by Maisey Yates
“They’re all old?”
“Yeah,” Bennett said. “For the most part I’ve ended up with my animals because they were at the end of their usefulness for someone else.”
“That seems...nice of you.”
“I always wanted to fix things,” Bennett said. “You know, my mom died when I was seven years old. There was nothing I could do about it. After that...I hated to see anything suffer. It just...got to me. One time I rescued a bird that had flown into the window of our house. It was injured. Really badly. But I picked it up and put it in a shoebox with a blanket, took care of it as best I could.”
“And you saved it?”
“No. The fucking thing died anyway. But it would have died sooner if it weren’t for me. I did something to change how it went. And...I knew that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be a doctor. I didn’t want to handle people dying. That’s something I didn’t want any part of. But the animals... Some of them I save. Some of them I don’t. But my intervention matters. And for a kid who felt like he couldn’t do anything when his own mother died...”
“I get it,” Dallas said. “I wish my mom were dead.”
Bennett straightened, like a shot going through his body. “You do?”
“If she were dead then she wouldn’t have left me by choice. She just left. At least your mom didn’t want to go.”
The teenager’s words made a strange kind of sense to him. He nodded slowly. “It’s true. My mom never would have chosen to leave us. You know, she had just had Jamie. Jamie was a surprise baby. I was supposed to be the youngest. But...she was so excited. I remember that. I remember her putting her hand on her stomach and smiling. And my dad did the same thing. It was a terrible thing to lose her.”
“Yeah,” Dallas said, turning his focus back to the hay. “So, two flakes?”
“Yes,” Bennett said. “Two flakes.”
And then, a thought occurred to him that hadn’t before. “Dallas, do you want to learn to ride today?”
“I guess,” Dallas said, holding back any vague hint of excitement. But Bennett could sense it. Could see the longing in the kid’s eyes.
He didn’t have any pressing appointments this morning, and he could put off checking in at the clinic. While he had Dallas’s attention, he wanted to keep it.
“Then I’ll text Wyatt and let him know you’ll be late today. I’m going to teach you.”
* * *
BENNETT DIDN’T SHOW up at the clinic all morning. It was nearly eleven o’clock, and he still wasn’t there. That wasn’t unheard of, but it was definitely unusual. And combined with the events of last night...
Kaylee’s stomach flipped over as she tried to concentrate while scrolling through her schedule on the computer. She had a big block of time available and she could always take a long lunch. But then, she would just sit around stuffing her face and worrying about the fact that Bennett was clearly avoiding her.
Of course he was avoiding her. He was probably steeped in regret over what happened between them last night.
He had thanked her.
Thanked her, like she had done him a favor. Thanked her like she hadn’t come apart in his arms like some needy sex kitten that she had never been before in her entire life.
Thanked her.
That thought burned all the way through.
She was going to take lunch. She was going to go get a big greasy burger down at Mustard Seed and try to let go of all the things that were bugging her.
Laura was at reception, gathering her things to take a break and Kaylee stopped her. “Do you want to get a burger? I don’t mind closing down for an hour.”
Laura looked regretful. “I have plans already. Meeting my mom at Bellissima. But you’re welcome to join in if you want.”
“Thanks, but I’m married to the burger idea.”
“See you after,” Laura said.
Kaylee nodded, and flipped a sign saying the clinic was closed for lunch before heading out to the parking lot.
She drove down into town, but she drove past Mustard Seed. Which she wasn’t going to do. Because she wasn’t supposed to do that. She was supposed to go and get a hamburger. But she seemed to be driving toward Bennett’s place.
Her hands were sweaty on the wheel of the pickup, and she readjusted them, not sure if she was trying to talk herself out of this insanity, or mentally trying to bolster herself to sally forth with the crazy.
Bennett was supposed to be her friend. That was the bottom line. He was supposed to be her best friend in the world, and after sharing something completely intimate with her he was avoiding her. She’d wanted this, wanted to be with him for half her life. And she’d been terrified of it, of the potential fallout, for just as long.
Here she was living it. And he hadn’t even sent a text.
But maybe he hadn’t liked it. And this morning he was appalled and disgusted by it. By her. Maybe she hadn’t scratched the itch the way he’d needed it scratched or...or...
And maybe there were rules. Rules about how you were supposed to act when a man didn’t call the night after you slept with him. Maybe you were supposed to be aloof or cool, acting like a cat, twitching your tail and making it seem like you didn’t care whether or not he scratched you behind the ears.
But she had known Bennett too long to play games. It wasn’t about pride. Not with him. He knew her. And that meant he knew her well enough to know that he should have damn well gotten in touch with her today.
And so, she felt both resolute and justified in her rage as she turned down the driveway.
She parked in front of the house, turning off the engine and shaking her hands out like it would do something to calm the nerves that were rioting through her system.
She let out a harsh breath.
“Don’t be a coward, Capshaw,” she said out loud.
