by E. L. Todd
It didn’t seem that way. Disappointment shined at me through his eyes. There was no love or acceptance there. There was only irritation, sadness, and even despise. My father didn’t love me anymore. And he certainly didn’t look at me the same.
My eyes burned deep down within. I felt the tears start to coat and form. Water built up and started to saturate the area just beneath my eyes. My worst nightmare had come to pass. I knew my mom would be supportive but I wasn’t sure if my dad would be. And he wasn’t.
I had to get out.
I pulled my hand away from Mom then rose from the table in a hurry.
“Where are you going?” Mom immediately asked.
I stormed to the front door and realized Skye was right behind me. I had to leave before I broke down in front of my dad. If he didn’t accept me for who I was I refused to let him see how much he hurt me. I jogged across the yard then headed to my car.
“Roland!” Mom came after me. “Don’t leave.”
I distinctly noticed my father didn’t come after me.
We got into the car and peeled out of the driveway. When I was on the road, I was speeding. Tears leaked from my eyes freely and I didn’t care if my sister saw them.
Skye was quiet as long as possible. Then she spoke. “Ro, slow down. You’re almost at ninety.” She kept her voice calm even though she was scared.
“Sorry…” My foot left the gas.
Skye eyed me without turning her head. “I’m sorry…”
“Dad hates me.” Tears continued to spill over.
“His reaction wasn’t welcoming but that doesn’t mean he hates you.”
“He wouldn’t even look at me.” My lip quivered.
“I’m sure he’s just in shock…”
“I needed him to tell me he loved me and being gay doesn’t change anything. But he didn’t give me that. He just let me break down in a million pieces. Mom looked at me in the same way but he didn’t. It’s like…I’m a different person to him now.”
Skye didn’t have an argument because she fell silent.
I kept driving, wanting to crash into a tree and end my life then and there. If Skye weren’t in the car, I would have seriously considered it.
***
“I can’t leave you like this,” Skye said when she refused to get out of the car.
“I’m going to call Heath,” I said. “You can’t be there for that.”
Skye still seemed hesitant. “If it doesn’t end in a happily ever after, promise me you’ll stay with us tonight.”
Staying with a happy couple would only remind me of what I lost. “I’ll stay with Conrad.”
Hurt came into her eyes.
“Only because Conrad is alone and broken just like I am,” I said. “You and Cayson…are too happy.”
“Oh…” She looked away. “Can you tell me where you end up regardless?”
“That I can do.” Tears stopped falling but my eyes were wet.
She gripped my arm. “Ro, it’ll be okay. I promise.”
“Maybe one day…but I know that won’t be anytime soon.”
“But it will happen.”
I looked away, not wanting to be told any more empty words.
Skye left the car then entered the building. I stayed on the curb and made sure she got inside. Then I pulled out my phone.
I knew calling Heath wouldn’t get me anywhere. It was a bad way to catch his attention. So I thought of something else. I decided to text him. I told my parents. Dad wants nothing to do with me. My hands shook when I wrote the last sentence. I’ll be at Roger’s and could use some company. I sent the message and waited for a response.
But I didn’t get any.
***
I picked a booth in the far corner. A beer sat in front of me, untouched. Uncle Mike drank during his depression, and as a result, he got into an accident he almost didn’t recover from. I knew drinking right now wouldn’t be smart. When I got to my apartment I would let loose.
I’d been sitting there for an hour—alone.
Heath wasn’t coming.
All I had were my depressing thoughts for company. My dad’s reactions kept playing in my mind. The sting hurt worse each time I thought about it. My dad was my hero, my friend. And now I was just a nuisance to him. He put up with all my flaws over the years. But he wouldn’t accept me for who I was?
Someone slid into the booth across from me.
I looked up and locked eyes with the ones I’d stared at so many times. His eyes radiated his concern and empathy. And I saw love there, no matter how distant it was.
Heath.
We stared at each other in silence, taking each other in.
He came.
He didn’t order a beer or act like he was going to. He just sat there and looked at me. “Did you really tell them?” His voice was quiet. No one could overhear us even if they tried.
I nodded then looked down, feeling the sting of tears. “My father wouldn’t even look at me…”
Heath released a deep breath he was holding. “I…I never expected him to act that way.”
“I told you there was no guarantee,” I whispered. “He kept saying how it didn’t make any sense…and when I ran out of the house he didn’t chase me down. I told him I needed to know he and Mom still loved me. But he refused to say it. I lost my family…”
Heath’s face fell in sadness, and his eyes watered along with my own. “That can’t be true…give him some time. It’s a lot to take in.”
I shook my head. “I don’t care how shocking it was. He knew how hard it was for me to tell them. He should have supported me. All he cared about was himself. My dad isn’t a selfish man…but tonight he was.”
“You’re right,” he said. “His reaction wasn’t fair. But he might come around.”
“Even if he does it’ll never be the same. He already sees me differently.”
“Your mom was supportive.”
“My mom is the sweetest fucking woman in the world,” I said. “She would never hurt me.”
