by E. L. Todd
Awkward silence stretched.
“Well, it was nice seeing you,” Heath said. “I should probably get back…”
“Yeah,” I said, feeling sad. “Us too.”
“And congratulations,” Heath said. “To both of you.”
“Thanks.” I absentmindedly touched my ring.
Cayson led me away. “I can’t believe that…”
“I know.” I headed down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of my apartment. “I’m going to have a talk with that butthead.”
“Should we get involved?” Cayson asked.
“Siblings are supposed to tell each other off,” I said. “It’s what being a family means.”
“If you say so,” Cayson said.
“I’m going to force Roland to tell Mom and Dad,” I said. “He’s not getting away with it this time.”
***
After several attempts at knocking, Roland didn’t answer.
“Ro, answer this door right now or my fiancé is going to break it down!” I banged my fist against the wood.
“Uh, I’m not breaking a door down,” Cayson said.
“Shh,” I hissed. Then I yelled again. “I mean it, Roland. Don’t be a coward, and open the door.”
The door finally opened. “Geez, what’s the big deal? You better be dying or something.”
I pushed inside and Cayson came behind me.
“What?” Roland asked as he slammed the door. He looked just as depressed as Heath. Except, Roland looked like he hadn’t showered in a week. He even reeked. Normally, I’d make fun of him in a heartbeat but he was obviously going through a hard time. Cayson sniffed the air but didn’t say anything.
“You and Heath broke up?” How could he let this happen?”
“What?” he blurted. “We didn’t break up. Who told you that?”
What was I missing here? Why would Heath lie? “Well, Heath thinks you’re broken up. And he’s dating.”
Roland looked like I stabbed him in the lung with a very sharp knife. “What…?”
“He said you guys broke up,” I said. “That you refused to tell your parents the truth so you went your separate ways. Ro, how could you let this happen? Heath is perfect, and he’s right. You need to stop hiding and just be honest.”
“But…we didn’t break up.” Now his voice was quiet and hurt. “We had a really big fight and I stormed out. I was waiting for him to apologize. I didn’t realize that’s what he thought…”
“Well, you didn’t think it was weird when Heath left his job or moved apartments?” I asked.
“He did what?” Now he was loud again. “When? How? What?”
“When you didn’t see him at work, what did you think?” I snapped.
“I haven’t been to the office,” he argued. “I’ve been working from home. Believe me, I would notice if Heath wasn’t there.”
“And you didn’t notice he moved?” I asked.
“We live on different floors,” Roland said. “I don’t spy on him like a stalker.”
“You should still know where your man is,” I said, feeling disappointed.
Roland stepped back then ran his fingers through his oily hair. “Fuck…I really messed this up.”
“Yeah, you did.” I was being cold and I knew I shouldn’t. Roland needed support, but he also needed to pull his head out of his ass.
“This isn’t how I wanted things to work out,” he said. “But he’s dating?” There was such sadness in his voice that it broke my heart.
“She’s just assuming,” Cayson interjected. “We ran into him and he was sitting with some guy named Ander. They looked like they were having an intense conversation.”
Roland did a double take. “What name did you say?” His eyes were large and bright like orbs.
“Ander,” Cayson repeated.
Roland covered his eyes with his palm before he lowered it. “You’re sure?”
“I heard it too,” I said. “What does that name even mean?”
“That’s his ex.” Roland threw his lamp on the floor and it smashed into pieces. I noticed his other lamp was missing. “Fuck, he’s the love of his life. They’re back together?”
Cayson was the only one who remained calmed. “We don’t know. We just saw them together.”
Roland didn’t look assured. “I have to talk to him. This has gotten out of hand.” He grabbed his wallet and keys from the counter.
“No, Roland,” I said. “You need to tell Mom and Dad first. That’s the best way to get Heath back. He’ll realize you’re serious.”
“No,” Roland said. “I have to make sure he knows how I feel and keep him away from Ander before…something happens.” He headed to the door.
“Roland, stop,” I said.
“What?” He turned around with a look of murder in his eyes.
“Take a shower,” I said. “You smell like shit.”
Roland smelled his shirt.
“I’m with her on this, man,” Cayson said with a shrug.
“Fuck.” Roland sprinted to the bathroom.
Cayson turned to me with concerned eyes. “I hope it works out.”
“Me too,” I said. “But I have a feeling it won’t.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“If Heath is spending time with his ex, he’s obviously fed up with Roland.”
“Never make assumptions,” Cayson said. “They may have just run into each other and started talking.”
“Maybe,” I said. But I really didn’t believe that.
CHAPTER TEN
Roland
I left the apartment even though I had no idea where to go. I didn’t have a clue where Heath lived since he moved. All I had was his number. I reached the sidewalk then pulled out my phone and called him. While it rang, I glanced back and forth between the two directions I could take.
I had no idea what way I should go.
It went to voicemail.
