To the delight of the choirboys, the practice was abandoned, and they were sent home. In the warmth of the vestry, Colin seemed not just willing to talk, but eager. “I’ve been an idiot. I should never have killed twice. It was meant to turn out differently.”
“Why kill at all?” the vicar said. He’d dusted down his clothes and was a dignified figure again.
“I hated Douglas Boon,” Colin said. “We were rivals in the old days, both of us dairy farmers, but he was so damned successful and I was failing on the paperwork. I couldn’t compete. Lost my contract and had to sell up, and of course there was all the humiliation of selling to him – and for less than it was worth. He had me over a barrel. So I was reduced to odd jobs. I’d see my beautiful herd every day when I was on my way to mow another lawn. The resentment festered. And then I learned that Ben Black had made him an offer for the land, a huge offer, and he was selling up, for millions. He could retire and live in luxury and my cows would go for slaughter. The anger boiled over.”
“But they weren’t your cows any more,” the vicar pointed out. “You’d sold them.”
“You don’t understand about animals, do you?” he said. “I raised them from calves. They were a dairy herd, not for beef.”
“So you made up your mind to kill him,” Rosemary said, “and you chose poison as the method. The yew, because its dangers are well known to all farmers, and the mince pie because it was part of the tradition here.”
“And Boon was a glutton,” he said. “He was certain to take it.”
“Your wife had made a set of pies, knowing Gertrude would be round at some stage,” Rosemary went on. “You added seeds of yew to one of them and had it with you on Christmas Eve. When you got to The Withers you took the plate as if to hand it round, but you passed your poisoned pie to Douglas.”
Colin glared at her. “How do you know that? You weren’t even there.”
Laura said, “Pastry crumbs in your pocket, the obvious place to hide the killer pie. Our dog Wilbur found a pie in the garden and ate it. He survived, so it must have been a harmless one of ours that you chucked under a bush. I checked your coat for crumbs just now. That was what all the fuss was about. The vicar thought I was a thief.”
Rosemary said to Colin, “Thanks to Laura getting the poor man to hospital, the police were alerted. News of the poisoning went quickly around the village and at some point over Christmas, Ben Brown got suspicious enough to come and see you. He threatened to tell the police. You panicked, cracked him on the head and killed him.”
Laura said, “And transferred the body to Gertrude’s greenhouse in your pick-up and trailer. She was under suspicion, so you thought you’d add to it. While you were in church just now I checked under the tarpaulin in the trailer. Bloodstains. The police will match them to Ben’s blood group.”
Colin’s shoulders sagged. All the fight had gone out of him.
In all the excitement, Laura hadn’t given a thought to her main reason for being in the house. Over supper that evening, she dropped her knife and fork and said, “The orchids. I’ve completely forgotten about them.”
She had visions of dead and drooping plants in their dried-up trays.
“What am I going to say to Mike?” she said as she raced to the conservatory.
But the orchids were doing fine, better than when she’d taken over. The droopy ones were standing tall.
“They benefited from being left alone,” Rosemary said. “He’s a novice at this. The roots of an orchid are covered by a spongy material that holds water.”
“Like a camel’s hump?”
“Well . . . I’m saying he must have overwatered them.”
That evening Wilbur was rewarded with a supper of chopped turkey and baked ham. After he’d curled up in front of the fire, Rosemary and Laura slipped out of the front door to make a call on a neighbour.
Gertrude invited them in and poured large glasses of sherry.
“I’m so grateful to you both,” she said. “I must have had calls from half the village saying how sorry they are for all I’ve been through. I kept telling them you two are the heroes.”
“Far from it,” Rosemary said with modesty.
“But you are. And you, Laura, being mistaken for a thief and wrestling with the vicar.”
“That wasn’t so bad.”
Rosemary said, “He’s rather dishy. She enjoyed getting into a clinch.”
They all laughed.