His eyes softened. “Then she’ll make him realize his behavior is unacceptable.”
“My mom is a superhero when it comes to her powers over my dad. But this is different.”
Heath ran out of arguments to say. “What can I do to help?” His offer seemed sincere.
I turned to him, hope in my eyes. “Take me back. I did as you asked and lost my dad in the process. I proved that I love you. Give me another chance.” I couldn’t walk away from this conversation unless he came with me. I couldn’t lose him. I made a mistake but I made up for it.
Heath looked down, like he was ashamed.
“Heath, I did as you asked,” I repeated. “It’s out in the open. You never have to hide again.”
He refused to look at me. “I told you it was too late…”
“But I did it anyway,” I said more aggressively. “Doesn’t that mean something?”
“Of course it does,” he said. “But…I shouldn’t have had to end the relationship to make you do it. Everything I said still stands.”
“But you go back to Ander?” I felt my anger rise. “Ander hasn’t even told his parents and you’re willing to give him a try? Because you loved him more than you ever loved me? So, even if we were together and my parents knew, you would still leave me for him. This is just an excuse.” I slid out of the booth.
“That isn’t what I’m saying at all.” Heath stood up too. “I’m not with him. He just reminded me of what I really want.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I hated him now. I sacrificed my family for this relationship but it wasn’t good enough for him. I made a few mistakes but he shouldn’t hold them against me. Maybe I was just irrational right now because I was so upset. But I didn’t want to look at him anymore. He didn’t want me, and that was a fact I couldn’t handle.
“Roland.” Heath walked after me as I headed to the door.
I made it outside and to the sidewalk. Then I headed to my apartment.
&nb
sp; “It’s not like that,” Heath said to my back. “I know you’re hurting but you hurt me too. You hurt me so many times. Don’t act like that didn’t happen.”
I turned around and got in his face. “Yes, I did. And I’m sorry for that. But I just made up for it. Stop living in the past. You’ve been living in it for a long time if Ander is your new best friend.” I marched off again.
Heath grabbed me this time. “He and I are just friends.”
“And what am I?” I pushed him back. “Just a friend?”
He stared at me with a sad look.
“You don’t want me anymore? Fine. Let me go.” I turned away again. When I walked I waited for him to stop me.
But he didn’t.
The further I walked the more I realized he wouldn’t chase me. As the distance furthered between us, my eyes started to moisten. Tears cascaded down my face as I realized I was alone on this sidewalk. I lost my boyfriend and my father. My life would never be the same again.
***
Conrad answered the door. “Dude, you’ll never—” He stopped when he saw my red eyes and wet cheeks. “What’s wrong?” He pulled me inside his apartment and shut the door.
Once I entered, I spotted Lexie on the couch. I quickly averted my face so she wouldn’t see me. I hadn’t expected her to be there.
Conrad seemed to realize how uncomfortable I was around her. “Baby, something just came up. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sure, let me grab my things…” She walked into the bedroom then returned with her purse and jacket.
Conrad put his arm around her. “I would walk you home but—”
She silenced him with a kiss. “Roland needs you. Don’t worry about me.”
He looked at her with affection in his eyes. “Text me when you get home.”
“Will do.” She walked out without turning my way.
Once the door was shut, Conrad came to my aid. “Talk to me, man.”
“I told them.” I released a shaky breath. I wasn’t a crier but I’d never been so upset. And I knew Conrad wouldn’t judge me for it. He cried when he thought he lost his dad. The emotion didn’t make him less of a man.
Conrad knew whom I was referring to. “It didn’t go well.” It wasn’t a question.
“Dad isn’t the same…he wouldn’t look me in the eye.”
Conrad crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry, man. He’s a dick.”
I felt insulted by the words. But I realized I shouldn’t defend my father. He wouldn’t defend me.
“Remember, you have me and everyone else,” Conrad said. He pulled me in for a hug and held me close. His hand rested on the back of my neck. We stayed that way for a long time.
“He’s my dad, you know?”
“I do know,” he whispered.
“I just…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“And Heath?”
That part of the story was even worse. “He left me.”
“What?” he asked. “You told your parents.”
“But I took too long. We’re done and he won’t change his mind.”
He gripped me tighter. “It’s his loss, man.”
“No, it’s mine,” I said with a voice full of sadness. “And I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.”
He pulled away and looked me in the eye. “I thought I would never get over what Beatrice did to me. But I’m okay now. I know it seems impossible right now but…you will recover from this. And I will help you.”
“I need help,” I said desperately. “Because I’ve never felt so low in my life.”
Conrad put his arm around my shoulders and guided me to the couch. “You got me to feel high. And I’ll make you soar.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Clementine
When my eyes fluttered open, they spotted Ward’s staring straight back. Seconds passed and my eyes began to focus. Then I noted the blue intensity of the look. I remembered looking at them on different mornings just like this one. And I remembered seeing the same look of adoration he gave me now.