Because she had told Bennett that he could have sex with her last night. She had kissed him the other day. She was not a coward.
She was a woman who went for what she wanted.
Maybe she hadn’t always been, but she was now. She was resolute, and she was determined. She was shaking, but she was going to ignore that.
Or at least hope that Bennett didn’t notice that.
She all but flung herself out of the truck, stumbling on the gravel when her boots hit the driveway. Then she cleared her throat and straightened, running her hands through her hair and giving it a small shake.
His truck was here, but when she knocked on the door to the house he didn’t answer. She frowned.
She started having weird wild fantasies, and what began as a pit of disquiet in her stomach sprouted into a tree of paranoia. Perhaps his ex had come looking for Dallas and there had been some kind of ax murder inside of his house and he hadn’t gotten in touch with her because he was lying dead on his living room floor.
She scampered over to the living-room window and looked inside, able to see just a small sliver of the room through the closed curtains.
There didn’t appear to be any bodies. Which was a relief. But it still left her with unanswered questions.
She took a deep breath and started walking out toward the barn. There was a good chance he was out there. Still possibly ax murder, though. Because now that the idea was in her head she couldn’t get rid of it.
Then she heard voices, and she stopped, looking to her left at the wide-open field.
Bennett was standing there, leaning up against the fence, his shirtsleeves pushed up to his elbows, bare, muscular forearms resting on the top rail of the fence. His black cowboy hat was pushed up slightly and he was grinning. It didn’t take long to see what he was smiling at.
Dallas was out in the field. And he was riding a horse.
Her heart turned over in her chest, and then crumpled up tight. So tight she could barely breathe.
/> She had been prepared to be angry. And then, she had been prepared for tragedy—though, only in that detached, paranoid sense—but she hadn’t been prepared to fall in love with that man all over again in a moment.
In love.
Dammit. She was in love with him.
Always had been.
She hadn’t wanted to be. It was the revelation that scared her more than any other. More than wanting him, being in love with him was so, so scary.
There was something about love. It made you hope. And hope was the most insidious, terrible thing. Her entire childhood she’d hoped. Hoped her parents would see her. Hoped she would somehow matter to them.
That she’d be enough.
She hadn’t.
She’d loved them. It hadn’t mattered.
She didn’t want to be in love with Bennett. But she couldn’t deny that she was. Any more than she could turn away from what was happening in front of her.
He turned then. As if he could sense her staring at him. And she hoped he couldn’t feel the intensity of the emotion that was pouring off her.
“Kaylee. What are you doing here?”
“I was a little bit worried about you,” she said, heading toward the fence.
“Sorry,” he said, frowning as he lifted his wrist and looked down at his watch. “Damn. I didn’t realize how late it was.”
She couldn’t even stay angry. She hadn’t been angry anyway. Not really. She’d been scared.
“How long have you two been out here?”
“Since about six this morning. I gave him a quick primer on the care and keeping of the horses, and then we ended up starting a riding lesson. He’s been enjoying himself too much to stop.”
“I don’t think he’s the only one,” Kaylee said softly.
The pride on Bennett’s face was... There was something about all of this that only cemented her feelings.
No one had ever looked at her like that.
That was a small, petty thought that didn’t belong here. That was not about her. Dallas deserved to have someone look at him like that. And even if she was equal parts happy for and envious of the kid, she was going to focus on the happy part.
She was good at that. At taking the pieces and not the whole. It made it all manageable.
She had experienced what Dallas had to a degree. But there had been no wonderful secret father waiting for her on the other side of it.
Though, there had been Bennett. And there had been his family. She was lucky enough. She had no call to get morose.
About that. She was still feeling a little morose about the whole sex situation.
“I guess not,” Bennett said. “Good thing I didn’t have any appointments today. Just kind of on call. But I didn’t mean to not check in at the clinic.”
She nodded. “Good.”
His lips pulled down tight, his brows lifting in an obvious question.
Dumbass man. She was going to have to walk him through it.
“I thought maybe you were avoiding me,” she clarified.
The corners of his mouth went down farther, then relaxed suddenly as realization seemed to dawn over him like beams from the sun rising slow up over the mountains. That frown turning into an expression of absolute sheepishness.
“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding so incredibly sincere she wanted to punch him.
She would have rather had a smooth line than an apology like that. Than a look of pure bewilderment that let her know he truly hadn’t been thinking of what had happened between them last night.
She felt so raw. She couldn’t move without thinking about what they did last night, and he didn’t seem to be conscious of it at all.
“Will you be all right if I head to the barn for a minute?” Bennett called out to Dallas.
“I’m fine,” Dallas said, guiding the horse to turn to the left and taking a broad circle around part of the field.
“Come on,” he said, not touching her, which seemed deliberate at this point. But still, she followed him over to the barn and walked inside with him. She turned to face him, crossing her arms and treating him to a hard stare.
