likely to miscarry in the first three months and she didn’t want to get everyone’s hopes up just in case anything happened. She was about two and a half months when she passed away. We were planning on letting everyone know that next weekend.
“After she passed away, I couldn’t bear to tell people about it. Only a handful of people knew we were dating and didn’t feel it was right to give them another loss. I know I should have told you, I just never felt like it was the right time. The little dolphin is our little girl and Cami is with her, protecting her. Cami thought it was going to be a girl.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from forming. My sister was going to be a mom. My best friend would have become family and it never happened. I mourned for Tristen and the loss he must have felt. He lost his perfect family in an instant. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain he must have gone through. I went and hugged him with all my power and we cried together for what felt like hours.
We ended up spending the rest of the afternoon and night talking about memories and thoughts about Cami. I found out Tristen heard Cami talking to her belly one day and used the name Ellie. They hadn’t been planning to have a child but were in love and knew they would make it work. When I asked him if he had tried dating again, he changed topics so smoothly that I didn’t realize it until minutes later. He was always quiet when it came to relationships, but I wasn’t sure why he would be now. Even though she was my twin, I didn’t expect him to never get back out there. I wanted him to find happiness again. He was so strong. I didn’t know what I would do if I lost my lover and unborn child in the same day. To never get to hold your child. To never get to teach them how to ride a bike or see them off to school. Even if Tristen wasn’t dating yet, it seemed like he had come to terms with Cami’s death which was a major step in the right direction.
I know Tristen would make a great father and husband one day, no doubt in my mind. I didn’t know if Cam and Tristen were soul mates, but I sure hoped he ended up happy down the road. He truly did deserve it.
We took calla lilies down to the beach with us in remembrance of Cami. By that time, Tristen and I didn’t need to say anything. We had already talked about everything we needed to and just spent the time silently sitting on the beach, watching the waves crash, and paid our respects to my twin sister. Every day that week, I felt like I had made progress in accepting what had happened. There was no doubt in my mind that Cami and Ellie were looking down over us and protecting Tristen and me.
Tristen and I said our goodbyes and I promised to return soon. I had filled him in on my situation with Payton and he understood why I was heading out to Vegas.
I made my way through security and boarded the plane on autopilot. I couldn’t tell you the gate number or how long I waited before boarding. I just kept replaying what Tristen had told me just hours before, trying to process the feelings I was having. There was a whole new level of pain I felt and I kept imagining how different life would be if Cami hadn’t been pulled under. She would have a newborn and I would have been the best damn uncle ever. The fact that I would never see my sister again or meet my niece or nephew made me sick to my stomach and I suddenly felt so alone on a plane filled with seventy people.
I wanted to see Payton which was a feeling that I’d never experienced with any of the other women I had been interested in. I didn’t know what my grand plan was going to be when I found her, but I certainly didn’t feel like being a dick to her when I saw her. I just hoped I was there in time and she hadn’t already moved on to her next conquest. I wanted to feel her silky skin against mine and hear her moans as I moved in and out of her perfect, made-for-me body. Really, Ryder? Get a hold of yourself.
I checked into one of the hotels Payton had hinted staying and clubbing at while in town and dropped my bags off and changed shirts before heading down to the casino floor. Hearing the bonuses of the slot machines and seeing the bustling attitude from all around me got me into the right mindset and I headed down to one of the bars where I figured she would be. The urge to see her was so strong, I couldn’t think of anything but feeling her against me again.
Chapter 7
Payton
I was up three hundred dollars for the night so far. There were some pretty cute guys playing blackjack but I always got bored within a hand or two of that game. I noticed it was always the tourists who set their sights on the blackjack tables. It was simpler than Hold 'Em, Let It Ride, Mississippi Stud, or Three Card Poker, so it attracted the beginners much more. I didn’t see the skill needed to play the game and the odds of the other games were better. I could only be found at blackjack if the guy playing was TDF, with ‘tall’ and ‘fuckable’ being more important than the ‘dark’ part of the acronym.
While playing Texas Hold
'Em, I ended up talking with a slightly older gentleman; I was guessing he was pushing forty. He was at least able to get me to laugh with his jokes about the game and his time in Vegas up to that point. He was from Dallas and was quite the charmer like most Texas men. I saw the wedding ring and knew he would be harmless fun for my time at the table. I hit a full house and a few flushes but Craig, my table companion, hit quads on a twenty-five-dollar bet. Needless to say, he was feeling very generous and offered to take me out to celebrate after we got finished at the tables. I politely declined and waited another twenty minutes before excusing myself from the table and cashing in my chips. I did not ‘do’ married men.
I made my way upstairs to freshen up and psyche myself up for heading to the club. Dancing would do me some good. I had already had three drinks, but figured once I had a few more at the bar, mission ‘forget Ryder by getting drunk and finding a new boy toy’ would be good to go. Okay, so I know the name could use some work, but go with it.
I checked myself out in the full-length mirror and made note of my assets and of course my flaws. I loved that I still had lean, toned legs that looked good in short dresses but hated that I had hips. Finding dresses that accentuated my tits and flat stomach without drawing attention to them wasn’t easy, but I had found a style that normally worked well for me and stuck with it. I needed to hit the beach more often to get more of a tan, but in the dark room, everyone seemed a shade or two darker so I wasn’t too worried.
I needed to focus on my positives. Looking myself over once again, I began to concentrate on my better areas. My lips were shiny with gloss and my hair tousled to perfection. My heels made my legs look even more toned and my ass looked amazing in the dress. With a seductive smile, I realized I could totally find a guy to make me forget about my troubles and I was ready to hunt.
Sinfully Page 7