“Fuck.” I hung up and called again. It went to voicemail. “Heath, call me back. I have a lot to explain and I don’t want to do with your answering machine.” I hung up then stared at my phone, waiting for it to ring.
Five minutes passed and I kept looking at it.
He wasn’t going to call me back. I called him again. Of course, it went to voicemail. “I didn’t want to break up. I thought we were just having a fight. I’ve been working from home so I didn’t know you weren’t in the office. And I never go to your floor so I didn’t know you moved. I want to talk about this, okay? I’ll tell my parents. I’ll tell them. Just call me back.” I hung up then stared at the phone again.
Another five minutes passed.
Shit, he wasn’t going to call me back.
What if he changed his number too?
What if I was leaving messages to some woman who owned a bunch of cats in her studio apartment?
Man, this was a nightmare.
My phone rang.
It was Heath.
I answered it before the first ring ended. “Hey.” Now that I had him on the phone I didn’t know what to say. I was nervous.
“Hi.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat then cleared my voice. “You listen to my message?”
“It’s the only reason why I called.” His voice was void of emotion, completely detached.
“Can we meet and talk in person?”
Silence.
“Heath?”
“There’s nothing to say,” he said quietly. “Maybe if I’d known what was going on, I might still be around. But I know I wouldn’t be happy. This is the best thing for both of us.”
My heart cracked in two. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I need someone who wants what I want. We clearly don’t have that in common.”
“Yes, we do,” I said. “I’ll tell my parents. I’ll do that for you. I don’t think it’s the best time, but fine, I’ll do it.”
He sighed into the phone. “You’ve been saying that for a year, Roland.”
“I will,” I said. “I will.”
“I’m tired of waiting.”
His voice sent me into a spiral of depression. And Anger. “I can tell. You jumped back to Ander pretty quickly.”
A very long and tense pause ensued over the phone.
I waited for him to say something.
“Ander wants me back and he’s prepared to give me the things you are not. I want to get married and have a family. You’re nowhere near that.”
My heart was beating so fast it hurt. “So, you still have feelings for him?”
“Distantly, I guess. I’m not back together with him. However, I’m considering his offer.”
“Has he told his parents?”
“No. But he will.”
“So, you believe him and not me?” I asked incredulously.
“He doesn’t have a reason to lie. You’re panicking and just telling me what I want to hear.”
“No, I’m not!”
“Roland, I’m not perfect and I have many flaws. But I deserve better than this.”
“You do,” I said. “I agree. I’ll tell them. Just don’t go back to him.”
“I never said I was.”
“Then why are you having coffee with him?” I snapped.
Heath kept his voice calm. “Because he understands what I’m going through like no one else.”
“Whatever,” I snapped. “He’s just trying to get into your pants.”
Heath remained quiet.
“I’ll tell them—today. But give me another chance.”
Heath said nothing for a long time. “No.”
“No?” I asked in shock. “I’m giving you what you want.”
“I’ve wanted it for a very long time, Roland. Instead of giving it to me, you hurt me more times than I can count. The only reason you’re willing to do it now is because I’m no longer around. I shouldn’t have to walk away for you to realize you can’t live without me. I shouldn’t have to move and switch jobs just to make a statement. I need a man that appreciates me from the beginning. I understand you’re new to this world, and I get that. But I’m no longer willing to be patient.”
Tears burned in my eyes. “Heath, please…”
He started to cry too. “You know I love you. And I always will. But this is the best for both of us.”
“Heath, I—”
He hung up.
I kept the phone to my ear even though I knew he was gone. Not caring about the stares directed my way, the tears continued to stream down my face. I choked down a sob and felt sick. Then I lowered the phone to my side and realized I lost the only thing that really mattered.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Clementine
Ward used his key to get inside. “It’s me.”
I was at the top of the stairs with my bag in hand. “I’m just getting my stuff.”
“I’ll bring it down for you.” He jogged up the stairs then grabbed my suitcases. “We’re only going for a few days…” He looked at me affectionately.
“But I want to make sure I have everything I need.”
He picked up the third bag. “Did you bring a department store?”
I hit his shoulder playfully. “I’m moody and I can never decide what I want to wear.”
“First it was pickles and now it’s inability to pick out clothes…” He chuckled as he teased me.
“Stop picking on me,” I said. “I’m carrying your son.”
He sighed. “You can’t use that for every little thing.”
“Well, I am.” My hand moved to my stomach.
He looked at my baby bump and sighed in defeat. “Fine.” He carried my things downstairs then to the cab.
I waddled and took my time then grabbed my purse from the counter.
Ward came back inside. “Ready, beautiful?”
The compliment caught me off guard. I liked hearing it but I wasn’t used to it. “Beautiful?”
“Yeah.” He came closer to me then regarded me with a smile. “You’re glowing.” He put his hand on my stomach and then pulled away, like he was afraid he was being too affectionate. “And my family is going to think the same thing.”