“I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was standing you up,” he said.
“No,” she said, feeling beyond wretched now. “Why would I think that? It’s just that something completely weird happened between us last night. Something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. But I can see where you just hadn’t paid it any thought. Because it seemed...mundane to you?”
“It did not seem mundane to me. But maybe I pushed it to the back of my mind.”
“How nice to be able to do that.”
“I’m sorry,” he reiterated.
“Well, the apology pairs nicely with the thank-you that I received last night.”
“What was wrong with the thank-you?”
“Oh, nothing. What girl doesn’t like to be thanked for sex, as if she’s done a man a favor?”
He frowned. “Kaylee, I’m a little bit lost here. How is it that I’ve managed to say about five words to you since all that happened but they were all the wrong words?”
“The fact that you can count the words is part of the problem.”
She was maybe being a little bit difficult right now, but she felt difficult. She felt offended. She had taken a chance on the one thing she had wanted for so long, the one thing that she had held herself back from. And along the way had come to the realization that she couldn’t hang out in denial of what all of these feelings meant.
So if she was a little bit messed up, she was just going to have to apologize for it later. The problem was he didn’t seem like any of this bothered him at all. It was all simple thank yous and I’m sorrys. All going about his daily life in a way that didn’t include her.
And nothing had been on her mind from the time she had finally fallen asleep last night, to the time she had woken up this morning, that wasn’t about Bennett.
Was it so wrong to have hoped that a corner of his brain was reserved for her?
“I didn’t need you to thank me like I did you a favor,” she said.
“But I...was grateful.”
“Oh my gosh, Bennett!” She was about a second away from banging her head against the side of the barn wall. “You expect any woman to not be mad at you for being grateful that she gave you sex?”
Poor Bennett looked stricken. No. Not poor Bennett. She refused to feel sorry for him. “Apparently that is the wrong feeling. But I guarantee you a great many men have that feeling.”
“Well, how about this?” She stretched up to her full height, which still put her nose just beneath his. “Thank you. Thank you for the orgasm. It was awesome. I’m putting it in my diary. Because you are the first man to ever give me one.”
Well, crap.
She hadn’t meant to confess that. And right about now you would be able to hear the tiniest piece of straw fall onto the concrete barn floor. Because Bennett had fallen utterly silent, his mouth dropped open in an expression of shock.
“What?” he asked.
Her lips tightened up of their own free will. Like they were trying to save her from her own stupidity. “I’ve never had an orgasm with a man before. With a partner. Obviously I’ve had them. But by myself.”
He blinked. “Oh.”
“So, thank you. Thank you for the use of your sensationally magical dick. It was very much appreciated.” She waved her hand around. “A fun time to be had by all.”
He blinked, his jaw getting hard as stone. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t much like that.”
“See?” she asked, insistent. “It makes you feel weird.”
“Not the part about the orgasm.”
She frowned. “Well.”
His brows snapped together, a look of intense curiosity on his handsome
face. “Really? Are you being serious or was that for demonstrative purposes?”
“I’m being serious.” She nearly stamped her foot.
It was too late to back out now. She had started on this trail, and she had to keep on it now.
“No man. None of them. None of those douchebags I watched you date.”
She crossed her arms and shook her head, defiant. “Nope.”
“Well, that’s just... I’m torn between wanting to beat them up and wanting to take a damned victory lap.”
“This is not really more charming than any of the other crap you pulled earlier.”
“I’m the first one to give you an orgasm?” he asked as if he hadn’t heard her previous statement.
“Yes,” she said, “don’t let it go to your head.”
“It’s not my head it’s going to.”
“Bennett!”
And it was almost hilarious. This exchange was almost like something that would have happened between them before the sex. And it was as endearing as it was exasperating for that reason. Of course, it wouldn’t have been about her orgasms, but still.
“It’s just hard for me to believe.”
“That there’s something wrong with my body?”
He shook his head emphatically. “It’s not you, Kaylee. Hell, no. It was them.”
“That’s just your favorite scenario because it means they were all defective and you’re a stud.”
“Well, sure. But I think we all win in that scenario.”
“Look, Bennett. I’m feeling a little bit messed up about all of it.” She closed her eyes, realizing suddenly that the orgasm confession was actually perfect. Because it gave her a hell of an excuse for being an emotional basket case. One that wasn’t: oh, yeah, I’m deeply in love with you. Fatally. Forever.
No way. She couldn’t handle that right now. One thing at a time.
“I had no idea,” he said.
“But you did know that I don’t sleep around. And you did know that this would be weird.”
“Sure,” he said. “But you have to give me some slack then too. For it being weird on my end.”
Well, that was reasonable. And it made her mad. Because it wasn’t fair. He wasn’t supposed to be reasonable about things. She wanted her rage. She wanted it to be all about her. Wanted it to be about her indignity and her feelings. She didn’t want to have to worry about his.