“Good morning,” he said with a raspy voice. “To both of you.” His face rested on my pillow and our bodies were wrapped tightly around one another. I was aware of the built man pressed against me. He was like a slab of concrete covered in skin. I was aware of his hard-on pressed against me. I assumed it was just a product of the morning.
“Morning,” I said in return.
“Even when you sleep, you glow.” My shirt was up and his hand moved across my swollen belly.
“You mean I bloat,” I chuckled.
“No, you look beautiful. Actually, more beautiful than I’ve ever seen you before.”
I averted my gaze because the intimacy was too much. This felt like a dream I’d wanted to wake up to for a long time. And now here it was, although it was much different in reality. “What’s the agenda for the day?”
He shrugged. “I wanted to spend time with my family while we were here but it looks like that’s out the window…”
Thinking about yesterday made me depressed all over again.
Ward pulled the covers down then pressed kisses to my stomach. The touch was arousing, oddly enough. It was such a tender area and he touched it with such love that sent shivers down my spine. “Morning, lad,” he said to my stomach. “That’s one less day I have to wait until you get here.”
Raising a family with Ward was a dream come true. I was a lucky woman for using his genes to make my child. If my son looked anything like Ward, he would be a ladies man when he got older. I just hoped he didn’t knock up some poor girl.
Ward looked at me while he kissed my stomach. “What are you thinking about?”
My fingers automatically moved into his hair. “That I hope our son looks just like you.”
He kept kissing me. “That’s a lot of responsibility for a man to have…deadly looks.”
I chuckled, feeling my fondness for Ward grow. “I’m sure he’ll be more humble about it.”
“Doubtful.” He moved back up until his face was close to me. He glanced at my lips like he wanted to kiss me.
I wanted to kiss him too but I would never do it. Things were already moving faster than I wanted. I spent the night in Ward’s bed in just his t-shirt. He was practically wearing nothing and I couldn’t stop thinking about his unbelievable huge cock pressed against my leg. My hormones were making me crazy, and I was definitely more charged sexually. And Ward would be the perfect guy to blow off steam with. But that was a terrible idea. First, I doubt having sex with a pregnant woman was arousing to him. And secondly, we tried a purely physical relationship once and look where it got us.
“How about I take you shopping?” he asked, his arm moving around my waist.
“To buy what?” I asked. “Clothes will only fit for so long.”
“I meant clothes for the baby.”
That did sound fun. “But I don’t have that much space in my luggage.”
“Well, I’ll take you shopping for jewelry. At least you can wear that on the plane.”
I chuckled. “But I don’t need jewelry.”
“I’ve never heard a woman turn down a nice pair of earrings,” he noted, clearly amused.
“You already bought me a house, Ward. And you’ve made me a baby. I don’t want anything else.”
“Too bad.” He kissed my forehead, leaving his lips longer than he should. “My baby’s mama gets everything she wants.” He got out of bed before it became too awkward.
I couldn’t stop staring at him and his gorgeous physique. I wanted to kiss his chest while he moved deep inside me while he leaned over me. I wanted to drag my nails across his back and leave scratch marks.
Ward pulled on a pair of sweatpants, hiding his long definition in his boxers.
I was sad to see him disappear.
“Breakfast?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“No morning sickness?” he noted.
“Not today. It comes and goes.”
&nbs
p; He grabbed another pair of sweatpants and left them on the bed. “I’ll see you downstairs. We’re having omelets.”
I turned back on my side. “Let me know when they’re done. I’m going back to sleep.”
He chuckled. “Anything you want, darling.” He closed the door behind him.
***
When I came downstairs, Ward was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee in front of him. He was still shirtless and his hair was messy, making him look rugged and handsome. I wanted to smear him on a cracker.
Ward noticed me and put the newspaper down. “Ready for breakfast?”
“What did you make?”
He opened the oven and pulled out an omelet. He set it on the table. “Egg white omelet with more veggies than you eat in a month.” He pulled out the chair for me. “Water or orange juice?”
“Orange juice, please.”
He poured me a glass then sat across from me again, picking up his newspaper.
Why couldn’t he put on a shirt? His bare chest was too distracting.
“Would you like me to put on a shirt?”
I realized I was staring at him. “What? Huh?”
He smirked then returned to reading his newspaper. “You flatter me.”
“I was reading the newspaper,” I lied.
“Really?” he asked, not looking at me. “And what headline were you reading?”
I tried to make up something on the spot. “The queen has passed a new law about…trading relations…”
“Well, parliament passes new laws, to start. The queen is just a figurehead. And just admit you were checking me out.” Now he turned to me.
“I wasn’t.” I picked up my fork and started to eat.
“I’m not going to judge you.”
“Good,” I said. “Because I wasn’t checking you out.”
“Uh-huh.” He turned back to the paper. “You know…if you need my services I’m here.”
“What services?” He couldn’t be referring to what I was thinking.
“I know women have serious hormones during pregnancy…and it makes them more…horny.” He gave me a wicked grin. “And if you need help with that, just let me know.”
He knew that? “Did you read every baby book ever written?”