“And now,” Gertrude said, looking happier than they’d seen her, “another Christmas tradition. To ensure good fortune for us all in the new year, I insist that you have a slice of my home made Christmas cake. You can make a wish.” She went out to the kitchen.
Rosemary said in confidence, “I’m going to wish that I survive this.”
Laura said, “I’m so glad I wore this cardigan. It’s got pockets.”
MYSTERY NOVELS AND SHORT STORIES
BY PETER LOVESEY: A CHECKLIST
I. NOVELS
(In the following list, the publisher of the first British edition is followed by the publisher of the first United States edition.)
Wobble to Death. Macmillan, 1970; Dodd, Mead, 1970.
Sergeant Cribb series.
The Detective Wore Silk Drawers. Macmillan, 1971; Dodd, Mead, 1971.
Sergeant Cribb series.
Abracadaver. Macmillan, 1972; Dodd, Mead, 1972.
Sergeant Cribb series.
Mad Hatter’s Holiday: A Novel of Mystery in Victorian Brighton. Macmillan, 1973; Dodd, Mead, 1973.
Sergeant Cribb series.
Invitation to a Dynamite Party. Macmillan, 1974; as The Tick of Death. Dodd, Mead, 1974.
Sergeant Cribb series.
A Case of Spirits. Macmillan, 1975; Dodd, Mead, 1975.
Sergeant Cribb series.
Swing, Swing Together. Macmillan, 1976; Dodd, Mead, 1976.
Sergeant Cribb series.
Waxwork. Macmillan, 1978; Pantheon, 1978.
Sergeant Cribb series.
The False Inspector Dew: A Murder Mystery Aboard the SS Mauretania. Macmillan, 1982; Pantheon, 1982.
Keystone. Macmillan, 1983; Pantheon, 1983.
Rough Cider. Bodley Head, 1986; Mysterious Press, 1987.
Bertie and the Tinman: From the Detective Memoirs of King Edward VII. Bodley Head, 1987; Mysterious Press, 1988.
Bertie series.
On the Edge. Century Hutchinson, 1989; Mysterious Press, 1989.
Bertie and the Seven Bodies. Century Hutchinson, 1990; Mysterious Press, 1990.
Bertie series.
The Last Detective. Scribners, 1991; Doubleday, 1991.
Peter Diamond series.
Diamond Solitaire. Little, Brown, 1992; Mysterious Press, 1992.
Peter Diamond series.
Bertie and the Crime of Passion. Little, Brown, 1993; Mysterious Press, 1993.
Bertie series.
The Summons. Little, Brown, 1995; Mysterious Press, 1995.
Peter Diamond series.
Bloodhounds. Little, Brown, 1996; Mysterious Press, 1996.
Peter Diamond series
Upon a Dark Night. Little, Brown, 1997; Mysterious Press, 1998.
Peter Diamond series.
The Vault. Little, Brown, 1999; Soho Press, 2000.
Peter Diamond series.
The Reaper. Little, Brown, 2000; Soho Press, 2000.
The House Sitter. Little, Brown, 2003; Soho Press, 2003.
Peter Diamond series.
The Circle. Time Warner, 2005; Soho Press, 2005.
Hen Mallin series.
The Secret Hangman. Sphere, 2007; Soho Press, 2007.
Peter Diamond series.
The Headhunters. Sphere, 2008; Soho Press, 2008.
Hen Mallin series.
II. NOVELS UNDER THE PSEUDONYM PETER LEAR
Goldengirl. Cassell, 1977; Doubleday, 1978.
Spider Girl. Cassell, 1980; Viking, 1980.
The Secret of Spandau. Michael Joseph, 1986.
III. SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS
Butchers and Other Stories of Crime. Macmillan, 1985; Mysterious Press, 1987.
The Staring Man and Other Stories. Helsinki: Eurographica. 1989. A signed limited edition containing four stories from Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories. Little, Brown, 1994.
Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose. Crippen & Landru, 1998; Little, Brown. 1998.