***
His house was exactly as I remembered it. It was spotless and clean, like his housecleaners cleaned the place even though he was never there. Echoes of our time as lovers came back to me. I thought I could hear our voices.
It was late in the evening in London and I was exhausted from the plane. Now I just wanted to go to sleep and start a new day in the morning. Ward carried everything inside and growled any time I attempted to touch anything. The only thing I was allowed to hold was my purse.
He set it in the kitchen then put his hands on his hips. “You can have my room or the spare bedroom.”
I didn’t think about our sleeping arrangements. “Uh…”
“My bed is more comfortable but the guest room is nice too. Since you’re pregnant, maybe you should take my bed. Relieve as much pressure on your back as possible.”
I felt awkward sleeping in his room. There were too many memories made in that place. “I’ll take the spare bedroom.”
“You’re sure?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He didn’t argue with me and carried everything upstairs.
I followed him then looked around. The room had a green bedspread with mahogany furniture. The gray curtains were closed across the windows.
“There’s a bathroom in the hallway,” he said. “It’s just a few feet away.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll leave my bedroom door open if you need anything. Just let me know.”
“Okay.” The idea of him sleeping in his boxers made me feel flustered. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the four-poster bed.
“I know you must be tired so I’ll let you rest. But are you hungry? I can make you something to eat.”
“I’m too tired,” I said. “But thank you.”
“Okay.” He put his hands in his pockets. “Well, good night.”
“Good night.”
He closed the door.
I grabbed my toothbrush and face wash and did my nightly routine. The rest of the house was dark so I assumed Ward was in his room. After I returned to my bedroom I dug inside my suitcase and searched for my pajamas. When I couldn’t find them, I searched in the other two.
Damn, I must have forgotten them.
What would I wear?
I couldn’t sleep naked because I’d be too cold. But I couldn’t wear my nice clothes because they’d get wrinkly.
There was one thing I could wear…
Should I ask him?
Would that be awkward?
Inappropriate?
I stifled my pride then went into his bedroom. When I peered inside Ward was lying in bed on his stomach. He took up the whole bed because of his height. He clearly didn’t have a shirt on. That made me a little excited. “Ward…?”
He sat up at the sound of my voice, clearly awake. “Need something?” He kept the covers over his waist.
“I forgot to pack some pajamas…can I borrow a t-shirt?”
He smiled then ran his fingers through his hair. “You packed your whole life but you forgot that?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and shrugged. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”
“Of course you can.” He got out of bed, just wearing his boxers. His chest was more defined than before, and I couldn’t believe it. His shoulders were packed with power and his chest was expansive. I imagined my feet pressed against it as he moved over me and far into me.
God, what am I thinking?
He turned his back to me and opened a drawer.
I stared at his ass, seeing how toned and strong it was. His back was even better, sculpted like he was made of marble.
He pulled a black t-shirt out then came to me. “Is this okay?”
I was staring at his chest and I couldn’t stop. “Yeah...”
He continued to hold it, waiting
for me to take it.
I kept staring.
“Clementine?”
His voice brought me back to reality. “Oh yeah.” I grabbed the shirt and stepped back, trying to recover from making a total idiot of myself. My face was scorching red. Thankfully, it was dark.
“Darling?”
I automatically turned around at the sound of the nickname.
He had a grin on his face while his arms hung by his sides. “You’re always welcome to sleep with me. I wouldn’t mind in the least.”
He knew I wanted him. And I was embarrassed. “I’m okay.”
“I’m always here if you change your mind.” He walked back to bed and got under the covers. “Super comfortable…”
I didn’t look at him again. “Good night, Ward.”
He released a sigh. “Good night.”
***
When I woke up, I had morning sickness. I hadn’t been getting it as often, but traveling so much probably triggered it. I stumbled out of bed and made it to the toilet before I threw up everything inside my stomach.
I hated throwing up. It was the worst.
My head remained in the toilet bowl just in case more came up.
Then I felt big hands on me. Ward fisted my hair and pulled it back with a single hand. Then he placed the other on my back, rubbing me gently. “Sorry you’re feeling like this…” He continued to rub me and tried to soothe me.
I breathed hard and knew the worst had passed. I was just glad Ward didn’t watch me throw up. I pulled my head out of the bowl and leaned against his bare chest.
Ward handed me a towel. “Here you go.”
I wiped my face and let the nausea pass. After a few moments, it was gone.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
“No. It just comes and goes.”
He massaged the back of my neck while he held me. “How about a shower? That might make you feel better.”
“You mean alone?” I asked.
“Or with me.” A smile was in his voice. “Whatever you prefer.”
When he flirted with me, I found it endearing rather than annoying. And I wished I didn’t. “I think I can manage.”
“Alright.” He rose to his feet and got the water running and grabbed me an extra towel. “I’m going to get breakfast going. Leave the door unlocked just in case you need to call for me.”