The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime. Crippen & Landru, 2001; Allison & Busby, 2002.
Murder on the Short List. Crippen & Landru, 2008.
III. COLLABORATIONS
The Rigby File. Hodder & Stoughton, 1989.
The Perfect Murder. HarperCollins, 1991.
IV. EDITED ANTHOLOGIES
The Black Cabinet: Stories based on True Crimes, unlocked by Peter Lovesey. Xanadu, 1989.
3rd Culprit: A Crime Writers’ Annual, edited by Liza Cody, Michael Z. Lewin and Peter Lovesey. Chatto & Windus, 1994.
The Verdict of Us All: Stories by the Detection Club for H.R.F. Keating, edited by Peter Lovesey. Crippen & Landru, 2006; Allison & Busby, 2006.
V. SHORT STORIES
“The Bathroom.” Winter’s Crimes 5. Macmillan, 1973; Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine [hereafter EQMM], August 21, 1981, as “A Bride in the Bath.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Locked Room.” Winter’s Crimes 10. Macmillan, 1978; EQMM, March 1979, as “Behind the Locked Door.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“A Slight Case of Scotch.” Collaborative story. The Bell House Book. Hodder & Stoughton, 1979.
“How Mr Smith Chased His Ancestors.” Mystery Guild Anthology. Book Club Associates, 1980; EQMM, November 3, 1980, as “A Man with a Fortune.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Butchers.” Winter’s Crimes 14. Macmillan, 1982; EQMM, Mid-July 1982, as “The Butchers.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime and in The Staring Man and Other Stories.
“Taking Possession.” EQMM, November 1982. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime and in The Staring Man and Other Stories as “Woman and Home.”
“The Virgin and the Bull.” John Creasey’s Mystery Crime Collection. Gollancz, 1983; EQMM, July 1983, as “The Virgoan and the Taurean.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Fall-Out.” Company Magazine, May 1983; EQMM, June 1984. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Belly Dance.” Winter’s Crimes 15. Macmillan, 1983; EQMM, March 1983, as “Keeping Fit.” Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Did You Tell Daddy?” EQMM, February 1984. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Arabella’s Answer.” EQMM, April 1984. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Vandals.” Woman’s Own, December 29, 1984; EQMM, December 1985. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Secret Lover.” Winter’s Crimes 17, Macmillan, 1985; EQMM, March 1988. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Corder Figure.” Butchers and Other Stories of Crime. Macmillan, 1985; EQMM, January 1986. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime and in The Staring Man and Other Stories.
“Private Gorman’s Luck.” Butchers and Other Stories of Crime. Macmillan, 1985; EQMM, July 1985. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Staring Man.” Butchers and Other Stories of Crime. Macmillan, 1985; EQMM, October 1985. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime and in The Staring Man and Other Stories.
“Trace of Spice.” Butchers and Other Stories of Crime. Macmillan, 1985. Collected in Butchers and Other Stories of Crime.
“Murder in Store.” Woman’s Own, December 21, 1985. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Curl Up and Dye.” EQMM, July 1986. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Photographer Slain.” Contest story. The Observer, November 30, 1986.
“Peer’s Grisly Find: Butler Dead in Bath.” Contest story. The Observer, December 7, 1986. Printed as a separate pamphlet, under the title “The Butler Didn’t Do It,” to accompany Crippen & Landru’s limited edition of The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“Brighton Line Murder.” Contest story. The Observer, December 14, 1986.
“The Poisoned Mince Pie.” Contest story. The Observer, December 21, 1986.
“The Royal Plot.” Contest story. The Observer, December 28, 1986.
“The Curious Computer.” New Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Carroll & Graf, 1987. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Friendly Yachtsman, 39.” Woman’s Own, July 18, 1987; EQMM, May 1988. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“The Pomeranian Poisoning.” Winter’s Crimes 19. Macmillan, 1987; EQMM, August 1988, as “The Zenobia Hatt Prize.” Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Where is Thy Sting.” Winter’s Crimes 20. Macmillan, 1988; EQMM, November 1988, as “The Wasp.” Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Oracle of the Dead.” EQMM, Mid-December 1988; Best, March 3, 1989.
“A Case of Butterflies.” Winter’s Crimes 21. Macmillan, 1989; EQMM, December 1989. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Youdunnit.” New Crimes. Robinson, 1989; EQMM, Mid-December 1989. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“The Haunted Crescent.” Mistletoe Mysteries. Mysterious Press, 1989. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Shock Visit.” Winter’s Crimes 22. Macmillan, 1990; EQMM, February 1990, as “The Valuation.” Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“The Lady in the Trunk.” A Classic English Crime. Pavilion, 1990. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Ginger’s Waterloo.” Cat Crimes. Donald L. Fine, 1991. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Being of Sound Mind.” Winter’s Crimes 23. Macmillan, 1990; EQMM, July 1991. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“The Christmas Present.” Woman’s Own, December 24, 1990; EQMM, Mid-December 1991, as “Supper with Miss Shivers.” Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories as “Supper with Miss Shivers.”
“The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown.” Midwinter Mysteries 1. Scribners, 1991; EQMM, May 1991. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“The Man Who Ate People.” The Man Who . . . Macmillan, 1992; EQMM, October 1992. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“You May See a Strangler.” Midwinter Mysteries 2. Little, Brown, 1992. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Murder By Christmas Tree.” Contest story. The Observer, December 20, 1992. Printed as a separate pamphlet to accompany Crippen & Landru’s limited edition of Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Pass the Parcel.” Midwinter Mysteries 3. Little, Brown, 1993; EQMM, Mid-December 1994. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Murder in the Library.” Contest story. Evening Chronicle, Bath, October 6, 1993.
“The Model Con.” Woman’s Realm Summer Special, 1994. Collected in The Crime of Miss Oyster Brown and Other Stories.
“Bertie and the Fire Brigade.” Royal Crimes. Signet, 1994. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Odstock Curse.” Murder for Halloween. Mysterious Press, 1994. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Passion Killers.” EQMM, January 1994. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Case of the Easter Bonnet.” Bath Chronicle, April 17, 1995; EQMM, April 1997. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Never a C
ross Word.” You, Mail on Sunday, June 11, 1995; EQMM, February 1997. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Mighty Hunter.” Midwinter Mysteries 5. Little, Brown, 1995; EQMM, January 1996. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Proof of the Pudding.” A Classic Christmas Crime. Pavilion, 1995. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Pushover.” EQMM, June 1995. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Quiet Please – We’re Rolling.” No Alibi. Ringpull, 1995; EQMM, December 1996. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Wayzgoose.” A Dead Giveaway. Warner Futura, 1995; EQMM, May 1997. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Disposing of Mrs Cronk.” Perfectly Criminal. Severn House, 1996; EQMM, December 1997. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“A Parrot is Forever.” Malice Domestic 5. Pocket Books, 1996. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Bertie and the Boat Race.” Crime Through Time. Berkley, 1996. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“The Corbett Correspondence” (with Keith Miles). Malice Domestic 6. Pocket Books, 1997.
“Because It Was There.” Whydunit? Perfectly Criminal 2. Severn House, 1997. Collected in Do Not Exceed the Stated Dose.
“Ape.” Mary Higgins Clark Mystery Magazine, Summer 1998. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“Showmen.” Past Poisons. Headline, 1998; EQMM, March 2000. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Four Wise Men.” More Holmes for the Holidays. Berkley, 1999. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Perfectionist.” The Strand Magazine, April-July 2000. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Word of a Lady.” EQMM, July 2000. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“The Sedgemoor Strangler.” Criminal Records. Orion, 2000. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
“Interior, With Corpse.” Scenes of the Crime. Severn House, 2000; EQMM, August, 2001. Collected in The Sedgemoor Strangler and Other Stories of Crime.
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